winkies

I'm a fan of the Amicus horror anthologies, but Torture Garden, despite a promising title, was pretty weak. Most of the stories, despite being written by Psycho scribe Robert Bloch, are on the level of really lame episodes of The Twilight Zone.

The only stand-out is the Poe story, and Jack Palance's hammy creepy performance; this is one of my most favorite things the character actor has ever done, and it completely goes against "type," creating a hysterical, utterly nutty character of the stripe Vincent Price usually plays. Cushing is also good in this story, but he's playing straight man to Palance so he doesn't have a whole lot to do other than be foreboding and "Cushingly." The Poe segment was really on the level of the AIP Poe anthologies, and would have fit right in.

Mention should also be made of Burgess Meredith as "Dr. Diablo," who gleefully exudes evil and chews the scenery while wearing a top-hat and smoking from a long cigarette-holder (not unlike the Penguin character he was playing at the same time on the Batman TV series). However, Meredith's cackling ham isn't enough to recommend this film for anything other than the Poe segment. And as far as the Amicus end-of-movie twists go, the one in this movie is pretty lame. My advice is to fast-forward to Poe, then fast-forward towards the end framing-sequence which briefly picks up the Poe thread once again.

As a big fan of the first movie I am somewhat taken aback by the terrible plotting and execution of this film. Frankly, "Apocalypse" was a big disappointment. However, it has enough cool action sequences, special effects, and Milla in yet another gams-revealing outfit with sexy fetish boots to be worth a rental.

The movie takes place immediately after (and a little before) the ending of Resident Evil. The T-virus quickly spreads throughout Raccoon City and only handfuls of unlucky non-zombie citizenry remain. The Umbrella Company & their evil henchmen are more fleshed out in this movie, fronted by a blonde, Aryan man with a German accent (infer what you like) with no regard for human life. We are also introduced to a new kick-ass gammy heroine, cop Jill Valentine (Sienna Guillory, who in comparison gives us a whole new appreciation of Milla Jovovich), T-virus creator Dr. Ashford (Jared Harris, who deserves soooo much better), and jive-talking' 70s throwback L.J. (Mike Epps). Acting across the board is quite wooden, with Milla giving the most heartfelt, textured performance (which says a lot).

The strength of the first movie was The Mission, which provided a strong narrative line that kept you riveted to the action until the end of the movie. In contrast, the plot for "Apocalypse" is a mess, going off on a dozen different tangents and never giving you a chance to feel attached to any character other than Alice. Another thing about Resident Evil Uno that I liked was the way things didn't neatly work out for the characters, and how they and us had to accept some harsh realities. "Apocalypse" has inexplicable saves, coincidences, and total candy-coated cliché situations that infuriated me--it reminded me in no small way of an Irwin Allen disaster movie from the 70s. And the miserable ending seemed tacked-on and particularly stupid.

Special effects and zombie gore are decent but quite watered-down in comparison with a Dawn of the Dead (either version) or 28 Days Later. The most memorable zombies are in the school scene and the pair of topless hookers. The hulking Nemesis monster looks ridiculous with guns and a missile launcher--it's like giving The Hulk an Uzi. The score is decent and sounds quite similar to Don Davis's work on The Matrix, but I longed for the minimalist yet creepy sounds of Marilyn Manson's work on the first movie.

Overall an unmemorable sequel that you'll begin to forget almost as soon as the end credits roll--unlike the first film, from which I continue to remember scenes like the infamous "laser hall" and Rain Ocampo's valiant struggle against her own doom.

And remember kiddies--when the dead walk the Earth, take that shortcut through the graveyard!

I absolutely HATED this film the first time I saw it on cable...but then I saw it again...and again...and again. Of course, these repeat viewings are due in part to the fact that even premium cable plays the same movie 100x times a month, but the point is, The Cat In The Hat grows on you. It's a decent, inventive comedy with some funny moments and a great cast. But is it an ideal family movie??

I have a problem with films clearly targeted at children that contain sexual double-entendres. The reasoning the movie studios have for such a practice is that this way, the film will appeal to adults as well as children--so they think. When a teen comedy like Napoleon Dynamite has less sexual references/blue language than The Cat In The Hat, there is a problem. A parent shouldn't have to face a question like "what did he mean when he talked to the garden hoe that way and kissed it?" I found most of these blue jokes funny as an adult, but I wouldn't want my child watching them.

The film this most reminded me of was Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory--Mike Myers plays the sardonic, somewhat dangerous (though ultimately soft- hearted) Wonka-like Cat, who turns the stuffy lives of Sally and Conrad upside down. Dakota Fanning & Spenser Breslin as the kids are wonderful--the children act mostly like adults (in contrast to the childlike Cat), and these two actors do a great job. There is not one moment during the film that I am not painfully aware of the fact that the Cat is Mike Myers in a furry costume doing shtick. Myers never stops being Myers. Sometimes his jokes work (the "I'm Easy" musical interlude after he gets his 'nads smashed in), sometimes they don't (the cooking show segment was really unfunny). His facial makeup is a little less grotesque than Jim Carrey's in The Grinch, but it's still kinda ugly & disturbing. Alec Baldwin makes a fine villain--but I can't help feeling that a role that highlights his paunch and general run-down appearance since his days as the hottie that starred in films like The Shadow is ultimately a bad career move. And Sean Hayes IS Tony Randall (him and David Hyde-Pierce should duke it out).

Makes a decent rental if you haven't seen it, and a bizarrely addictive viewing experience on cable for this reviewer. But I wouldn't recommend it for kids under 11 unless you're one o' them hipster parents.

I'm a big fan of horror anthologies, especially the Poe/Hawthorne ones from Roger Corman and the Amicus films. Spirits of the Dead, based on Edgar Allen Poe stories and directed by Europe's most acclaimed filmmakers of the time, didn't disappoint...well, except for the first story.

#1, "Metzengerstein," directed by Roger Vadim. A cruel nymphomaniac countess (Jane Fonda) destroys the one man she can't have (Peter Fonda). That's right, this segment's biggest distinction is that it features a romance between real-life siblings Jane & Peter. Maybe I'm just a boor with no appreciation of high art, but watching those two gaze longingly at each other gave me the serious skeeves. Somewhere amongst the implied incest, the near- implied bestiality, and Jane's leftover costumes from Barbarella is the very thinnest of plots and narrative structure. Vadim doesn't seem to have any comprehension of suspense or what it takes to present a story that, if not scary, is at least spooky. You'll be constantly looking at your watch, but don't let "Metzengerstein" discourage you from seeing the other two stories.

#2, "William Wilson," directed by Louis Malle. An angel-faced but throughly rotten and sadistic man (Alain Delon) is hounded by a mysterious man that shares his name. This was a tight, satisfying little story. In contrast to Vadim, Malle is so talented at the art of suspense that he can make a simple card game exciting. Some reviewers have been put off by the scenes of misogyny--and to be honest, they did seem to spill over into exploitation. But I think it was necessary to present just how horrible the main character was, and to contrast it with how attractive he is physically (which to me was the most fascinating aspect of the segment). I found the ending slightly confusing, but still effective & tragic.

#3, "Toby Dammit," directed by Federico Fellini. This segment is so virtuoso and packed with Higher Meaning and Symbolism and Commentary On The Nature Of Man, God and the Devil that it really feels like its own movie. A jaded, alcoholic actor is invited to Rome to film a spaghetti western based on the life of Jesus Christ and attend a bizarre Italian version of the Oscars. The world as seen through Toby's eyes is populated with freaks, liars, and soulless puppets-- no wonder he prefers the Devil (uniquely and quite chillingly presented as a little girl). The scene where he is driving the Ferrari is a little overlong, but the ending is quite jarring and the last shot one of the unforgettable images of cinematic horror. The only real negative is that Terrance Stamp, who gives an incredible performance, has his voice completely dubbed by a French actor. If only we could have heard his own voice! It would be nice if Criterion could put this segment out on its own and give it the attention & study it deserves.

The Surge gave me far more than I expected from a direct-to-DVD low budget picture. Even the special effects--while certainly cheesier compared to a big budget flick like X-Men--were pretty decent, all things considered. And the soundtrack, which includes Marilyn Manson riffs and lots of hardcore techno, was surprisingly good.

The new kid at school, a relentlessly harassed Goth (the smoldering Matthew Scollon), hooks up with other misfits--a computer whiz-kid, his out-of-control bratty sister, and a nerdy-but-sweet hippie chick--and harness the mysterious power of some glowing stones. Much like the X-Men, each teen has a particular "super ability", whether it be psychic, "persuasive," telekinetic, or healing.

The acting is hit-and-miss, stand-outs being Melissa Renee Martin as the caustic Ashley (seemingly channeling Sherri Rappaport's performance from Little Witches six years earlier) and Alice Frank as the mild-mannered flower child Phoebe. Frankly, I expected more from the aforementioned Scollon as the Gothic Reese--sometimes he hits just the right amount of pathos & angst, and sometimes it's like he's simply phoning his performance in. But he's nice to look at.

The similarities between this film and earlier teens-with-powers-get-revenge films such as Mirror Mirror, Carrie, and most especially The Craft are very strong. There are aspects of the plot and even dialog in this film that seem to be lifted ("inspired') from The Craft directly--and yet the overall message of The Surge is a bit more positive than that film. While the movie certainly has its share of tense teen-revenge moments & violence, it's not as nihilistic as the DVD box art would have you believe.

Definitely worth a rental or cable viewing, especially if you've got a tolerance for lower budget horror & sci-fi movies like I do.