cblakeJoey

IMDb member since January 2004
    Lifetime Total
    10+
    IMDb Member
    20 years

Reviews

Poltergeist
(2015)

Just Stupid
I am so sorry I took the time to see this film, despite the warnings. Not only was this an unnecessary remake, but a bad version at that. The characters in this film were written to be a lot more depressing and far more stupid. Not to mention not relatable. Sam Rockwell and Rosemarie DeWitt had zero chemistry. A lot of what made the original film exciting and fun was completely lost in this version. The tree wasn't that scary and neither was the clown. The kids were horribly annoying and the parents were two depressing, unemployed saps. If I didn't know better, I would've assumed Tyler Perry wrote the script. I thought the decision to have the annoying son take on some of the mom's responsibilities from the original film was the final straw for me. This was a poor man's version of Poltergeist and I would tell anyone not to waist your money on it. This movie SUCKED!

Nightcrawler
(2014)

Creepy As Hell
I had to give this film a five because who gives a ten to a film that leaves you feeling creepy. Jake Gyllenhaal did a great job and I wouldn't be shocked if the right people thought he was Oscar worthy, but this film made me want to back away from the theater slowly.

Louis Bloom is the person smart people cross the street to get away from. His sociopathic moves throughout the movie made me wonder why I ever thought he might be portrayed as an under dog at some major turning point in the story. Boy was I wrong. I would say this movie was good because it left you feeling something and because Gyllenhaal will, without doubt, make you believe he is this character.

If you're looking for a feel good movie, don't see this. I would even recommend Gone Girl before this film. I literally feel sexually violated by the film. Now excuse me while I sit in a shower for the next hour, washing the memory of Night Crawler out of my brain.

Ground Floor
(2013)

This Show is so Stupid
O M G. I only knew about this show because I like to catch old reruns of Married With Children on the notoriously unfunny channel, TBS. Due to the ridiculous storyline, I knew I would not be carving out time to catch this dullard of a comedy, any time soon. One boring day, I thought it would be convenient to watch an episode on Comcast ONDEMAND. At least I could fast forward through the boring parts if it got stupid.

I eventually had to turn it off. I saw the episode where that guy from Spring Awakening had to decide between going to a baseball game with his boss and going to the game with that girl on the ground floor. Needless to say, I will never know what he did because I couldn't take the cheap puns and ridiculous overacting. The supporting, no name actors probably get stuck with the worst material. But hey, we all have to make a buck don't we.

I will say that I like the fact that the producers choose to cast a beautiful lead actress that isn't the size of a pencil. I think that Skylar guy from Pitch Perfect would be more believable if they had cast him as the gay best friend. Anyway, the show sucks, find something on cable that would make you laugh. Peace

Mama
(2013)

Mama has flaws, but great concept
I really liked this movie and the concept for it was original. I think this film makes the viewer think about what the characteristics are of being a mother. What sort of instincts we as woman can display and what kind of connections can be made with a child, even if you're a terrifying ghost.

Del Toro will always put his name on a good thriller surrounding small children. This movie had all the thrills of a scary movie and the elements fright used in the film had everyone in my theater on the edge of the seat. The movie waist no time getting into the meat of the story.

There are flaws in the film and it does have to do with plot holes. The director could have worked these holes out with other writers......like Del Toro perhaps. The back story had the hugest gap of all.

Regardless, it was better than 'Don't be Afraid of the Dark', and I will be seeing this film again.

Kitchen Confidential
(2005)

Reason for cancellation, not confidential
The only thing that felt right about this was it's cancellation.

I was curious about this show so I decided to check out a few episodes and ended up watching them all. While I will openly admit that the show was funny and witty, the show was a little much and ultimately doomed to fail.

Bradley Cooper is pure eye candy. I could stare at him all day. But his character's womanizing got old real quick. The episodes quickly became repetitious and I couldn't possibly imagine where they would take the characters down the road. The humor really reminded me of Scrubs (which I do like).

In fact, I think the lacking aspect that killed this show's dynamic (which separate's it from Scrubs) was the lack of diversity. Everyone except John Cho was white,and he was a recurring character. It made watching it a bit bland and disorienting.

It felt so strange seeing the makeup of the cast. All the characters seemed similar and cliché. It was also a strange mix of actors. I've never minded Jaime King before but I couldn't stand her as the "dumber than a brick wall" hostess. The feminist daughter of the owner who can't keep her bra burning long enough to avoid giving into Jack. The womanizing British guy that made the funny faces. And the (now) pudgy guy from Buffy the vampire slayer who plays the weird dessert chef.

I felt like this show wasn't meant to be and was an atrocity to exist in first place. I don't think I would have continued watching it, even if it did stay on.

Drag Me to Hell
(2009)

Sam Raimi, you've still got it!
To start, Evil Dead 2 is one of my most favorite movie's of all time.

Still, I was very reserved about expecting anything great out of this one. Thinking that Sam and his brother had a little to much time on their hands and wanted to make some extra cash with this. Drag me to Hell was, bottom line, awesome! Again, I wasn't expecting to be impressed but this movie put me in a great mood when I left the theater. This movie isn't an extension of Evil Dead but the trademark Sam Raimi tactics are there: (1) Starts out with a simple scenario, this time with a woman refusing a house loan extension. (2) Shocking scare tactics. With Raimi, the scary stuff never comes with a warning. (3) Squirting blood, possessed animals and flying demon people. This was just fun and great.

Plus, you're never meant to like his main characters (aka, Ash from Evil Dead) but you can at least respect them for what they do to get out of they're predicament.

I'll respect the opinions of people who did not appreciate this film BUT this was a great piece of work to see! Thanks Raimi.

Woman on Top
(2000)

Penelope at her best
As picky as I am with films, this is a movie that warms my heart. As a woman, I hate mushy love stories, especially those about girl loses man, girl chases man. Woman on Top is a sweet movie, and (almost) perfect to watch after a break up.

What makes this movie stand out is how Penelope Cruz portrays the main character with believable strength. Isabelle (Cruz) is a cook from Brazil who finds that her husband is less that faithful. Feeling unappreciated, she makes a bold decision to be out on her own, and from there the movie becomes magically. The supporting cast is enjoyable as well.

One other stand out point would be the music. It added such flavor to the tone of the story that you just can't help but smile at the end of this film. You won't regret watching it.

Knowing
(2009)

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid
Warning: Stupid Character Alert! I went into this movie with no other expectation than to get my money's worth. If I had gotten a penny back for every time I rolled my eyes at this, I would have gotten my money back ten fold.

While the concept isn't completely ludicrous, the characters and what happens next are. I'm so sick of writers using the death of a parent or spouse as a reason to excuse the odd behavior of the main characters. I couldn't relate to or sympathize with Nic Cage's character or his son. Not to mention that his son was one of the stupidest child characters I have seen yet in a movie.

What's one word I would use to describe this movie: Forgettable. The concept of world tragedies being predicted is great. The story could have gone in many directions but don't let such information fall into the hands of an alcoholic Nic Cage. You risk a balding actor trying to play superman in a bunch stupid detective, rescue sequences.

I can't name one character in this movie who I could actually stand to watch for more than a minute. The producers throw a decent concept at the viewers and add dumb, melodramatic characters making non-logical decisions. Only to give us an Anagnorist type ending. This movie was dumb to the core.

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
(2007)

Tim Burton, How dare you!
I'm giving this movie a 4 out of 10 due to the cinematography, but that's about all the good I can say.

Tim Burton, you have NO business making musicals.

There have been a lot of film adaptations of musicals in the past and some have been good (i.e. Chicago) and some have been bad (Chris Columbus' Rent, thanks Rosario). It's the good ones that have set the bar for the bad ones. I will say tho, that if this wasn't a musical, I might have liked Burton's take on the this story a bit better.

Where do I start? How about the horrendous vocals. I'm so tired of Hollywood thinking anyone can sing. Most certainly not Helena Bonham Carter. None of the actors, and I mean none, would have gotten a part in the theater version of this. Some could argue that Johnny Depp can sing but I doubt he'd make it to the top ten of American Idol. I really kept comparing the vocals to the Angela Lansbury stage version of the production. Neither Depp nor Carter even compare to the original stage recording. I guess it pays to sleep with the director.

There was nothing animated about this movie and the characters were as dead as what was cooking in their meat pies. I don't know that anyone should have their name next to Director because there's no directing going on in the movie, NADA. There is hardly any movement during the songs, it's almost awkwardly weird.

I hate when directors have this "anything goes" attitude. I've always had an open mind about Tim Burton, but him dishing out this version of Sweeney Todd and expecting anyone to enjoy it is like wrapping s**t in a bag and selling it to us for $10.50. Anyone who enjoys this movie may have little to no experience with musicals.

Surf's Up
(2007)

Very Cute
Though this may not be the best movie I seen. I definitely enjoyed myself the whole time. I'm not a kids movie person and since I've turned 17, rated R movies are all I'm really into.

I've loved the documentary style of the filming. That bought a special twist to the telling of the story. It's not a long movie and the story progresses quickly. I really loved the characters and the voices for each of them were right on. A really fun movie with an inspiration message for everyone. "If you have a dream, go with it!"

Also, check out the soundtrack which features a really great song by Lauren Hill.

Spider-Man 3
(2007)

Please no MORE
This wasn't a horrible movie, but making another would be like beating dead horse. Riding on the success of the first 2 Spiderman movies, I think it's damn near impossible to do much better. Though I love Sam Raimi and typically back him on just about every project he does (pending good reason of course), he would be making a fool of himself trying to make anymore Spiderman films.

Episode 3 finds us with Spidy facing more personal issues and even more bad guys. I was thrilled with the fact that Raimi choose to have more than one bad guy for the film, in fact it's about time. I hated that he cast Topher Grace as Venom when there was a much more physically qualified actor playing Flash in the first one. That decision I will never understand. I was expecting worse from the story lines but they were actually okay. Bottom line, I pray that Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst put their feet down about not making another Spiderman, they deserve better. But knowing the production companies, they will probably dangle a couple of juicy carrots in front of both of them to get them back. We shall see.

The Reaping
(2007)

eh!
I am so sorry that I saw this movie, what a waste of time. I saw this movie the night after I saw Grindhouse and could not believe what snoozer this was. Hillary Swank must have been desperate for money, or the Oscar curse is now sinking in for her. The story, in case you don't know is about a former missionary turned professor that tries to prove religious miracles to be no more than hoax.

I kept waiting for this movie to kick off with something interesting. The beginning got my attention but the rest of the movie was just TOO BORING. I could see the twist at the end coming a mile away and was so happy when the credits came up. The characters were non dimenional, the special effects were okay, but in the end, it just felt like a film about cults. Nothing new. Please wait to rent this if you really want to see it. You'll be upset you wasted your money.

Dreamgirls
(2006)

Great Film, Mediocre Beyonce!
Beyonce sure is lucky to have been given the chance to be in this film. Great cinematography and wonderful direction. The shinning stars were truly Eddie Murphy and Jennifer Hudson who were just the show stoppers.

Beyonce and Jamie Foxx were riding high on their coat tails. The flow of the movie from scene to scene is very similar to that of Chicago and a similar formula is used to tell the story. Some of the songs like "Step into the Bad Side" are songs that you can't help but get into, especially if you have a musical theater background yourself.

It's terribly ironic that Beyonce's song "Listen" is the one that is being pushed on the radio when the HUGE song in the movie is Jennifer Hudson's "And I am telling you I'm not going". I guess the only way to justify Hudson not getting top billing in both the titles and the song is to say that she is the movie's best kept secret once you walk into the theaters.

I can let the golden globes slide, but if Beyonce gets a best actress nod instead of Hudson, all will be lost in the film industry. Enjoy the film.

The Hamiltons
(2006)

Snoozer B-movie
This is the second movie I saw for Horrorfest this past weekend, The Gravedancers being the first. Gravedancers was better. I can only guess from watching this that the production must have been quite limited. I will admit the story started out interesting but really fizzled for me in the end. We weren't really given time to sympathize or understand any of the characters which only made each of their erratic characteristics even more annoying. I have to mention that there was also a bit of mis-casting with a 12-year-old boy acting as Sheriff. The only reason I sat through the whole film was to find out what the big secret was, which turned out to not be all that interesting. Some more background about the family would have helped but they didn't really seem like a family at all to begin with.

To me, this film is so amateur that I couldn't even see putting it on DVD. The four rating is for the initial potential the story might have had. This was one to skip for horrorfest.

Poseidon
(2006)

Not as bad as people say
Before seeing this movie, I couldn't help but read some of the reviews people had already put up. I was pleasantly surprised to see that unlike the people that reviewed how bad "American Haunting" was, most were wrong.

I liked Poseidon and thought that the visual effects were great. Yes the story of each of the characters were lacking but I almost really didn't care to know some of their stories in the first place. Some of the scenes really did have me on the edge of my seat and if I didn't know better, this movie would probably keep me off an ocean liner.

No, this wasn't any Titanic (thank GOD) but it was entertaining for an hour and a half and quite worth seeing at the IMAX. I would recommend this movie for anyone just looking for a good time. (On a side note, some people were clapping when the movie ended).

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