Rindiana

Literally blurred and unfocused personal childhood drama with barely defined characters, repetitive and redundant imagery that strives for poetry without achieving any, a rather thin and forced, though potentially interesting narrative and a strongly unwelcome naivety regarding the serious political circumstances the pic's set in. (Though from a child's point of view, the last point may make sense.)

That said, the child actors are great.

A movie you'd like to like more than you do.

I doubt this pic may be awarded any "premio", but the plot might have served as the basis for a solid short.

5 out of 10 sandy roller-skates

This woolly New Zealand splatter comedy hasn't got quite the same wit and originality as Jackson's Braindead, but in itself, it's a fun ride, no matter whether you love sheep or detest them.

The director finds the right balance between spoofing the genre and taking it seriously, which results in scenes being both mordantly funny and comically repulsive at the same time.

The plot's mere window-dressing to present one hilarious sheep incident after another. And some jokes work wonders in a childish sort of way.

A silly fun movie through and trough.

6 out of 10 were-sheep

This mechanical kid's fantasy is just as cold and clinical as its gorgeously rendered, but somewhat distancing surroundings. Magical, this ain't.

Sure, there are some nice ideas and narrative touches here and there, but the exposition is strictly irritating, the storyline is meandering, the adult characters haven't got any charm and the cliffhanger ending leaves one stumped.

Admittedly, the pic's not as bad as I made it look like: the visuals are marvellous and the story's got some interesting points.

5 out of 10 warrior polar bears

Extremely fast-moving, well-acted, not too silly, but somehow rather predictable and too cozily summed up romantic thriller with a corny love subplot and lots of confusing story threads.

There's no real emotion or suspense to the convoluted narrative, but the actors do their best and compared to most thrillers nowadays, there's not too much idiocy abound. And the French touch surely does help.

Easily forgotten, but quite well-made cinematic equivalent to one of those impersonal page-turners churned out regularly.

6 out of 10 lost wives

One of those impersonal by-the-numbers comic adaptations with no real heart and soul, but lots of noisy mayhem and superficiality.

Edward Norton should've known better, Roth and Hurt chew the scenery, and Liv is her usual doll-like self.

The CGI work is rather bland, but the movie's energetic direction and some nice location work serve the entertainment factor. It could've been worse, it could've been better.

Ange Lee's Hulk movie at least tried to inject a personal point of view to the tired franchise, this one's just big mainstream stuff. In the end, both movies get the same rating. Life's unfair.

5 out of 10 bad Hulks

Not quite as hilarious as earlier Veber concoctions, but as funny as modern-day bedroom farces may get nowadays. The French are masters at that type of comedy.

The actors do their best with their paper-thin, but likable characters, some scenes work wonderfully, others feel too forced, but the good-natured proceedings ensure pleasurable viewing.

A certain snappiness would've given the material's fluffiness the necessary edge.

Still watchable, though the final joke's too silly.

6 out of 10 unlikely playboys

Small-scale social drama that's never quite as honestly touching as it's ought to be, but still succeeds to be a solid and watchable indie product.

The directing and some of the acting have a slight air of amateurishness to them, though some performances are great, and the screenplay is also rough around the edges, indeed.

But the interesting setting and some of the ways the plot's handled are satisfactory as well as the pic's calm and gentle pay-off.

And it's good to see socially aware American cinema for a change.

6 out of 10 babies on ice

Okay, the style's rather anonymous and some of the contemporary guest comedians' commentaries - particularly during the second part of this six-part series - are simply worthless and work as useless time-fillers.

Apart from that, the Pythons are at their wittiest and self-revelatory best, with Idle's and Gilliam's interviews being especially interesting.

For fans, this doc's a treasure to behold, though nothing's able to replace the original movies and shows for sheer enjoyment.

Some details about the post-Python goings-on would've been welcome, but all in all this is a solid documentary on one of the most influential and, simply put, funniest comedy teams ever.

7 out of 10 group dynamics

The Kiwis are better at fantasy than real life...

After a promising start this rather enervating domestic drama settles for shrill melodramatics and stupid behaviour, based on silly coincidences, and culminates in an over-the-top showdown that strives for catharsis, but merely achieves hollow bathos, while the only agreeable character meets a grim farewell.

Nice to look at and not without its moments, but much too long-winded and emotionally bloated.

Watch Black Sheep instead.

4 out of 10 brotherly feuds

Surprisingly hilarious Halloween special with the first episode, a brilliant Bride of Frankenstein parody, particularly outstanding.

After the average Christmas special the writers really upped the ante and came up with some gruesomely funny ideas and jokes, using the by now all too well-known Shrek characters remarkably well.

The result's an entertaining half-hour roller-coaster with only the middle section lagging.

Since the first two installments, Shrek has never been this funny. Aaaargh!!!

7 out of 10 haunted castles

Mildly amusing Christmas special with the usual quota of moral uplift and some nice jokes here and there.

They could have done a lot more with the Shrek characters and some more adult oriented jokes would've been welcome. Such as it is, too much fartin' doesn't generate too much feelin'.

Okay kiddie fare.

More in the league of Shrek 3 than the two earlier installments. Watch out for the much funnier second television special taking place on Halloween.

5 out of 10 enervating donkeys

If you haven't got enough ideas for one gripping yarn, just tell three mediocre ones instead.

At first, this entertaining policier delivers the goods with plenty of street realism and the details of day-to-day work experience. But slowly, the clichés start creeping in and by the end, we're left with a stupidly contrived triple showdown. It's as if you start with real life and end up with a television cop show.

That said, the performances are okay and some moments really get to you. It just isn't memorable enough.

5 out of 10 endangered moles

Sometimes the Coens drown in their own excessive cleverness.

Yes, this pic is as meticulously crafted as all their efforts, but the humour turned sour while the characters aren't likable enough to warrant our sympathy.

The script's toying around with its puppet-like characters proves to be too superficially misanthropic, while the strange self-enclosing Jewishness of it all seems more fake than real.

Don't get me wrong: The pic's still highly watchable for its intelligence and dry wit, but emotionally and in the entertainment department it's a disappointment.

6 out of 10 Jefferson Airplane reciting Rabbis

This one's just as bad as the director's previous movie.

Full of fake gravitas, hollow posturing, stupid behaviour, self-important bleak pseudo-philosophizing, contrived storytelling and unbelievable character development. Not to mention the many piled-up clichés.

A policeman's life may be hell on earth, but this pic offers just superficial and wound-up theatrics without any feeling for real-life matters of detection and police work, let alone sincere emotions.

And as an entertaining psycho-thriller "Seven" style it doesn't work either.

3 out of 10 dead owner's pets

This sort of semi-remake/semi-sequel of the original pic proves to be a rather tame and lame affair.

Actually, the preposterous AvP movies were at least better paced than this childish jungle hunt. All the claustrophobic and tense atmosphere that made the original a better-than-average genre pic is missing, while a band of enervating idiots mouthing stupid lines is hunted down one by one by a trio of those ugly alien reptiles with severe dental problems.

Some nice touches here and there and an overall (though foredoomed) effort to put the franchise back on track save this from being a total disaster, but this "Lost" cut-off is nothing more than a B movie without zest.

3 out of 10 ugly Predator hounds

Unpredictably eccentric and deeply humane little fable about finding new ways to a meaningful life.

The protagonist's little episodic adventures recall Jacques Tati's sketches, albeit without their structural pay-offs. There's more to the highly original proceedings, but heavy-handed symbolism is fortunately absent.

The director follows his offbeat path with a sure handling of the material and without unnecessary side trips towards more conventionally melodramatic, sentimental or overly cutesy directions.

A real charmer.

8 out of 10 blindfolded car drives

One of those all too bright and cheery semi-comic easygoing Westerns full of stupid men behaving childishly.

Were it not for Kirk's star turn and some nice touches in the first half of its running time, this rather silly affair wouldn't be worthwhile at all.

The character motivation is all at sea and the hero's barb wire trauma is ridiculous from the get-go.

There are some interesting topics hidden among the posturing, but the execution is half-hearted at best.

4 out of 10 interior bathrooms

Of course, this is low-rent junk, but entertainingly so in its overkill fashion. I prefer this to high profile sequels which try to improve upon their predecessors, but fail miserably, such as the third and fourth Alien movie and Predator 2.

This is unabashed B-movie territory and on that ground quite efficiently executed, though the worn out shock effects aren't certainly shocking anymore, let alone thrilling or suspenseful.

And don't get me started on all the logical errors.

Still, for what it is, it's worth an evening with your pals and some cans of beer.

3 out of 10 Alien-Predator-hybrids

Basically, this superb character drama may not vary that much from similar stories, but, individually, scene for scene breathes a stark and uncompromising realism and earnestness, accentuated by Rourke's breathtaking performance. The warmth and vulnerability beneath his rough exteriors is perfectly captured.

The other actors are also impressive and the director's untypically restrained attitude lets the plot unfold unhindered.

Were it not for some slightly too contrived dramatic injections in the later stages, this'd be a straight masterpiece. But it's mighty good, anyway.

8 out of 10 dreary autograph sessions

Despite the rather predictable boy-and-his-pet story one of the better computer-animated Dreamworks vehicles.

The character work is excellent and the pic's refusal to go for cheap laughs and pop-culture references in favour of a more thorough storyline is welcome. Still, there's a certain (logical and emotional) discrepancy between the cartoonish dragon-fights and the more somber moments.

Technically, the vistas are simply dazzling and the 3D effects are imaginatively used, but the extra oomph is missing.

6 out of 10 lost legs

You don't need first-class Disney animation to produce a charmer. The Peanuts' comics' philosophical underpinnings and intelligent and witty humour is brought to the silver screen full and intact. Never before or after has a bunch of kids proved to be that thought-provoking.

Yes, the pace may be a tad too slow and the animation rough around the edges, but Schulz' lovable little grown-ups with their all too well-known characteristics are sufficient compensation.

And if the pic threatens to become too talky, there's always Snoopy's shenanigans to save the day.

7 out of 10 security blanket cold turkeys

Apart from the fact that this investigative crime documentary freed a wrongly sentenced man from prison, which is astonishing in itself, the pic is very solidly crafted, indeed. Morris gets the viewer deeply immersed into the obscurely working wheels of justice.

But the story itself is so strong, one almost oversees some formal flaws along the road. The almost constant soundtrack, as good as it is, gets rather annoying. The restaged scenes with actors look slightly amateurish. And the focus on the case itself prevents more general, profound thoughts on all the issues at hand to surface.

Still, it's a well-made doc anyway.

7 out of 10 unreliable witnesses

Somewhat meandering and thematically unfocused, though very informative and entertaining doc on the infamous German emperor and his media presence.

Despite some inadequacies, such as silent footage that has been unnecessarily pimped with sound-effects, the old film material alone is worth the price of admission, and Schamoni's clever off-text, along with numerous enlightening interviews, draws a multifaceted picture of Wilhelm II.

His childhood and adolescence are too hastily presented, though.

7 out of 10 imperial dachshunds

Despite the original basic premise mostly clichéd and unconvincing character drama that never finds the right tone.

It's as if the writer came up with a naive wanking widow doing hand-jobs, but no idea of how to dramatize the surrounding events properly, instead falling for the easiest melodramatic solutions imaginable, sacrificing honest emotions and comprehensible behaviour for calculated narrative twists.

Some minor scenes set in the night-club are quite well-made, but mostly, it's average kitchen sink fodder.

4 out of 10 holes in the wall

After the demented roller-coaster ride in part two, this boring and literally unwatchable appendix is quite a let-down compared to the earlier installments.

Despite the far-fetched ending, which is so absurd as to be actually funny, we've got more of the same, but with diminishing returns (and badly lit at that.) The newly introduced characters aren't that much of a big deal, either, and the blissfully short running time reflects the uninspired nature of the whole schlock parade.

It was time to end this carnage.

3 out of 10 (h)armless karate kids