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The Farm (2023)
Plowing through
The Farm is a movie about a farm. There's a tractor, a field to plow, a checkered flannel shirt, a married couple, and what feels like a very boring life. If it's not boring the movie's deceptive because it sure is. About 30 minutes into the movie I was struggling, but I had a hard time exactly pinpointing what was wrong. Was it the quietness, with scenes without the ambiance that usually helps make dialogues feel less strained, was it the acting, or maybe the cast? I eventually came to the conclusion that it was all of the above.
1. There isn't any plot, it's just like driving along a straight road for two hours with a broken radio.
2. There's no chemistry between the actors. They act as if they're strangers to one one another, they read their script instead of acting it.
3. There's a lack of ambiance. Scenes just feel like a series of awkward moments.
4. Then there's the so called backstory. The couple struggle to get pregnant, the guy blames himself for the death of his farming father, it's all sad events for them but not for us! There's no buildup to it, it's just there, like a bird turd on your windowsill.
Znachor (2023)
Remember this one
A true testament to that art transcends and that a good script is the Alpha and Omega. This Polish production truly is a gem I hope everyone has a chance to see. At the first part of the movie I thought it was going to be about two doctors with totally different philosophies in life and the trade, as well as their struggle against one another, but I was wrong, and I'm glad I was. The plot takes a turn and from that point on the movie had me in its grip and wouldn't let go.
Like a good movie should, you start to wonder how it's all going to unravel, you feel the bond between the characters, you understand them, sympathize and want to help, but all you can do is watch like a passive bystander to Romeo and Juliet and hope that the order that was disrupted will be restored. And like any great movie the outcome does feel uncertain until the very end. The main actor felt like a Polish version of James Gandolfini and with matching presence and skillful acting, like the rest of the wonderful cast.
Yellowstone (2018)
I eat gunpowder and shi* bullets
I get it. Cowboys are tough, they ride horses until they bleed, they kick your ass if you accidentally look at them, they curse and carry guns, wear blue jeans, cowboy hats, drive pick-ups and have a sense of loyalty unlike any other breed. And they care about traditions. The stereotype is set and the steak is pounded until it's bone dry. But isn't it a bit too much?
I admit that I only made it through the first season, but I'd had enough. I'd seen it before, the old father trying to keep his family together, the siblings fighting for daddy's approval, the renegade son returning who's in fact the best heir to the throne/ranch, the outsiders (city slickers) trying to corrupt the peaceful (and murderous) everyday life of the cowboys, and the joker (Native Americans) who's somewhere in the middle. Every episode was like a modern western on speed where the body count exceed Rambo 3, and we're supposed to understand and sympathize. Well, I didn't. I thought Costner's character (the father) was a self absorbed dousche that does everything at a whim and expects everyone to follow. If you're not wearing a cowboy hat *Strike three! You're out!*
Telling the story of several characters in parallel can be hard to do, but when comparing Yellowstone to Rome or Game of Thrones I see that it's possible but Yellowstone just isn't doing it very well. It's a little too much too fast, everything feels rushed like there's a worry it will lose its audience if someone isn't punished or killed every five minutes. This wasn't for me, it lack depths, shades of grey and it's too predictable.
True Detective (2014)
Awesome, Great, Good, Why?!
This is why IMDB should allow for series to be rated by seasons! First season was awesome, second was great, third was good and forth was/is terrible! It's like the series got dementia and completely forgot what made it great. We got the tough miniature Jodie Foster that acts like a kid pretending to be a grown up, we got the gay daughter, the tough indigenous Alaskan who I'm guessing is a artist of some kind because she can't have been hired for her acting, and then we got the plot... True Detective isn't The X-Files because it doesn't have to be, it's better! Yet it seem to try very hard to be just that. And I wonder why. Is it because every time we see the artic it's like one isolated asylum for extraterrestrials or psychos? It's just so cheap, like an old worn tire that's seen the road too many times I'm surprised to see someone's still using it. Don't get me wrong, butch female detectives (Mare of Eastwick) can be awesome, but it needs to fit! I don't care if someone's gay or whatever, but why does it feel forced?! All my questions bottles down to one. WHY?
Leave the World Behind (2023)
All disaster movies crammed together into one great disaster
The first shots of the New York silhouette during dawn was beautiful. That gave me hope despite the single clingkity-clop piano music which made be think that this was either a sci-fi or a end of the world zombie/plague/virus -type of movie. Unfortunately the first impression didn't last. The director tries too hard with revolving camera angles, etc, simple shots that should be shot simple. My hopes were shattered when a crowd on the beach actually flee from an oil tanker... Yes, an oil tanker. Not a truck, or a airplane, but an oil tanker... If awards were given to slow reactions...
And then the big (first... second?) twist with the original owners knocking on the door in the middle of the night and even though it's top of the line actors (Roberts, Hawke, Ali, Bacon) the poor dialogues combined with the poor choice of "mysterious" piano/violin music makes it a cringe fest that never stops. It feels like a cliche of all disaster movies combined into one.
The Killer (2023)
Generic and Shallow
When seeing the trailer I thought, "Yes, this has potential. It doesn't seem like a Jason Bourne or a Liam Neeson (Taken) type of one-dimentional main character, maybe it's more like Leon (the Professional) or stone cold like Kevin Costner in Mr Brooks." But no. It wasn't. It's about revenge and the narrated inner voice of the do:s & don't:s that we're bombarded with gets old and tiring very fast.
To me it felt more like a linear mission in a computer game where the character is just does follows a narrow corridor until the mission is over. I just didn't get it. The guy should be stone cold and apathetic, but he's not, he should be non-conspicuous but he's not, he should be careful and methodical in his every approach, but he's not. Now I'm of course no professional hired hitman but to me it felt like a miracle and highly implausible that he was a experienced pro that hadn't got caught during his +10.000h of work.
My main comparison is Leon who lives a quiet loner life, who's somewhat socially inept, who's naive but yet really good at what he does. And we understand his past and how that had shaped him together with the relationship he has with his employer. The Killer had none of that unfortunately. No character arch, no way to relate, or sympathize. No anything.
Umberto D. (1952)
Umberto is short on cash
Proud older gentleman named Umberto is waiting for his delayed and rather meager pension, he wants to stay in his apartment but owes the opera-singing landlord money. He loses his dog, then he finds it, then he tries to unsuccessfully give it to an (to is) unknown little girl called Daniella, then he tries to get it to get run over by a train but the dog dodge that and is temporarily suspicious of him. The dog's name is Flike. I had great hopes for it, I absolutely love "Lardi di biciclette" by De Sica, a true gem that hold the test of time, but Umberto D lack something important that De Sica used in "Lardi di biciclette", namely an interesting plot! I get that the neorealism wanted to show the real struggle by ordinary people, but there needs to be a plot. This would possiblity have been interesting to watch as a 20 min documentary about the fall of chivalry and the struggle of the ordinary man in post-war Italy, but seeing Mr Umberto walking across the city trying to sell his watch, playing with his dog, or arguing with his landlord just isn't interesting, and definitely not for 1,5 hours!
Nebraska (2013)
If Nietzsche and Freud wrote a script
Quirky and fun idea, beautiful scenery, but that's about it. It got the recipe with all the ingredients typical film critics would love: It's slow, black and white, no big time movie stars, lots of silence, the American countryside, lots and lots of senior citizens (are there anyone below 65 in Nebraska?), it's a simple plot, and of course the intended humor that goes something like this.
-Tomorrow we'll visit your brothers.
-Some of my brothers are dead.
-Yes, obviously they won't come...
It just wasn't funny but it tries so hard! The vulgar, pessimistic Catholic mother talking about how everyone wanted to get into her nickers wasn't funny either.
Acting was poor, two people facing each other with stiff expressions reading their lines while waiting for the other to finish, basically two people having a monologue. No amount of accordions or farm field scenery could save it, not even Bob Odenkirk.
Nobody (2021)
Batman in disguise
YES! I think I love Bob Odenkirk, not only his skill as a actor but the choices he makes. And "Nobody" is perfect for him! Finally a new take on the action hero, not the cool ladies man, the mysterious loner or the buffed up veteran/cop etc but a family man with a "old dad" -gut, a boring life and a joyless marriage. It felt like I was watching Batman +20 later when he's long since retired. Until somebody deside to interrupt that quiet and mundane life. THIS is what I had unknowingly longed for, the modern day action hero full of flaws, no poster boy, just plain old Bob, but with an interesting past. It instantly makes Jack Reacher, Jason Borne, James Bond, Bruce Wayne, or (dad lost/avenging his daughter) feel boring, too unreal, too fictional, too black and white. Bob's acting together with a superb script and directing makes this a joy to watch. When you see the scene on the buss (you'll know it when you see it) you'll just cheer for the share brilliance of it.
See this movie, you won't regret it!
The Lost Daughter (2021)
Vacation to Hell(as)
Awkward woman goes on a boring vacation, she's annoyed by anyone who isn't quiet or is serving her, she thinks about her youth when she was annoyed by her two daughters, she's annoyed by sounds, insects and bad fruit. She's 48 y.o, looks about 50-55 and we are repeatedly told that she looks younger even though she really doesn't. The most eventful occurrence is when she steals a doll from a little girl... A doll. And I found myself wondering about her mental state and if I even cared, which I soon found out that I didn't. She's also hit by a pinecone but that's about the most drama this movie had to offer. I'm usually a fan of slow paced movies that build character and suspense, but this lacked both. It felt like I was attending the trip with her, like I was trapped in a week long buss tour to a mold factory with senior citizens talking about the good old times, and all I wanted was for it to stop so I could run. But I couldn't.
The Banshees of Inisherin (2022)
The Brilliance of Insherin!
It's truly wonderful to see the new type of roles Colin Farrell picks these days and this is no exception. Together with Brendan Gleeson, a brilliant script and directing it shines like the pole star in a dark night filled with so much nothingness. The setting on a bleak and miserable island on Ireland during the 1920:s is perfect in describing the two main characters' daily lives for the past decade or so, and why it has such a huge impact on both of them, the remoteness, the gloomy pub, the conversations, everything just fits. And even though their daily lives seem so dull and monotonous it was unpredictable and funny, the total opposite of everything else. It was simply brilliant and the pair plays their part with excellence. The simpleness of the plot is just great and further proof that script outweigh budget and fancy special effects by a longshot. Let there be light, and there was "Banshees of Insherin"!
Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee (2007)
12 Years an Indian
Didn't know what to make of this at first. The hopeless situation of the native Americans and the deceitful nature of the white race became apparent within minutes though. The tiny violin started playing and it never stopped. The story follows a few different characters, a proud chieftain trying to resist the white man's way of life and to preserve the "old ways" of living, and a Native American boy who's trying to fight from within. It does sound interesting, but it isn't. It's the following pattern in repeat:
- Proud Native American try to resist
- Humiliated by white man
- Forced to agree to lousy deal
- Tries to resist some more
- Screwed some more
Crisis (2021)
A breath of fresh crime
Police crime drama with great casting, great acting and great script. A grieving mother, a DEA agent, and a university professor, all fighting the same fight against criminals in leather jackets as in suit and tie. It's hard to say who's the most despicable, the gangster who knows he's a murderer or the murderers who convince themselves that they're doing it for a good cause. Crisis was a breath of fresh air, it doesn't try to preach about sexual orientation, gender roles, etc, that's unfortunately so common these days, and neither does it try to be the typically sophisticated and smart movie with the countless of plot holes that usually comes with it too. No strained dialogue or artsy mumbojumbo. It's simply liberated from all of that, and so very liberating to watch.
Paradise Highway (2022)
Research helps
Whoever wrote this should have made some research, in how to clear a house walking around with your hand on the holster, how easy it is to reverse a huge trailer on a small dead-end road in the middle of the night, how tying someone up with hands in front doesn't prevent them from removing a gag or even untying the knot themselves, how easy it is for a truck lit up like the Christmas Coca Cola trucks can somehow shake of pursuing police car(s), how finding a hair on a dress is the strongest indicator that a house had been vacated until recently, and how people talk in general.
Then there's the "strong, independent women" -focus, not that there's anything wrong with women but the main "gang leader a woman, the ruffians assaulting them at a stop, women, the main superhero trucker crew, women. It's just a bit too forced which makes it a bit ridiculous.
And then there's the lack of urgency in the two detectives, they say they're in a hurry but their actions constantly contradicts what we've been told.
And then, the acting... What tha hell Morgon Freeman? The only good acting, superb even, was done by "Leila".
Somebody really dropped the ball (and not plural) on this one. Had big hopes, started of good with the realization of what the package was, followed with the "mudkilling", but then...
No, just... No. What a shame.
Halston (2021)
Gay, arrogant and so what...
The good part about this is Ewan McGregor, impeccable as always. He's the brilliant Cameleon actor that manage to pull off anything, the bad part is the story. It lacks depth and every episode is like a rinse and repeat.
Halston: "Oh, we need money. I'm broke."
Person X: "Can't you accept this offer of x millions?"
Halston: "No way, I'm an artist not a businessman!"
Enter gay scene.
Halston: "I'm still broke an arrogant, but I'll reluctantly accept the offer."
Halston manage a breakthrough.
The other series about fashion designers such as "The Assassination of Gianna Versace" have a plotline and a character development much more enthralling. Gianna is also gay but it doesn't overshadow the plot, it adds to it, help us understand both Gianna and his assassin. In Halston too much focus is put into the sex scenes without purpose. It feels that it's added because it could be provocative to some, to be different. To me, it was neither, it was simply boring. Who gives a sh** about his sexual orientation. If it adds to the plot, add it, if it doesn't, as in this case, why that much focus, except for to overcompensate for a badly written story, or a story not worth making a series about.
The Pale Blue Eye (2022)
Shartlock Holmes
Just because it's set in the 19th century, they speak with a thick British accent and have heavy-duty sideburns doesn't make it smart. This is one of those movies where you're expected to forget everything you've seen, the characters behavior, the logics in it, and just rely on your goldfish memory from the last part when the whole grand scheme is told to us. And to what purpose is Edgar Allan Poe there, besides the actor bearing a striking resemblance to the real deal?
It's just one big mess where the goal seem to have been to create a Sherlock Holmes type of atmosphere suitable for today's audience but with a plot that reminds me more of "The Tourist". If you per chance end up watching this poor excuse of a movie, don't think, because the movie doesn't want you to. And at the end, don't question the big reveal or even the reasoning of the main character(s). Just accept, and remain blissfully ignorant like intended.
Carrie Pilby (2016)
So bad I felt my own IQ drop
Introvert, awkward girl with immensely high IQ makes idiotic assumptions, doesn't understand modern phones and without social skills, is forced to date and meet friends. I'm not even 20 min into the movie and I'm already choking on the number of grades she's skipped due to how smart she is, name-dropping philosophers, 17 books per week, that she went to Harvard, or that she understands a goldfishes need to swim in schools out of survival (but fails to connect that evolutionary fact that they also might be social, not unlike humans), and she's ofc British. And, that the rest of humanity are dumb, sex-fixated neanderthals. I also know that the Aborigine-wannabee playing the didgeridoo outside of her window will be her knight in shining armor (probably a child prodigy in-disguise) that will make her leave her cocoon and start to really live, to feel happiness, sadness, remorse, yadda yadda yadda. Yes, we've already seen it. The smart girl/woman who was hurt at one time or had a troubled childhood caused by dominant male, and becomes scarred until thrown a curve ball. Was it bad? Simple answer: Was Kierkegaard a philosopher. Yes!
City on a Hill (2019)
Great cast, great script, great BACON
Great cast, great script, great Bacon! Set during the 90:s when grit was more than a mere porridge and the political correctness hadn't gone overboard. FBI agent Jackie Rohr (Bacon) is one of those asshole characters that you can't help but fall in love with, his neverending anecdotes, his quotes, even his walk and posture, absolutely wonderful! City on a Hill is like a mix of The Sopranos and The Wire and Bacon surely would make the late Mr Gandolfini proud. And then there's Decourcy Ward (Aldis Hodge) who tries to play by the book, to do the right thing in a city (Boston) filled with corruption and racism. It truly is refreshing to see a strong black man with weaknesses, unlike in so many other movies/series. I've got nothing but praise, it's wonderfully directed, it's smart, funny and thrilling from start to finish.
Who Killed Santa? A Murderville Murder Mystery (2022)
Christmas got slaughtered!
Terry Seattle is great! He's funny and improvise in-character basically dragging the two main actors along trying to get them to do or say something funny. Jason might understand humor in theory but not in practice. Maya acts like a twelve year old who giggles when she hears the word poo, and thereby completely makes a promising improv-scene completely childish. And in steps Pete. If you are watching it during Christmas, I'm sorry, but it just got ruined.
I really like the whole concept of the show but the guest actors here makes it silly, behaving as if it's a show made for them just to goof around in, and not for any viewers. I get that it can be hard to keep a straight face in some scenes, but the immense overacting... Come on.
The Mummy (2017)
The Nick Nick Niiick Flick
Never thought I'd see the day when Cruise starred in a terrible movie, but wow, he certainly did. It's like watching the 90:s at its worst but with modern CGI and with talented actors trying to tap into today's youths. How many times can you see the beautiful silhouette shape of the Arkhaahagawhatever, or hear the name Nick? If your bet is 1000, then you're off by a gazillion. My biggest worry is that if I meet a guy called Nick in the near future I'll punch him in the face out of pure reflex.
I usually try to mix in some good with the bad, but it's a hard one. Cruise has GREAT hair, even in the desert. Samsung is good, random drone strikes and stealing other nations artifacts is not. I'm impressed by the speed in which they come to conclusions, translate the hieroglyphics, or accept the death of (male) friends and others. I also think that they should have armed the military with broken planks and rocks, since they're clearly more effective than assault rifles.
Challenge: Have a shot every time you hear "Nick". Within minutes you'll be drunk, and you'll thank me!
The Newton Boys (1998)
Rerun for two hours
"It's too dangerous, Willis"
"We're gonna do it."
"Dang, Willis. Okay!"
This scene is basically repeated for two hours. Good thing is you can take a break and don't miss a thing. The cast isn't great either, the dynamic and even the genre just don't fit. It's like having Billy-Bob Thornton, Denzel Washington and Sean Connery play Hobbit brothers in Lord of the Rings. Good individually and talented but not for the part and not as a group. Putting the cast and the plot aside what's further missing is character build-up, the relationship between Willis and his lady, or Willis and his brothers, nothing. I'm sad to say that this movie is just a hotpot of failure.
Mr. Church (2016)
Like a bad joke without a punchline
Spoiled and rude daughter grows up into a spoiled and rude woman riding piggyback on Mr. Church who's an awesome cook, painter, pianist and gardener. He listens to jazz and only reads classics. But who is he and why does he visit a club on his spare time...? Very early on I realized that I didn't really care. The movie is just too many clichés and the relationship between Me Church and Charlie is dull. It's basically like this: Man takes care of mom and daughter, then mom died but daughter gets pregnant with new daughter. Then man takes care of mom and daughter again until he dies.
Employee of the Month (2004)
Cruel
Plotline, directing, acting, dialogue, and realistic human behavior, everything was void. Everything about this movie was so bad it felt like a punishment. I wanted to laugh or at least to smile a bit since it was supposed to be a comedy, but man... was I wrong. Silence of the lambs had more comedy. If you want to hurt someone, recommend them this movie, it will sting them for years.
Love, Death & Robots (2019)
Like teen Animatrix
So I guess a good script is out of fashion. By the looks of it it seems to be inspired by Animatrix, both visually and auditorial, and if not for the horrible script, bad voice acting, the neverending one-liners, unnecessary nudity, it's predictable plots and the constant immature profanities, it could have been good. But it's not. It feels like it's been made by a bunch of teens who wants nothing more than to animate naked women and sex scenes.
Shot Caller (2017)
Well done!
Nikolaj never fail to amaze and even though he's a very versatile actor this script suited him perfectly. Shot Caller is one of those film you haven't heard of, have no expectations prior to watching, and end up happy in the end knowing that good scripts are still being produced. The plot line is believable, it shows the grey shades of life, and you sympathize with villains because you understand that they are a product/victim of their own surrounding; doing what they must to survive. Well done!