gorgeousgreekbeauty

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Reviews

Sin City
(2005)

What a violent & useless piece of garbage this movie was
I was practically forced into seeing this movie as my friend is an artist & lover of the original comic books. I have to admit that I'm not a fan of film noir or Quentin Tarantino and I should have listened to my stomach before having it heave all over the lady ahead of me in the theatre.

There is no use for this kind of useless mind numbing violence ..the story line jumped around more than a frog on hot pavement and the tie-in towards the end of the movie was just absurd .. I mean really, the yellow guy was the serial killer from the first segment? He turned into a Ferengi from some medical procedure meant to re-attach his genitals .. OKAY .. time to leave .. when the theatre went dark between scenes, I was praying out loud that this was the end of it? I left the theatre immediately during the Elijah Wood/Rutger Hauer segment .. a young man with razors for nails who kills & eats prostitutes .. YUCK ..

Elijah Wood is quoted as saying that he took this role to make people forget him as Frodo .. well with any luck, Hollywood & all the innocent young following of fans that he managed to build with his portrayal as the innocent Frodo will do just that, forget about him. Elijah, bad move man. Be like Orlando or Cate or Marton & get a real agent who will find you real work.

I woke up in the middle of the night from nightmares because of this film.

I managed to yell loud enough at the theatre manager who gave me my money back and thankfully I saved a group of young souls from seeing this filth.

Movies like this belong on the indie circuit so only those people who think Ted Bundy is cool & still live in their parents' basement at the age of 43 should watch this.

I've lost all faith in Hollywood movies & have resigned myself to not spending another hard earned dollar to contribute to its longevity.

Underworld
(2003)

LOVED LOVED LOVED this movie
AND .. Nelly Furtado is NOT in this movie .. Amelia is played by an Hungarian model .. people .. read the credits

AND .. it's written lycan not lichen .. lichen is a sea creature ..

Anywho .... this movie is stylish and brilliant and in no way .. was it a ripoff of either Blade or The Matrix ..

Kate Beckinsale is perfect as the emotionless Selene, head of the Vampiric death dealers .. whom for nearly 1,000 years have been at war with the LYCANS .. in a squabble that we learn later in the movie has been waged over a personal matter .. neither involving the main characters .. but all war must have a genesis ..

BUT .. to make it all the move confusing .. the screen writers have thrown in some quip about the main hero .. Michael .. bearing both the blood of Vampyre and Lycan and the main lupine .. Lucian .. seems to think that his blood will end this war .. and give them supremecy over the Vampyres once and for all ..

They never really follow up this storyline with any train of thought ... or reasonable explanation ..

The transmutations from man to Lycan is brilliant and breathtaking to see .. I didn't notice any CGI at all .. the Vampyres .. except for the odd blue eyed change .. don't really do much except fly backwards over their opponents and shoot a lot of bullets ..

I love the idea of capturing daylight in bullet form ..

I am hoping that they can make the sequel .. just as heartpounding .. and fast paced as this one ..

Definitely 10/10 for this one .. I can hardly wait for the DVD to come on sale ..

People .. if you only see one movie this year .. make it Underworld

The Love Machine
(1971)

Am I missing something here?
I just got this gem off of ebay and was quite disappointed .. for three factors ..

1. No nude John Phillip Law .. I've seen stills from the movie which detail his beautiful naked ass, in bed with two women, but these scenes are absent from the movie 2. The supposed "several steamy" sex scenes .. tame by today's standards, but again, I didn't see anything either than sheets moving around and some nipples .. where did they hide it all? This movie was marketed as being the steamiest movie since Midnight Cowboy and there are no naked people running around .. :-( .. is there another version to this movie that's maybe NC 17? Does Europe have the advantage of the better uncut version than we paranoid Puritan North Americans? WHERE IS THE NAKED JOHN PHILLIP LAW? .. like Danger Diabolik, people overestimate his nakedness in a movie .. he might have been jaybird, you don't get to see it .. :-( :-( :-( 3. Plot .. okay, stretching here .. but John's acting wasn't that bad .. given the script and his deplorably bad supporting cast .. he was cute all the way thru it .. better than his portrayal of a bird man in Barbarella .. just stand there and breathe John, you've just found your acting worth .. now show us that magnificent chest of yours .. hmm hmmm ..

Dyan Cannon can't act her way out of a brown paper bag .. worse .. !!!she looks like she's been dolled up on Halcion in every scene she's in .. the only character worth rooting for was the amazon whore who was slapped around by Law's character .. she seemed to have a lot of depth .. for her 2 minute scene .. I felt sorry for her ..

The scenery and set design was typically bad 70's porn movie castoffs ... and what's with the dinner suit that the network exec keeps wearing? Is he expecting it to get better than this? 'fraid not!

Shecky Green in ill fitting mismatched clothing made me sick to my stomach.. when he moved I thought the room was spinning ..

Overall, I'd give this movie /5 out of ten .. just cuz it was soooo bad, you just had to follow it to the miserable conclusion to see how it ends..

Thank god no director worth his spit would dredge up slop like this and try to find a modern audience for it ..

Diabolik
(1968)

Is there another version of this movie? Where's the beef? The sex and nudity?
I've read comments regarding protracted love scenes and John Phillip Law's "jaybird" nakedness .. yet the VHS I purchased doesn't show any of that .. we're talking tame by today's standards .. and if the money bed scenes and the quick in the shower closeups count as the nudity and sexual content .. then I guess that's it .. I went into this with a whole different expectation .... I was kinda hoping for more "The Love Machine" type adult content and what was in this film was the furthest thing from it .. this was fun and campy and too funny at points to not love it ..

I loved this movie ... the sets the score the actors everything .. John Phillip Law is perfect in this role, like it was tailor made for him .. and the acting abilities of Ms. Marisa Mell are left to be desired .. but still.. it was great and I loved it ...

I highly recommend this film to anyone who wants an escape from dull, boring and the monotony of the world's issues and wants to be entertained, pleased and have you rooting for our anti-social anti-hero at the end ..

Too bad there wasn't a sequel .. there was so much more they could have done with the ending .. and I'd have to agree with someone else who said it before .. John Phillip Law has the best mwaaa aaaa aaaa of anyone I've ever heard .. it was hysterically perfect ..

Ms. Mell's tiny tiny tiny flat 3 pounds above organ failure stomach muscles are enough to make any woman stop eating .. she's sooooooo tiny and physically dynamic, you wonder how Law didn't crush her by lying on top of her .. but it was hot to watch their excessive face eating kisses in the car on their way down to his secret lair ...

And, who could not agree more, that the steamiest scene in the movie involved Mell's emerging from the pool to join a hoooooooooooooootttt hottie looking Law in tight red pants and bare feet with his shirtless perfectly formed torso get down on his knees and invite her to sit in his lap and then he carefully places the emeralds on her skin counting each one out as he arranged them around her neck ... only to have them do more face eating and then dive back into that incredible lava rock looking pool ..

The bad guys are so bad that you feel sorry for them .. except Valmont's blonde bimbo phone answering girl .. I wanted to see her thrown from the plane ..

This movie definitely warrants 9/10 in my book .. it would have made 10/10 if they showed the "jaybird" bodies of Mell & Law ..

Op afbetaling
(1992)

Loved this movie ... seriously, it was awesome
This is one of the better "taut" thrillers to come out of Europe in the longest while ..

Renee Soutendijk is outstanding as the young wife willing to betray her family and marriage vows in an effort to protect her husband...

Fantastic film .. hoping one day it will be available for purchase on DVD, I'd be the first in line to get it ...

Jason and the Argonauts
(2000)

HOW BAD IS IT? ... Well, it's really really bad .. 0/10
I have seen bad movies and then there is this movie .... this is worse than 1988's Space Mutiny, which was wayyyyyyyyyyyy bad ...

This has the most boring, superficial, un-intelligible incoherent actor to tackle a project like this ... who chose this guy to play Jason? Only a relative would hire this guy ..

The supporting cast aren't too bad .. if you can pull away from the too much screen time of Zeus & Hera .. who are quite lovely to look at, but that's about it ...

The only actor to provide conviction and strength to their role was the talented actress who portrayed Atalanta ..

Being Greek and a lover of Greek mythology .. this was insulting ... it was mythologically inaccurate and the cast of characters were pathetic .. where was the army of skeletons? Where was the hydra?

Stay away from this junk .. give me back the 4 and some hours you took from me ..

Space Mutiny
(1988)

Okay, this was bad, waaaaaaaaaaaaaay bad ...
But name 3 really good John Phillip Law movies ...

I am too ashamed to comment on this flick, John Phillip Law, should be too ashamed to add this to his resume ..

John, go back to Europe and find your grounding and come back .. with something real ...

Nuff said

Target of an Assassin
(1977)

This movie wasn't that bad .. JOHN PHILLIP LAW WET & NAKED .. saves the film
Yup, a nice coming out of the shower scene with our favourite misfortunately bad "straight to video" actor .. well let's be fair, there are no bad actors of John Phillip Law's calibre, just bad scripts and this is one of them ... man is this ever one of them

Too bad he wasted his time on this lemon, but I purchased it solely because he's in it .. thank God for ebay and the $3.99 movie deals

This confusing muddled mess, I think, after having watched it more than once, revolves around Quinn working in South Africa as a male nurse who, as luck has it, is able to kidnap an African dignitary visiting his hospital for tests, following a failed assassination attempt by Law's character, Shannon .. from a top of a high building ..

What conspires is a jumbled attempt to retrieve the President and the climax of the movie taking place on some remote mountain ledge .. about 15 years before Ruby Ridge and just as forgettable .. and the twist being that the President's own Chief of Staff has hired Law to kill his boss .. a scene we get to see unfold with Law making his best attempt to fit in with the 70's "hey you're too groovy baby" street speak ..

The score, the sound, the audio tracking, the plot, the character development, everything in this film was bad .. it was like being stuck in some really bad Saturday afternoon Kung Fu nightmare .. only worse, cause John Phillip Law was in it and I wanted to watch him, I guess being a fan of this, nice to stand there and just breahte, actor has its drawbacks, this movie, in a long string of bad flicks for our handsome hunky blue eyed ingenue, is one of them ..

Stay away from this movie unless you are a die hard John Phillip Law fan or can fully understand muddled Anthony Quinn dialogue .. or late night infomercials have you ready to jump off a building

The Cassandra Crossing
(1976)

Okay, this was good, I'll admit it...
But, what with Sophia Loren is bad? Unfortunately, this is it ..

But, she was so good and Ava Gardner was sooooooooooooo delicious to watch, that I was even able to tolerate Martin Sheen, and that's hard for me to do...

The whole cast was bland and boring, a special stand out nod to John Phillip Law, who could have made his character great, but faded into the woodwork with his tree trunk performance ..

Burt Lancaster, is not good in this, in fact, he's not good in anything ..

But for some strange reason, I still really like this movie despite all its shortcomings ...

One of the better 70's airport/at sea/disease of the week disaster flicks to come out at the time

Da uomo a uomo
(1967)

Pass the "HOT SAUCE"
This is probably one of the better "spaghetti" westerns to come along ... far better than the putrid "Django" series with Italian actor, Franco Nero...

The scenery chewing Lee van Cleef is perfect as the avenging angel to beautiful blue eyed hunky ingenue, John Phillip Law, who must have captured the hearts of the director of photography with that sweet face of his because there are so many intense closeups of his pretty blue eyes that it dominates half the movie ...

Nonetheless, the movie is about John's character, Bill, who as a child, witnesses the robbery, rape & murder of his family by Van Cleef and his less than band of merry men .. who subsequently leave Cleef's character to take the blame and force him to 15 years of hard slave labour in a chain gang ... but, after his release he goes on a revenge bend and tracks down his former mates ..

He manages to meet up with Bill and at first the two spare off at each other like a snake & mongoose, but, they come to trust each other from a distance, in as much, as busting each other out of jail, to ultimately team up to take down the motley gang ....

Along the way, there are a lot of stringy musical interludes teamed up with intense facial closeup shots to show either grief or fear or anger .. which closely resemble as the same expression, but this movie is still one of the best tried and true and the surprise ending left me jumping out of my seat wanting to fast forward to the end just to see how Law & Cleef finally gel..

I would highly recommend this film as pure cinematic genius counseled with fine acting and great supporting characters .. Pedro and Paco are so bad they're good ..

Fans of John Phillip Law will not be disappointed, well, maybe by his monotone panned John Wayne vocal impression, but his pretty face and great body in those pants of his, paired with the gun belt, will make you wish that time crept slowly ... so you could stare at him a little while longer..

Lee Van Cleef shirtless or stripped to his waist is twice the bonus ..

This film is a gem .. highly recommended .. 8/10 all the way :-)

The Golden Voyage of Sinbad
(1973)

6 ARMED GODDESS & JOHN PHILLIP LAW IN THE SAME MOVIE
How can you not love this film .. it's difficult to imagine that anyone could pan the astounding performance of John Phillip Law as Sinbad ..

His turn as the beloved Arabic pirate is more adventureous than the boring and cardboard studio fave, Kerwin Matthews and far better than the bland and horrific Patrick Wayne ..

The special FX of Ray Harryhausen are his best to date ..

The plot is solid and the talent pull this tale off without a hitch or glint of camp which is generally the norm in a cult film such as this..

This is Saturday afternoon television at its best ...

Onward and upward with John Phillip Law all the way ..

Hitler: The Rise of Evil
(2003)

Hitler, the rise of boring and foolishness
This is by far one of the most boring and horribly acted accounts of the early days of Adolf Hitler that I have ever watched. Robert Carlyle is a wonderful actor, but to cast him as Hitler is just plain wrong. To cast Liev Schrieber as Hitler's longtime friend and aid, Haefengstal must have emitted cries of despair and anguish from the Simon Wiesenthal Centre. A J-W playing a Nazi supporter, bad bad bad casting. This was not an enjoyable family film with a good historical background. This was Hollywood rubbish at its finest, cashing in on the strength of a strong (but sorely under utilized) supporting cast of actors whom seemed to have all but disappeared from the acting radar in the past 5 years.

The fake German accents (vee vill vin zis var) is insulting to German people everywhere. My mother is German and she sat fuming at the sound of the voices which kept switching from American/English/German all in the same sentence. The supporting cast make better cardboard cutouts at the local video store than they do on screen. Jenna Malone as the fated Geli Raubal, was splendid though, she captured the innocence and confusion of this tragic young woman who ultimately ended her own life to escape what her future would have been like in Hitler's shadow.

If you would like a tremendously fantastic and historically accurate account of Hitler's early years leading up to and including the war/holocaust, rent "Inside the Third Reich" 1983 starring Rutger Hauer as Albert Speer and Derek Jacobi as Hitler. It was good and made more sense then this baloney.

As a historical researcher of the Third Reich I can honestly tell you, this had me reaching for my books to confirm its myriad of inaccuracies.

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