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Fun with Dick and Jane

They played life by the rules. Now, they're doing the alternative: breaking the rules!
Dick has a disastrous history trying to keep a job. It seems like everyone wants to fire him every time he makes a dumb judgement on his behalf. Eventually, he becomes fed up with bopping around from job to job, and instead of turning to the employment agency, he's turning to a life of crime...and he's got a partner in crime! Fun with Dick and Jane isn't exactly broad on laughs, but it does give some entertainment, not to mention enjoyment from anyone who feels down on their luck in the tight job market. My only complaint, it seemed to drag out, even though its only an hour and half film. A sign that they possibly ran out of material, and stretch what they had out like taffy. Other then that, this is by no means Carreys best work, but it is a fun Bonnie and Clyde ride into the world of bank robbing.

Rambo: Last Blood

Shocked and disappointed. To say the least.
I was looking forward to this. Everyone who was a Rambo fan was! Almost 40 years in a franchise, and THIS is how you want John Rambo to go out with a bang? Wearing that SILLY COWBOY HAT!? Considering what I saw in the trailer, this movie looked mighty better. And if you're thinking about discarding my review because there are so many 10 star reviews, let me point out that David Morrell, the creator of Rambo, has even shunned this film. First Blood (1982) took us on a great adventure. First Blood Part II (1985) rescued POWs. Rambo 3 ( 1988) dealt with Afghanistan rebels. Rambo (2008) took us on another adventure overseas. Now! Rambo: Last Blood (2019) is taking us....brace underground tunnels that Rambo built himself on a ranch! I'm not making this up, I wish to God I was. He actually fights people in tunnels, that go absolutely nowhere, that he built himself! And then the film ends in 1980's generic style glory. You filmmakers need to do more then hang your heads in shame. Just stick it under a guillotine blade, and let us get the pleasure of seeing your heads in a bunch of baskets, since we paid to see your movie, and got nothing to show for! For the most part, it is a good movie, I just refuse to accept it as a Rambo film, much less the last one. This was unacceptable. What about the 10 star reviews, you ask? What about them. Take the word from idiots, or take it from someone who grew up idolizing Rambo. Better yet, take it from someone who created the damned character. 6 out of 10 stars for Last Blood. The last blood should be drained from the writer of this script!

Child's Play 2

fair, but choppy sequel
Chucky returns as the Lake Shore Strangler trapped inside a rubber doll, looking for a way out of the dolls body while continuing his killing spree. Moms been committed to a mental health institution, after backing her sons story up that the doll was indeed alive and responsible for the deaths of numerous people. Now with foster parents ( one of which doesn't really care for him), Andy befriends one of the adopted kids. Although there's a big age gap, they get along okay, and when the bodies start piling up again, Andy begins to point the finger at the doll. The only one who eventually believes Andy is Kyle, after all doubt has been removed. It will apparently be up to these two kids to stop the evil Chuck from not only claiming other lives, but maybe their own. And they have a different problem, too....Chucky wants out of this body so bad, he's still trying to claim Andys life by transferring his soul into his body! Well, the twists and turns just keep piling up. Sounds like an excuse to make another movie, if you ask me. All joking aside, this is a fair but choppy sequel to the original Childs Play. It wasn't nearly as good, but it was fun, and the climatic ending with the suspense filled ending, chock full of surprises in the toy factory itself, was ingenious! Looking back on it, its a silly sequel, however, for its time, it was a good shake (not to mention a bit creative) to the 1988 film, however, I still question the continuity. ( It's never explained, for example, how Chucky got new life in the dolls body. Through electrocution? Please. I was born on Friday, not last Friday.) Kudos! I give Childs Play 2 5 out of 10 stars. The Chuck don't suck here.

Gremlins 2: The New Batch

Pointless sequel
Gremlins 2 will exceed your expectations compared to the first one! HAHAHA! Just kidding. Hey, what do you expect when you wait six years to make a sequel to a smash? What do you expect when your movie doesn't have a plot? What do you expect when your film makes absolutely no sense, you don't think its going to bomb? And it did, it bombed pretty hard. 1990 was a paradise for needless sequels, not that anyone cares to remember. Robocop 2, Young Guns 2, Die Hard 2, Predator 2, Gremlins 2, the list goes on, these were all 1990 films pumped into the movie industry, most clearly just cash grabs, but Gremlins 2 swelled out budget couldn't get its money back. Bust out the violin, someone. Let's see what we have in store for you. Oh, remember the store where Gizmo was at in the original? Yeah, now he's downtown. And the store gets plowed down ( uh, where's the old man owner at?), and Gizmo gets captured by someone who works at the Clamp Company. What's Clamp, you ask? It's a cable company, well, at least, I thought it was a cable company. I don't know any cable companies that utilize skyscrapers, much less skyscrapers that share a section with the cable company as a freak lab for animals. This lab reunites Billy ( Zach Galligan) with Gizmo, in a climate controlled skyscraper. Climate controlled? All right. Sprinklers are going to go off, and set Gizmos new batch off, right? Not so fast, Charlie, Chris Columbus didn't write this one, which is clearly the problem. Instead, Gizmo gets wet by ( oh, wouldn't you like to know! It's not the sprinklers, I'll say that) and unleashes a new batch of gremlins that take over this Trump tower parody. In the meantime, his girlfriend scoops up what she thinks is Gizmo, after barely being cautioned on the three things you DON'T do with Gizmo. ( It should have been 4 rules, don't get him wet, no bright lights, never feed him after midnight, and NO SEQUELS!) Thinking this is Gizmo, she takes him home. ( Shakes head.) See. This is the problem with sequels. You guys have got dollar signs for eye pupils, and you don't even put any care into the script. You guys just sold the title of the film, not the movie to people. All we have to do is put gremlins in there, it will pass, yup, yup, yup. ( Shakes head again.) And the humor from the first film? Gone. The violence? Gone. The heart and soul? GONE AND GONE! What is left that made the 1984 Gremlins so great? Let's turn Gizmo into a heart throb for Rambo, and maybe the audience will forget or won't care about the Barbie car driving scene from the original film. ( Censors, explicit, censor.) GET OUT OF HERE, Gremlins 2! Next time you crank out a new batch, leave the cartoons at home. I'm giving this sleazeball of a comedy 6 out of 10 stars. God! Not even Hulk Hogan could save this! You get out of here, too, then, Hulk.

Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Even if you don't like the movie, with an ending like that, its ALL forgiven!!!
The film pretty much chronicles the early life of writer and author Cameron Crowe himself, which is great, because when I watched it the first time, I didn't think there was any point to the film. With that said, the movie pretty much targets the ohs and ahs, the hardships, not to mention the temptations of high school. The movie was pretty iconic for its time, but by todays standards, its just treated like a stoner comedy. It covers everything from sex, drugs, teenage pregnancy, and making fun of a teacher that goes by the name Mr. Hand. Complex, it is not. A few laughs, a few jokes, a few gags, and a look at a very confusing time, Fast Times at Ridgemont High will either satisfy, or leave you shrugging your shoulders, however, even if you don't like the movie, with an ending like THAT, its all forgiven.

The Midnight Meat Train

a B R U T A L film!
Well made and gory as all (explicit), The Midnight Meat Train explores a photographer who begins tracking down a brutally violent killer on a subway train, after his attempts to go to the police go awry, and he becomes a suspect himself. Downright bloody, The Midnight Meat Train is almost guaranteed to give you nightmares, inspired from the short story of the same title by bestselling British author Clive Barker. The film pretty much opens up with a trio bloodbath on the train, and the intensity doesn't let down, as Leon, the photographer, is closer to the killer then he thinks....but is he prepared with what it takes to take him down? I thought the film was well crafted, cinematography was great, and overall it was just a dark and very chaotic, nightmarish ride. It's the way Barker probably would have intended it to be.

Beware: Children at Play

If you're expecting a good movie with a title like that, then, keep looking
I have a very big problem with children getting hurt or injured on or in film. Beware: Children at Play won my curiosity, because of that warning in the bottom right hand corner. Can't read it because its too tiny? It's pretty much warning you that the film shouldn't be watched by sensitive or pregnant women. Well, wow! How bad does this get? The warning eventually overrides my problem with seeing kids get hurt, so I rented it one day back in 1998. The results? Well. I have to say I agree, the film shouldn't be watched by pregnant women. It shouldn't be watched by men either, or kids. So who's left? Nobody, that's right, NOBODY should be watching this offensive mess of a film. It's as if they combined a zombie flick with Children Of The Corn, and melded it into one....oh, add, of course, the corny and cheesy B rated horror shock value that really has NO VALUE here! A man is brutally cut in two inside a corn field, we don't see how bad the injury is until he backs himself away from his own lower half, the grisly graphic look of his innards showing in all its naked glory. A film by Troma. If you're familiar with Troma, your probably going to be familiar with whats in store for you. It wasn't that bad, until the ending, when the kids are badly massacred off. I really don't think this was suppose to be a comedy, I think the film makers really wanted to create something scary and gory here to scare the socks off of parents. But how, when they've never heard of the title before? Bottom line: It's not a good movie! Save it for a day when you really hate the little brats, and you don't mind seeing them slayed off after feasting on internal organs for breakfast. I'm giving this sauce less waste of terror 4 out of 10 stars. Good God! Who casted all these kids in this atrocious freak circus of a movie, anyways?

How to Make an American Quilt

How to make a boring AZZ movie
Let me start by saying that I really tried to like this film, because I knew the meaning behind it. This is just connecting the lives of others, through their stories, and through the making of a quilt, each piece of the quilt interlaces and tells a unique story. Problem is, none of these stories could hold my attention. I've tried. And tried, and tried again. Simply put, my brain is not routed to give a flake in the lake about this many people who come together to unite as one. Is yours? So how do you make an American quilt? Simple, you just live your life, to its fullest, with love, laughter and kindness. What if you can't find any? The film demonstrates its power of message through each story, and if the message goes over your head, you've lost part of the film, if not the entire film, because each message makes up the ( ahem!) American quilt. Symbolic. It's a lot of symbolic, some made up, some real, oh, do I even KNOW what I watched here? Maybe it would be fun to see some more reviewers written by females, because this film is definitely geared towards the feminist minds alike. I'm not being a jerk, I'm really not, its the same as if we expected 20 random females to all sit around the TV, and watch a stupid ball game. Take 20 random guys, and make them watch this movie! My guess, is 19 out of the 20 won't get this. They won't watch it. I really wanted to like this, again, however, there were too many barriers. One, movie was too long. Two, none of the characters, despite their depths, was interesting enough for me to care about their intertwining lives shared. Three, did a lot of scenes seem drawn out, or unrelated. Or, maybe they were related, through something I missed, because I don't have the memory to hold onto every little detail that I see and hear. This seems like a film that requires all of your senses put together to really appreciate. You need to watch carefully, listen carefully, and focus carefully. By watching, your not necessarily focusing, I mean, you really have to know not only whats going on, by WHY its going on. The film cleverly seems to capture what many may take for granted, and attempts to....maybe want us to view and appreciate life itself a little more affluently. The film means well, it really does. However, it may bore you to the core. It's not a movie for everyone, but everyone should at least give it a chance. I give it 5 out of 10 stars.

Spring Break

Spring Break will do very little to, uh, break your concentration here.
That's because there is none. Take your thinking cap off, sit back, relax, and enjoy a little fun in the sun, and beyond. That's all I can say here. No twists, no turns, hell, even the story line is on the back burner here. It's just a lot of beer, a lot of chicks, and a lot of great music. It's not a good movie, however, the atmosphere to the film is 100% fun. What I did like, is, for once, it's not the hunks that get the babes, its the nerdy boys....right on! Why should the hunks and jocks hog all the glory? For that, I'm rewarding a cheer and a beer for Spring Break for getting something right. A film from Sean S. Cunningham, who, really, didn't want to be known as a horror icon, but nevertheless brought us more treats then tricks. If the movie doesn't grab you, the music should, and if neither does, then Spring Break is a bust for you. If you're a fan of the 80's as I myself am, and you're ready to take a little rewind back in time, strap yourself in for more fun then laughs with Spring Break.

The Crush

I wasn't impressed
The Crush tells the story about a 28 year old man named Nick Elliot, a successful journalist, who has just moved in as a house guest next door to a family who has a 14 year old female child. Problems arise when, well, let's just say problems arise. Problems arise because Nick wasn't paying attention to the road, and almost hits the girl crossing the street, but chooses to gawk at her as she walks away. Already we have an uncomfortable setting for the film. By we, I am, of course, referring to anyone who isn't into kids. Were suppose to feel sorry for Nick, when this girl retaliates, and sets out to ruin his life after her sexual advances were ignored? Well, what did you expect Nick? You didn't seem to mind at first, you even let her kiss you on the lips, so bon voyage with your trip through insanity with this demented chick. I think this blowhard got what he deserved, if you ask me. The movie has a good point, however, older men shouldn't torque with children. Things go off the deep end, including the ruining of his car and career. I don't know. I wasn't impressed, the ending was a bit anti climatic, however, there's enough entertainment to keep you wondering what other tricks this kid has up her sleeve for this pathetic excuse for a man. Far from thrilling or chilling, but a fair shake on mental illness from both sides of the fence, I'm giving The Crush 6 out of 10 stars.

Wristcutters: A Love Story

a treat for the quirky
With a title like that, you would think this is a depressing film to be watching. It's really on the other end of the spectrum. This is a light hearted, fun but odd tale that will keep you smiling and hopefully in high spirits all the way to the end. The film opens up with a young man who tidies up his apartment right before he offs himself, after losing his girlfriend. In the afterlife, he's in purgatory with other suicide members. From this point on, the film never steps into the dark or depressing side. Never. In the afterlife, he gets a job, he shares an apartment with someone he doesn't quite get along with, and he's still down in the dumps. Sounds like the afterlife is just like life, eh? He jokes how he wanted to kill himself all over again, but afraid that he would end up in an afterlife to the afterlife that's more punishing then this. The plot thickens when he later learns that his girlfriend also committed suicide, and she's looking for him! And now, he's looking for her. Through strange people, odd circumstances, and bizarre situations, its just a matter of time before destiny brings these two back together again. Wristcutters A Love Story made me laugh out loud, it made me cry, but more then anything, it made me feel. The film cleverly works through stages, some obvious, some hidden, but one thing is for sure....this movie doesn't go for your wrist, it goes for your heart. It won mine. A treat for the quirky, the film may even leave you with a high on life feeling, although the climax was a bit puzzling for me, yet acceptable. Unique and sublime, Wristcutters A Love Story is a cut above most romance films....because it dares to be different.


Sick, twisted, gore hounds paradise!
More gore then laughs, clowns, or tornadoes, so bad weather is the least of your worries here. Focus here is on some demonic clowns that slay off a boyfriend, and the girlfriend wants some revenge. Seeking vengeance by casting a strange voodoo like curse, four insane clowns are stalked by some bad weather occurrence, and a tornado attacks them in their vehicle. Problem is, this has just turned four insane demonic clowns into four insane demonic clowns that can now teleport through a mysterious tornado, so killing them actually did them a favor. Talk about a force to be reckoned with! They're not looking for an apology either, and they're going after not only the ones who are responsible for their deaths, but also anyone who gets in their way ( which, hate to spoil it for you, IS A LOT OF PEOPLE!) Film actually feels well directed, acted, and even written, until about the 45 minute mark, when it becomes a complete bloodbath. When I say bloodbath, don't take the warning lightly...the movie may be comedic in many areas, but the gore and violence here is off the charts. One scene has no problem, for example, showing us a very graphic look at a disembowelment, as a persons large intestine is extracted out of their belly by hand, and you get a good look at it to easily identify it as a large intestine, so again, heed my warning, this is not a movie for the squeamish or pussies alike, this is sick, twisted, gore hounds paradise of a film. Afterward, there is a twist ( ha, pun, that's a pun) in the story, gets comedic again, and then the blood spills again. Clownado wins with me, as its got a unique story line, tons of over the top gore, and humor that had me laughing out loud. Todd Sheets wrote and directed this, he's no stranger to horror, as his extensive and massive history in horror goes back to the 80's, and he's had enough training to know what to do and what not to do, so if your in the mood for some gory, insane fun, have a blast with Clownado. ( Blast, ha, another pun, like, wind blast!? HA HA!!!)

It Chapter Two

Nails. And fails.
I don't think the standards are any higher for It Chapter Two then the 2017 film. Acting was great. That's about the only good thing I can say about what I saw. Too much reliance on CGI, which is obviously never coming to an end, however, growing up with many films that used much more creative effects, its something I will never adapt to. Stop referencing to movies like The Shining or The Thing, when films like that are at a higher standard then your reliance on CGI, do I make myself clear, filmmakers? Come up with your own agenda, or get lost! It Chapter Two opens up with a hate crime. From there, we establish nothing except that ITS BACK! We unite the Losers Club from the previous film, fast forward 27 years. ( So its the year 2016, did I do the math right?) They're not kids anymore, but still just as afraid as yesterday. Mike knew, and is ready with a fountain of knowledge on how to destroy IT once and for all. They go separate ways, so that they can find artifacts from their childhood to use as a sacrifice to the Ritual Of Chud, which is the only way to destroy the killer clown. Problems arise when each one of them is re-terrorized in excruciating but non lethal ways. With the exception of Adrain Melon and a blink and you miss it shot of a child getting torn apart, IT Chapter Two remains completely bloodless for the first half of the film. (Sighs) We came to see horror, did we not? What's more horrifying then a killer clown from space? How about we discuss the book for a change, is everyone cool with that? If you've read the book, you know that Tom, Beverlys husband, gets his butt brutally and violently handed to him, but the director choose to go the cheap route...I almost preferred the way it was handled in the mini series, at least then, I didn't have any high expectations then the expectations I expected to see in an R rated movie. The film does have a few surprises, and I say a few, because, well, those surprises are gift wrapped and bow tied with the wonderful help of CGI, otherwise they would have been BIG surprises. Have little expectations from IT Chapter Two, and it probably won't disappoint you. My main problem with the film comes with the ending, I am NOT happy with who delivers the final blow to IT ( Hint: It's not the one from the book. Which sucks, because this was suppose to be a vendetta against IT, not just destroying it.) I didn't feel they were creative enough with IT Chapter Two, maybe they should have spent more then five months on the project. Bottom line, IT nails. And fails. Ties certain elements from the first film in here, but leaves other ties hanging. Pennywise The Clown? Not as energetic as the original, not near as entertaining, and less creative. Even the clown head with spider legs just looked plain silly then scary. I have many beefs with IT Chapter Two, but I will applaud them on their flying colors....whatever they may be. I'm giving this piece six out of ten stars.

U Turn

Sean Penn and Jennifer an OLIVER STONE PICTURE! Almost 23 years later, and it still doesn't sound right. So how forgivable is this film? I can say this, I was disappointed. Stone has been credited with many strong films under his belt, and unfortunately, U Turn is not one of them. I don't care how much you like, or dislike this film, it cannot be denied....this is just not worthy of the Oliver Stone brand. It's just not. The entire movie is almost comedic in a wrong sort of way, panning out the most unbelievable of unbelievable circumstances, and tying them together for some kind of reaction from the viewer, weather it be shock value, a laugh, or just a "what the hell" moment. It will work for some. It will not work for others. By the end of the film, I just discarded it as an attempt to make a gritty, violent thriller, however, it comes off more violent then thrilling. Weird characters are being cast here, most notably a character who names himself T.N.T, he even has his initials carved out in his own hair. I found the film overly dark and bizarre, and maybe that's the intent, however, I just cannot get over this being an Oliver Stone movie. If you're looking unique, U Turn is a well made film. Aside from the disturbing elements ( there's a graphic incest scene that about made me gag on my macaroni and cheese I was eating at the time of rental, God, what's WRONG with you!) this wasn't a bad film for the genre it was attempting to capture. For the rest of you, well, you know who you are, and I cannot say it enough....this does not feel like an Oliver Stone movie. Say it with me. Oliver Stones Platoon. Oliver Stones JFK. And now say this....Oliver Stones U Turn. Yeah. I'll tell you what took a U Turn, the mans career. 6 out of 10 stars.


This movie is...uhhh, hard to swallow.
What happens when you combine the 1989 film Heathers with the 1995 film Clueless, and you throw a dead body in the mix? You got yourself Jawbreaker, a mind numbing suck fest that somehow got away with casting Rose McGowan is the lead actress. Well, there's your first problem. Don't expect any of the actresses to do a great job acting, when the lead actress can't even act. Blind leading the blind here. So Jawbreaker is...brain dead entertainment, I'll give it that. You're entertained by watching these girls act like idiots, the cops show up, they're idiots too, I mean, there's no smart people in the entire movie, including the cameo appearance by Marilyn Manson himself ( I was kind of hoping they would shove a jawbreaker down his throat. It never happened.) Jawbreaker is not exactly a disappointment, however, there's no intelligence to be found here. Very playful, very colorful, but very dumb and pointless, and YES, it is unbelievable! However, it's just another teen movie that exploits murder in the worst way. Dying with candy in your mouth, I can honestly say, is the worst way. Take your four stars, and go away, Jawbreaker.


lushly detailed,engrossing. But confusing film
This 1984 science fiction film was amazing in its craft, unique in its own way, and yet painful to watch at the same time. I've never seen a movie even remotely close to Dune before, and chances are you probably never have before either. The problem with the film, actually, make that that for every good thing that I have to say about the film, I have something bad to say about the film. I've never read the book, or books, of Frank Herbert, however, I'm willing to bet there were changes made, material omitted, etc. Since I haven't read the book, I have nothing to compare it to, which in this case is a good thing, because it seems like fans of the book hate this movie. And people who haven't read the book may find themselves lost in translation. While I find a lot of this movie quite confusing, I have to say I found it quite engrossing, I think they were on the right track here, but consolidation was obviously the key problem here. Too much material for a film just over 2 hours, and yet who would watch a 45 hour movie if every detail was there. Having being familiar with the work of David Lynch, I trust that he did the best and only job he knew how to do, and knowing how to spend the budget for a mammoth of a film as such is a task all on its own. This is an incredible film, and yet its nothing I can recommend, because I can see a good portion of the population saying "I don't get it." You don't have to get it. You just need to get the gist of it. My main complaint, and actually its my only complaint, with the entire movie, is the fact that the film is just over 2 hours long, and the trip to the desert planet doesn't even take place until about 50 minutes in. Shouldn't we have, uh, paced this a little better, Lynch. When all is said and done, I refuse to beat this film down too much, in fact, I can find myself giving it more praise then it probably deserves, for some reason. Perhaps it's because of the plates of crap Hollywood dishes us out over the past years, that I have developed a sense of respect for failed attempts, as long as the efforts are there. You can truly tell, the film makers tried their damnedest to make this a good movie. This is where I cast away all judgement and hate. If you've clearly shown all the blood sweat and tears into the project, and you didn't try to snooze your way through it, then I have to give credit where credit is due, and it's due with Dune. Most, if not all of the performances were excellently done, and more then anything, I just loved the surreal and sometimes touching feeling of it all. With every color that passes flying, there's something failing, something falling, however, all bad is forgiven, and the entire film is saved by what it is, and we have to accept it for what its not. I'm giving Dune 7 stars for all the extraordinary work done. Even its not appreciated by many.


Click is damaged goods ( but at least good)
First and foremost, I'm going to pretty hard on Click, so be warned. I'm going to shoot you straight as an arrow on this flick. Far from terrible, which is what you would expect with a Happy Madison production, but far from deserving of all the praise it got and still gets to this day. Click is just okay. If anyone gave this more then six stars, don't be misled. It's maxed out at 6 stars, given a fair shake of course. A young man who works more at his job more then spending time with his family gets a remote control that...well, controls the universe. Amazing what you can get at Bed Bath & Beyond. So go to the beyond part of the store, and there's your remote control. We could have made a million of these, sold them for ten bucks a piece, and made 10 million dollars off it, but we just built one, and its all for you, Michael Newman! Absolutely no strings attached. Batteries not included. Hit the power button, the movie itself will shut down. The movie then takes us on his guide through the world of the remote, we should see tutorials, etc, instead, were listening to the 25,000 Dollar Pyramid Game theme! Huh, what? He can rewind, fast forward, he can pause the kids playing in the background for whatever God busted reason, but just keep in mind....this is HIS remote. HE'S IN CONTROL. So we think. The plot is about to get thick. It seems easy, right. Hit the fast forward button, he can skip arguing with his loved one. So while he's skipping, what happens to him. Oh, he's on auto pilot, he eats cereal super slow motion, while time literally passes him by, and he's not only NOT spending time with his family, but he's fast forwarding through the lessons that life tries to teach him. I think. Am I overthinking the film? Because I'll tell you what, the film does NOT have any direction that it wants to stay on. It's a fantasy, it's a comedy, it's a drama, it's a wonderful life, then it suddenly wants you to take it seriously, then it wants to make you cry, then the viewers emotions are tricked into thinking that they watched something good, and then your slapped right across the face with such a generic ending, an ending that made me wonder if the filmmakers knew what they created to begin with. So this remote control was specially made to ruin someones life? Or are they suppose to learn from it. How about we all learn from life without the remote, that's what we all do, anyway. For entertainment purposes, we play along. However, trying to make sense of the entire film is mind numbing. Its amazing how many people just disregard the logic side of it all. What, for example, happens when he loses the remote? If someone else picks it up, and starts fooling with it, does it affect their lives, or his? I understand that I may be looking too deep into the film, but for a film that demands to be deep deserves to be criticized as such, and that's why I'm being so hard on it. If you wanted to go the comedy route, go that route, and stay on it! This film just gets away with swerving, U turning, and just going all over the place, and people are okay with it because...well, that's just Happy Madison. No. It's just an excuse. You can put food in an igloo, but don't call it an ice box! From the director of The Waterboy, Click is far from disappointing, but far from rational and exciting, either. It's fine until you can see through the smoking mirrors.

Super Mario Bros.

fun and entertaining, Super Mario Bros scores!
Despite its problems, Super Mario Bros. reigns supreme in my opinion. It was fun, funny, entertaining, there was great stuff for the whole family, the profanity was at a bare minimum, there's a cool car chase, a few crashes, and a cool slide scene down an icy pipe. Dennis Hooper, as much as I thought it was hilarious that he was even cast in the picture to begin with, pulled off a great role as King Koopa. Hoskins was great as Mario, and Leguizamo was wonderful as Luigi. So why is there so much hate for the film? Two reasons. First and foremost, this film came way too late. The video game was released in 1985, and the film was released in 1993, when Nintendo was in its twilight years as a game console. There was little to no respect for the efforts put forth here. And second reason, because of the mob mentality. If a good percentage of people say a movie is bad, some will jump on the band wagon, and say its bad when they know somewhere inside them they actually enjoyed it, they just wont admit it. Super Mario Bros was not an easy film to put together, and in spite of it all, I think everyone did a good job putting it together. ( I say in spite of it all, because I am fully educated on the problems that occurred behind the scenes during the film making. Look it up online, I have to keep it out of the review here.) I honestly believe there was a decent market for this film, had it been released closer to the video game release. By 1991 even, Sonic The Hedgehog was crushing Marios style, not just cramping it. So what you have to look forward to, is a well made film for the whole family, again, the profanity and violence are at a bare minimum, I think there's one scary scene in the entire film ( the scene when Koopa shows his true form may be scary for little ones.), but for the most part, I applaud it. I don't think it deserves, or deserved, all the hate it got, while schlock gets put on pedestal. It's not fair. In some cases, especially towards the end, Super Mario Bros was able to capture that Ghostbusters feeling to it, I"m sure it was not intentional, but through trial and error, it really turned out better then I expected it to be. I truly hope you will be able to see some good light to it, also.


V/H/S: Very Heavy Stuff
Don't come into V/H/S looking for a straight shot story, or stories, and you'll be fine. V/H/S isn't even an anthology. To shoot you straight, picture several scary horror movies, skip to the climax on all of them, and you have V/H/S. It works as the unique film that it is, and nothing more. Meaning, if you want different, you're looking at it. Scary, caught off guard scenes, jump scares, bizarre footage....expect it all. Banged up movie? Oh my God, yes! If this is what makes your bump in the night, you're in for a treat. V/H/S has it all. Realism, nudity, graphic violence and gore galore. An excuse to make a film with just the meat without the potatoes. Hey. Who says all dinners need a side dish? I give this 6 out of 10, and don't forget to check out the sequels V/H/S 2 and V/H/S Viral. I recommend them all.


one funny part in the entire movie
And take a guess which part is the best? That's correct, what you saw in the trailer! Aside from that, this far from grand comedy is about as dumb as the date it was released. Second worst film of 2001 ( Worst film of 2001, don't make me say it. It stars Tom Green, does that give you a hint?) Tomcats is about....look, just heed my warning, okay. This is humor aimed at a college level, and all darts miss the dart board, except for one bullseye. And if you think this is worth watching, just for that one scene, I need to remind you that you can see that scene in the trailer. Mediocore, sappy, boring, third grade level writing, Tomcats is sure to put the spotlight on white trash humor. ( And, no, that's not a good thing.) I'm giving this ridiculous atrocity of a motion picture 4 out of 10 stars. I'm giving it 4 stars out of respect for the idiots that like it. That's right. Believe it or not, I have respect for idiots. Just because I do, doesn't mean I respect the ones who created this film.

White Men Can't Jump

a movie that bashes, well, just about everyone and everything
The film opens up with a bunch of "your momma so fat" jokes. Already, we've set the foundation for White Men Can't Jump, which the foundation is this case is weak, cracked, and hard to build on. What we build on, well, let's just say the entire film is misdirected ( in more ways then one), misguided, and misled. The premise of the film is quite confusing. I can't even tell you what its about, because it just seems to bop around from situation to situation, all of which seemed to be random nonsense. Were suppose to laugh at them bicker back and forth about who listens to better music. Seems juvenile to me. What am I saying, it IS juvenile! Full grown adults acting like bratty eight year old children on the playground. You guys really like this picture? ( Sighs) And the whole Jeopardy thing, I mean, come on, this was just an excuse to add material to the film. It had no point, no value, absolutely nothing to do with the film. The film had nothing to do with the film. Woody couldn't even save this piece. Instead of a slam dunk, its just a dunk.

Creepshow 2

It doesn't have the comic book feel to it like the original
So what. This is a fair sequel to the original Creepshow. Director Michael Gornick, who worked with both Stephen King and George A Romero in previous and future works as of the date of the film, handled the project in a...well, creepy manner. The stories don't have the same dark humor laced in like the 1982 film did, but we still play along for entertainment purposes. We have three ( that's right, only three) tales to spin here. First one, "THE INDIAN", finds a wooden indian coming to life to exact vengeance on the wrongful deaths of the store owners in the small town they live in. "THE RAFT" finds a vengeful blob of black goo stalking young adults in the middle of nowhere, and "THE HITCHHIKER" finds a vengeful man returning from the dead to exact vengeance on the hit and run driver who likes to talk to herself. There's really no harmony to the stories this time around, seems like a hodgepodge hit and miss, rather then the original Creepshow which worked as an anthology. I really hate making comparisons, but the truth is....Creepshow (1982) set the bar pretty high for its time in the horror genre. Not only did the sequel come a bit late, already when the horror and slasher franchises were winding down, but Creepshow 2 just didn't stand a chance of meeting, much less exceeding, the goods delivered on Creepshow. It's important to just enjoy it for what it is. And what it is, is a fair shake on a horror anthology. I just don't believe its worthy of the Creepshow title, but that's just my opinion. I give this work 6 out of 10 stars. And, you know, after this was all said and done, I really wanted King and Romero to team up on an original film together, but it never happened. It's sad, you know. The closest they ever got to that, was THIS. Which sucks, because I know it would have been good.


horror anthology based on a comic magazine
I used to buy EC comics Tales From The Crypt, and I don't know if Creepshow is a real magazine or not, I'm too lazy to research by now, but let's just disregard that and get to reviewing Creepshow, released in 1982. Wow. This movie works, I'm willing to bet some money on it that this was all trial and error, as most of the early horror films from the 80's were, but this works on some mysterious ( and humorous) levels. The film is unequally divided into five stories, all of them are quite intriguing. The order in which each of the tales are brought to us is perfect, first tale brings us a dad from beyond the grave to finally get the cake he never got. He got murdered instead. Second tale takes us on a discovery that involves a meteorite, which causes grassy vines to grow on anything that you touch. Third tale takes us on a beach, where cheating lovers are taught a lesson....and then the lesson is returned to the man who was responsible for drowning them on the beach. Fourth tale ( the scariest and gruesome of them all) involves a monster and a crate, and a man with an over sensitive imagination. Fifth tale ( maybe this was the gruesome of them all) involves a cockroach infestation. With everything added up, this was quite a collection to tuck you into bed. It has a quirky, offbeat vibe to it all, and I'm okay with that, because its an element missing out of a lot of horror films. Watch for many cameo appearances, including Stephen King himself. I give Creepshow 7 out of 10 stars.

Three O'Clock High

Time is his worst enemy. He's got six hours to get out of fighting.....his worst enemy.
Jerry Mitchell is having a very bad day. He's running late for school, tire is flat, and he's got no clean clothes to wear. His day is about to get worse. He just met the new kid in school, a guy who just transferred from another school. Word gets around about him quick, about him being a troublemaker with a very violent temper. Jerry makes an attempt to get on his good side, and gives him a good old buddy pat on the front of the chest. The problem with Buddy, the new bad boy in school, is that he doesn't like to be touched. By anyone. And now, he needs to "work it off". He's challenged Jerry to a fight after school at 3 o clock in the parking lot of the high school. Jerry only has a few hours to talk, bribe, and think his way out of the fight, or this just may be the end of his life as we all know it. It seems all of his plans are foiled, in humorous and sometimes in shocking ways, but one thing is for sure....there is no place for Jerry to run or hide. A final bribe is finally settled, and Jerry walks away with his pride taken away. Finding that this is no battle to be backing out of , Jerry agrees to the battle at 3 o clock, and reluctantly is set up for the fight of his life ( and possibly, death.) The fight doesn't last long, but there are a few surprises, keeping the viewer on their toes. Three O' Clock High didn't get the attention that it deserved, notably for Tysons strong performance as the bully, but it is a fun and entertaining film nevertheless.

Kindergarten Cop

kindergarten slop
There's worse things then Kindergarten Cop. For example, Kindergarten Cop 2. It's out of the question that ANY cop would go through the trouble this officer does to nail someone. Out of the question. Legally, I don't even know if it could be done, however, for entertainment purposes, we play along. A cop poses undercover as a kindergarten teacher to nail a highly wanted criminal. The humor here is either sick, twisted, or perverted, but everyone seems to disregard it, and see the cute side to this all. Arnold Schwarzeneggar plays the role as kindergarten cop, he's about as tough as a cop can get, but is he tough enough to deal with the mob mentality of an entire classroom of five year old brats? Suspenseful, and the ending was quite violent, I am shocked that it didn't get the R rating. Everyone seems to disregard that, also. One of my least favorite Ivan Reitman films, and I love almost all of his work. I can forgive him for Kindergarten Cop, there a few memorable scenes. When I say a few, I mean a few, I'm not counting the garbage you guys fake laugh at, thinking what everyone else thinks is funny is funny too. You guys are so out of it. Few giggles, few laughs, tons of suspense and action, Kindergarten Cop is the pick for the afternoon when your all out of great movies to watch. I give it 5 out of 10 stars.

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