gregberne11

IMDb member since July 2009
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Reviews

2036 Origin Unknown
(2018)

Ambitious Failure
This was an ambitious idea (I think) but one that ultimately failed. I've seen some reviews bashing the acting but basically the entire film is on the shoulders of Katee Sackhoff (Battlestar Galactica remake) and I thought she actually did a very good job. The problem in my mind is a stupid, predictable script and some sub-par special effects. The entire film depends on a twist at the end that frankly everyone with an IQ above ten will see coming well before it happens. The pacing is very slow with very little payoff, no real climax and as I said worst of all it's predictable and frankly a very hack-level ending and effort overall. Sackhoff and the audience deserve better.

Bikini Valley Car Wash
(2020)

Worthless (Almost)
I see a lot of reviews here that were obviously posted by cast and crew, or their friends and family. A horrible script, bad audio and video quality, terrible acting... this movie has almost nothing going for it. There are girls in bikinis and a few topless shots but unless you really, really want to see those few scenes there is nothing worth watching in this film. Ron Jeremy is terrible even by Ron Jeremy standards in this.

The Story of Tea: The History of Tea & How to Make the Perfect Cup
(2007)

Very, Very Basic
This is a very, very basic documentary that just gives very basic definitions of various different kinds of teas with occasional "fun facts" thrown in. It's really only for literal newcomers to tea drinking as it covers such very basics as "teas are often available in tea bags today" and instructions (that are very slowly paced and boringly demonstrated) on how to add hot water to it in order to turn that tea bag into a cup of tea. Other topics covered include lemon slices, milk and/or cream, and a look at a few different kinds of tea cups and kettles. It's really not as fascinating as I'm making it sound though.

Cool and Lam
(1958)

It's Okay
This show is okay. Just okay. Worth watching and would probably have been better liked if it wasn't being compared to the writer's other, much more successful novels and TV/radio series, the Perry Mason mysteries. Worth watching though and better than most "failed" TV pilots of its age.

Sarah Off The Grid
(2017)

Booooo
Very boring. Subject matter is OK and the people seem like they would actually be interesting if they weren't delivering badly written lines. A good opportunity (and idea) wasted.

The Great Canadian Baking Show
(2017)

Awful and Unnecessary
This ripoff show is awful and unnecessary. The hosts are the WORST, especially the super annoying guy. Is he being the most annoying person on earth intentionally? I seriously wonder like is that his thing or something? The writing is terrible. What do they have these people doing and saying? It's just so stupid. How did this get put on TV?

Ridiculousness
(2011)

Awful! Avoid!
Rob Drydek has all the personality and joke delivery ability of a dry sponge. Chanel "West Coast" or whatever stupid made up name is even less funny and more useless. All she does is fake-laugh like a chipmunk at all of Rob's terrible jokes. They somehow ruin every clip they show with their stupid dad jokes and useless comments. The guests always look embarrassed to be there, and they should be. Seriously just watch funny clips on YouTube without these two old losers chirping constantly, you'll be much better off.

Mega Time Squad
(2018)

Push the Button... The "Stop", "Eject" or "Fast Forward" Button...
This movie is stupid. Awful writing with lame jokes and plot holes you could drive a truck full of Chinese time-demons through. Awful acting as well. Just not much at all to recommend about this one. Decent production value, but zero laughs and an annoying story.

Robbery
(2018)

Near Total Dud (Some Mild Spoilers)
First, the good. Video quality is good with some decent cinematography, and the sound quality is also good. Art Hindle is a very good and underappreciated actor. He actually does a good job in this, or at least the best anyone could do with what he was given to work with. Which brings us to.......

The bad. There is plenty of bad here. The supporting actors are mostly terrible, especially the younger guy hanging around Hindle. The main problem is the writing, or lack of it. The story is not just incredibly boring and poorly paced, it's just plain stupid and full of nonsensical story holes. Characters behave in unbelievably stupid fashion. Complete lacks of logic and plot holes you could drive a train through.

MILD SPOILERS AHEAD:
  • The huge "twist" is one that we knew was coming literally from the first time the guy tells Hindle he's his son.
  • What's the whole point of the heist at the casino? It's ridiculous yet somehow still the most boring heist in movie history
  • The casino owner makes a big deal of having to fill out her last will and testament, and it's literally still sitting on her desk in front of her days later? Is that all she does, is stare at her printed out but unsigned will all day every day?
  • The guy owes money to the casino owner, they bring him in and take his fingers, and the big heist plan is for these three people, all of them well known to the casino owner and the only two dudes who run the place, to come in and sneak all the money out?
  • The whole heist is so stupid I just have to reiterate it again. The guy, who owes them money and whose fingers they JUST took, returns to heist them and is not recognized because he is wearing SUNGLASSES and claiming to be blind? Talking to the employees and getting them to tell him what his cards are? Cracking jokes and bumping into people? They seriously don't recognize this guy? A blind guy who also apparently just lost the exact same fingers?


Seriously, some of the worst and laziest writing I've ever seen, even in an independent film. Art Hindle deserves better and movie audiences do too.

How did this get funded? If it got grants from tax payers, I want my cash back. I did not approve of this mess.

Sliders
(1995)

Was Great, Then OK, Then Stunk
This show was great. After John Rhys Davies left the show (complaining that the scripts were starting to get too stupid, which they were) it was still pretty OK. When Wade and O'Connell left the show became total garbage. Nothing on Crying Man, he was always very good, but the stories became much too lazy and stupid (very bad writing) and Quinn's brother was awful.

Alien Reptilian Legacy
(2015)

Boring As Hell
Truly terrible. Even the people giving the poorly lit (with bad sound) "testimonials" about alien visits obviously aren't buying any of it. Not entertaining in the slightest, either as a documentary or something to just laugh at. Ridiculous but not in a fun way. Hard pass.

Me and My Mates vs. The Zombie Apocalypse
(2015)

Flush It
This is a boring, terribly written, poorly executed, cheaply shot, amateurish production. Even for a deliberately stupid zombie comedy "Shaun of the Dead" knockoff, this movie is pitiful. The acting is horrifyingly bad. The jokes are terrible. The story is mind-numbing and stupid. There is nothing good about this movie whatsoever. Not even an occasional laugh, or any cool effects or zombie kills. There's only a handful of zombie extras and it looks like they made this for about ten bucks. They repeat the same jokes over and over. This is the worst zombie comedy film I've ever seen. Skip it. You're welcome.

Long Shot
(2019)

Boring, Stupid
Seriously how much more of Seth Rogen's same old boring slacker/druggy act are they expecting us to sit through? I kept waiting for at least an occasional funny moment, but none came. What is Charlize Theron doing in this? They must have filled her house with cash or something. This movie sucked!

Wild Card
(2015)

Rating is Too Low
I think a lot of people are watching this expecting the usual action-action-action you get from the typical Jason Stathan film. This movie doesn't have many shootouts, no explosions, and only three (still very impressively choreographed) fight scenes. It's much more of a drama and a character piece. Statham is a (recovering?) gambling addict living in Vegas who (maybe?) wants to earn enough cash to get out of there. He doesn't want to be "bloody" like he used to, to earn a living, and does odd jobs as a chaperone (aka bodyguard) for people visiting Las Vegas to make ends meet. The bottom line is, he doesn't like violence but knows how to fight when he has to because he's tough as nails.

A friend of his who he owes gets beaten by a mafioso and his two hired thugs in a hotel room so Nick (Statham) gets dragged into a situation which, try as he may to avoid it, turns violent. The story is good, the acting is good, and the action is sparse but very well done when it comes upon him.

Also bonus points for a great supporting cast. Stanley Tucci is awesome. Just don't blink or you'll miss all these people!

Fishing Naked
(2015)

Stupid
Not the very worst independent comedy I have ever seen but it is much closer to "worst" than it is to "average". For a movie called fishing naked, it doesn't even have any nudity, which is about the only thing that could have saved this cheap, boring, poorly acted and even worse written mess that has zero laughs and which put absolutely zero effort into its Bigfoot or any other effects or expenses. It even looks and sounds bad. Hard pass from me, save your time and money. There's many other Bigfoot movies out there, and most of them, even the zero budget ones, are better than this snooze fest.

Night of Too Many Stars: An Overbooked Concert for Autism Education
(2010)

Hard to Rate
Great stars and a great cause, but not funny and very bad writing.

The President Show
(2017)

Terrible
This is a very bad show. Not funny, stale, been done before. Bad impression. Terrible jokes. It's just plain stupid. I don't like Trump at all but this show is just so awful!

Tom and Jerry: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
(2017)

Not Their Best
I've always been a fan of Tom and Jerry and this special has some good things about it. Good animation. But the jokes and story are pretty stale and the voices are pretty uninspired in this one.

Our Cartoon President
(2018)

Not Remotely Funny
First of all, this review is not politically motivated. I am Canadian and don't really care at all about Republican/Democratic party politics. Also from what I've seen, I don't like Donald Trump at all. He seems like a very dishonest, unintelligent blowhard. I support art, freedom of speech, and have no problem seeing Trump made fun of, so this type of show is just fine by me.

That said, this show is terrible, terrible, terrible. Stale, predictable jokes. Dad jokes. Terrible jokes. The writing and stories are awful. The animation is just OK, and the voices aren't even that great. When it's a cartoon and you can literally use any voice impressionist in the worst, is this really the best you could do for Trump and the other characters? Nobody sounds quite right.

This show is an unfunny dumpster fire and I can't believe it ever made it on the air in the first place.

Trump vs. Bernie: Debate for America
(2016)

Terrible
The impressions are at least average. Sanders's voice is decent but he looks nothing like Bernie Sanders. Trump isn't quite right for looks or voice but he's OK too I guess. The real problem is, the jokes are all predictable and terrible and because this entire show is nothing but two guys standing there in a fake debate delivering jokes one after another, that means this show has nothing of value to offer. This is a terrible and terribly unfunny special.

Carol's Second Act
(2019)

The Worst
This show is the absolute worst! I liked Patricia Heaton in previous shows, but she is wasted here. She can't possibly need the money after starring in other shows, why would she be in such a terrible series as this? The writing is garbage, the supporting actors are all garbage, it's a complete failure of a show. Don't even get me started on that laugh track either.

Partners
(2014)

So Bad
This show is so bad that I just watched two episodes on Amazon Prime then felt a need to come here and review it, warning YOU to not bother wasting time by watching it like I did. Obnoxious laugh track, the worst sitcom writing ever full of hack jokes (especially tons of gay and black stereotype jokes). I like Kelsey Grammer and Martin Lawrence but damn this show is garbage!

Tuca & Bertie
(2019)

Obnoxious, Pointless
Tuca & Bertie looked awful to me, but I gave it a try because of its connection to BoJack Horseman.

I'm sorry that I did, and I only made it through two painful, seemingly endless episodes.

Unlike BoJack, the show has no soul, no point, and not even any real comedy. It just randomly stumbles from one nonsense happening to the next, without ever even accidentally being funny. The characters are stupid, one of the leads has an incredibly annoying voice, the writing is poor, and the animation is bizarrely amateurish (again without being funny).

Nothing about this show works, even accidentally.

I'm guessing millennials are the ones up-voting this? I guess to them a series of pointless ramblings and annoying nonsense-songs is the height of entertainment just because they can then point at the rest of us and judgmentally say "you just don't get it?" But shows need to have a point, even if it's just to be funny. This show achieves nothing. Creating something like this and then saying "yeah but it's supposed to be stupid" isn't enough. Just because it's supposed to be pointless woke drivel doesn't mean that it's okay to just be that.

Very glad this show is canceled. It takes away from the vastly superior series BoJack simply by existing.

Saw
(2004)

Great Horror
This is a great low budget horror film. It is not predictable like almost all horror movies are, and the performances are good.

The Interview
(1998)

Hugo Weaving is Amazing
Hugo Weaving delivers a masterful performance in this simple, low budget thriller from Australia. The film is set almost entirely in a police interview room. The other lead is also very good but Weaving is at his very best here.

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