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I wanna say that this is unwatchable but I cannot. No words in English or any other language from Ghana to Papua New Guinea can describe the depths, the magnitude of this offensively bad, this terminally brain damaging, this freakishly boring subcultural product.

I'd hope that this subhuman excrementum will put an end to this sorry franchise but alas, I have little faith in humanity. The Insidious franchise will continue until the end of time, as there will never be a shortage of morons in this planet. As for me, I felt my brain was turning to jelly during the movie, my wife started frothing and biting me and my cats were miaowling like Cramps records.

THE END.

So here's the not-awaited sequel to the original mega-sleeper, where a big shark kills a couple of extras, then disappears in the cemetery of Hollyweird failures.

And, yep, you guessed well, it follows the age-approved recipe of all pop-corn-bloated sequels. Action-packed, moronic script, cardboard - characters, mindless action, silly soundtrack, lazy direction. And the Meg? I hear you ask.

What Meg? No monster has played a more marginal role in a purported monster movie. I thought I saw somebody feasting on fish tartare at sone point, other than that there is very little to no shark.

Avoid? Hell yeah.

I dig Skandinavian movies. I like Skandinavian series.

This one is sub-par. Uninspired, wirhout a heartbeat, vapid, this is one of the worst series ever to come out of Danemark. A dumb whodunit, give it a miss.

Truth be told I could only watch 20'. Then I vomited in my mouth and I almost choked. So sorry I cannot give you a comprehensive critique other than that this is one of the most laughable, tepid, B. A. D. movies ever made. To the makers of the movie: if it is not too late, do yourselves a favor and become plumbers.

Really now? Seriously? People wasted time filming this drivel in the hope that some fools would pay to see it? Yeah, right?

Saccharine, prosaic, unfunny, tedious, badly acted, worse scripted. The female lead smiles and giggles her way through a terrible performance buttressed by lines so wooden they'd put Pinocchio to shame. The male lead looks woefully uncomfortable for the entire duration of the movie - as if he landed this part because he lost a bet. Only chance you'll appreciate this train-wreck of a movie is if you're in a coma.

That is my diatribe for M&M. Enjoy, comatose person.

I must grant Mr. Roth that this is a fun flick. Gory, yes. Cliché, yes, Shallow characters, yes. Deja vu story, yes. Still fun, in an Edward Lee, illegit, trashy way. Enjoyed myself. Thoroughly, I ain't ashamed to admit.

This is French horror at its sadistic best. House of 1000 corpses meets Hostel meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Relentless, fast paced action driven by sick/slick characters and by a moody, ominous, sepia-drenched camerawork that makes you want to pause and step out of the room for a breather. Gory but not gratuitously violent, this is Xavier Gens' tour de force, a claustrophobic gorefest of a movie that ranks up there with the best of the genre. Shame the director went from flop to flop after Frontier(s).

Two couples go for a country outting, hell ensues. You've seen it all before and this tired, oft-rehashed lukewarm not-so-scary horror fare will add nothing to your knowledge. Watch it if you're dead bored with your life. Or not. Yeah, better not.

Boring + Moronic.

I'm being generous. This is so tedious, so uninspired and so subcultural it has pride of place in a Roman vomitorium.

Baloney. Humdrum, inconsequential sruff. People will like it because it is Japanese, hence exotic. In reality, this is kindergarten movie making. Had it be signed by an American director, he would've been exiled to Purgatory forever.

Reciting a fast paced dialogue means nothing except you're good at memorizing lines.

Other than that nothing. Enjoy wasting your time.

I'm talking about your money, you poor, deluded person, who paid to see this excrement in a movie theater.

Spike Lee's latest is as boring as a paper company's corporate video on office etiquette. The dude is apparently going senile.

Avoid like an expired can of baked beans.

Let me say right of the bat that I'm a big fan of all things Italian, from coffee to pasta and from theit countryside to football. So I was positively predisposed when this series landed on my lap. A horror series set in South Tirole? Senses tingling. A couple of episodes down the road and my enthusiasm had fizzed out, replaced by a moribund boredom that had me flirting with dropping the series midway. Which I did not. Hero that I am, I crucified myself, tested the limits of my patience against the puerile script and the cardboard performances of a series with a glacial pace and no end game. No spoilers intended, I will let you choose if you're sad enough - or brave enough- to watch this crappola to the end. I hope for your sake that you're smarter than me and you'll give it a hard pass.

Poor Danny Aiello, how did they get him into this piece of excrement?

How does one take an edgy theme and turn it into lukewarm oatmeal with one's spineless film direction, helped by the talentless male lead?

If you're looking for an answer to the above question, watch this movie. If not, go have a pancake at IHOP - time better spent, between you and me.

Great horror movie. Intense, pacey, fillled with dark, spooky performances, based on an inspired script.

Now imagine the exact opposite. You've just seen Z.

Italy is my idea for the best country in the solar system. The textbook example for finest food, wine, architecture, landscape, culture. Up to the 1970s I could've added cinema to the above reasons for loving Italy. Alas, Italian cinema took a nosedive in the last 3 decades with a few notable exceptions of talented auteurs - Sorrentino, Guadagnino, maybe Moretti.

Which brings me to Dogman's - and Gomorrah's - creator, Matteo Garrone. Garrone's Italy is not the Italy I love. His is an Italy steeped in cruelty, a violent dog-eat-dog arena where survival of the most ruthless is the lay of the land. Dogman is Garrone's unofficial follow-up to Gomorrah, a dark epic of friendship, betrayal, immorality, and, you guessed right, unbridled violence. A movie at once humane and inhumane, and for that reason, a rare treat for the cinephile.

Dogman is a small masterpiece and Garrone is a cane sciolto just like his anti-heroes. And he's one of the great directors of our time.

This movie is pure grit. Sandler gives an amazing performance against a script that could've been written by Bukowski. Movies don't get more painfully real than this.

There are good films, there are bad films and there are films that are convinced they belong to the Louvre when they are nought but self-indulgent, boring claptrap. You guessed right, you smarty pants film buff. The Lodge fits right into the latter category. It aims at being an intelligent, wonderfully filmed and acted, slow-burner but ends up being the intellectual equivalent of someone who ate a double portion of beans and unwittingly locked himself in a closet.

Without a doubt, mini-series of the year. This one punches under the belt when you least expect it. It will pummel you with its rawness, its realness, its claustrophobic screwedupness.

And what about Shira Haas? That gnome is the best young actress I've seen since Meryl Streep broke out in Cimino's Deer Hunter a lifetime ago. That pixie redefines acting intensity, pitting her inner demons against one another in every scene.

Watch it. Then take a deep breath and repeat.

The pros: Stunning b&w photography

The cons: -Total absence of emotional depth. The writer made no effort toward an engage storyline. -Flat characters. Everyone is like everyone else. Grey and shapeless. -Lack of emotional arc. Why am I seeing this? Are there any redeeming features to this drivel? Why should I identify with any of the zombies in the film? Why are you torturing me for krissakes?

This is vapid, self-indulgent eye-candy, totally devoid of life. And I'm being way, way too generous.

Incoherent, moralistic, obtuse. I could add a lot more negativity to the mix, but do I really need to bring the heavy artillery to a knife fight? Watch the first half hour and you'll cry your eyes out for one of the foremost wasted talents of our time: the Aronofsky of Pi and Requiem is no more; in his stead there is a confused, self-indulgent religious nut who thinks he's Moses 2.0. Once upon a time, our dear Darren could tell a stirring story. Now he's as tedious as fat-free milk.

This is an absolute firecracker of a movie. Packed with staggering performances from stars of Burt Lancaster's and Tony Curtis' magnitude, this flick sizzles for an hour and a half. Possibly a forerunner of David Mamet's work, the movie's blistering pace and its unrivaled verbal acrobatics are liable to leave punters awestruck. A gem? You bet.

Set in suburban Rome, this is the true story of Stefano Cucchi, who was arrested for possession of drugs, then fell victim to police brutality. Sounds familiar, even boring, I've-seen-it-all-before fare? Far from it, this is no white Rodney King story, there is no morale here, no heroes or anti-heroes, just a dysfunctional police & penal system and its victims. And the movie? Simply, this is one of the best films produced by the ailing Italian cinema of the 2000s. A grueling, insanely gritty, claustrophobic, intense thriller, boosted by an array of painfully brilliant performances and the documentaristic, crammed with close-ups, direction - reminiscent of Kassowitz's work in La Haine. This is an absolute tour de force. If you're even remotely interested in great storytelling, do not miss it.