"That Bad?" No. An extreme, peculiar mixed bag, and an acquired taste? Very yes. Even a mere three years after its release, it seems difficult to watch this movie for the first time with earnest detachment. Its reputation far precedes it as one of the worst box office bombs in recent memory and a target of merciless mockery and bafflement; in good humor, even its stars have made some unfriendly remarks in the time since. Combine one of the most bizarre of all plots among Broadway musicals (let us hope 'Starlight Express' never gets the Hollywood treatment) with character designs that were deemed unfeasible, in adaptation, for full-body costumes, but which in digital post-production immediately raise the specter of the "uncanny valley," and this surely faced an uphill climb even before cameras started rolling. Factor in immediate and severe reactions from critics and audiences alike, and the one saving grace for a new potential viewer might be either total adoration of Andrew Lloyd Webber's piece for the stage, or near-total ignorance of it. For my part I readily admit that all I really know of 'Cats' is the almost ubiquitous song "Memories," and a one-time reading of the plot synopsis that I found very curious. Sitting for this feature with low expectations but insubstantial foreknowledge, I tried to be as open-minded and objective as I could while watching.
I found myself pausing after the very first song, before even ten minutes had elapsed. I paused because I immediately understood what one friend had told me, which is that watching will make me feel like I'm on drugs. I paused because I immediately understood what I had been told by folks who, by a certain set of circumstances, had found themselves seeing the stage musical not once but multiple times, and walking away remarking that they didn't care for the music. I paused because in less than ten minutes I was bewildered, laughing hysterically in bafflement, confounded by the utmost assault on my senses, by the panoply of bombastic outlandishness that so readily greeted me. Very, very few have been those films to which I've had such a response. In less than ten minutes the impression has been cemented that in one way or another will last for almost the entirety of nearly two full hours: It's not that this is without value, but that value is overwhelmed by a combination of poor choices and nightmarish, flummoxing surrealism so extreme that the very question of quality, "good" or "bad" - let alone that value - is shuttled to the smallest, furthest corner of a vast room that bursts at the seams with kaleidoscopic, cacophonous inanity.
That value, to wit, includes the choreography (also applying in some measure to the "training" the actors supposedly underwent in the movement and behavior of felines), the stunts, and the singing skills of the cast, and to a lesser degree, their acting. Though they feed directly into the unswerving outrageousness of the perplexing spectacle, on a fundamental level I also appreciate the contributions of those contributing to the production design and art direction, and to the extent that it applies, the costume design and makeup work. I'll even go so far as to say that I appreciate, on a fundamental level, the work of the animators and effects artists, whose work was for better or worse essential to this rendition of 'Cats' as we see it. Of course, to consider the work of those animators and effects artists also rather demands one seek some knowledge of what was going on behind the scenes. It's on record, for example, that quickly after this was first released in theaters, the studio replaced theaters' existing version with a new one in which glaring errors in the CGI had been corrected. Yet it seems to me that this rather goes hand in hand with the profound, unremitting, inhuman pressure Tom Hooper accordingly put on the post-production artists to complete their work on an unimaginable time table. That this was apparently the same animation collective that had previously suffered the crunch of correcting the appearance of the title character in 'Sonic the hedgehog' that, having been dictated by producers in the first place, was swiftly met with enormous backlash - well, I don't personally place any blame on MPC Vancouver for this, either. If a world-famous sculptor is commissioned to chisel a slab of granite into a used litterbox, well, that's just what their work will represent. If that sculptor is made to in any way rush that work, the result will suffer. And so we have the visual presentation of this picture.
On the other hand: as someone who has never seen Andrew Lloyd Webber's stage work, and has minimal knowledge of it, I don't know how much of this 2019 movie is a direct reflection of the Broadway musical, versus how much is invention of adaptation by filmmaker Hooper and writing partner Lee Hall. What I do know is that these anthropomorphized cats (...and mice, and cockroaches) are peculiarly sexualized, not just in that the female characters are represented with human breasts but also in how characters, scenes, and some dialogue is written. Then there are those gags that are so condescendingly simple, and childish, that even a child would surely find them insulting, such as when Bustopher Jones lands on an object in such a way that his crotch impacts the surface. Both the sexualization and the more insipid gags are made worse by the design of the characters, an odd smashup of the believably real (as though whole physical costumes were used) and the dubiously fabricated (pure CGI) - with the unwelcome Uncanny Valley unquestionably being the final product.
It must be noted, furthermore, that whatever fun may be derived from the initial befuddlement does not last, and isn't ultimately the predominant tone. In contrast with, say, the introduction of Jennyanydots, spotlights given to other characters (Old Deuterotomy, Gus, or Grizabella) are more somber in nature. I'm pleased that some numbers and story beats actually do come off very well. Among other examples, never would I have assumed any such thing from 'Cats,' but "Beautiful ghosts" hits surprisingly hard; Bombalurina's big appearance, singing "Macavity: The mystery cat" is more of a mixed bag, but still is pretty swell overall; "Mr. Mistoffelees" is unexpectedly smart and heartfelt. However, whatever the mood at any given time, still it stands that many sequences range from well done but unremarkable ("Have you seen any other musical, ever? Cool, you've seen this.") to questionable and straining credulity - some sequences may boast both these flavors within their few minutes - to possibly unconvincing (including the finale, and even the reprise of "Beautiful ghosts"). Moreover, the pacing is inconsistent, alternately lagging, rushing, or patchy, and this applies to the plot development, editing, and direction. Some choices of direction and cinematography come off as needless, questionable embellishment. And for all this, what heart and weight some elements of the tale should carry is more than not just rendered inert.
One could easily speak at still greater length of every little facet of this production, for there is so very, very much to take in over these two hours. I'll say this: I don't actually think 'Cats' is nearly as bad as its reputation portends. There are tidbits throughout that are actually kind of brilliant. The problem is that there's so much more that inspires major skepticism, other parts that don't make much of an impression at all, and some plain weakness. There's nothing inherently wrong with a picture swinging from bombast, to humor, to thrills, to sincerity, and back again; this does not do so believably. The feature is a sadly mixed bag in almost every way, a result stemming as much from Webber's original show as from the guidance of Hooper, Hall, and the producers, and other creative minds involved. No matter how well it's done in fits and starts, I find it difficult at any time to say that I downright "like" it, and I easily grasp why other viewers have reacted to the title with such denigration. There are, I assure you, far worse things one could watch; I've seen the bottom of the barrel, and this is nowhere near it. Still, this is probably the worst thing that some cast members have ever appeared in; sorry, Dame Judi Dench, and Sir Ian McKellen; sorry about your feature film debut, Francesca Hayward. And it's genuinely hard to conjure a situation in which I'd recommend this, for the viewing experience is so weird, and all over the map, such that I don't know who'd really enjoy it. Maybe 'Cats' is best reserved for those receptive to all the wide, wild, left-field possibilities of what cinema has to offer, and let's just leave it at that.