xposipx
Lifetime Total
25+
IMDb Member
19 years
Lists
Ranking The Texas Chainsaw Massacre FranchiseHalloween movie ranked from best to worst.
Ranking the Child's Play Franchise from Best to Worst
Paranormal Activity Movies Ranked Best to Worst
2019 Best Picture Academy Awards Ranked From Best to Worst
Saw movies ranked from best to worst
A Nightmare on Elm Street Film Ranks
Hellraiser movies ranked from best to worst
Hannibal Lecter Movies Ranked
Scream Movies Ranked Best to Worst
See more
Reviews
Worst Laid Plans (2022)
There's Worse
I've spent time watching worse lo-budget anthologies before. This one should be titled "Are You Afraid of the Dark? For Adults:.
It has a silly vibe and is not scary at all whatsoever. However, everything is passable overall. The first two shorts especially have potential and could be good with some minor adjustments. The third is weak and forgettable.
There's a solid effort and decent anthology hidden in here somewhere, but it just falls short due to the lack of budget and scares. The first short, especially, is unique and had some decent acting and a fun premise.
Overall, I wouldn't deter anyone from giving it a chance.
It has a silly vibe and is not scary at all whatsoever. However, everything is passable overall. The first two shorts especially have potential and could be good with some minor adjustments. The third is weak and forgettable.
There's a solid effort and decent anthology hidden in here somewhere, but it just falls short due to the lack of budget and scares. The first short, especially, is unique and had some decent acting and a fun premise.
Overall, I wouldn't deter anyone from giving it a chance.
10/31 Part 2 (2019)
Worth a watch
I purchased this to upgrade to free shipping from Scream Team. I'm pretty glad I did overall. It's a cool company and I was in a perfect mood for some fun horror shorts. That's exactly what you get, for the most part.
The trailers were OK - nothing great and maybe one chuckle or two.
The first short is the highlight of the movie. "A Samhain Liturgy" is one of the better shorts I have seen in a long time. It's a horror/comedy mix as most of these are, but does it really well. It's a simple, familiar formula done well. What makes it work is the acting. It's well above average for the budget. 8/10
The second short, "Dead Lift," is well-paced and starts off creepy and fun. The climax was a bit corny, but then the ending redeemed it. Again, good acting, but needed some more polishing. 7/10
Unfortunately, the last two dropped off a bit. The third is a pure parody that's relatively funny, but nor particularly special or memorable. It's also the first glimpse into (purposeful) bad acting. The kid was annoying, but not in a good way. 5/10
The last segment, to me, was useless and contended to be serious, I think? It was displaced and pretty hard to watch. 2/10.
I was actually torn between a 6/10 and 7/10. I'm not sure I'll recommend it or watch it again, but it made for a pretty fun night overall and is good, indie horror done right. It's just a shame the last segment was a bit of a throwaway.
The trailers were OK - nothing great and maybe one chuckle or two.
The first short is the highlight of the movie. "A Samhain Liturgy" is one of the better shorts I have seen in a long time. It's a horror/comedy mix as most of these are, but does it really well. It's a simple, familiar formula done well. What makes it work is the acting. It's well above average for the budget. 8/10
The second short, "Dead Lift," is well-paced and starts off creepy and fun. The climax was a bit corny, but then the ending redeemed it. Again, good acting, but needed some more polishing. 7/10
Unfortunately, the last two dropped off a bit. The third is a pure parody that's relatively funny, but nor particularly special or memorable. It's also the first glimpse into (purposeful) bad acting. The kid was annoying, but not in a good way. 5/10
The last segment, to me, was useless and contended to be serious, I think? It was displaced and pretty hard to watch. 2/10.
I was actually torn between a 6/10 and 7/10. I'm not sure I'll recommend it or watch it again, but it made for a pretty fun night overall and is good, indie horror done right. It's just a shame the last segment was a bit of a throwaway.
Taking Tiger Mountain (1983)
Nude Bill Paxton and Other Stuff
If this plainly starred Paxton and did not contain the real sex scene and nudity, no one would care if it got lost in the shuffle. However, Vinegar Syndrome cleaned it up and brought us an amazing transfer. Sadly, the movie watches just as it sounds.
The visuals can be nice here and there and the basic plot is fine, but the gap in production and drug-induced student film style is apparent throughout. What begins as interesting quickly turns to double-subbed audio of a "big brother" type broadcasting news over the infrequent dialogue.
The rest is just a muddled mess of random ideas that may or may not have been in the original script (if there even was one). Unfortunately, this is just a blip in history that, to me, was a waste of the efforts of the good people at Vinegar Syndrome.
The visuals can be nice here and there and the basic plot is fine, but the gap in production and drug-induced student film style is apparent throughout. What begins as interesting quickly turns to double-subbed audio of a "big brother" type broadcasting news over the infrequent dialogue.
The rest is just a muddled mess of random ideas that may or may not have been in the original script (if there even was one). Unfortunately, this is just a blip in history that, to me, was a waste of the efforts of the good people at Vinegar Syndrome.
Against the Night (2017)
Narrow miss
For a low budget modern horror movie, the production quality is great, the acting is good enough, and the premise works.
Where does it go wrong then?
First, it's not scary. There is no suspense and the movie takes itself seriously, so there should be some.
Second, the death sequences are dry and lame. The screen will go black and someone will randomly go missing. That's it. No payoff, no terror.
Third, they rely on the found footage aspect when it's not needed. The a/v is well done otherwise and this does not make it more effective. The majority of the movie ends up being a plain black screen about 25 minutes in.
This could have been successful, but falls completely flat.
Where does it go wrong then?
First, it's not scary. There is no suspense and the movie takes itself seriously, so there should be some.
Second, the death sequences are dry and lame. The screen will go black and someone will randomly go missing. That's it. No payoff, no terror.
Third, they rely on the found footage aspect when it's not needed. The a/v is well done otherwise and this does not make it more effective. The majority of the movie ends up being a plain black screen about 25 minutes in.
This could have been successful, but falls completely flat.
Person to Person (2017)
Unimpressed
I was intrigued by the trailer and looked forward to viewing Person to Person for quite a while. Perhaps it's my fault for having high expectations, but this fell completely flat.
I love Woody Allen movies. For whatever reason, I expected this to be rival some of Allen's recent work with witty, humorous dialogue that goes by quickly with a smart theme. Person to Person includes neither. It's empty, illogical, and boring.
This may sound like a compliment, but I mean it in the worst way possible: The movie flows like a mixture of a Todd Solondz movie mixed with Jim Jarmusch. However, it lacks the awkward sleaziness of Solondz and the uniqueness of most Jarmusch films.
The story follows multiple New Yorkers throughout one day - this has been done before many times and more successfully. Michael Cera and his story shines while the others relentlessly drag on. I lost interest in every other character pretty early on. The writing is mediocre and many of the actors struggle through the corny lines and story-lines.
In short, the subtle tone here falls flat. I really wanted to love Person to Person, but it's simply boring and insignificant.
I love Woody Allen movies. For whatever reason, I expected this to be rival some of Allen's recent work with witty, humorous dialogue that goes by quickly with a smart theme. Person to Person includes neither. It's empty, illogical, and boring.
This may sound like a compliment, but I mean it in the worst way possible: The movie flows like a mixture of a Todd Solondz movie mixed with Jim Jarmusch. However, it lacks the awkward sleaziness of Solondz and the uniqueness of most Jarmusch films.
The story follows multiple New Yorkers throughout one day - this has been done before many times and more successfully. Michael Cera and his story shines while the others relentlessly drag on. I lost interest in every other character pretty early on. The writing is mediocre and many of the actors struggle through the corny lines and story-lines.
In short, the subtle tone here falls flat. I really wanted to love Person to Person, but it's simply boring and insignificant.
Rainbow Time (2016)
Ayyyyy
Rainbow Time begins as a pretty lighthearted comedy with some dramatic elements. The second half relies more on drama with some minor comedic elements. The first half is more successful, but it still works overall. The characters and plot are off-beat and keep the viewer interested enough to want to see how the characters develop throughout.
The film relies heavily on the acting ability of the three leads. Luckily, all three perform excellently and play their roles almost flawlessly. Rainbow Time does not try to be something it's not - it tells a pretty simple story about some simple people with common problems. If you like any of the lead actors, give it a shot.
The film relies heavily on the acting ability of the three leads. Luckily, all three perform excellently and play their roles almost flawlessly. Rainbow Time does not try to be something it's not - it tells a pretty simple story about some simple people with common problems. If you like any of the lead actors, give it a shot.
Meat Market 3 (2006)
Nope
The first two Meat Market films deliver what's expected from a SOV micro-budget movie. They had action, natural special effects, shoddy acting, and lots of genuine passion and entertainment.
I am not sure what happened here, but Meat Market 3 is a bore and does not deliver what the first two did. The special effects still impress, but are minimal compared to the first two films. This one focuses on two survivors and they provide little entertainment.
The minimal acting ability did not really affect the first two films, but this one suffered greatly since it is more plot-driven. Unfortunately, it looks like this was the beginning of the end for Clement. It sucks because he had some talent and could have produced some better stuff with a budget.
I am not sure what happened here, but Meat Market 3 is a bore and does not deliver what the first two did. The special effects still impress, but are minimal compared to the first two films. This one focuses on two survivors and they provide little entertainment.
The minimal acting ability did not really affect the first two films, but this one suffered greatly since it is more plot-driven. Unfortunately, it looks like this was the beginning of the end for Clement. It sucks because he had some talent and could have produced some better stuff with a budget.
Session 9 (2001)
More Sessions
An asbestos cleaning crew lead by Gordon heads through a former mental hospital to sanitize the building. While going through the building there is obviously some very odd discoveries. One of which is an audio recording of a former patient who tells a parallel story to the asbestos crew.
Session 9 is not at all about gore effects. There is hardly any gore used in the film, but when they did it was extremely effective. There is a boiled leg and pins to the eyeballs which are very painful to look at and the direction helps us feel their pain.
The directing of this movie is superb. Brad Anderson captures every emotion, mood, or feeling perfectly through this film. Though the movie has a slow pace, the suspense is built up amazingly well through light sound effects that keep you on the edge of your seat. The sets were set up very well....they gave an abandoned mental institution vibe. The camera angles were close and involved and this helped the suspense and mood factor as well. Dark lighting and pale coloring was used throughout to make the mood even darker than it already was. Although all of that was great, the narration on the tape player was the best aspect to me. Just watch the movie and see how it effects the entire story.
Stephen Gevedon and Peter Mullan were, in my opinion, the worst of the actors in this film. They still both give top-notch performances which says a lot about the rest of the cast. The main reason Peter Mullan gave me such a problem was the fact that his accent was really hard for me to understand. Stephen Gevedon's character was just there to hear the audio clips of the "sessions" with the patient. So...his acting was OK, but the character doesn't play a big role. The second level of active was from Brendan Sexton and Josh Lucas. Brendan Sexton plays a dumb teenager perfectly every time I've seen him act. For example, the thief in Pecker and the thief in Empire Records. Josh Lucas is great as well. He plays a sleazy, greedy employee who loves money. He's in the film Wonderland and had a part in American Psycho. They both played their characters as good as possible. Finally, David Caruso played Phil who is kind of sketchy throughout the whole movie. This is the best role of his career by far, and will be the best role he ever plays. Simply put, he was flawless.
Final Thoughts: This is a movie you will need to be watching more than once. Don't feel lost towards the end because it all wraps up perfectly within the last 5 minutes of the movie. I loved the ending, and the suspense built up for the first 95 minutes were all worth it.
Session 9 is not at all about gore effects. There is hardly any gore used in the film, but when they did it was extremely effective. There is a boiled leg and pins to the eyeballs which are very painful to look at and the direction helps us feel their pain.
The directing of this movie is superb. Brad Anderson captures every emotion, mood, or feeling perfectly through this film. Though the movie has a slow pace, the suspense is built up amazingly well through light sound effects that keep you on the edge of your seat. The sets were set up very well....they gave an abandoned mental institution vibe. The camera angles were close and involved and this helped the suspense and mood factor as well. Dark lighting and pale coloring was used throughout to make the mood even darker than it already was. Although all of that was great, the narration on the tape player was the best aspect to me. Just watch the movie and see how it effects the entire story.
Stephen Gevedon and Peter Mullan were, in my opinion, the worst of the actors in this film. They still both give top-notch performances which says a lot about the rest of the cast. The main reason Peter Mullan gave me such a problem was the fact that his accent was really hard for me to understand. Stephen Gevedon's character was just there to hear the audio clips of the "sessions" with the patient. So...his acting was OK, but the character doesn't play a big role. The second level of active was from Brendan Sexton and Josh Lucas. Brendan Sexton plays a dumb teenager perfectly every time I've seen him act. For example, the thief in Pecker and the thief in Empire Records. Josh Lucas is great as well. He plays a sleazy, greedy employee who loves money. He's in the film Wonderland and had a part in American Psycho. They both played their characters as good as possible. Finally, David Caruso played Phil who is kind of sketchy throughout the whole movie. This is the best role of his career by far, and will be the best role he ever plays. Simply put, he was flawless.
Final Thoughts: This is a movie you will need to be watching more than once. Don't feel lost towards the end because it all wraps up perfectly within the last 5 minutes of the movie. I loved the ending, and the suspense built up for the first 95 minutes were all worth it.
The Burning (1981)
Yes!
The movie starts out with some campers plotting against their terrible counselor. One thing leads to another and their prank goes wrong burning him alive. He doesn't die though, and goes back to camp with a vengeance.
It takes a while for the murders to kick in, but when they come they are nice. There are scissors to stomach, slit throats, fingers chopped, a few throat stabbings, head split open, tons of stabs, and an axe through a head.
A lot of the film is really dark and grainy, but in some cases it really helps the atmosphere. The problem with some camp movies is that they are too bright...this one kept the lighting about right. The only thing setting it back a litter were the annoying scores. The sets were pretty average throughout....some minor things were wrong but all in all the technical stuff didn't hurt the movie. The sound effects sounded like a windows 95 chime.
In a movie like this the only actors that stand out usually just cannot act. The only one who could not act was Brian Matthews who played the fearless leader. He went on to play in some soap operas later in his career.... that's where he belongs. On the other hand, we get a surprisingly fun performance by a really young Jason Alexander. There's Larry Joshua who plays this annoying bully. He was pretty bad too now that I think about it....but I just looked at his resume on IMDb and he actually made it pretty big; the guy is in Spider Man!
Final Thoughts: The worst part of this movie was the fact that we had to wait about 40 minutes to see a second kill. Minus a couple actors, this is a really solid early 80's slasher. To me it has been mostly forgotten and extremely underrated. It was a really fun view.
It takes a while for the murders to kick in, but when they come they are nice. There are scissors to stomach, slit throats, fingers chopped, a few throat stabbings, head split open, tons of stabs, and an axe through a head.
A lot of the film is really dark and grainy, but in some cases it really helps the atmosphere. The problem with some camp movies is that they are too bright...this one kept the lighting about right. The only thing setting it back a litter were the annoying scores. The sets were pretty average throughout....some minor things were wrong but all in all the technical stuff didn't hurt the movie. The sound effects sounded like a windows 95 chime.
In a movie like this the only actors that stand out usually just cannot act. The only one who could not act was Brian Matthews who played the fearless leader. He went on to play in some soap operas later in his career.... that's where he belongs. On the other hand, we get a surprisingly fun performance by a really young Jason Alexander. There's Larry Joshua who plays this annoying bully. He was pretty bad too now that I think about it....but I just looked at his resume on IMDb and he actually made it pretty big; the guy is in Spider Man!
Final Thoughts: The worst part of this movie was the fact that we had to wait about 40 minutes to see a second kill. Minus a couple actors, this is a really solid early 80's slasher. To me it has been mostly forgotten and extremely underrated. It was a really fun view.
Dead End (2003)
Marcot
For the past 20 years, Frank Harrington has grudgingly driven his family to celebrate Christmas with his mother-in-law. This year, he takes a shortcut. It's the biggest mistake of his life: The nightmare begins. A mysterious woman in white wanders through the forest, leaving death in her wake. A terrifying black car - its driver invisible - carries the victims into the heart of the night. Every road sign points to a destination they never reach. The survivors succumb to panic, to madness; deeply buried secrets burst to the surface, and Christmas turns into a living hell.
The gore wasn't the focal point in this, but there was a baby corpse, a lip bitten off, a painful leg shooting wound, and a head busted open. I possibly watched a version with some gore cut out, but either way it didn't really need much.
The sound FX were the most impressive technical feature used in Dead End. Distant screams and ghost-like noises gave it some pretty good atmosphere and a somewhat creepy feel. The entire movie was really dark and that also created a pretty eerie feel. The music used was awful though. It was really distracting and pointless. I was hoping they only used it once, but they used it at least 3-4 times throughout.
Overall the group acting was pretty solid and consistent.
Ray Wise: Played the father Frank. He did a pretty good job as usual. He was probably the strongest of the group and had the most in-depth part.
Alexandra Holden: Played the daughter, Marion. She didn't really have a tough role to play. Basically just act freaked out and be the most normal out of the bunch. She did it perfectly! She has been extremely busy in 02-03.
Lin Shaye: Played the crazy mother Laura. Until the end I thought she was doing a really good job. Her character changed a lot and I don't quite think she made the best transition. Not too bad though. Look out for her in 2001 maniacs and the Hillside Strangler.
Mick Cain: Played the annoying little brother Richard. He actually made me laugh a lot at the beginning. He is the comic relief, and does a pretty good job at it. I could see a lot of people hating him as well though.
Final Thoughts: I'm sure most of you have seen the Twilight Zone before. If you like those types of movies or shows, then I think you should watch this. I've seen TONS of mixed reviews for this, but I assure you it's worth a viewing. It's not exactly horror, though, think of it more as a thriller/mystery with dark comedy combined throughout. It came to my attention that a lot of the people who reviewed this didn't quite get it AT ALL. This does not turn out to be just a dream. The biggest problem was the lack of creativity technically, and the story could have used a little more variety.
The gore wasn't the focal point in this, but there was a baby corpse, a lip bitten off, a painful leg shooting wound, and a head busted open. I possibly watched a version with some gore cut out, but either way it didn't really need much.
The sound FX were the most impressive technical feature used in Dead End. Distant screams and ghost-like noises gave it some pretty good atmosphere and a somewhat creepy feel. The entire movie was really dark and that also created a pretty eerie feel. The music used was awful though. It was really distracting and pointless. I was hoping they only used it once, but they used it at least 3-4 times throughout.
Overall the group acting was pretty solid and consistent.
Ray Wise: Played the father Frank. He did a pretty good job as usual. He was probably the strongest of the group and had the most in-depth part.
Alexandra Holden: Played the daughter, Marion. She didn't really have a tough role to play. Basically just act freaked out and be the most normal out of the bunch. She did it perfectly! She has been extremely busy in 02-03.
Lin Shaye: Played the crazy mother Laura. Until the end I thought she was doing a really good job. Her character changed a lot and I don't quite think she made the best transition. Not too bad though. Look out for her in 2001 maniacs and the Hillside Strangler.
Mick Cain: Played the annoying little brother Richard. He actually made me laugh a lot at the beginning. He is the comic relief, and does a pretty good job at it. I could see a lot of people hating him as well though.
Final Thoughts: I'm sure most of you have seen the Twilight Zone before. If you like those types of movies or shows, then I think you should watch this. I've seen TONS of mixed reviews for this, but I assure you it's worth a viewing. It's not exactly horror, though, think of it more as a thriller/mystery with dark comedy combined throughout. It came to my attention that a lot of the people who reviewed this didn't quite get it AT ALL. This does not turn out to be just a dream. The biggest problem was the lack of creativity technically, and the story could have used a little more variety.
Shredder (2001)
Awful
A group of teenagers go for a weekend of 'shredding' at an abandoned ski lodge with a shady past where they are stalked and murdered by a skier dressed in black...They are being wiped off because snowboarders do not follow the rules.
Head/fingers chopped off, ice stabbing, ski lift hanging, hacked leg*, eye stabbing*, chopped off head, and the final "shredding." The redeeming value of this movie was supposed to be the cool and creative kills. The hacked up leg and eye stabbing were both cool, but everything else fell way short of any creative expectations I had. The final "shredding" is one of the worst kills I've ever seen in a movie before. It looked so fake/bad/laughable.
All of the actors in this movie are really young inexperienced. They all need a lot more work before doing anything serious though. NOTICE THAT THEY WERE WORKING WITH ONE OF THE LAMEST DIALOGUE SCRIPTS I'VE EVER HEARD.
Scott Weinger: Main character "Cole." He did a sub par job at best. Totally emotionless and cannot really deliver a line with any feeling whatsoever.
Brad Hawkins: Played the random foreign guy that they randomly picked up. He was terrible...he needs to stick to playing the gold ranger in the Power Ranger series.
Lindsey McKeon: Played the girl #1 named Kimberly. She did a decent job actually. She really got on my nerves...so job well done. I'd just much rather see her in a teen comedy than any type of horror movie.
Juleah Weike: Played the smart girl named Pike. I didn't really understand the whole lesbian thing with her, but nevertheless she did about as good as possible with the WEAK script and lame supporting cast.
Holly Towne: She was so-so.
The two stoners were incredibly annoying and not even noteworthy to me. Just plain awful.
The scenery and snowboarding shots were all really nice. They did a good job with the sets...I'm not too sure where it was filmed, but it looked really nice. The main bad thing here was the god-awful music randomly thrown in....that was bad. Nothing really creative with editing or shots, but keeping it simple is for the best in this movie.
Final Thoughts: With a half way decent script, a couple better actors, and a script that wasn't complete garbage and this would have been a decent movie. In other words, it was really lame. The characters knew about the killer from day 1 and just kept snowboarding like nothing was going to happen. Also, there were terrible lines throughout. They were cracking jokes after their close friends were popping up dead all over the place really gruesomely. None of the characters were ever urgent at all either....they knew that had maybe 1 minute to live and instead of struggling to survive...they would make some small talk. The more I think about this movie the worse it gets. If you want to see three cool kills and some cool snowboarding scenery this is for you. If you cherish an hour and a half of your time then stay away.
Head/fingers chopped off, ice stabbing, ski lift hanging, hacked leg*, eye stabbing*, chopped off head, and the final "shredding." The redeeming value of this movie was supposed to be the cool and creative kills. The hacked up leg and eye stabbing were both cool, but everything else fell way short of any creative expectations I had. The final "shredding" is one of the worst kills I've ever seen in a movie before. It looked so fake/bad/laughable.
All of the actors in this movie are really young inexperienced. They all need a lot more work before doing anything serious though. NOTICE THAT THEY WERE WORKING WITH ONE OF THE LAMEST DIALOGUE SCRIPTS I'VE EVER HEARD.
Scott Weinger: Main character "Cole." He did a sub par job at best. Totally emotionless and cannot really deliver a line with any feeling whatsoever.
Brad Hawkins: Played the random foreign guy that they randomly picked up. He was terrible...he needs to stick to playing the gold ranger in the Power Ranger series.
Lindsey McKeon: Played the girl #1 named Kimberly. She did a decent job actually. She really got on my nerves...so job well done. I'd just much rather see her in a teen comedy than any type of horror movie.
Juleah Weike: Played the smart girl named Pike. I didn't really understand the whole lesbian thing with her, but nevertheless she did about as good as possible with the WEAK script and lame supporting cast.
Holly Towne: She was so-so.
The two stoners were incredibly annoying and not even noteworthy to me. Just plain awful.
The scenery and snowboarding shots were all really nice. They did a good job with the sets...I'm not too sure where it was filmed, but it looked really nice. The main bad thing here was the god-awful music randomly thrown in....that was bad. Nothing really creative with editing or shots, but keeping it simple is for the best in this movie.
Final Thoughts: With a half way decent script, a couple better actors, and a script that wasn't complete garbage and this would have been a decent movie. In other words, it was really lame. The characters knew about the killer from day 1 and just kept snowboarding like nothing was going to happen. Also, there were terrible lines throughout. They were cracking jokes after their close friends were popping up dead all over the place really gruesomely. None of the characters were ever urgent at all either....they knew that had maybe 1 minute to live and instead of struggling to survive...they would make some small talk. The more I think about this movie the worse it gets. If you want to see three cool kills and some cool snowboarding scenery this is for you. If you cherish an hour and a half of your time then stay away.
Meat Market (2000)
Meat
Animal attacks, says the TV news. But two ex-security agents know the real cause - maybe the real culprits. Shahrokh and Argenta are former employees of a company they knew to be conducting bizarre medical experiments. What has resulted are not animals attacks, but attacks by humans turned into vicious, decomposing, cannibalistic zombies. Their efforts to stem the violence in vain, hunted by the authorities, Shahrokh and Argenta escape the city just as it is engulfed in chaos. Their only hope lies in finding and organizing the few remaining survivors. What they find - three women claiming to be vampires with high-tech weaponry, a deranged and washed-up Mexican wrestler, a wounded soldier, and a scientist who may know more than he lets on - offer more questions than answers. Can this tiny cadre hope to defeat an army of the undead? And if they succeed...will there be anyone left alive?
Gore was the main focus. I'm glad to say it delivered with some really impressive nasty effects. There was a mangled body, tons of limb gnawing, blown up body, many head gun wounds, run over corpse, and a head sawed open. This isn't even all, but those stood out to me the most. With a higher budget, this could have been amazing.
Technical: Lets start out with the positives here. The camera shots and angles were all pretty creative and done well..most of the editing was pretty good(especially the gun shot scene at the beginning)..There was also some sex scene clipped into zombie killing scenes that was original. The sets were also really impressive for such a small budget movie. Clement can really pull this off nicely. There was also a short shot of zombie perspective which was really original and cool to see. On the other hand, some of the simple edits were a little careless..but the main complaint is the fact that i don't think they used any lighting whatsoever. So a lot of the time it was really hard to see what was going on.
I've seen a little worse acting, but it got pretty bad towards the end. The first half hour of this movie was really great until the script got a little lengthy. The only person who seemed to be able to possibly act was Paul Pedrosa.
Final Thoughts: Cool gore, nice makeup, and bad acting. 2/3 isn't too bad. It was enough to keep me entertained. Not bad at all for a low budget DEBUT by Brian Clement. The whole concept he brings in is interesting. People don't seem to mind the zombies because they are 'cleaning up the streets' of bums. People just go along with their daily routines...
Gore was the main focus. I'm glad to say it delivered with some really impressive nasty effects. There was a mangled body, tons of limb gnawing, blown up body, many head gun wounds, run over corpse, and a head sawed open. This isn't even all, but those stood out to me the most. With a higher budget, this could have been amazing.
Technical: Lets start out with the positives here. The camera shots and angles were all pretty creative and done well..most of the editing was pretty good(especially the gun shot scene at the beginning)..There was also some sex scene clipped into zombie killing scenes that was original. The sets were also really impressive for such a small budget movie. Clement can really pull this off nicely. There was also a short shot of zombie perspective which was really original and cool to see. On the other hand, some of the simple edits were a little careless..but the main complaint is the fact that i don't think they used any lighting whatsoever. So a lot of the time it was really hard to see what was going on.
I've seen a little worse acting, but it got pretty bad towards the end. The first half hour of this movie was really great until the script got a little lengthy. The only person who seemed to be able to possibly act was Paul Pedrosa.
Final Thoughts: Cool gore, nice makeup, and bad acting. 2/3 isn't too bad. It was enough to keep me entertained. Not bad at all for a low budget DEBUT by Brian Clement. The whole concept he brings in is interesting. People don't seem to mind the zombies because they are 'cleaning up the streets' of bums. People just go along with their daily routines...
Meat Market 2 (2001)
Meat 2
More than a year after the events of Meat Market, the few survivors, Argenta, Nemesis, and others, struggle for survival against the undead in the ruins of what was once society. In their search for a safe haven they come across what appears to be the last refuge of humanity - a fortified compound run by former motivational speaker Bill Wilhelm and his cult of heavily armed fanatics. But when Argenta is subjected to indoctrination techniques and her comrades imprisoned, she begins to suspect that deep within the compound, more is going on than a simple attempt to rebuild...that Bill and his followers have more than one use for the living and the undead alike...a low budget 28 days later anyone?
The gore was simply the main attraction for this movie. Judging by those standards....it was only a little above average. The gore includes: arrows in the head, blown up heads, head slicing, skinned bodies, gun shots, bit fingers, GROSS insects, and tons of flesh eating! The effects are nice looking for the budget, but I would have liked to see a little bit more. I think they did the best with what they had.
The sets were impressive for a really low budget. I'm not too sure how Clement pulled all of that together. At times the audio was shifty which got a little distracting. The main attraction was the sound effects...utterly NASTY...they went all out with the squishy noises. The editing had its ups and downs also. The best editing were the dream sequences..there was some slow/fast motion and quick edits that were done really professionally. On the other hand simple cut edits were off at places that really bothered me and hurt the acting even more.
This movie seemed to be put together by people who knew one another. Therefore, there are not real actors involved. That being said, they were still extremely average at best. The two leading girls could use a little work on the acting skills. Claire Westby has the lead but she also helps Clement produce it looks like. I think she's actually got some potential. Alison Therriault is really pretty too and actually does a half way decent job. Rob Nesbitt played the dictator well...I think he was actually the best actor...I'm not sure why I liked him so much. As much good as I've said...the acting doesn't really flow at all.
Final Thoughts: The gore was the main attraction to the film, and it was pretty impressive with the budget. Brian Clement's direction and make-up skills appealed to me quite a bit. This came out in 2001 and had a VERY similar premise to 28 days later...pretty original!
The gore was simply the main attraction for this movie. Judging by those standards....it was only a little above average. The gore includes: arrows in the head, blown up heads, head slicing, skinned bodies, gun shots, bit fingers, GROSS insects, and tons of flesh eating! The effects are nice looking for the budget, but I would have liked to see a little bit more. I think they did the best with what they had.
The sets were impressive for a really low budget. I'm not too sure how Clement pulled all of that together. At times the audio was shifty which got a little distracting. The main attraction was the sound effects...utterly NASTY...they went all out with the squishy noises. The editing had its ups and downs also. The best editing were the dream sequences..there was some slow/fast motion and quick edits that were done really professionally. On the other hand simple cut edits were off at places that really bothered me and hurt the acting even more.
This movie seemed to be put together by people who knew one another. Therefore, there are not real actors involved. That being said, they were still extremely average at best. The two leading girls could use a little work on the acting skills. Claire Westby has the lead but she also helps Clement produce it looks like. I think she's actually got some potential. Alison Therriault is really pretty too and actually does a half way decent job. Rob Nesbitt played the dictator well...I think he was actually the best actor...I'm not sure why I liked him so much. As much good as I've said...the acting doesn't really flow at all.
Final Thoughts: The gore was the main attraction to the film, and it was pretty impressive with the budget. Brian Clement's direction and make-up skills appealed to me quite a bit. This came out in 2001 and had a VERY similar premise to 28 days later...pretty original!
Evil Laugh (1986)
Funny Laugh
Some med students are having a get together planned by a close friend at some real estate he was interested in buying. It's supposed to be a weekend of relaxation and fixing up the house. After the party arrives the host is missing and they hear a story about the house being haunted by a child killer that supposedly died 10 year prior to them being there.
I think this version I saw was heavily edited...and that really sucks because if some of the deaths were not cut, the rating would be higher. Anyhow, there's still a cut out liver, slit throat, pelvis stab, axe in the head, microwaved head*, and the aftermath of all the murders. I must say the microwaving scene was outstanding. Pretty original and really fun to watch. Everything else was just average because it seemed heavily cut.
I can usually say quite a bit about the technical aspects, but in this case nothing was too wrong. The set was a little redundant, and the lighting was occasionally low...those were the main problems here. The camera shots were nice most of the time too. The terrible 80's music was actually pretty fun most of the time. Oh, and the laugh was lame....
The acting as a whole really wasn't that bad. In fact, the cheesy acting helped the movie out a whole lot. No one really stood out to me as really good or really bad. They were all on the same cheap, cheesy, mid 80's horror movie level.
Kim McKamy who played the lead Connie actually seemed pretty serious and good so I looked her up. Looks like after this film she was in 120 pornos until 2003 where she got a part in Willard.
Final Thoughts: Cheesy music, cheesy acting, cheesy effects.....pretty entertaining movie. If all you're looking for is a fun quick 80's slasher then this will be right up your alley. If these lines sound funny to you...then you need to check it out...
"10:30!!! My God! It's the middle of the night!" "Dude you should reconsider"(when about to be drilled through the throat)
I think this version I saw was heavily edited...and that really sucks because if some of the deaths were not cut, the rating would be higher. Anyhow, there's still a cut out liver, slit throat, pelvis stab, axe in the head, microwaved head*, and the aftermath of all the murders. I must say the microwaving scene was outstanding. Pretty original and really fun to watch. Everything else was just average because it seemed heavily cut.
I can usually say quite a bit about the technical aspects, but in this case nothing was too wrong. The set was a little redundant, and the lighting was occasionally low...those were the main problems here. The camera shots were nice most of the time too. The terrible 80's music was actually pretty fun most of the time. Oh, and the laugh was lame....
The acting as a whole really wasn't that bad. In fact, the cheesy acting helped the movie out a whole lot. No one really stood out to me as really good or really bad. They were all on the same cheap, cheesy, mid 80's horror movie level.
Kim McKamy who played the lead Connie actually seemed pretty serious and good so I looked her up. Looks like after this film she was in 120 pornos until 2003 where she got a part in Willard.
Final Thoughts: Cheesy music, cheesy acting, cheesy effects.....pretty entertaining movie. If all you're looking for is a fun quick 80's slasher then this will be right up your alley. If these lines sound funny to you...then you need to check it out...
"10:30!!! My God! It's the middle of the night!" "Dude you should reconsider"(when about to be drilled through the throat)
Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker (1981)
Watch This
Billy is your average all=American teenager. He's a basketball star who is about to get a full ride in college. His crazed aunt has taken care of him since he was 3 years old when his parents died in a car accident. As the story evolves, Aunt Cheryl gets crazier and crazier.
A few slicings, two stomach stabs, shootings, and a pretty neat beheading. The blood is pretty light, but it doesn't really need it for the kills to be effective.
All of the main film making aspects were pretty positive in this one. Good lighting, creepy house sets, and decently creative angles here and there. The best thing technically was the music score. Most of the movies in this era have distracting music and effects in my opinion, but they did manage to keep an eerie and intense feeling in the suspenseful scenes.
The acting is the best aspect of the movie. The main actors were all great and did exactly what they needed to do.
Jimmy McNichol - Had the lead as Billy. He really didn't have too tough of a role to play. He did what was needed and played the average high school kid.
Susan Tyrrell - Played the crazy Aunt. She was absolutely superb at what she did. I'd say she was the female version of Normal Bates in this movie. Never missed a beat whatsoever, and managed to grasp the role perfectly. If this part wasn't played perfectly this movie would have been hell to sit through.
Bo Svenson - The homophobic cop. He also did a superb job as the dumb homophobic detective. I almost never like the detectives or cops in horror movies, but he managed to do a really good job with it.
Bill Paxton has a pretty brief cameo...that was just funny.
Final Thoughts: This is as close as you will get as a female version of Psycho. I don't want to give away much plot, but the Aunt's obsession with her nephew is portrayed perfectly. The scores and greatly written script gave the actors a lot to work with as well. Much props to William Asher and the writing crew. William Asher actually is famous for his 60's cheesy beach movies which I also enjoy.
A few slicings, two stomach stabs, shootings, and a pretty neat beheading. The blood is pretty light, but it doesn't really need it for the kills to be effective.
All of the main film making aspects were pretty positive in this one. Good lighting, creepy house sets, and decently creative angles here and there. The best thing technically was the music score. Most of the movies in this era have distracting music and effects in my opinion, but they did manage to keep an eerie and intense feeling in the suspenseful scenes.
The acting is the best aspect of the movie. The main actors were all great and did exactly what they needed to do.
Jimmy McNichol - Had the lead as Billy. He really didn't have too tough of a role to play. He did what was needed and played the average high school kid.
Susan Tyrrell - Played the crazy Aunt. She was absolutely superb at what she did. I'd say she was the female version of Normal Bates in this movie. Never missed a beat whatsoever, and managed to grasp the role perfectly. If this part wasn't played perfectly this movie would have been hell to sit through.
Bo Svenson - The homophobic cop. He also did a superb job as the dumb homophobic detective. I almost never like the detectives or cops in horror movies, but he managed to do a really good job with it.
Bill Paxton has a pretty brief cameo...that was just funny.
Final Thoughts: This is as close as you will get as a female version of Psycho. I don't want to give away much plot, but the Aunt's obsession with her nephew is portrayed perfectly. The scores and greatly written script gave the actors a lot to work with as well. Much props to William Asher and the writing crew. William Asher actually is famous for his 60's cheesy beach movies which I also enjoy.
The Undertow (2003)
Underbelly
Six friends enter the strange town of Old Mines for a weekend float trip. They quickly realize that the town is not friendly to strangers, and they are pressured to leave by the police. When the friends decide to continue their float trip anyway, terrifying secrets of the town surface. A seven-foot-tall deformed maniac, known by the townsfolk as The Boy is kept under lock and key by the town's mayor. The Boy's purpose is simple: kill outsiders. The Mayor of Old Mines releases The Boy and the maniac's hunt begins. One by one, the campers on their float trip are ripped to gory shreds by the enraged, deformed, hulking Boy.
Gore is the main focus of the film and there are only a few good kills in it. The first crushed head was amazing; other than that there's lots of severed limbs, eye gouging, stomach gouging, and a steak through the head. The gore effects were pretty cool, but there wasn't nearly enough.
The young director and crew show some promise, but they need to polish up on the basics first.
Camera: A lot of the film was incredibly shaky. I'm sure it was done on purpose, but it really didn't work for the best. There were some creative angles here and there though that were kind of neat.
Edit: On one side we have some really cool grainy effects, but other than that a few edits were off by a little bit.
Lighting: The picture was way too white in a ton of the scenes.
Music: The best part of the technical features. Really cool background music and effects here.
Acting: This is what I was expecting to cringe at. Fortunately it wasn't too bad at all. All of the main characters were on the same b-movie sub-par level. The town folk were unnatural and some of the lines were crappy, but the acting surprisingly didn't take away from anything. No one stood out as good or bad, so good job.
Final Thoughts: There wasn't a kill or scare of any kind until 46 minutes into it. There was way too much sappy pointless dialogue where there should of been pointless gore and killing. Some of the scene ran too long and at times the artsy type of editing was not working at all. For a sub-rosa movie...it was alright though. Next time focus on the gore because without real actors the dialogue and story won't work for you. Jeremy Wallace and Eric Stanze's efforts seem to be getting better and better...hopefully one of these days they can really put something nice together..I hope they keep it up and keep improving.
Gore is the main focus of the film and there are only a few good kills in it. The first crushed head was amazing; other than that there's lots of severed limbs, eye gouging, stomach gouging, and a steak through the head. The gore effects were pretty cool, but there wasn't nearly enough.
The young director and crew show some promise, but they need to polish up on the basics first.
Camera: A lot of the film was incredibly shaky. I'm sure it was done on purpose, but it really didn't work for the best. There were some creative angles here and there though that were kind of neat.
Edit: On one side we have some really cool grainy effects, but other than that a few edits were off by a little bit.
Lighting: The picture was way too white in a ton of the scenes.
Music: The best part of the technical features. Really cool background music and effects here.
Acting: This is what I was expecting to cringe at. Fortunately it wasn't too bad at all. All of the main characters were on the same b-movie sub-par level. The town folk were unnatural and some of the lines were crappy, but the acting surprisingly didn't take away from anything. No one stood out as good or bad, so good job.
Final Thoughts: There wasn't a kill or scare of any kind until 46 minutes into it. There was way too much sappy pointless dialogue where there should of been pointless gore and killing. Some of the scene ran too long and at times the artsy type of editing was not working at all. For a sub-rosa movie...it was alright though. Next time focus on the gore because without real actors the dialogue and story won't work for you. Jeremy Wallace and Eric Stanze's efforts seem to be getting better and better...hopefully one of these days they can really put something nice together..I hope they keep it up and keep improving.
Deliria (1987)
Giallo
A troupe of struggling stage actors is rehearsing for a small-town production of a play. Everything seems to be as it should until one of the cast members turns up dead. In a panic, the others try to get out, only to find they are now locked in the theater with the owl- masked killer.
The gore starts off dry for the first hour or so, but gets extremely brutal as the movie goes on. Axe through a mouth, 2 stabbings, drilled stomach, body ripped in half, chainsaw hacking x2, beheading, gun shot. At first it seems like it won't deliver any gore, but makes up for it easily in the last half hour.
Barbara Cupisti played the lead Alicia pretty perfectly. She didn't really speak much but the way she acted was perfect for this type of slasher. David Brandon played the jerk director pretty flawlessly as well. The acting overall was superb, but a few bad lines here and there hurt a couple of scenes.
I wish Soavi would have gone all out with the direction. Every time Soavi tried to get artsy and creative the scenes were absolutely amazing. He was an understudy of Argento and it shows throughout the film. The shots were extremely creative, and they used lots of out of focus and moving shots. The atmosphere was the main attraction for me...it was great. The score was somewhat distracting when it was really upbeat, but most of the time it was extremely effective in setting up the mood.
Final Thoughts: The feel and atmosphere was really genuine and pulls the viewer into the film right away. Although it starts off pretty slow and dry, Soavi kicks it up a notch and it's action packed towards the second half. I'm not a big fan of the giallo genre, but this re-affirmed that I need to check more out before I pass judgment.
The gore starts off dry for the first hour or so, but gets extremely brutal as the movie goes on. Axe through a mouth, 2 stabbings, drilled stomach, body ripped in half, chainsaw hacking x2, beheading, gun shot. At first it seems like it won't deliver any gore, but makes up for it easily in the last half hour.
Barbara Cupisti played the lead Alicia pretty perfectly. She didn't really speak much but the way she acted was perfect for this type of slasher. David Brandon played the jerk director pretty flawlessly as well. The acting overall was superb, but a few bad lines here and there hurt a couple of scenes.
I wish Soavi would have gone all out with the direction. Every time Soavi tried to get artsy and creative the scenes were absolutely amazing. He was an understudy of Argento and it shows throughout the film. The shots were extremely creative, and they used lots of out of focus and moving shots. The atmosphere was the main attraction for me...it was great. The score was somewhat distracting when it was really upbeat, but most of the time it was extremely effective in setting up the mood.
Final Thoughts: The feel and atmosphere was really genuine and pulls the viewer into the film right away. Although it starts off pretty slow and dry, Soavi kicks it up a notch and it's action packed towards the second half. I'm not a big fan of the giallo genre, but this re-affirmed that I need to check more out before I pass judgment.
Binge & Purge (2002)
Binge
Christmas, the near future: terrorist attacks have turned North America into a police state. Strange murders have begun to plague the capital city. The police chief assigns two officers to look into the disappearance of a young fashion model and the officers themselves promptly disappear. Fearing for the reputation of his department, and hoping that two of his problems take care of each other, the chief enlists the aid of a trio of private detectives he deems expendable. The group's investigation leads them to an evasive fashion designer and his circle of enigmatic models. What they uncover is not just a simple murder, but a complex web of corruption, mass killing, deceit...and cannibalism. But this threat does not come from without, it comes from within...
Like the Meat Market films, Binge & Purge delivers with similar, if not identical gore effects. There's loads of entrails, gunshots, gutting, acid vomit, biting, strangling, eye gouging, and a nice punch through a zombies head. They almost went overboard with it, but it was the main attraction....so there could never be too much.
Again, like Meat Market it has its ups and downs in the technical department. I'm not sure if they used any lighting sources at all, so some scenes were extremely dark. The audio equipment was also pretty crappy at times, but her...it's a low budget horror movie...it was expected. On the positive side the sound fx were disgusting and used appropriately (just like in Meat Market as well.) There were some really cool and creative camera and editing effects here and there, but a few simple dialogue edits were off. Clement should just go all out with the the artsy shots and editing the majority of the time.
However, every actor in the movie was about on the same skill level. Some lines were just awful, and some were just typical decently stated.
Final Thoughts: If you like your films low budget and extremely gory, this is for you. If you're in it for psychological aspects and acting...stay away. The concept was interesting, but for it to be fully effective Clement needed more money. This is Clement's third film, and it's on the same line as the other two. It was exactly like Meat Market with a more interesting plot. I loved the fact that it constantly made fun of eating disorders and how superficial our society is becoming.
There is one more Clement film I need to see that sounds amazing (Exhumed.) I'm still waiting for him to bust out and be the next Romero.
Final Score: 4.5/10
Like the Meat Market films, Binge & Purge delivers with similar, if not identical gore effects. There's loads of entrails, gunshots, gutting, acid vomit, biting, strangling, eye gouging, and a nice punch through a zombies head. They almost went overboard with it, but it was the main attraction....so there could never be too much.
Again, like Meat Market it has its ups and downs in the technical department. I'm not sure if they used any lighting sources at all, so some scenes were extremely dark. The audio equipment was also pretty crappy at times, but her...it's a low budget horror movie...it was expected. On the positive side the sound fx were disgusting and used appropriately (just like in Meat Market as well.) There were some really cool and creative camera and editing effects here and there, but a few simple dialogue edits were off. Clement should just go all out with the the artsy shots and editing the majority of the time.
However, every actor in the movie was about on the same skill level. Some lines were just awful, and some were just typical decently stated.
Final Thoughts: If you like your films low budget and extremely gory, this is for you. If you're in it for psychological aspects and acting...stay away. The concept was interesting, but for it to be fully effective Clement needed more money. This is Clement's third film, and it's on the same line as the other two. It was exactly like Meat Market with a more interesting plot. I loved the fact that it constantly made fun of eating disorders and how superficial our society is becoming.
There is one more Clement film I need to see that sounds amazing (Exhumed.) I'm still waiting for him to bust out and be the next Romero.
Final Score: 4.5/10
Screaming Dead (2003)
Dull
A perverted photographer takes three models into a haunted mansion for his next big photo shoot. One thing leads to another and we see that this isn't your average photo shoot. The girls are locked in cellars and treated like prisoners, but soon the photographer realizes he's not the only perverted one in the house...
Gore could have saved this movie's final outcome. There were plenty of opportunities that left us feeling ripped off. There was a severed hand briefly, and a few horrible CGI cuttings. I don't understand why this company always uses lame CGI instead of putting their low budget into cheap "real" gore effects.
At least it stars Misty Mundae. This is the most redeeming value of the film.
The script was pretty weak, so that didn't help. Misty Mundae really isn't a bad actress...I think she has potential to do real horror if she ever wants to. Kevin G. Shinnick was the photographer -- he was also pretty good and understood his part pretty well. The other females were all typical bimboesque characters. None of them really had too many lines, and that was a good thing. Rob Monkiewicz played the cool guy trying to save all of the girls. He got on my nerves horribly throughout the entire movie. Not much to say -- typical shock-o-rama acting.
They're really learning how to make movies look pretty good without much of a budget. The film quality was great, the lighting was good, and the sets and props were great too. BUT this is shock-o-rama, therefore, there are horribly lame CGI effects instead of gore and bright red paint used as blood. The audio was pretty low and muffled as well. For every good aspect, there is also a bad one.
Final Thoughts: This was supposedly shock-o-rama's attempt at a real horror film. Though they are progressing nicely, butthis didn't cut it. Keep the actors, keep the directors, DUMP THE CGI EFFECTS. Get some nice "real" gore in here and we might get some really decent horror movies instead of this.
Gore could have saved this movie's final outcome. There were plenty of opportunities that left us feeling ripped off. There was a severed hand briefly, and a few horrible CGI cuttings. I don't understand why this company always uses lame CGI instead of putting their low budget into cheap "real" gore effects.
At least it stars Misty Mundae. This is the most redeeming value of the film.
The script was pretty weak, so that didn't help. Misty Mundae really isn't a bad actress...I think she has potential to do real horror if she ever wants to. Kevin G. Shinnick was the photographer -- he was also pretty good and understood his part pretty well. The other females were all typical bimboesque characters. None of them really had too many lines, and that was a good thing. Rob Monkiewicz played the cool guy trying to save all of the girls. He got on my nerves horribly throughout the entire movie. Not much to say -- typical shock-o-rama acting.
They're really learning how to make movies look pretty good without much of a budget. The film quality was great, the lighting was good, and the sets and props were great too. BUT this is shock-o-rama, therefore, there are horribly lame CGI effects instead of gore and bright red paint used as blood. The audio was pretty low and muffled as well. For every good aspect, there is also a bad one.
Final Thoughts: This was supposedly shock-o-rama's attempt at a real horror film. Though they are progressing nicely, butthis didn't cut it. Keep the actors, keep the directors, DUMP THE CGI EFFECTS. Get some nice "real" gore in here and we might get some really decent horror movies instead of this.
The Greenskeeper (2002)
Rocker
When someone starts using the business end of a pair of hedge clippers on the more snobbish patrons of a posh country club, rumors fly the slice-n'-dice handiwork is the signature of The Greenskeeper, a serial killer long thought dead from an explosion years ago. Allen, whose mother owns the country club, begins having nightmare visions where he is haunted by The Greenskeeper. Allen begins to suspect he may have a connection to The Greenskeeper he never dared imagine. Meanwhile, the beautiful jet setters of the club decide to sneak in after hours for some skinny-dipping, partying, and sex-on-the-green. Unfortunately for the teens, The Greenskeeper decides to crash the party, and armed with golf equipment and landscaping tools, begins picking off Izods one by one. Joining forces with his new love interest Elena, Allen races to the club to try to save his friends. He and Elena must play a deadly game of cat and mouse to survive, because when you have a tee time with The Greenskeeper, it's par for the corpse!
Gore should be the main attraction in a low budget slasher film. Of course, it isn't. There was way too much focus on a lame plot than the potentially cool killings. They did manage to have a slit throat, a couple be-headings, an anal insertion golf cleaner, and a hedger through the stomach. The gore was pretty dry and incredibly lazily done. With every potential murder weapon on a golf course they could have done a lot better.
The acting actually wasn't too bad to begin with. It was supposed to be super cheesy, but went overboard towards the end with the lazy/awful lines. Some of the comedy was actually pretty funny and delivered how it was meant to be delivered. Allelon Ruggiero really wasn't too bad as the loser guy. The yuppies were all played obnoxiously well and made me laugh a few times. This truthfully wasn't the bad part of the movie.
It had the b-movie feel, but there really weren't too many mistakes. There were a few bad shots here and there, but nothing that ruined the movie. The lighting and audio was always properly done(sort of.) The fake lightning was completely terrible and happened every time the killer was on the courses. That was totally idiotic. The other bad technical aspect was the music...They felt it was necessary to constantly have cheesy mystery or pop music playing throughout the movie. It really didn't have to be this bad!
Final Thoughts: This totally could have been a really fun movie with the exact same cast and crew members and script even. Cheesy music, bad (and dry)gore, lame effects, and too much plot did this movie in. I really wanted to enjoy it, but it just didn't deliver the goods. Too bad the horror movie they were watching on TV (the milkman) looked more like the movie this should have been.
Gore should be the main attraction in a low budget slasher film. Of course, it isn't. There was way too much focus on a lame plot than the potentially cool killings. They did manage to have a slit throat, a couple be-headings, an anal insertion golf cleaner, and a hedger through the stomach. The gore was pretty dry and incredibly lazily done. With every potential murder weapon on a golf course they could have done a lot better.
The acting actually wasn't too bad to begin with. It was supposed to be super cheesy, but went overboard towards the end with the lazy/awful lines. Some of the comedy was actually pretty funny and delivered how it was meant to be delivered. Allelon Ruggiero really wasn't too bad as the loser guy. The yuppies were all played obnoxiously well and made me laugh a few times. This truthfully wasn't the bad part of the movie.
It had the b-movie feel, but there really weren't too many mistakes. There were a few bad shots here and there, but nothing that ruined the movie. The lighting and audio was always properly done(sort of.) The fake lightning was completely terrible and happened every time the killer was on the courses. That was totally idiotic. The other bad technical aspect was the music...They felt it was necessary to constantly have cheesy mystery or pop music playing throughout the movie. It really didn't have to be this bad!
Final Thoughts: This totally could have been a really fun movie with the exact same cast and crew members and script even. Cheesy music, bad (and dry)gore, lame effects, and too much plot did this movie in. I really wanted to enjoy it, but it just didn't deliver the goods. Too bad the horror movie they were watching on TV (the milkman) looked more like the movie this should have been.
Voyeur.com (2000)
Nice Title
Two young entrepreneurs open up a voyeuristic Internet site. One by one the models are being killed off. Reason? None.
In a generic slasher like this there needs to be some entertaining kills and a decent amount of blood. The movie opens up with a throat stabbing that's pretty bloody and promising, but after that all of the kills are exactly the same and not graphic at all. There's 3 stomach stabbings, 3 throats slit, and a LAME decapitation. Every single kill is exactly the same.
There's a constant voice over through the entire movie that gives away who the killer is. It's done extremely poorly. The audio is muffled and they kicked in cheesy rock music every time there was about to be some nudity. I felt like I was watching a soft core Playboy video half of the time. I'm still not ever sure what I just watched.
As far as acting goes, Jena Romano really wasn't so bad as the shy main character. Other than that, most everyone was on the same acting level. Two of the other girls in the house were completely terrible, but the script was awful...so I guess it was just a combination. It would be a waste of time to talk about any actors though...they will never be in another movie.
Final Thoughts: I don't know what in the hell I just watched. Soft core porn, bad acting, lame kills, NO PLOT WHATSOEVER, and ripping off Scream is not the way to go about making a good movie. The opening scene was such a blatant ripoff of Scream it wasn't even funny. The phone call with the voice and the questions... lame. The killer even used a similar voice changer. The one thing I learned from this movie is that washed up 30 year old women like to blow bubbles and strip together. What a pile of crap.
In a generic slasher like this there needs to be some entertaining kills and a decent amount of blood. The movie opens up with a throat stabbing that's pretty bloody and promising, but after that all of the kills are exactly the same and not graphic at all. There's 3 stomach stabbings, 3 throats slit, and a LAME decapitation. Every single kill is exactly the same.
There's a constant voice over through the entire movie that gives away who the killer is. It's done extremely poorly. The audio is muffled and they kicked in cheesy rock music every time there was about to be some nudity. I felt like I was watching a soft core Playboy video half of the time. I'm still not ever sure what I just watched.
As far as acting goes, Jena Romano really wasn't so bad as the shy main character. Other than that, most everyone was on the same acting level. Two of the other girls in the house were completely terrible, but the script was awful...so I guess it was just a combination. It would be a waste of time to talk about any actors though...they will never be in another movie.
Final Thoughts: I don't know what in the hell I just watched. Soft core porn, bad acting, lame kills, NO PLOT WHATSOEVER, and ripping off Scream is not the way to go about making a good movie. The opening scene was such a blatant ripoff of Scream it wasn't even funny. The phone call with the voice and the questions... lame. The killer even used a similar voice changer. The one thing I learned from this movie is that washed up 30 year old women like to blow bubbles and strip together. What a pile of crap.
Bloody Birthday (1981)
Very Happy
In 1970, three children are born at the height of a total eclipse. Due to the sun and moon blocking Saturn, which controls emotions, they have become heartless killers ten years later, and are able to escape detection because of their youthful and innocent facades. A boy and his teenage sister become endangered when they stumble onto the bloody truth.
We get lots of creative kills, but not very much blood. There's a strangling, a shovel beating, a baseball bat beating, gun shots, and an arrow through the eye. They needed to be a little more violent in my opinion, but either way I liked the kills.
The child actors in this movie are all great. Elizabeth Hoy is one creepy little girl. All of the other actors are run of the mill 80's horror-type performances. Nothing bad at all except some of the reactions to a town being slaughtered. A lot of these actors have had great careers too, check em out if you care.
Bloody Birthday looked like it was all thrown together within a couple of days. It starts out pretty decent but gets really sloppy towards the end. The film quality is good though considering the year it was released. The camera work/lighting/editing are all average as well.
Final Thoughts: OK, this movie is so ridiculously cheesy it's hard for me not to love. This movie defines 80's cheese. The child actors are all so amazingly great...I don't see how it could have been topped. The first 45 minutes of this movie are nearly flawless, but it drags and gets pretty sloppy towards the ending. Overall, it was entertaining. If you love 80's cheesy horror with fun kills then definitely check this gem out. I don't see how anyone who likes fun horror could be disappointed in this.
Note: It rips off Halloween horribly in the beginning. Notice the conversation walking down the street how one girl is good and the other is bad...and the bad girl's dad is the sheriff. Weird huh!? This was also made about the same time as Friday the 13th II and in once scene one of the kids dresses with a pillow sack over his head with eye holes to murder a girl. Interesting.
We get lots of creative kills, but not very much blood. There's a strangling, a shovel beating, a baseball bat beating, gun shots, and an arrow through the eye. They needed to be a little more violent in my opinion, but either way I liked the kills.
The child actors in this movie are all great. Elizabeth Hoy is one creepy little girl. All of the other actors are run of the mill 80's horror-type performances. Nothing bad at all except some of the reactions to a town being slaughtered. A lot of these actors have had great careers too, check em out if you care.
Bloody Birthday looked like it was all thrown together within a couple of days. It starts out pretty decent but gets really sloppy towards the end. The film quality is good though considering the year it was released. The camera work/lighting/editing are all average as well.
Final Thoughts: OK, this movie is so ridiculously cheesy it's hard for me not to love. This movie defines 80's cheese. The child actors are all so amazingly great...I don't see how it could have been topped. The first 45 minutes of this movie are nearly flawless, but it drags and gets pretty sloppy towards the ending. Overall, it was entertaining. If you love 80's cheesy horror with fun kills then definitely check this gem out. I don't see how anyone who likes fun horror could be disappointed in this.
Note: It rips off Halloween horribly in the beginning. Notice the conversation walking down the street how one girl is good and the other is bad...and the bad girl's dad is the sheriff. Weird huh!? This was also made about the same time as Friday the 13th II and in once scene one of the kids dresses with a pillow sack over his head with eye holes to murder a girl. Interesting.
Room 6 (2006)
Room Sucks
The film is about a woman, Amy (Christine Taylor), who must face her greatest fears, when her fiancé, Nick (Shane Brolly), is taken to a mysterious hospital after a nearly fatal car crash. As mysterious events begin to transpire around her, she comes to realize she must confront her demons, figurative and literal, if she is to save her lover.
There was a little, but not nearly enough gore. If you're going to make a STV type movie - GO ALL OUT. There was flesh eating and lots of needles. It was effective, but horrible scares. Lots of potential, little payoff.
The actual film making was definitely the best aspect of Room 6. They obviously put a lot of money and time into this. The sets and effects were nearly flawless. The demon scenes were really awesome. When you have all of these tools - why don't you use them more often?
As far as the acting goes, Christine Taylor, Jerry O'Connell, and Shane Brolly are all relatively well thought of actors. Unfortunately, they are not meant to be in a film like this. I do believe they could have had better performances had the script not been god-awful. Obviously, it just wasn't right and the actors suffered big time for it.
Bottom Line: When a good premise goes badly...oh, what could have been. If only the majority of this movie took place inside of the hospital rather than the soap opera happening to Amy outside. Christine Taylor is very talented, but this script gave the actors nothing to work with. Plus, she just isn't cut out to play a lead in a horror/suspense movie anyways. This is one of the type of movies that need to have less plot (because it's so ridiculously stupid) and more action. The parts with demons and gore were pretty sweet and could have been built upon so much more. The movie was unsuccessfully scary and suspenseful and tried to rely on some incredibly lame story that didn't make a lot of since and the viewer honestly does not care about. However, the direction was good and it's an early effort from Michael Hurst. He's got a few movies he has done since this that I will definitely give a shot.
There was a little, but not nearly enough gore. If you're going to make a STV type movie - GO ALL OUT. There was flesh eating and lots of needles. It was effective, but horrible scares. Lots of potential, little payoff.
The actual film making was definitely the best aspect of Room 6. They obviously put a lot of money and time into this. The sets and effects were nearly flawless. The demon scenes were really awesome. When you have all of these tools - why don't you use them more often?
As far as the acting goes, Christine Taylor, Jerry O'Connell, and Shane Brolly are all relatively well thought of actors. Unfortunately, they are not meant to be in a film like this. I do believe they could have had better performances had the script not been god-awful. Obviously, it just wasn't right and the actors suffered big time for it.
Bottom Line: When a good premise goes badly...oh, what could have been. If only the majority of this movie took place inside of the hospital rather than the soap opera happening to Amy outside. Christine Taylor is very talented, but this script gave the actors nothing to work with. Plus, she just isn't cut out to play a lead in a horror/suspense movie anyways. This is one of the type of movies that need to have less plot (because it's so ridiculously stupid) and more action. The parts with demons and gore were pretty sweet and could have been built upon so much more. The movie was unsuccessfully scary and suspenseful and tried to rely on some incredibly lame story that didn't make a lot of since and the viewer honestly does not care about. However, the direction was good and it's an early effort from Michael Hurst. He's got a few movies he has done since this that I will definitely give a shot.
August Underground's Mordum (2003)
Mordumb
"The most offensive, most shocking film ever!" Is the plot line given from the filmmakers. It's basically a found videotape of serial killer/rapist/thieves stealing, raping, and killing.
Violence for the sake of violence. This movie ran about 82 minutes long and about 50 minutes of it were elongated rape scenes. They do a good job at making the gore look 'real' for the most part, but when there isn't a point to it....why should we care? The only interesting scene is when the man cuts off his own penis with a pair of scissors, which looks painfully real.
The whole point was for the picture quality to be bad, but it's beyond bad. It was probably shot with a mid 90's VHS-C camcorder in a lot of low-light situations. You could even see the little rainbow at the top and bottom of the screen the entire time. The grain is effective, but not bearable for the entire 82 minutes. Second, the audio was way muffled obviously...I had to turn my speakers way up to be able to hear...as if there was much dialogue to hear anyways. The camera shook and moved way too much for me to understand what was going on some of the time as well....which was the whole point, but it's just not good film making. Last, there were maybe 7 edits through the entire movie, and they were just to cut off scenes that were running way too long.
They were attempting to make this look like a real serial killing trio's tape of mischief. Therefore, they should try and do their best to act like real serial killers. What I saw was a few 30 year olds running around screaming curse words a lot. No one with an IQ above 10 uses the curses like they do in every sentence. All of the acting was just not at all creative, and when they were at an obvious loss for words...of course you would just hear them curse some more. The people being raped also never fought back, which was entirely unrealistic as well.
Bottom Line: The point of this was to be an extreme gore/shock fest. It's similar to the Guinea Pig series in a way, but without the style or even as much gore. I satisfied my curiosity and was definitely dumbfounded on how blatantly mindless this piece of crap actually was. If these guys could maybe mix a bit of their special effect talent with some script writing or technical work they might be onto something. As for this, it's one long dragging uninspired rape scene after another. It's been done, and it's been done a lot better.
Violence for the sake of violence. This movie ran about 82 minutes long and about 50 minutes of it were elongated rape scenes. They do a good job at making the gore look 'real' for the most part, but when there isn't a point to it....why should we care? The only interesting scene is when the man cuts off his own penis with a pair of scissors, which looks painfully real.
The whole point was for the picture quality to be bad, but it's beyond bad. It was probably shot with a mid 90's VHS-C camcorder in a lot of low-light situations. You could even see the little rainbow at the top and bottom of the screen the entire time. The grain is effective, but not bearable for the entire 82 minutes. Second, the audio was way muffled obviously...I had to turn my speakers way up to be able to hear...as if there was much dialogue to hear anyways. The camera shook and moved way too much for me to understand what was going on some of the time as well....which was the whole point, but it's just not good film making. Last, there were maybe 7 edits through the entire movie, and they were just to cut off scenes that were running way too long.
They were attempting to make this look like a real serial killing trio's tape of mischief. Therefore, they should try and do their best to act like real serial killers. What I saw was a few 30 year olds running around screaming curse words a lot. No one with an IQ above 10 uses the curses like they do in every sentence. All of the acting was just not at all creative, and when they were at an obvious loss for words...of course you would just hear them curse some more. The people being raped also never fought back, which was entirely unrealistic as well.
Bottom Line: The point of this was to be an extreme gore/shock fest. It's similar to the Guinea Pig series in a way, but without the style or even as much gore. I satisfied my curiosity and was definitely dumbfounded on how blatantly mindless this piece of crap actually was. If these guys could maybe mix a bit of their special effect talent with some script writing or technical work they might be onto something. As for this, it's one long dragging uninspired rape scene after another. It's been done, and it's been done a lot better.
Dont Open Till Christmas (1984)
Christmas Horror
There isn't much of an understandable plot here. There's a killer on the lose taking out every Santa in sight. Meanwhile, detectives and our protagonists are trying to figure out how to solve the mystery. They never seem to get anywhere and pretty much ruin the movie while they're at it.
Don't Open 'Til Christmas gives us plenty of kills, but they are really lame. It provides multiple stabbings using a toy knife that inverts when you stab someone, someone burning to death, a cut off penis (off screen), and a melted face. The lighting was so dark it was difficult to see how the face was actually melted; I know they used a cheap plastic eyeball though.
Pat Astley is a porno actress who made a sweet appearance in this film. All three times she is shown she gets topless. Makes me want to go check out her other movies: Dr. Sex and Nymphmania.
The film took 2 years to make due to the fact that they ended up having three different directors. Edmund Purdom began and also starred in the movie, but then switched it over to someone else who was fired after two days. Eventually, they got someone to finish this piece of crap up. It was a British movie, but it seemed like it was in a foreign language because the audio was dubbed so horribly. Not only that, there were so many clips from obvious different time periods that did not belong but were thrown in anyways. Tons of random clips would occur every few seconds that made no sense. Oh, and the lighting was awful and it was difficult to see any outdoors shots.
Bottom Line: This was a horrible mess of a movie that went like this: 1.Detectives being detectives. 2.Protagonists being sketchy. 3.Detectives questioning protagonists. 4.Random Santa dying with no build up. 5.Repeat sequence.
Eventually the protagonists are no longer in the film and the detectives never figure out the case or have anything to do with the ending. This is due to the 2-year process of making a simple horror film. The ending makes absolutely no sense and just leaves the viewer feeling like they wasted a lot of time watching this garbage.
Don't Open 'Til Christmas gives us plenty of kills, but they are really lame. It provides multiple stabbings using a toy knife that inverts when you stab someone, someone burning to death, a cut off penis (off screen), and a melted face. The lighting was so dark it was difficult to see how the face was actually melted; I know they used a cheap plastic eyeball though.
Pat Astley is a porno actress who made a sweet appearance in this film. All three times she is shown she gets topless. Makes me want to go check out her other movies: Dr. Sex and Nymphmania.
The film took 2 years to make due to the fact that they ended up having three different directors. Edmund Purdom began and also starred in the movie, but then switched it over to someone else who was fired after two days. Eventually, they got someone to finish this piece of crap up. It was a British movie, but it seemed like it was in a foreign language because the audio was dubbed so horribly. Not only that, there were so many clips from obvious different time periods that did not belong but were thrown in anyways. Tons of random clips would occur every few seconds that made no sense. Oh, and the lighting was awful and it was difficult to see any outdoors shots.
Bottom Line: This was a horrible mess of a movie that went like this: 1.Detectives being detectives. 2.Protagonists being sketchy. 3.Detectives questioning protagonists. 4.Random Santa dying with no build up. 5.Repeat sequence.
Eventually the protagonists are no longer in the film and the detectives never figure out the case or have anything to do with the ending. This is due to the 2-year process of making a simple horror film. The ending makes absolutely no sense and just leaves the viewer feeling like they wasted a lot of time watching this garbage.