hopsinglinglao

IMDb member since October 2013
    Lifetime Total
    5+
    IMDb Member
    6 years

Reviews

Better Call Saul
(2015)

Get ON with the story you pretentious morons
This is a perfect example of what happens when creative types indulge in the gem & brilliance hidden deep inside their often padded and overly contrived ideas. No doubt breaking bad was amazing and this wouldn't exist without it. So why the need to make it so terribly slow and obnoxiously in love with its witty dialogue and slow moving Tarantino Esque 20 minute scenes that move the plot along by ZERO. Most of the convenient circumstances in this show are less plausible than one of those silly comic book movies of grown men in spandex fighting 70's Star Trek aliens. Hey egomaniacs making this swill, get the hell on with the plot and stop pussyfooting around in love with your cinematography and witty Easter eggs all on the shoulders of a much more superior show. The performances are the only thing that keep me even trying to give it a chance week after week. It should have been made into a 2 or 3 part series and cut out the garbage. No thank you

American Sniper
(2014)

Should be titled "Telegraphing Everything to the Audience"
Firstly, Brad Cooper is a shining light in this film and deserves some or many awards, no doubt the acting was amazing. The film, story, ham handed script, and visual effects, not so good. I was surprised this serious material was turned into another Hollywood fantasy video game filled with bad, expendables level CGI blood effects, terrible fake rubber babies, and mustache twirling terrorists that are apparently led by a parkour loving sniper & phantom of the opera style, cape wearing villain. I half expected these one-dimensional caricatures to start yelling out "durka durka durka" -- Dear Hollywood, people DO NOT TALK LIKE THIS. Idiots in this movie may as well have been winking into the camera while delivering exposition like "YOU DID IT" and "THEY ARE EVIL" and "GET SOME" .. ridiculous 6 year old level writing that belongs in a Stallone film. No matter what your politics, one thing is for sure, this type of material should be taken more seriously and not turned into just another blockbuster action film with made up scenarios that did not happen in the true story. And speaking of which, is it protocol for snipers to just decide they want to suddenly leave their position and join foot soldiers in house raids? And can snipers also just start pretending they are in CSI Iraq and run around interrogating people to gather intel on high level targets? If so, then, OK. Either way this film is laughably simplistic in its delivery of the ham fisted messages, especially in regards to forcing us to feel one way or another during any given situation. WE GET IT OK? Let us for once think for ourselves and see beyond just black and white caricatures who speak their every thought aloud and always with prolific clarity. Hollywood does not seem to realize that they keep making war films with war heroes who act like they KNOW they are in a movie and KNOW they are being paid millions for it. I will say some of the very obvious non-actor veterans also shined in the film but overall this movie is empty, action for the sake of action, telegraphed, garbage that people seem to swallow these days as serious. It is one level above Team America in that regard, Have fun but no thanks on this one.

The Equalizer
(2014)

A Script Written By A 5-Year-Old Aspiring Hollywood Screenwriter
Sorry Denzel, not even your amazing talent could save this laughably insultingly lame, simple-minded, patronizing movie straight from the mind of a toddler trapped in a 38 year old Hollywood screenwriter fantasizing about saving abused hookers from fat Russian mobsters. But 2 good things about this movie: 1) Denzel AND 2) Mustache twirling, bootleg Kenneth Branagh main villain.

And from this point on my review will simply be titled "Hollywood Thinks...."

1) Hollywood thinks that Russians speaking to each other randomly pepper-in English for some odd reason & then go back to their native language to say important info like "Yes"

2) Hollywood thinks every man only gets mad about injustice when it's a young attractive female who is being abused and beaten by rich, fat, ultra violent, mustache twirling foreigner/weirdos.

3) Hollywood thinks ex-CIA members go around wiping out entire crime families not because they want to stop crime or injustice to the general public, but because one white woman was abused by Russian pimp-mobsters who very obviously had done that type of thing to countless men/women before. But it is okay for the hero to murder people because, hey, they hit a woman & they are one-dimensional evildoers who don't deserve even a trial or gas chamber for their crimes, they deserve a vigilante death.

4) Hollywood thinks the Russian mafia and the Boston PD are both incompetent fools: These rocket scientists run around saying things like "no witnesses" but brashly brandish guns in broad daylight and shoot at things all the time out in public while doing faux-military hand- gestures thought up by the 5 year old screenwriter while playing Contra. And apparently half of the corrupt cops in this universe are making gobs of money with the oh-so-dangerous yet generic "mafia" groups while the other half is shaking down Mexican Jack Black's mom for pocket change at a taco stand because that's such a booming industry in the Southy Projects. Feed me to thah POOR by dah way.

5) Hollywood thinks an ex-CIA member can lecture mobsters about lying, killing, and insulting a government agency for corruption...as if they have such a squeaky clean record. And they also think we the idiot simpleton audience is supposed to shake in our boots at these tired, played out tropes revolving around the "RUSSIANS" and "CIA" and "CORRUPT COPS" who talk like caricatures from an unreleased Sopranos sub-plot.

6) Hollywood thinks that every vigilante murder, destruction of property, torture, etc. can be written off as legitimate because said vigilante was an ex-CIA/FBI/Law enforcement officer with some current tie to an operational government contact (in this case a female instead of a male because that is just so out of the box & unexpected) So progressive this film.

7) Hollywood thinks they need to shoot everything in slow motion because MATRIX.

8) Hollywood thinks people with guns often give vigilantes 20 minutes of slow motion time to plan out killing them with random blunt or sharp objects just after adjusting skull-shaped items to foreshadow their doom.

9) Hollywood thinks the audience is stupid (and they may have a point) so constantly have characters yell out things like "OH THIS IS THE RING I LOST" and "OH MY GOD YOU DID IT!" because we idiots could not done figure that out oh golly geez and a wippdee doo!

10) Hollywood thinks by shooting people talking that are famous and telegraphing what is good and evil, over and over again with the same idiotic tropes, that it counts as great cinema. F**K Hollywood and F**K this movie.

Guardians of the Galaxy
(2014)

Star Trek on 100% Pure Colombian Cocaine
The good:

1) Amazing visual effects. 2) Brilliant use of color/world building. 3) Interesting characters, nice balance of screen time 4) Enjoyable action, not too long. 5) Generally good acting from main cast, although Zoe sleepwalks through.

The frustrating (AKA What Hollywood will never stop doing)

1) Painting humans various colors does not make a believable space alien, especially when put next to visual marvels (pun not intended) like Groot and the amazing technology. This is not the 60's & I don't care if this is based on a comic book, please stop painting people and adding metal mohawks, expecting us to take it any more serious than Swamp Thing. 2) English is still the preferred language in the universe? Really? Nearly a 200 million dollar budget and you can't make up some different languages? Oh but they are using British accents so it's believable. 3) Cliché alley. How many times are we going to see the bad guy literally explode into a bunch of pieces at the end? How many times will we be served a macguffin that destroys planets? Did we not already do this with all the previous Avenger films? 4) Over stuffed. We did not need all the characters besides the main cast and villains, and the sidekick bad girl is terrible. 5) The villains. Seriously? These races of evil villains (mostly comprised of males apparently) all happen to look evil, have little to no color, and spend their times waltzing around primitive looking spaceship decks, being evil just...because they are evil? Do these people have any dimensions? They speak of being angry but have no wives, no interests, no motives. It is getting old. 6) Stuffing nostalgic music and movie references does not make your film classic or original, it is quite the opposite. Tarantino is good and forcing his taste of music on you...gradually and indeed charmingly, but in this film it is just contrived..just there to say "hey this stuff was cool" ...so what? Seriously...I love Pac Man...so can you throw some pac man stickers on Star Lord and get an extra million in box office? I guess so.

In Summary:A Fun Ride But Still Just More of the Same. Not original, but definitely an interesting watch. I accept now that what passes as a masterpiece is what copies from the past few decades of great cinema....so I will have to get used to it.

X-Men: Days of Future Past
(2014)

Heroin Addict Super Heroes, Just What Our Kids Need!
I give this film one star because the best part was by FAR the quicksilver character and his shining scene(s), which was well worth the ticket price to see. And the acting in this film as well as CGI is great.

But this is an already over-hyped, over ambitious, bunch of nothingness on the screen for 2 hours that is disappointing when you think about it for more than 5 minutes.

What is with the need to have Wolverine's Bare A** in a pg-13 movie basically for kids who like comic books? ? And a funny line from the much better predecessor, First Class, dropped the F-Bomb in a very useful and powerful way, but in this film they use their PG13 F word to reference an already old joke...WE GET IT. It's not funny, if you're going to be edgy, make it an R Rated film. Not sure why in a light-hearted super hero film we need this garbage along with a side plot of our main character basically being hooked to smack and shooting needles into his arm like it's a Pulp Fiction junkie.

And does every super hero movie since Dark Knight have to be full of gloomy whining ironically detached emo hipster super heroes?

And the remainder of this review is all WHYS for Hollywood writers/executives who thought this script made sense:

Why the cliché 70's schtick? Just because the 70's has iconic events and fashion/music, doesn't mean that every waking moment was filled with greatest hits of the 70's references, and not every person was dressed like a bad SNL sketch about the 70's, and not every 70's film has to drive into our heads that JFK, NIXON, and the Vietnman War were all things....and furthermore, the bad technocolor "70's" film footage of mutants fighting was laughable and brought NOTHING to the film, and never paid off whatsoever. Not to mention most of the technology made no sense in other spots of the film.

Why try to keep true to real historical characters in our history like Nixon or JFK when in movies like X2 there is just some generic president of the USA??? Just referencing history's greatest hits that mouthbreathers MAY HAVE HEARD OF, does not automatically make your film epic or legit.

Why the rushed distopian future set up and why if the killer terminator robots were made and operational in the 1970's did we not hear anything about them in the previous X Men films? It's as shoehorned as the "prophecy" from the Star Wars prequels. The future world did not feel lived in...it was just set piece and set piece and set piece, filled with some characters who seem more interesting than the boring idiots we were following.

Why cram so many characters into the film when you can't fit ALL of them anyways? Cyclops for 2 seconds may as well be no cyclops. Where was Magic Mike as Gambit? May as well.

What is the need to have teen wolf in this movie? I mean, beast. But seriously, the makeup makes him look like Teen Wolf and his powers in this over optimistic scenario did not really stack up well. Should have brought back night crawler or...anyone else.

WHY Stryker AGAIN? Why Magneto AGAIN? Are these the only villains we can get in EVERY F**king X men film from now on? Every X Men movie now has had the same major villain and Wolverine Origins had stupid young Stryker already, it is getting old. And on a side note, Magneto as a character has conflicting personality traits/motivations that make NO sense. The writers need to decide on what type of mind he has, or reveal he has multiple personalities, which he apparently does.

And why does Magneto need an entire baseball stadium to trap a few whitehouse employees? Does he not know that baseball stadiums usually have EXITS? Did he not realize the whitehouse could have had an underground tunnel exit? Did he not realize the president could have been in something NOT made entirely of metal? Did magneto not think the many robots would not suffice? Oh CGI has to look stunning so big set piece shoehorned. And come to think of it, they didn't need magneto at all, they freed this obviously evil idiot just to have him become the villain...AGAIN.

WHY the hell have so few scenes with Quicksilver? He was by far the most charismatic and interesting. Would have paid off if he saved the day instead of Professor King Of Ireland Speech. Which at this point is as surprising as an Optimus Prime pep talk. And seriously so many people in this film had NOTHING to do.

What was the point of making none of the previous films count? Oh NONE OF THAT HAPPENED! Really? Well, if it were X3 or Origins that is good for the studios and our money that is down the toilet.

Time travel is fun but this film's logic is lame.

So sick of getting less for more and being told it is substance, it is the SAME NONSENSE but even more watered down.

I did like those robots too..so hooray for the mutant killers who I wish were the stars of this idiotic mindless film.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier
(2014)

Better than the first but still more of the same from Hollywood
The great: Chris Evans performance. He does a great job and plays this type of roll very straight which works and saves the film in my opinion. Also Anthony Macky..Mackey? Was a shining spot in the film. Cannot say the same for Scarlet Johansen as Black Widow who is a bit annoying on screen spending most of the time practically winking at the camera and continuing her cartoonish Betty Boop "aren't I sexy?" eye/lip gimmick. Redford is serviceable too as is Sam L Jackson.

Also the action sequences and CGI are both very well done. This has entertaining stuff in it to be sure and is not boring, a lot better and moved along with energy more than the first.

The Bad: Pathetically predictable, not to mention that Hollywood studios show us half the movie in their "teaser" trailers nowadays. And...ahem, Dear Hollywood, can you think of anything else in a superhero movie than ending it with some type of count-down doomsday event mixed with multiple mcguffins? The film should have been smarter than this, but just like the Dark Knight series, it had to end with some death star count down with unexplained stakes that don't make much sense when thought over more than 5 seconds. And aren't we past the predictably evil villain who practically twirls their mustaches while explaining their evil plot to the good guy to give them time to get away? And Hollywood, seriously...are you still stuck in the mode of constantly bringing about WW2-era villains like the big bad Nazis? This was already the focus of the first film..we need it again? Heil Hydra? Are you f**king kidding me? And a computer controlling our intelligence community and secretly controlling all events on earth like it's a finely tuned ballet? Not even our incompetent CIA/NSA could accomplish that even if they wanted to. My point being, the film was ambitiously aiming high with the political thriller content, but it became a bit laughable when faced with a retro computer zombie Nazi explaining to us his evil plan that apparently 30% of Shield went along with for some reason...and I guess all other military agencies just kind of allow our capital to get blown to hell for hours before asking potshot Black Widow to explain the events to them..and the audience.

And lastly..the villains. Come on..a pro MMA fighter as a bad guy cameo? Why not cast Hulk Hogan. Just as silly.

And recycling 2 people we already know is bad enough but one of the "super villains" is just good at shooting guns, posing with guns, and strutting around like a cat while bad guys hand him guns? Is there really no fleshing out of this character from the comic books or any of these millionaire screenwriters pea brains?

And alas! Hollywood has only two modes with films: 1) Super serious/dark or 2)super campy/quip filled..PICK ONE! You can't take yourselves so damn seriously while having undeveloped laughable villains who take time to let good guys run away instead of shooting them in the face or who explain their intentions instead of shooting them in the face.

Anyways...frustratingly familiar but I admit I had a good time. A fun ride with some bright spots being the main cast and the direction/action. But Marvel needs to break the mold again and not fall into the trap of the cliché, cookie cutter formula action/superhero film that they think we expect or need as an audience paying out the nose for a ticket.

Lone Survivor
(2013)

The Hollywood Insult to True Stories
I had no problem with the entertainment value or performances but have a big concern over what is being implied with these Hollywood versions of very serious history (Zero Dark Thirty, Cpt Phillips, etc) which exploit real life situations for profit and ratings.

If a true story has to be rewritten in any way to better a Hollywood movie, made for profit and awards by already millionaire celebrities; Why even use the real names of people? Why not base it in truth but openly make it clear you are changing details Hollywood didn't find juicy enough while exploiting serious situations for money and awards?

It's like a bible. If it's so important and sacred, why sell it for money and why ever rewrite it? There's no reason to if you want to be taken seriously.

I don't care if the people involved in the real story support this garbage. Rewriting history with changes that DID not happen, regardless of how cool it looks, is dishonest and does a disservice to those who died and can't cash a book selling check or shake hands with rich movie stars.

If you care so much about truth, don't sex-up the story to have dramatic elements for the sake of an audience. Make it for the history channel and swallow your pride.

Impossible I know but just a thought to get back to honesty and what matters most. Would be more happy with the film if I knew it at least followed all accounts and didn't add in Hollywood studio notes. Ridiculous.

See all reviews