DragonLaser Reviews (6)

Shock! Shock! Shock! (1987)

Genius, and stupid.

[8/10 · 21 February 2024]

This black and white slasher turned superhero mystery film feels like 90 minutes plus but is somehow only 60 minutes long. It has so many awful things about it that stand out such as ridiculous music, a stupid script, terrible special effects including the dreaded fangodon, horrible acting yet, somehow a few people involved in this went on to have futures in entertainment.

It's a solid pallet cleanser if you're in the middle of a stack of gory movies or art films that take themselves too seriously. Taken as a comedy it's one of the best I've seen.

It's "so bad it's good", "simply bad" and "pretty great" all at once, but it does require you to be one of about six people that this was made for.

War of the Worlds: The Attack (2023)

Skip this unnecessary waste.

[1/10 · 31 August 2023]

It's a 2023 War of the Worlds movie and GUESS WHAT! It's the germs again. We win because of the germs. AGAIN. Do not watch this. If you're under 30, watch the Tom Cruise one from 2005 instead. It has way better effects than this does. If you're 30 or older, watch the Tom Cruise version AND the 1953 version. But be warned, they're ALL 3 THE SAME MOVIE WITH THE SAME ENDING. It's just that the 2023 version has the worst acting, effects, writing and worst of all pacing of the three.

The RADIO version of War of the Worlds had better effects than this.

This movie was pretty much what would happen if SNL made a parody of WotW right now. It sucks and there was nothing interesting. Funny or endearing about it.

Pod (I) (2015)

Give Morvant an Oscar.

[6/10 · 17 January 2021]

Brian Morvant kills it in this one as 'Martin', a stereotypical ex-military madman suffering from full-on psychosis and maybe aliens.

All of the acting is pretty great, the story plods a little and there is some weird editing but it's a solid indie movie.

Bleeding Steel (2017)

Jackie Chan in a Sci-fi B-Movie.

[5/10 · 24 October 2020]

Tess Haubrich and Na-Na OuYang are pretty great in this, given the material. Ms. Haubrich is surprisingly good in her action parts, and in that costume she had to be 6'1" at least! She was more intimidating (and more interesting) than the other main villain by a wide margin.

Jackie Chan is normal Jackie Chan but I couldn't help but think that in the scenes where he's wearing a mask it's someone doing stunt work. It seems like something he'd never allow to happen in one of his films, but it's still a thought I had throughout those scenes.

The English translation is complete BS, but I'm sure the Chinese language version of this script is just as Macguffin filled and terrible. This is a B-movie with a capital B. Watch this after watching all the rest of Jackie's movies and every single action movie made from 1980-90. It will fit in that mix. but it won't blow any of them away. It could have been on the old Sci-fi channel and been "Must-see TV" if it had sharks in it.

PostHuman (2012)

More, please!

[10/10 · 14 November 2018]

Posthuman is a small taste of what should be huge. It's equal parts Akira and Snowcrash and needs to be a series or a feature length film. The heroes(?) of Posthuman could maybe add a couple of more members to their team and have them cross the vile government/company that created the psychic program, maybe even going so far as to "fix" the world in the process. My point is that this short makes you think, makes you crave more of this universe and makes you hungry for more posthuman. Great stuff. One of the best animated features created thus far in my opinion.

The Shannara Chronicles (2016–2017)

This is a solid TV show, but it isn't fair to compare it to Game of Thrones

[7/10 · 4 October 2016]

Warning: SLIGHT spoilers

Don't watch this show if the following things would bother you:

-Medieval setting, but a girl is in jeans with back pockets.

-Hilarious lines of dialog "I'm so hungry, I could eat a troll's left thigh!"

-Death metal villains "URARRGGH! NOW YOUR TIME HAS COME!!! URARRGGHHH!!!"

-A teased lesbian encounter that never happens

-A bunch of stumpy doofuses cast as elves

-Every actress is super attractive, it's hard to tell who is elven, human or whatever because they all have the same body type and dark hair. (not a gripe, just they all REALLY look alike)

-Magic stones that seemingly do nothing

-That "Xena:Warrior Princess" feel of TV fantasy shows

Beside these minor things it's a show on the level of "The young and the restless", but it's definitely NOT "Game of Thrones" or even "This is not Game of Thrones : a porn parody".