fstormchaser

Boring. Painful. Annoying. Badly written. Anti-climactic. These are 0.0002% percent of the words I could use to describe this film, but I'll just stick with 'fail' to keep things simple. Alright, let's get into the 'spirit' of this ass-fest and insert a bad dinosaur pun.

Let's take a bite right in (GET IT?)

Talented actors go to waste in this third installment of the once dignity-possessing series. I'm going to spoil stuff, because I already summed it up by saying "fail" so why not go further? A divorced couple (William H. Macy and Tea Leoni, two good actors who's talent is set aflame by bad writing) pretends to be married and tricks some emotionless character from the first film to come with them to the island to find their son, played by Trevor Morgan, a decent young actor who mysteriously isn't doing many movies anymore. Oh, and I shouldn't really call the main character emotionless. His thing is to grunt and complain and give warnings about the island's danger, even though no one really dies except a few background people and one character who gets about 30 minutes on screen. What a dick of a main character. No one here is likable. Unless you count Udesky, played by Michael Jeter (RIP) who seems to be the only quiet and innocent character. But, he's a balding mercenary, so of course he dies after 44 minutes or so. And he's also the only character to die that we actually got to know (sort of, not really). Tea Leoni's thing is to complain and whine. At least she still has a career. And I'm pretty sure this movie is the reason William H. Macy ended up having to star in "Shorts". Poor guy. He could have gone places after "Fargo". So anyways, Grant, the super-grumpy main character, is also a paleontologist. He has a sort of intern or student or something named Billy,who is a young paleontologist. He supposedly is killed by Pteranodons halfway through the film, but of course he's alive at the end. Speaking of the end, there's no climax, unless you count the confrontation with the raptors, but that wasn't even an action scene. And I guess director Joe Johnson thought it would be cool to be more "scientific" by giving only the male raptors feathers. Okay, but why are they blue, and why do the Pteranodons have TEETH? THEIR NAME MEANS "WINGED WITHOUT TEETH"!!!! They even decided to put in a DREAM SCENE. No comment on that. I'm probably running out out of space, so I'll end on two positive notes-

1. At least the music was okay. 2. There's still a different JP sequel to watch that has it's dignity.

I don't understand the hate. This movie is just underrated. People say it's all plot holes. Have they watched the third one? My god, this movie had tense human conflicts, intense action scenes, the best character from the first is the MAIN character in this one, a gripping story, good acting (in which you can tell the actors give a sh*t) and most of all: the same atmosphere as the first. In 3, everything is rush rush rush rush rushed. My theory of how the hate for this one got started was that people don't have real opinions, and don't know what to say, so pretty much, if it wasn't the meaning of life or exactly how THEY wanted it to be, they say it sucked (and, plus, it's a sequel, so of course it gets bashed), and after one person b*tched and moaned about it, everyone else without opinions decided to go with everyone else and say it sucked since that what someone else said. And that's society for you, people. Also, maybe if this movie wasn't so over hyped, people wouldn't have such high expectations. Then again, I can't blame the people for being hyped. The trailer was superb. Regardless, if you can understand how to judge a movie, and you're ready for some freaking FUN and action, then watch this one. Some people hate it (many are probably conservative republicans, so what do you expect) but I love it. 10/10 for being the best possible sequel.