mvidac
Lifetime Total
1+
IMDb Member
20 years
Reviews
Poseidon (2006)
A disaster (of a) film!
99 minutes of my life I'll never get back ...
Hey Hollywood ... how 'bout I just bend over next time?
Wow! Where to begin? What a pathetic excuse for a movie! I just read through about 12 of the pages and it's comforting to know I'm not alone in feeling this way.
Though I am worried about the very few who raved about it especially the guy (see page 15) who had seen it 3 times and was going back for a 4th ... a 4th!!! Let's see ... 396 minutes of this joker's life given to this movie (that's 6.6 hours to you and me, Russ) not to mention the money. Are you kidding? Did you just receive the gift of sight after a life of blindness? Were you raised by apes in the jungle? Wolves in the forest? Don't have movies on your planet? What could it be?
First of all, why, why, why remake this? Laziness? Apathy? Maybe it was a dare. Whatever you do, DON'T bother to create characters and write a script! What a waste of budget that would be. Please spend it on obviously overdone CGI! What a miserable cast! I honestly didn't care if one single person made it out alive! In fact, I was rooting for Josh Lucas' overdone jaded gambler to bite it every step of the way! Note to Mr. Lucas: Matthew McConaughey called and he wants you to stop trying to be him!
The only character I had one iota of concern for was Valentin (Freddy Rodriguez) who is promptly killed by Richard Dreyfous to save himself just moments after having one leg over the railing in an 'I'm-despondent-because-my-lover-left-me' sulk. Wait! Maybe he was just disgusted that Fergie was the musical act of the evening! Come to think of it I might have sought other options myself ...
So, you've got this meager cast of characters who you know only enough of not to like. Kurt Russell's character's daughter is a spoiled brat who immediately let's you know she will not be 'patronized' and had a miserable childhood with a father who was mayor of New York. Pity. Nope. Don't care if she or her fiancé make it especially after the straight-from- daytime-soaps scene in the end! "I need you to tell me you love me," he says as he dawdles so long before diving down to go turn off the propellers (they're only hope at this point) that Kurt Russell gets tired of waiting and sacrifices himself! Perhaps it was the bad acting that made him take the plunge. Who knows?
Then there was the kid with the bad haircut and the tendency to wander off. *Sigh* I won't even go there.
Within minutes the ship hits the wave and flips all with absolutely no warning yet the bridge is loaded with the most modern system out there. All we get is a 'did you feel that?' and then confirmation via binoculars that sure enough, death approaches in the form of an unannounced 'rouge wave!' Sound the alarm!
Now we're upside down. The special effects were decent and it was exciting but it's over in seconds. When the dust settles we're left with a ballroom with chandeliers on the floor, bodies and debris everywhere but something's missing ... what could it be ... Oh!!! The Christmas TREE!!! The enormous tree that was conveniently bolted to the ground hanging from the now ceiling which allowed the original cast to climb out is not there!!! Here we go again, Hollywood. For the love of God oops! sorry! let's not offend anyone! 'We can't have a Christmas tree! Other religions will complain!" I don't care if it was a giant menorah or if they shimmied up Buddhas face! That was a major scene in the original! Tsk! Tsk!
Once out of the ballroom, the start button on the video game is pressed and we march on, obstacle after obstacle to the bottom now the top of the boat so we can get out and BR rescued. Make a bridge, climb, jump, swing over the pit of fire ... all that was missing were power pellets and warp zones! Every now and then someone dies. Whoopie! Cross another one off. Who had money on someone panicking in the air shaft? You win!
We almost lose haircut boy but to no avail. Jaded gambler guy comes to his rescue probably only so he can bag his mother if and when they do make it out of there. Finally we lose Kurt Russell who either drowns or his body rejects his face-lift. Can't really tell. Again, don't care. Never did. One more gone. Check! However, he manages to reverse the engines as he breathes his last, thus subjecting us to the rest for a little while longer.
Not so long story short, they jam the propellers and climb out to fresh air. And wouldn't you know it? Magically there is a lifeboat just floating there! What?!? What?!? Someone must have entered a cheat code! I'm sorry but this can't be serious!! Why not just have another cruise ship just happen by, scoop them up and they can carry on celebrating the new year? Better yet, how about that alien we mentioned earlier swing by in his UFO and take them back to his planet where they can live forever as gods!
Whaaaaaaa????
Preposterous! Absurd! Ridiculous! Downright laughable!
They fire a flare and within seconds two helicopters appear and we are finally rescued from our personal disaster!
What a waste! Everyone involved should be ashamed! Save your time and money!
Go watch the original!
... the one with 'adventure' in the title for a reason!!
Hey Hollywood ... how 'bout I just bend over next time?
Wow! Where to begin? What a pathetic excuse for a movie! I just read through about 12 of the pages and it's comforting to know I'm not alone in feeling this way.
Though I am worried about the very few who raved about it especially the guy (see page 15) who had seen it 3 times and was going back for a 4th ... a 4th!!! Let's see ... 396 minutes of this joker's life given to this movie (that's 6.6 hours to you and me, Russ) not to mention the money. Are you kidding? Did you just receive the gift of sight after a life of blindness? Were you raised by apes in the jungle? Wolves in the forest? Don't have movies on your planet? What could it be?
First of all, why, why, why remake this? Laziness? Apathy? Maybe it was a dare. Whatever you do, DON'T bother to create characters and write a script! What a waste of budget that would be. Please spend it on obviously overdone CGI! What a miserable cast! I honestly didn't care if one single person made it out alive! In fact, I was rooting for Josh Lucas' overdone jaded gambler to bite it every step of the way! Note to Mr. Lucas: Matthew McConaughey called and he wants you to stop trying to be him!
The only character I had one iota of concern for was Valentin (Freddy Rodriguez) who is promptly killed by Richard Dreyfous to save himself just moments after having one leg over the railing in an 'I'm-despondent-because-my-lover-left-me' sulk. Wait! Maybe he was just disgusted that Fergie was the musical act of the evening! Come to think of it I might have sought other options myself ...
So, you've got this meager cast of characters who you know only enough of not to like. Kurt Russell's character's daughter is a spoiled brat who immediately let's you know she will not be 'patronized' and had a miserable childhood with a father who was mayor of New York. Pity. Nope. Don't care if she or her fiancé make it especially after the straight-from- daytime-soaps scene in the end! "I need you to tell me you love me," he says as he dawdles so long before diving down to go turn off the propellers (they're only hope at this point) that Kurt Russell gets tired of waiting and sacrifices himself! Perhaps it was the bad acting that made him take the plunge. Who knows?
Then there was the kid with the bad haircut and the tendency to wander off. *Sigh* I won't even go there.
Within minutes the ship hits the wave and flips all with absolutely no warning yet the bridge is loaded with the most modern system out there. All we get is a 'did you feel that?' and then confirmation via binoculars that sure enough, death approaches in the form of an unannounced 'rouge wave!' Sound the alarm!
Now we're upside down. The special effects were decent and it was exciting but it's over in seconds. When the dust settles we're left with a ballroom with chandeliers on the floor, bodies and debris everywhere but something's missing ... what could it be ... Oh!!! The Christmas TREE!!! The enormous tree that was conveniently bolted to the ground hanging from the now ceiling which allowed the original cast to climb out is not there!!! Here we go again, Hollywood. For the love of God oops! sorry! let's not offend anyone! 'We can't have a Christmas tree! Other religions will complain!" I don't care if it was a giant menorah or if they shimmied up Buddhas face! That was a major scene in the original! Tsk! Tsk!
Once out of the ballroom, the start button on the video game is pressed and we march on, obstacle after obstacle to the bottom now the top of the boat so we can get out and BR rescued. Make a bridge, climb, jump, swing over the pit of fire ... all that was missing were power pellets and warp zones! Every now and then someone dies. Whoopie! Cross another one off. Who had money on someone panicking in the air shaft? You win!
We almost lose haircut boy but to no avail. Jaded gambler guy comes to his rescue probably only so he can bag his mother if and when they do make it out of there. Finally we lose Kurt Russell who either drowns or his body rejects his face-lift. Can't really tell. Again, don't care. Never did. One more gone. Check! However, he manages to reverse the engines as he breathes his last, thus subjecting us to the rest for a little while longer.
Not so long story short, they jam the propellers and climb out to fresh air. And wouldn't you know it? Magically there is a lifeboat just floating there! What?!? What?!? Someone must have entered a cheat code! I'm sorry but this can't be serious!! Why not just have another cruise ship just happen by, scoop them up and they can carry on celebrating the new year? Better yet, how about that alien we mentioned earlier swing by in his UFO and take them back to his planet where they can live forever as gods!
Whaaaaaaa????
Preposterous! Absurd! Ridiculous! Downright laughable!
They fire a flare and within seconds two helicopters appear and we are finally rescued from our personal disaster!
What a waste! Everyone involved should be ashamed! Save your time and money!
Go watch the original!
... the one with 'adventure' in the title for a reason!!
Xanadu (1980)
In Xanadu did ONJ a campy guilty pleasure film decree!
C'mon ... all you people who insist on slamming this movie. Tell me, were you duped into thinking you were going to see something of Oscar caliber or did you know going in that it was a musical roller-skating fantasy? Yeah, bad acting abounded and the plot line may have had its issues if you're going to critique it but I'll bet you caught yourself tapping your feet along to the music more than once.
I saw this movie when I was about 8. I fell in love with it. I remember leaving the theater and wanting to be ONJ. I had the ribbons in my hair and I spent countless hours skating in the kitchen to the soundtrack. For years I thought I was odd but as time passes, I encounter more and more people who adore this film. It's good to know I'm not alone.
Now I have it on DVD and the soundtrack on CD. I still get that same feeling whenever I watch it or hear the music and THAT'S what it's all about. Try watching it one more time. Throw out your criticisms and opinions and watch it for what it is, pure entertainment - something that rarely exists these days in such an innocent and pure form.
Here's to all those who get it!!!
I saw this movie when I was about 8. I fell in love with it. I remember leaving the theater and wanting to be ONJ. I had the ribbons in my hair and I spent countless hours skating in the kitchen to the soundtrack. For years I thought I was odd but as time passes, I encounter more and more people who adore this film. It's good to know I'm not alone.
Now I have it on DVD and the soundtrack on CD. I still get that same feeling whenever I watch it or hear the music and THAT'S what it's all about. Try watching it one more time. Throw out your criticisms and opinions and watch it for what it is, pure entertainment - something that rarely exists these days in such an innocent and pure form.
Here's to all those who get it!!!