utgard14 Reviews (3,392)

Danger in the Pacific (1942)

The only danger is boredom

[4/10 · 19 April 2024]

Dreadfully boring adventure movie. Bland leading man Don Terry is the macho scientist persuaded by a hammy Leo Carrillo to take him to a Pacific island in search of I forget what. Andy Devine is the annoying comic relief. Beautiful Louise Allbritton is wasted as the frustrated girlfriend of Terry who forces her way into the adventure. Turhan Bey is also lurking around. Ho meets hum. This is all very routine and forgettable. Carrillo tries but can't energize this dud. None of the action excites. The comic relief is flatter than a plate of pee. The romance is even worse. He's selfish and she's a nag. I watched this for Bey and Allbritton and my desire to see all the Universal forties films I can. I won't be watching this one again.

How to Get... Revenge (1989 Video)

Wild

[6/10 · 2 April 2024]

This would never fly today. This is an instructional video for getting revenge on your enemies hosted by Linda Blair. She is not onscreen with the other actors. She's seated behind a desk the whole time like a news anchor and occasionally she pretends to interact with prerecorded segments. What's fascinating about this video is while Blair is playing the thing almost like it's a parody, everyone else is playing it straight.

The advice given is legitimate and in many cases would result in the arrest of the person doing it. That's why I said it would never fly in today's society where everyone files lawsuits, to say nothing of our increasingly stifling government and the Karens on social media. If this video was meant to be funny, it's not so much. I was laughing but more in the "holy cow I can't believe they're telling people to do this" way.

Worth a look for the curiosity factor and to learn some new tricks. But just keep in mind a lot of the stuff shown here is obsolete today but some of it will still work if you put in extra effort. Mostly gone are the days of anonymous phone calls from pay phones or doing things in public places that have no cameras. For those thinking about doing any of these tricks, I will be the fuddy duddy and remind you the majority of actions discussed in this video are crimes. This is even more true today than it was back then, particularly with stuff like postal regulations. Revenge sounds satisfying in the moment but trust me it's not. Unless you are an oblivious moron you'll be looking over your shoulder waiting on The Man to ambush you while getting groceries or picking up your kids from school. Your cheating ex or annoying neighbor aren't worth it.

Internes Can't Take Money (1937)

The first Kildare film

[7/10 · 17 January 2024]

The first Dr. Kildare film, from Paramount. It has no connection to the later MGM series, of which I'm a big fan. Despite not having many of the elements I enjoy in those movies, this one is still entertaining. Joel McCrea and Barbra Stanwyck have nice chemistry. Lloyd Nolan and Stanley Ridges are great as gangsters, one rotten and one not so much. The best parts of the film are the hospital scenes that give us lots of "window into the past" bits that show us how life was at the time. Particularly how the medical profession was different. The visual style is more enhanced in these scenes, too. The hospital set is also pretty cool. Probably the one thing this film has over the MGM series. Worth a look whether you are a fan of Kildare or not.

The Satanic Rites of Dracula (1973)

"Evil rules, you know."

[4/10 · 6 January 2024]

The Hammer Dracula series starring Christopher Lee comes to a whimpering finish with this lackluster effort at updating Dracula to the modern era, giving the Count a James Bond villain makeover that just doesn't work. The good parts of this boil down (not surprisingly) to Lee's Dracula and Peter Cushing as Van Helsing. Freddie Jones is good too in a small role. As with the previous attempt at updating things to the 1970s, Dracula AD 1972, this change strips the series of all its gothic trappings. What we're left with is essentially an espionage story with some devil worshipping Dracula stuff laid over it. It's not moody or atmospheric and never anything close to fun. The ending is also the weakest in the series. What a way for Dracula to go out.

Flood (1976 TV Movie)

Cryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good

[5/10 · 28 October 2023]

You ever watch a movie where the protagonist, even if he's in the right, is just so pushy and unlikable that you root against him? That's how it is with me and this TV disaster movie from producer Irwin Allen. The hero here is played by Martin Milner. He spends the entire first hour of the movie yelling at everyone, including women and senior citizens, one of whom he manhandles. He's so intense in every scene. It's like he's looking for a fight, even when he's talking to his buddy or his (much younger) girlfriend. He really got on my nerves. Then the flood comes and yay he was right - I guess - but I just kept hoping the flood would get him. Really obnoxious character. I found the selfish mayor putting people's lives in danger more sympathetic than this guy. Imagine watching Jaws and you root for the shark because Brody is such a dick.

Anyway, once the flood starts the movie becomes more entertaining, although even that is limited by TV budget restrictions. The rest of the cast is solid, with Robert Culp my favorite. There's a subplot involving a bandana of his that I found more interesting than every single thing involving Milner's character.

Two Smart People (1946)

"Snap out of it beautiful. Get that Mexican moonlight out of your eyes!"

[6/10 · 16 October 2023]

In Leonard Maltin's review for this film he complains that "laughs don't come very often." I should hope not since this isn't a comedy. Seriously you have to wonder about people sometimes. This is a romantic drama with some noirish touches to it. It reminds me a little of Angels Over Broadway and Remember the Night. Both are great movies so that's definitely a compliment. John Hodiak isn't my first choice for leading man but he's a good fit for this part, unfortunate mustache notwithstanding. Lucille Ball has never been more beautiful than here and does well with a character more complex than the norm for the time. Fine support from pros like Lloyd Nolan and Elisha Cook, Jr. I enjoyed this one quite a bit. My rating may seem slightly low for the praise but I always struggle getting over the 6 to 7 hump. I'll probably raise my score next time I watch it. That's often how it goes with me. Anyway, good movie check it out. Someone tell Leonard Maltin to do the same.

Congo Maisie (1940)

"It takes a certain kind of woman to handle a certain kind of man"

[6/10 · 9 October 2023]

One of the lesser Maisie films, at least to me, but still worth a look. This is the second entry in the series, beginning the pattern of ignoring what happened in the previous film. Maisie somehow finds her way on a ship bound for Africa. She meets up with a gruff unlikable man she inevitably will fall for (an unfortunate theme for the series). This one peddles in the clicheso of similar films of the time about natives always on the edge of uprising and lonely housewives on rubber plantations looking for Mr. Goodbar. All that stuff is the pits. Ann Sothern is the only thing that keeps this ship afloat. Every scene with her is a vast improvement over those without. Like I said, it's not one that I enjoy much so I don't revisit it often. But there's still entertainment to be had, at least when the star is onscreen."It takes a certain kind of woman to handle a certain kind of man"

Panama Hattie (1942)

Never as good as its potential

[5/10 · 6 October 2023]

Disappointing musical comedy based off a popular Broadway show. I've read they changed quite a bit. I can believe it. This stars Ann Sothern in a role very similar to the one she was playing in the successful Maisie series at this time. Unfortunately while Maisie was written as a perpetually likable character, Hattie is an acquired taste. Her insecurity in particular is more off-putting than relatable. The supporting cast is full of good performers, but most don't get material that matches their talents. Red Skelton is especially bland here. He finally comes alive near the end but it's too late. Virginia O'Brien is the best part. Love her. The musical numbers are ok. Worth a look for fans of the stars. Just keep expectations low.

Undercover Doctor (1939)

Nice way to pass an hour

[6/10 · 3 October 2023]

Solid B crime picture, one of several films based on stories in J. Edgar Hoover's 1938 book Persons in Hiding. I haven't read the book but I have seen all of the movies. Sounds like a real page turner. This one's about a struggling small town doctor who gets involved with gangsters. It's a fun, fast paced quickie with a good cast headed up by J. Carrol Naish, one of the great character actors of Old Hollywood. The story is slight and probably would have been fine as a 20 minute Crime Does Not Pay short. But the padding isn't bad. Naish's character's turn from meek to cocky is very sudden, however. Give it a look. It's only an hour so it's not much of a commitment.

Parole Fixer (1940)

"They aren't giving paroles away with chewing gum."

[6/10 · 2 October 2023]

Fine B crime picture, one of several films based on stories in J. Edgar Hoover's book Persons in Hiding. I haven't read the book but I have seen all of the movies. Sounds like a real page turner. In this one, a gangster (Anthony Quinn) is set free on parole due to some shenanigans with a member of the parole board who is on the take. Directed by Robert Florey, it's a fast-paced quickie, clocking in at just under an hour. The cast is full of recognizable faces like Jack Carson, Richard Denning, Lyle Talbot, Robert Paige, and Fay Helm, among others. Quinn gives a good turn as the irredeemable killer. Definitely worth a look. A nice time-passer.

Meet the People (1944)

I don't want to meet these people

[5/10 · 27 September 2023]

Let's put on a show for the war effort...or some arrogant playwright or something. Dick Powell plays a pompous jerk who somehow finagles a famous actress (Lucille Ball) into not only falling in love with him but also getting his play produced. The movie is basically the struggle to get the play made. The struggle, by the way, is only such because of Powell's temper tantrums. Good grief who thought this character was appealing? Powell is a likable actor but here he sulks his way through the whole film. "My show! My show! My show!" Shut up already you whiny baby. This guy wants his precious play to be authentic to real working class people, but he never seems real or working class himself.

Powell also has poor romantic chemistry with Lucille Ball. For her part, Lucy is a bit wooden and lacking the brilliant spark we all know she possessed. The supporting players like Virginia O'Brien, Bert Lahr, and June Allyson are the best part of the cast. There's also an annoying guy doing bad impressions. I'm not going to bother looking up the actor's name. Just know he's awful.

The movie is way too long for such a thin plot and commits the cardinal sin for any musical comedy: it's hardly ever fun. The musical numbers are so-so, with O'Brien's "Say That We're Sweethearts Again" being the standout. It's probably the only thing that you walk away from this film remembering.

Dangerous Partners (1945)

Intriguing mess

[6/10 · 10 September 2023]

What a weird movie. There are no "good guys" which itself is rare for the time period. The protagonists are slimeball crooks. Of course they are up against Nazis - the only way they could possibly be rootable. The plot is a bit of a disaster. We're dropped right into the aftermath of a plane crash at the beginning of the film, left to piece together from context clues who is who and what is what. There are mysteries and murders and misdirects. I would rate this so much lower but a nice pace and some moody atmosphere in key scenes kept me interested. Edmund Gwenn is excellent. Wish he was in it more. I also wish Audrey Totter had played the Signe Hasso part. A more playful rogueish sort in the James Craig role wouldn't hurt either. While we're at it a script rewrite. I know it sounds like I hate this picture but I don't. It is a mess but at least it's not boring.

The House of Fear (1939)

Short and sweet

[6/10 · 13 August 2023]

Enjoyable programmer helped by a solid cast of recognizable faces and a script that's wittier than it has any right being. Despite being a Universal picture, this has no connection to the Universal Sherlock Holmes film of the same name released six years later. This is a remake of the silent film The Last Warning. It's also part of the Crime Club series.

The plot isn't any better than your average Charlie Chan flick, but there are some fun characters here with some snappy lines brought to life by great character actors like William Gargan and Alan Dinehart. The standout to me was Dorothy Arnold (who married Joe DiMaggio a few months after this was released). She's a lot of fun. Anyway check this out if you like cozy old murder mysteries with a little humor.

Underwater! (1955)

Too long but the parts that are good are worth seeing

[5/10 · 11 August 2023]

I want to start by saying I watched this on blu ray and I would recommend that to anyone who wants to give this film a shot. It's probably the best this picture has looked since it was released. The image quality really elevates the whole experience. The first time I saw this was on TCM years and years ago. I was pretty bored. I was still a little bored this time but during the lulls, the pretty images kept me interested.

There's two reasons to see this movie: Jane Russell in a bathing suit and underwater treasure hunting. When the movie delivers on either of these things, it's a thrill worth your time. Unfortunately this film is way too long and gives us entirely too little of at least one of the two things I mentioned above. The first forty-five minutes or so should have been cut significantly. As it is, things plod along at a snail's pace before it gets good. The cast is likable enough, with Gilbert Roland and Joseph Calleia standouts. Jane Russell is, of course, a stunner and makes the most of a thin part. Richard Egan is cardboard but inoffensively so.

The underwater scenes are exciting for the time and still hold up well in a Flipper sort of way. Don't expect too much and be prepared to use your fast forward button for the talky parts, and I think you'll enjoy this one well enough. Definitely see it in HD though, if nothing else than for beautiful Jane Russell.

The Mysterious Doctor (1943)

I enjoyed it but I know others will have issues

[6/10 · 5 July 2023]

Atmospheric B movie but there's not a lot of the headless ghost stuff so monster fans might be disappointed. It's basically a mystery flick with a little horror and WWII espionage flavor. I like it but I can see it not being everyone's cup of tea. Sometimes, with classic horror films especially, fans can be very particular about what they want. Movies where the supernatural isn't real are dealbreakers for some. Not me though as I count a few of them among my favorites from the period. That being said, the headless ghost stuff we do get is neat and the mystery is pretty well done. Love the sets. I wish films from each studio today had the distinctive "look" that they did back then, with each studio having different sets and styles. Everything is homogenized now.

Ghost Catchers (1944)

"First the worst second the same"

[5/10 · 5 July 2023]

Olsen and Johnson did four pictures for Universal, with diminishing returns each time. Hellzapoppin is an underrated masterpiece. Crazy House was fun but a big step down from Hellz. Then this one which feels like a pedestrian Abbott and Costello knock-off. They even reference that more successful Universal comedy duo in one of the film's meta jokes. Olsen and Johnson were basically a blend of A&C, Hope & Crosby, and the Marx Bros. I'm no film historian so I won't say who was first at any of the comedy devices employed by these teams. I do know who was best, at least onscreen, and it wasn't this pair. That being said, I have enjoyed their movies.

They aren't the biggest issue here anyway. The problem is the lame musical numbers. This is a common complaint today about many comedies from back then. The studios didn't seem to trust a comedy to sustain itself so they added romantic subplots and musical numbers. The best comedies rose above but this is not the best. The supporting characters are duds with some truly horrendous accents going on ("I'm a little sick of side pork and chitlins honey chile"). Lon Chaney Jr. Is wasted here in a throwaway goon role at a time he was the star of their monster films. The funniest scene in the movie involves "a horse." It's really not great but also not unwatchable. I feel like it's one of those movies I'm being too harsh on and after some repeat viewings I might feel better about it.

Daleks' Invasion Earth 2150 A.D. (1966)

It's alright but I prefer the '65 movie

[5/10 · 1 July 2023]

I seem be with the minority opinion on these films. The first film I enjoyed for what it was. I liked the aesthetics - the colors, sets, etc. I thought it was bright and fun. Most reviewers here hated it. Now this one reviewers seem to think was better than the first and I'm of the opposite opinion. I do like this one but not nearly as much as the first one. The drab color palette, limited setting, and more "serious" tone aren't fun for me. Peter Cushing is also in this less than I would like. Anyway I guess if you thought the first Amicus Doctor Who film was too cheesy or campy then you'll probably enjoy this more. It's a little more in line with the tv series tonally, which I'm sure is part of why some people prefer it.

Narrow Margin (1990)

Pretty good

[6/10 · 24 June 2023]

Action heavy remake of the 1952 classic about a cop trying to protect a witness on a train. While I normally don't like such things this is one remake I happen to think is a lot of B grade fun. While I think the original is the better film critically, I would prefer this one for entertainment. Gene Hackman was a great actor but it's always amusing to me to find him in stuff like this. It's kind of dumb but honestly most action movies are. It kept me entertained throughout and never had me checking how much time was left. That's a compliment given my attention span with films these days. Love the sequence on top of the train. Those are always fun.

Island of Lost Men (1939)

Better cast than this deserves

[5/10 · 10 May 2023]

B movie about a woman (Anna May Wong) traveling to a labor camp run by a slimeball (J. Carrol Naish) looking for her father. A remake of the 1933 film White Woman, which I have yet to watch. Let's talk about the cast. We have two future stars in Anthony Quinn and Broderick Crawford. Great character actors J. Carrol Naish, Eric Blore, and Ernest Truex. Then we have cult favorite Anna May Wong, the star of the picture. She's also the only one truly playing to her strengths. The others are fine for the type of movie this is, but I've seen them all do much much better elsewhere. Naish is especially disappointing. He usually brings a touch of sympathetic humanity to all of his performances, even the villains. But here he's all bad with no redeemable traits. Compare this to any number of movies with similar villains played by the likes of Karloff, Lorre, and Atwill and you'll see how generic and uninteresting this performance is. Naish is a legend but this is not one of his best efforts.

Country Gentlemen (1936)

That laugh...

[5/10 · 10 May 2023]

Not very funny Olsen & Johnson movie, made years before their better work at Universal (including the criminally underappreciated Hellzapoppin'). For those unaware, Olsen & Johnson were like a blend of the Marx Bros and Abbott & Costello, although they predate the latter I believe. They're not really as funny as either team but they have their moments. At least they aren't Wheeler & Woolsey.

Most of the humor in this film relies on Chic Johnson's annoying laugh. My advice to you would be to watch long enough to hear the laugh (it won't take long), then ask yourself "was that funny." If your answer is yes, strap yourself in for the time of your life. If your answer is no, turn the movie off and go watch Hellzapoppin'.

I Was Framed (1942)

Each Dawn I Sigh

[5/10 · 10 May 2023]

Reporter gets framed for murder and sent to prison. Then some stuff happens. This started out as a promising little B with a nice cast and some action. Then things slow to a standstill for a long while before an abrupt but somewhat exciting climax. I've seen this compared to Each Dawn I Die, probably my favorite prison movie and definitely my favorite James Cagney movie. The only comparison is in the opening framejob. Everything else is different. Each Dawn I Die is superior in every way. This is a fairly dull picture. It does have some thrilling moments at the beginning, as well as some interesting "that wouldn't fly today" elements like a doctor refusing payment and a creepy murderous-looking vagrant being allowed into a house by a pretty woman who then proceeds to make him breakfast! Oh and there's a precocious little Shirley Temple wannabe who will rot your teeth with every line she says.

Lost in the Stratosphere (1934)

For the love of a thot

[5/10 · 29 April 2023]

This is one of those "woman comes between two pilots" pictures. There were about fifty of them it seems in the 1930s alone. James Cagney's little brother plays one of the pilots. It's a part very similar to those Jimmy was playing around this time, albeit with less charisma and energy. The hilarious part about this love triangle is the woman was cheating on one guy with the other, yet the film still builds the entire plot around which guy gets her like she's a prize. A bit like winning a dollar in the lottery if you ask me.

The characters here are not particularly likable or fun, despite acting like they think they are. You would be forgiven for thinking the military was one big college fraternity with how immature these guys act. Just a bunch of horny doofuses whose superiors seem tickled by it all. I usually enjoy aviation-related movies from the first half of the twentieth century. Those are my favorite parts of this movie. That and the rain. I assume the rain in this is legit. If not they deserved a special Oscar for creating realistic rain effects.

The Mad Doctor (1940)

A lot of good marred by one very big negative

[6/10 · 29 April 2023]

Basil Rathbone is excellent as a sinister psychiatrist who marries women with money and then kills them. Martin Kosleck is also great as his equally evil sidekick/henchman. I enjoyed Ralph Morgan too. He's great. The rest of the cast ranges from adequate to insufferable (John Howard!). There are some nice visual touches here for a B programmer. There are also some interesting things going on with the story that are unfortunately muddied by the trappings of the time. For example, a depressed character tries to commit suicide in a particularly shocking scene. The reaction of her boyfriend, and basically the reaction the filmmakers want the viewers to have, is that "there's nothing wrong with her the love of a good man won't fix." This is a backwards message to begin with but when the "good man" in question is an aggressive, angry, self-centered jerk it really sours things. It's a movie about a guy who kills women for money and we're put in the position of liking HIM over the film's hero. I like parts of the movie more than the whole and that's largely because of John Howard's truly horrendous character. He's just the pits. Still, see it for Rathbone and the other positives I mentioned.

The Earth Dies Screaming (1964)

Those darn aliens are at it again

[6/10 · 20 April 2023]

This reminds me of an American movie from the 1950s called Target Earth. In that one, a small group of survivors in an empty city hide in a building from alien robots slowing lumbering around outside killing anything that moves. It's basically the same premise here except it's in an English village not an American city. Also the alien robots here are slightly less corny looking. Just slightly though. Both movies also have the likable older couple and the one guy who is up to no good. Anyway this is an enjoyable movie if you go into it with the right frame of mind. It's a bit slow and talky but that doesn't have to mean boring. It's directed by legendary Hammer director Terence Fisher so you can expect quality. One final thing is that despite being a bit older Virginia Field is still a real beauty here. The camera's in love with her especially in the close-ups.

Devil Girl from Mars (1954)

It grows on you

[6/10 · 13 April 2023]

...like a fungus. I first saw this oh probably twenty years ago. Hated it like most of you. Revisiting it a few times over the years has led me to enjoy it more. I don't say it's a good movie because objectively it isn't. It's stagey and talky and full of mostly unlikable characters doing the same things over and over. And yet I have grown fond of it.

The human characters are a mess. The film clearly wants us to see Hugh McDermott's character as a hero. I guarantee you will not. The fact that he survives is the movie's most unforgivable sin. But the titular alien and her goofy robot are fun. Even if none of it makes much sense it's fun. Like Sly and his son in Over the Top, you just have to meet this film halfway. There's a line of thinking that any movie that feels like a play is inherently flawed. Maybe it's because many movies today feel like cartoons or video game cutscenes, but I find these types of setbound dramas refreshing. Charming even. But that's me. Most of you are going to find this movie boring. Which is a shame.