j_walking1516

IMDb member since October 2012
    Lifetime Total
    25+
    Lifetime Plot
    1+
    IMDb Member
    8 years

Reviews

Adventures of Rufus: The Fantastic Pet
(2020)

Surprisingly saved by the child actors
Sometimes you see something that looks so absolutely bad that you just have to check it out. Going in with the bar set to it's lowest parameters I found myself vaguely interested and not miserable. An oddly charming and cute cast with a very adequate soundtrack but everything else is pretty mediocre lol It's feels like a stageplay with stilted lines, overacted posing and behaviors, and it's all shot directly forward, no cinematic angles or interesting shots. The main kids of the central story, Scott and Emily are very cute and well played and made the movie worth the bad points. Without them I wouldn't have endured the 80 minutes but they really outshined the rest of the cast. There's a bunch of cutaways as the movie is told via a grandpa reading a book to some other kids and honestly all of that could have just been thrown out. It's boring and feels like it's just ripping off other movies. The animation isn't great but it's cute and absolutely acceptable for a kid's adventure movie. It fits the bill for an afternoon background flick to help fill the void of quarentine blur.

Life with Derek
(2005)

Every episode has really awful messages
Terrible messages with really unlikeable characters. The parents are borderline abusive in their neglect and disregard for their kids. Theres episodes that are very anti-male, submit and know your role, and video games are the devil. It's such a disconnect from anything healthy or anything that a family should be. Honestly it's really disgusting

Blue Demon
(2004)

If you think this is bad then you really haven't seen bad
This was such a charmer. The cast was perfect and the whole thing felt so to the in cheek Especially the military general who gave me "Dr strangelove" satire vibes. In fact this entire film feels like sharksploitation satire and if that was on purpose, genius. If that was accidental, impressive. Regardless, it's really entertaining. The pacing was alright but definitely could have used more shark action and quickened the first act up a bit. The bits between the sharks are way too far apart but they keep it mostly interesting. The production quality was surprisingly well even if the shark CGI was really rough. I feel like the poor graphics are easily forgivable by how enjoyable everything else was. Quality shark matinee that caught me off guard by how nice it was.

Nereus
(2018)

It's just way too long
It's tooo looooooooong babes, why is this 103 minutes, this length is insane? They could have easily, EASILY, shaved 30-35 minutes off and had a solid indie horror. I totally love and respect the basic level idea of "spooky pool" and their core concept is intriguing and honestly kinds exciting. You had me hooked! The acting is rigid like suuuuper stilted but it's basically every single crew members first movie, including directing and writing and with that perspective they did great. Like for someone's first movie they did a respectable job. The script for being about a scary pool is actually really good. It just has too many pointless filler scenes or ones that are way too drawn out and by the time we get to our finale it's like omggg just wrap it up cause they've drug us along so much. But overall, not bad, they added some complexities and concepts that really made it work. Cinematics wise it's fine, nothing particularly mind blowing but everything looks crisp and organized. Of course the cover art is nothing like the actual product but that's to be expected with any cover that looks like this. I definitely wouldn't mind seeing more from this crew. Anyone that can take the idea of a killer swimming pool and turn it into a totally acceptable project has my interest for future endeavors

Absolute Vow
(2017)

I have no idea
I had no idea what this was. It was from just clicking a random movie. On the one hand, it's very low budget with ham acting, basic sets, and a shallow plot. On the other it's almost like watching a classic painting come to life. Everyone looks gorgeous and with their outfits combined with the scenery many moments looked like museum paintings. Fitting to these designs I was very surprised at how poetic the dialogue felt. I really loved listening to everyone speak and interact. There's a strange sensuality over everything that I had no expected. Lots of tease shots that border on the sensual and erotic. Everything about this movie was so strange and even though it felt all over the place I was fully captivated and interested

Begotten
(1989)

Collapses under its own pretentiousness
I won't say it's good but I will say it's one every horror buff has seen or should see at least once. The concepts and imagery aren't easily forgotten. The pacing suffers from purposefully bad cinematography which is on that line of artistic ambition and pretentious bologna. So it has several dry spells that you can fast forward through and not really miss anything. So why bring it up? It feels like being approached on the street by a crazy person who says something just cryptic enough to shake your core but then rambles the mysticism away. It's very gory but in black and white, it's shocking but only in its concepts for again, the actual presentation is weakened by it's "artistic" design. But if you do a dive into the synopsis via independent online research then the idea is very exciting. It's an hour and a half which is about 40 minutes too long for what is presented but I still find it important to the genre. If you want to experience what it's like to be cornered on a public bus by a rambling psychopath but in a safe way, this is it. .

A Nightmare on Elm Street
(2010)

The reviews are really obnoxious
People clearly just hated this out the gate solely cause it's a reboot. It's not a great movie but it's certainly better than 1/10 or 2/10. It's just a reboot of a tired and overly milked franchise. Jackie Earle Haley is a badass Freddy and deserves better than getting all the flak he received over this. His Freddy is creepy, cruel, and gross. Like I said it's not good, but it's worth a watch and it's as good as any of the other franchise installments.

Beneath the Leaves
(2019)

Presented in an unnecessarily complicated way
Our roads are flooded so it's a Netflix day. Opening it up with this unnecessarily confusing horror that has a small but impressive cast. I love Paul Sorvino, and Doug Jones will make any movie appealing. The movie's plot isn't complicated but the way it is presented is quite a mess. I actually had to look up the synopsis on IMDb to really understand what was happening. Beneath the Leaves (2019) Four small-town boys are kidnapped by James Whitley, a warm-eyed psychopath. His grotesque pursuit to reunite orphaned children with their deceased birth parents is stopped however when the boys escape and he is arrested. Now, fifteen years later Whitley flees during a prison fire and returns to see his mission through. It's then that the survivors of the past are faced with his return. Woven with other characters of traumatic pasts the film presents a theory on vicious cycles. A note on violence begets violence even when years have passed. How trauma stays with you and effects your every day Life even when you believe you are past it. The issue is just the presentation. We get scenes without solid context and characters who may have been a certain character in the past or just a new entity but it's never firmly established. It all feels very murky and I can't tell if it's just bad writing or just a bad attempt to come across as complex. They touch in philosophical themes but never dive into them. I hadn't looked to see if this was the director's first movie or not but it feels like someone's first movie attempt. Either way, it absolutely needed a once over in the script writing. The acting is fine, the cinematography is clean but nothing special, the fear isn't really there as nothing horrific is really shown or honestly even happens that much. Our main players Mira, Paul, and Doug all play their roles very well. They did the best with what they had. It wasn't horrible, it was easy to finish and I was interested enough to try and understand it. But I probably won't ever watch it again.

The Host
(2013)

Boring retread of Invasion of the Body Snatchers
The cinematography is decent but besides that it's a total wash. A shallow script that wants to be a romanticized teen version of Invasion of the Body Snatchers. The acting is flimsy at best, no one did anything particularly memorable in their roles. The scenes go from dumb illogical violence to angsty drawn out shots of soulless whatevers. There really just isn't anything special here. The characters make decisions that make zero sense. The soundtrack is minimal and forgettable. It's all just soulless and weak. It's all just so, blah and long solely to be long

Death Note
(2017)

Not just an insult to the source but an insult to the audience
This "movie" is just plain garbage. Even if you ignore that they completely destroyed the source material. Not just ignored but insulted it at every turn. It's just constantly infuriating how little respect they had for anyone who had supported the franchise. That aside, it's poorly made. The writing is shallow, cringey, and honestly stupid. It plays like a script written by an angry 7th grader who is mad at mommy and daddy. None of the characters are developed in any way. There's zero growth or explanation of any persons. It's just flat and soulless. I got second hand cringe every scene The framing and cinema are boring and amateur. The actors are mediocre, best for TV movies. Just nothing about this garbage is acceptable

The Rake
(2018)

It's not bad
I have no idea what the reviews calling it confusing are on about lol if anything this movie is too shallow and straight forward. It's a very basic premise with basic characters who are all really unlikeable. It constantly reminds you of what the plot is and it is just like the creepypasta it's based on, basic but "scary" Unfortunately, there isn't a single character I really cared about or could relate to. The movie did try and have a foundation of character development. Several scenes we're spent on just background building, just none of it was interesting, but they did try. The monster is gross and spooky and they did well with it, they even use practical effects over CGI which is a plus. The kills are gory and intense, several are unpleasant to watch. When the fear finally comes to its build up it does have a decent amount of tension and dread. The final act is horrific, loud, and brutal. It's really not bad and for being an indie production it stands above the others like it. It's just not particularly great either

Gnome Alone
(2017)

Pleasant but lacks confidence
It wasn't bad but it was great. It was an exactly acceptable children's movie. If they were more confident in their own writing we could have had something much more sentimental and meaningful which they clearly wanted to do but instead gave us a way too long and frankly, pretty boring montage. The message is okay but overall still pretty shallow. The animation is fine tho the backgrounds and details are sorely lacking. The characters are okay, no one super memorable. It's nice but everything from frame to script needed polished and some more care put into it

Swiped
(2018)

How does this even qualify as a movie
Every character is garbage. Every situation is unbelievable. The script is flimsy and could have only been written by a couple of middle school kids. One of the dumbest "movies" I've ever seen

Lost Song
(2018)

Acceptable but lacks confidence
Lots of cliches and tropes, the animation is as clunky as the dialogue is stilted. The conversations are unnatural like one person speaks, pause, next person speaks, pause, first person replies, pause. The second half of the series gets very convoluted as they try and do some "clever" twists that the writers clearly saw in some other shows and wanted to mimic but didn't understand what they were copying. It's very pretty to look at and the story is vaguely interesting though massively overdone. There's just nothing too original and worthwhile about this series. That being said, we watched all the episodes in one setting because it was an inoffensive albiet fairly bland show that had some characters we kinda liked but will forget by next week. The writers and directors needed to be more confident of their ideas instead of mimicking things they liked in other shows. At it's core there's a lot of decent ideas and concepts it all just feels very unpolished and buried in cliche mediocrity. It's not horrible it's just not memorable. If they do more id be interested in seeing it because you can tell they tried and wanted to do something really special but this felt like a pilot series rather than its own entity.

Midsommar
(2019)

A convenient way to see a bunch of cliches
The cinema was nice but that was it. I'll try to phrase it nicely below but this movie was an absolute bore and a checklist of tropes and cliches I remember when I saw the very first preview, the day it came out andd I said "that looks like teen based Wicker Man" Sitting at a lengthy 2.5 hours I was hoping for quite a deep dive of cult horror. The cinematography was wonderful, great pans of landscapes and scenery. The location of filming was gorgeous and the frame work was excellent. All of it well directed as seems to be Ari Aster's forte The lore is strangely shallow for it's length. What they had was interesting and convincing for the cult. The convictions and ideals were fun to hear about but ultimately could have been fleshed out more. The acting was acceptable even tho all of the characters were unlikable and tremendously oblivious to any danger. Character creation seems to be a weakness for Ari. I do hope to see more of the female lead, Florence Pugh, in more roles in the future. She did great in her part but was restricted by the character. Overall, this was everything I expected it to be to a T. It's not that it was a bad movie it was just the exact formula that you would expect from the preview. And as I thought, it was essentially teen based Wicker Man. I feel like I've seen this movie before and nothing super new was brought to the table. It also could have been very easily 30-40 minutes shorter. I did enjoy it far more than Hereditary. I can see why people got excited about it and I hope Ari keeps pushing out big hitters to help the genre out. Both his movies brought a ton of attention to the horror world and that's great! but I think I'll pass on his future movies.

Frankenstein: Day of the Beast
(2011)

I've seen a lot worse, this has a passion to it
This movie isnt great but it's better than the ratings. Yeah, I'll put it on a rating curve, it doesn't have a Conjuring sized budget but damn if it doesn't have heart and soul. Honestly this concept is cool as hell. I love this story idea. Just a ragtag suicide squad trying to hold off an unstoppable, regenerating Frankenstein monster during Victor's wedding night. Even with a low budget if theyd just have polished the audio it would have been really good. The kills are brutal and well executed, the gore factor is actually pretty impressive. The tension is decent but decreased by the novice acting. Though our lead is very acceptable. The monster is intimidating but is flawed by a weird sound design, their audio is very easily mistaken for dog growling lol So this movie has several flaws and really needed a good once over. But I was genuinely entertained and interested the entire time. I've seen MUCH worse from companies with far larger budgets and much more resources. This is the horror genre at it's raw core

The Banana Splits Movie
(2019)

Ignore the whiny reviews, this is fun
It's more of an 8/10 but I gave it a 10 to offset the whiners. I was so surprised by the quality of this slasher. I expected it to be pretty poor but it was honestly such a trip. This movie is a hilariously good time. Lots of gore and fun homages. The acting is perfectly cheesy. The characters are direct examples of all the types you find in real life. The disorganized family Annoying entitled parents Instagram influencers Big wig networkers causing issues It's all here and it's fantastically bloody. It's not necessarily scary but it has tense moments and makes you care for the few characters that are redeemable. The cinematography is solid, the pacing is well maintained, the story is exciting, and it feels like the cast is having a great time. Honestly, it's everything you could want in a light comedic slasher

Storks
(2016)

Perfect family film
Gorgeous animation, hilarity that is still funny after several viewings, and a premise that is thoroughly enjoyable. This movie is so underrated and it's a shame. Between it's over the top farce bits and delicately sentimental moments you have yourself a beautiful movie.

The Burning Moon
(1992)

Unintentionally hilarious
The ham acting and over the top gore. The synopsis of the short stories. Absolute laugh riot. It is very gory but the gore is very dated. It is dark but the acting and way it is shot and it's low budget made it closer to a Troma film than anything horrific

Cyclops
(2008)

If you went into this seriously, it's your own fault
This is a fun Saturday matinee. It never takes itself too seriously and knows it's low budget. The acting is full ham and it's great. It's a killer Cyclops in the Roman era. Of course it's cheesy and dumb. It's the same quality as a softcore adult movie. Very watchable and entertaining. It's Roger Corman, if you expected a masterpiece you have no one to blame but yourself.

The Golem
(2018)

Classic horror form
The reviews of this being "too slow" or "not a horror" are honestly missing what makes a horror movie a horror. It doesn't have to be slashers or jumpscares, horror can be tales of the strange and macabre. Like the monumental classics. This film would stand right alongside the classics of the 30s, though it has more gore. This movie is an excellent example of those alternatives. A dark story of loss, vengeance, and fear. One set in a very interesting historical time period and based on actual lore. With this, the film itself has gorgeous cinematography and a wonderful score. If you love classic horror, dark dramas, or just fine cinema then ignore the unnecessarily low reviews and check this one out.

Hush
(2016)

Checklist of bad tropes
Really stupid and incompetent characters being really stupid and incompetent for 90 min. Several scenes are unforgivably inept. The main lady, acted well, but constantly makes every bad decision in horror history. There's absolutely no tension because of the poor decisions. Made 90 mins feel like 3 hours.

God's Not Dead: A Light in Darkness
(2018)

Definitely best of the trilogy
The writing was much more focused and tried to have fair viewpoints. It still had the signature cheesiness and fairly shallow characters but was still the best so far. Honestly, my biggest complaint was the remix of the theme song lol

Saving Christmas
(2014)

Honestly charming and enjoyable
It wasn't perfect but people are overreacting. I gave a 10/10 to counter to obnoxious 1/10 edgelords. It was cute and simple and charming. I'm not even a Christian but I enjoyed the central message of not being a jerk around the holidays. It was an enjoyable film and had some fun trivia and lore from their faith and overall was pleasantly uplifting. Don't be that guy and stop making everyone miserable

Fireproof
(2008)

Insulting
The movie itself is well made but it's message is very toxic. Not for the religious aspect but the clearly abusive relationship. The wife is cheating on him, treats him like garbage, and tells him she doesn't love him. But everyone around him tells him he's wrong. He's a hero firefighter that has a bad wife, and a delusional dad, and a hypocritical friend. Also the main man doesn't actually do anything really wrong and often saves lives but he looks at pornography on the internet so he is painted as a horrible person The idea that this man should be bending over backwards for an abusive wife is so insulting.

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