kuuzo

Brendan's first special got a bit of a pass for him being a "new" comic. Well bapa, you're not new anymore, and your comedy is still terrible. I can't even talk. This was just as bad as his first special, but no more allowances for "He's a new comic". Just bad.

This documentary on the sad and broken life of Brendan Schaub pulls at the heartstrings - some would say all the heartstrings. It tells the tale of a child with developmental disabilities and a light dusting of autism who fails at everything he tries, but he never gives up. I shed many a tear before this documentary was over. 10/10.

I really don't know what to say other than I made it to minute 22 but was too embarrassed to keep going. I mean, there's bad, and then there's BAD. I'm a fan of the podcast, but this was embarrassing.

Takashi Miike of "Audition" and "Ichi the Killer" fame directed this 13th episode of the Showtime series "Masters of Horror" - apparently it was never aired in the USA because the Showtime people were horrified at the episode, and probably with good reason. I like to think that Miike intentionally parodies "Memoirs of a Geisha", and "the last samurai" with this one. He combines the two in the story of a broken down American man who goes back to Japan to find the whore he fell in love with years before - the parallels with the serious movie "The Last Samurai" are unmistakable. The outlandish and over the top crazy costumes mimic the audacity of the costuming in "Memoirs of a Geisha", and the fact that this was done in English rather than Japanese only strengthens the parallels between "Imprint" and MoaG - and yet again Youki Kudoh (who was in Moag) makes an appearance, this time as a deformed prostitute. There are great lines such as "There is nothing on this island but demons and whores", and others less fit for print, but instant classics nonetheless. There are the classic Miike elements - violence, rogue abortions, murder, and incest, and a torture scene only outdone by Audtion. I couldn't give it a full 10 because Miike doesn't seem to work well with just a 1 hour window, and the plot doesn't make for a solid and clean short story, but fans of Miike should try to get their hands on this one, it is worth a look.

This is a character driven movie in which the plot is only corollary to the actual story of a group of characters thrown together in a small town. The marginal plot involves retainers of the Shogun killing prostitutes, but what make this a memorable movie are the characters: 'Bull' - a belligerent drunken bouncer for a drinking establishment who is the spitting image (in spirit) of Toshiro Mifune - 'Aramaki' - an uncouth and dirty ronin and pimp who looks like a Japanese Benicio Del Toro - Oshin - a prostitute and barmaid - Sakichi - who is a former vassal of the local lord who sells birds for a living, and smells eternally of bird droppings, and Horo - who makes his living testing swords on dead convicts. I recommend it if you are tired of the typical range of Samurai movies, and just want an entertaining, well acted drama that just happens to have Samurai with cutting instruments.

'Ichi-1' was a no budget movie with no plot or point until the very end, and even that is simply to tie it vaguely to "Ichi the Killer". It would have served more of a purpose as source footage for some flashbacks to Ichi's past in "Ichi the Killer", rather than a full length movie. In other words, if you liked "Ichi The Killer", you really don't need to watch this movie. There are a few slightly humorous parts though - the movie seems to waver between twisted comedy and just plain twisted. It did have the actor who played "ichi" in "Ichi the Killer", and TEAH from City of Lost Souls, which helps counteract the otherwise amateurish feel of the movie - a few good actors helped float the movie even among the rest of the bad actors and the lack of purpose to this movie. I'd say watch it if you have nothing better to do and can get it real cheap, or if you just have a need to watch every Japanese movie at least once, no matter how bad (like me).

An interesting Japanese political thriller done in Tom Clancy style, focusing on the Prime Minister during a national crisis - North Korea has landed a group of military sabateurs on Japanese soil for some nefarious purposes, and as the situation grows worse, and a Japanese SWAT team is slaughtered by the NK military team, the prime minister has to decide whether or not to unleash the Japanese self defense force to counteract the threat. The story focuses primarily on 3 aspects - the prime minister, played by Ikko Furuya, as well as a group of NK spies in Tokyo, and the battle between Japanese forces and the NK military group on the ground in Japan. This has a higher quality of acting than is typical for Japanese movies, and has a real polished and professional look, it definitely has the look of a bigger budget than the run-of-the-mill Japanese movie.

What sets this movie apart from all the other millions of Yakuza movies out there is the setting - 1950's Japan. "Ando Gumi Gaiden" is the story of the rise and fall of the Ando yakuza gang, led by a quiet and intimidating Watanabe Hiroyuki as Noboru Ando, the leader, and second in command, played with overboard attitude by Aikawa Sho, is Kei Hanagata, the fearless, brutal, and by the end of the movie, probably crazy, gangster who can get hit, punched, stabbed or shot, and all it does is make him mad. Although the unrealistic antics of Aikawa Sho's character work against the movie, a vaguely interesting plot, an impressive and imposing Watanabe hiroyuki, and the fact that the movie takes place in the more colorful and interesting 1950's Japan help to set this movie apart from the rest.

Shin Jingi Naki Tatakai may be a little slow and lacking in action for most, but what it misses in this area is made up by the stylish combination of the soundtrack and cinematography that you don't find in the typical Japanese Yakuza movies. Director Junji Sakamoto uses the music to add directly to the scenes, much like Quentin Tarrantino (and keep an eye out for the scene that inspired the slow-motion walk of Lucy Liu and her cronies near the end of Kill Bill), to great effect. Unfortunately this is only done in a few scenes. The movie is ostensibly a story about two childhood friends who end up taking different paths in life - one becomes a Yakuza, and another a businessman who despises Yakuza and all they stand for. However, there is little interaction or connection between the two until almost the end of the movie, as if them growing up together was little more than a footnote. A better than average Yakuza movie, although slower than many. Not the best Yakuza film out there by any means, but worth a look for the few stylized scenes that interplay perfectly with the soundtrack.

A very simple and skelletal plot and lots of slightly illogical events make up "Donor", directed by Masato Sasaki. Yuka, a brand new nurse to Kamioka hospital, finds herself in a very strange set of circumstances - random violent hysterectomies about, yet strangely enough, the Hospital director nor her doctor husband seem to have any interest in finding out just what is going on. Yuka stumbles on strange experiments involving the stolen uteri, but rather than get the heck out of the hospital like any normal person, she decides to stay to solve the mystery. With this movie, one is left to ask a few questions - why is it always nighttime? Why does the entire hospital only seem to employ 2 doctors and 4 nurses? Perhaps because the hospital only seems to have one patient or so? There are lots of little illogical things going on here. Did the director run out of money before he could hire some extras? Did he only get the hospital to film in for one night? Does it matter? A very formulaic horror plot, only worth a look if you are into low budget Japanese horror movies.

Although the title sounds like it came from an '80s dance movie or a low-budget porn, "Muscle Heat" is actually a fairly decent action movie. Starring Kane Kosugi as Joe (son of Sho Kosugi), it takes place in Tokyo in 2009, although isn't really far out enough to be considered sci-fi. Joe is a US marine who is courtmartialed for refusing to follow orders (revolving around shooting kids), and he is set free by Aikawa Show, who plays Japanese detective Aguri Katsuragi, and given "amnesty" (for reasons that are unclear) to go to Japan (which is in a severe depression and has pretty much gone to hell) to work with Aguri in stopping the illegal drug trade in "blood heat", a powerful and addictive drug, and stopping the lead dealer, Rai (played by Masayo Kato, from Beat Takeshi's "Brother", and Takashi Miike's "Araburu Tamashitachi"). Even though Kane's acting ability consists of a permanent scowl, the actions scenes are good, solid martial arts fighting, and good gunfight action, reminiscent of "Returner". The Sledgehammer fight scene at the end is something new, and worth a look. Not much in the way of complicated plot, but Aikawa Show is always worth a look when he is shooting people, and even though Kane Kosugi isn't much of an actor, he knows how to throw an impressive kick. And keep an eye out for Takenaka Naoto, who plays a greasy street bookie - I swear that guy is in every Japanese movie ever made...

Kyohansha (Accomplice) stars Takenaka Naoto as "Carlos", a good natured yet brutal Brazillian mafioso who comes back to Japan after 8 years in Brazil to retrieve money money owed him from the Ando Yakuza gang. He ends up saving Satomi, a poor abused ramen shop waitress from her abusive husband, and she ends up tagging along, becoming an accomplice on his murderous rampage to get his money back (hence the title). The highlight of the otherwise standard Yakuza crime drama are the colorful characters, particularly the two hit men who are hired to eliminate Carlos before he can get his money back - two bleach-blonde Japanese brothers who are cold blooded killers, one of which has a habit of throwing in all sorts of jive English phrases as he speaks. Worth a look just for the hit men, I recommend it, although it isn't what I would call a "great" movie. Also of note, "Mako" (from all the old Jackie Chan movies) even makes a guest appearance as a Brazillian police agent.

The famed Japanese swordsman Musashi of the 17th century (played by Motoki Masahiro) is not the violent yet philosophical Ronin that has been the typical version played out in every "Musashi" movie to date - This time he is a vulgar, violent, unintelligent and crude bully, with the personality of an insane homeless bum who is the center of his own megalomaniacal universe.

The movie focuses on a small (yet arguably the most famous) episode in his life - the duel with Sasaki Kojiro on Ganryu island. The way the characters are presented, Musashi is easily tagged as the villain, with Sasaki Kojiro as the honorable hero, however a new and almost comedic twist on the duel at the island, and the philosophical ending allows Miyamoto Musashi to retain his respected place in history. Not a great movie, however anyone with an interest in the swordsman should take a look at this interesting take on Musashi.

Basicaly, a bunch of "SMAP - The Next Generation" young hip, tanned, and hair-dyed Tokyo dialect speaking guys and one girl for good measure dressed in costumes from the video game 'samurai spirits' are raised in the mountains by "Jii" - a cross between Grizzly Adams and Master Splinter, who also happened to have fought at the battle of Sekigahara years before. Now picture this ragtag group of sword wielding pretty boys and girl on a mission to kill Kato Kiyomasa, played by Takenaka Naoto, then throw in the requisite transvestite swordmaster in a white kimono, a triple-barreled sengoku shotgun and a flying monkey from "The Wizard of Oz", and you have the makings of a really bad movie.

This is one movie that needs to be released in the West, it is a hardcore dark violent drama, not the typical cartoony Miike. This is probably one of the better Miike movies I've seen, no bizarre cartoon violence or strange events, a straight up yakuza crime violence extravaganza, and apparently a remake of a 1975 movie of the same name. Definitely better than the sort of dragging Araburu Tamashitachi. The lead character Ishimatsu is played by Kishitani Goro, the bad guy from "Returner". In an interview on the DVD, Miike said he wanted to make a movie about a man who didn't learn to be a Yakuza by becoming a Yakuza, but who was born that way... The main character is BAD, far worse than "Ichi the Killer's" Kakihara. Whereas Kakihara is a sort of good-natured amoral sado-masochist, Ishimatsu is a bad natured insane sociopathic drug addict killer rapist. Lots of corpses in this one, men, women, doesn't matter to Ishimatsu. Even more corpses than Ichi the killer or Dead or Alive, and some real violent and realistic knife kills and handgun assassinations, pipe beatings, and other fun. Not for people who shy away from realistic violence and sadism.

'Embalming' is the story of Miyako, a woman who decides to become an embalmer after being moved by the life-like look of her mother's embalmed corpse after it is returned to her family from overseas.

Miyako finds herself drawn into a strange mystery when the head of a suicide victim she embalms is cut off and stolen. Not a particularly interesting movie on its own, but is interesting insofar as the way the practice is portrayed socially - embalming isn't done much in Japan, and seems to still be an oddity.

A very graphic embalming scene and several shots of severed limbs makes this a movie you'd want to watch only if you have a strong stomach.

Not nearly as good as the first movie, but not a bad movie. It did steal outright from Saving Private Ryan and Band of Brothers for the battle scenes, including an assault on a fortified beach with rubber rafts, and cgi tracers and blood and hardcore battle soundeffects, all done with the same type of highspeed handheld cameras used in SPR and BOB. Also, there was a little too much melodrama in this one. Action doesn't always mix with melodrama ('there is so much we haven't done in life yet, why are we fighting here??' type dialogue gets old quick). The first movie was far more balanced in that regard.

Basically, the newest lucky group has to assault the island stronghold of Nanahara Shuya's "wild seven" terrorist group (the survivor from the original movie). Shuya is now an idealistic yet slightly crazy terrorist leader, played effectively and convincingly by Tatsuya Fujiwara. This time, the rules are a bit different. Boys and girls are paired, and if one dies, the collar on the other blows up, or if the pair goes more than 50 meters apart, they blow up. The only way to get out alive is for the group to kill Shuya. And the man in charge this time is Riki Takeuchi - reprising the similar role from the previous movie done by Kitano Takeshi.

All in all, good special effects, but more action than engaging story.

Fairly light on plot, but has some interesting characters (and good actors). What sets this apart from a pure B movie are the fight scenes, which are well done, in real close with what appear to be fast motion hand-held cameras, which makes the fights the best part. If anyone has time to kill, I'd recommend it. Just don't expect a storyline with any deep meaning.