cristinasimmer

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Reviews

Thirteen
(2003)

Call me Biased for the Nostalgia, but it's a 10/10 for me
When I was younger, I'd always scout for movies like Triple Dog or Thirteen when I was 12 and bored on Netflix. I'm now 18 and this movie gives me those same nostalgic feelings I got when I watched those. The cinematography is absolutely gorgeous and really gives those 2003 feels. I truly enjoy the story and the exciting adventures the teens go on. It's such an interesting experience to go on with them and I suggest watching this movie.

Spoiler time: Tracy's mother is my least favorite movie in mother history when it comes to not being able to recognize that her daughters a junkie even after having a junkie boyfriend. You're daughter screaming in your face and acting erratically does not translate to her hating your cooking. But ultimately I love all of the characters (except Tracy's mom) and I love the story. Some things do get confusing though as to why Evie up and ditched her old life to hang out with some random girl from school, why Evie has been flirtatious towards both Tracy and her mother, what the hell is going on mentally with Tracy's mother, why Tracy gets so jealous of the mother-daughter relationship forming between her mom and Evie, how Tracy's mom didn't notice her daughter changing so quickly I.e. Stealing, drinking, doing drugs, and many other things. I get confused as to why the writers tried to cram so many pointless plot lines and side stories into the movie that didn't even end up having a big payoff, but all of those minor complaints aside, I truly love this movie, flaws and all. It's gotta be one of my new guilty pleasures. I just love movies that have teens either destroying their lives or going on wild adventures that end up destroying their lives. Call me crazy.

Bakerz Union
(2020)

Did a f#%king child film and write this?!
Genuinely, I'm appalled at this movie. This looks like it was filmed on someone's iPhone for a school project. The plots dumb and it's just another excuse for some stoners to get high on camera and make a quick buck off of it. Y'all make me ashamed to be part of the wake n bake club.

Turning Red
(2022)

This Movie Changes Everything
I have so many things to say so I'll keep it very brief. There's so many pros I found in this movie. I appreciate the feminism, Pixar's bravery towards menstruation, the all female cast, the jokes, the cultural references. I mean this movie just takes Disney's norms and flip them on their head. It's unique and takes inspiration from anime like Sailor Moon and FruitBasket. It's concept is new, finally a fresh idea from Pixar/Disney. It's realistic yet mythical and surreal. The animation is simply stunning and the art style is something not regularly seen in cartoons. All of the characters have their assigned personality and it works. And oh my gosh did i mention the soundtrack???? Godsend. Call me dramatic. Voice actress for Mei is very impressive, she's great and I love her! The movie is not only visually stunning but all-in-all amazing as well. Definitely worth the watch!

Human Resources
(2022)

Better without the kids!!
Damn those kids got on my damn nerves. The monsters were the best part of the original show and are the best part of this show. I don't know where they're gonna go from here but it's very entertaining on the first episode alone so I'm very hopeful of it being renewed 5 times like the original. The cast is absolutely amazing and refreshing as is the writing. Thank you Nick Kroll and Andrew Goldberg!!

The Suicide Squad
(2021)

One Of The Worst Movies of 2021
This year already sucked, but seeing this movie made it worse. I'll give you a brief and simple rundown of why all the negative reviews are true.

-All of the dialogue is sloppily written and the comedy is at the level of middle schoolers. There is no chemistry between any characters and the script tries to be more intense and meaningful than what it really is.

-The humor is dreadful. Everything is "state the obvious." Character 1: Is that rat waving at me?

Character 2: It appears it is.

Character 1: Why?

Character 2: Because it's friendly?

Also there's nothing but dick jokes, middle fingers and bathroom jokes. There is no brain or thought put into the comedy. Ex: "Mario kart-racing d-bags" -Harley Quinn.

-The movie is horribly paced. First it's fast (which I can get behind) bc it assumes you've seen the first movie, then it slows down tremendously, then speeds up again, and it's on repeat like this for the remainder of the movie.

-Gore is cool but they overdo it.

-It tries to do something different which I can give it credit for but it's not executed properly which defeats the whole purpose.

-I only saw the movie as a true Harley Quinn fan but I hate how they don't know how to write for Harley Quinn in anything since the original cartoons.

I expected much better from this movie but it's just extremely disappointing. No wonder no one really saw this movie.

Promising Young Woman
(2020)

Threw me for an enjoyable loop!!
I really did enjoy this movie genuinely! Even if you're not a feminist or if you're a male, this movie is enjoyable for how dark and real it is. The movie goes fast, but does unfortunately slow down in the middle when it focuses on Cassie's personal relationships, but it's worth it to see the entire movie pan out. If only Covid didn't ruin the massive audience it could've had because this movie deserves widespread attention!

Lastly, the soundtrack was astonishing, but not more than the lead actress's acting. She blew me out of the water.

Possessor
(2020)

Disgrace to Cinema
While I must admit, it is visually stunning, most of the beauty is taken away when the flashing lights are constantly hindering the audiences view. The movie is very bland and the characters are unlikeable. Unfortunately I was forced to see this movie with my family and young siblings. The sex scenes are as visual as pornography. You might as well have searched up pornography and connected It to the movie screen. Female genitalia and male genitalia is fully exposed. This is the first theatrical film I've ever scene that has done this. Arguably worse than Fifty Shades of Grey 1, 2, and 3. Nothing memorable about this movie other than that and the African American actresses acting in the first quarter. She was outstanding versus everyone else. The absolute most forgettable film of the year. Thank you for nothing.

Spree
(2020)

Came for Joe Keery, Stayed for the Action
I genuinely Didn't have High expectations for this movie at first as a member of the newer generation. I expected the movie to be very over exaggerated when it came to internet presence, but the character makes this acceptable. I have to admit, the desperation that reeks off of the main character Kurt makes me almost feel bad for him. I enjoyed a strong black female lead and all motives for everyone's actions being clear. The story made absolute sense from every characters point of view. Yeah, there were a few things that could've been stronger, but much credit given to the scenes that ultimately made my jaw drop (which was a lot.) An ideal replication of social media presence in 2020!!!

(I'm going home to watch it on demand AGAIN!)

Close Enough
(2020)

Haven't Seen An Animated Show This Funny Since South Park
Wasn't a fan of Regular Show, but giving these comedic creators and geniuses the ability to discuss adult topics with adult humor is absolutely amazing and you had me honestly within the first 30 seconds. I knew this show would be a banger from the trailer.

Side note: I love how the main characters are happily married instead of struggling and bitter towards each other as a form of humor.

At Home with Amy Sedaris
(2017)

Even the trailers were a disappointment..
I'd been watching truTv and gotten many commercials of At Home with Amy Sedaris and was intrigued...until I continued watching the commercials and boy was I ready for my show to come back on. Amy Schumer is more interesting than Amy Sedaris and all of her jokes revolve around sex. Amy lacks humor whether it be out there or dry. I was disappointed come to find out that they renewed her for a second season. If the show is going to continue, please replace the writers...and Amy.

Good Boys
(2019)

Taught Me Life's Lessons That Apply
It's been a while since I've seen a movie that taught me a life lesson that applied to me. I thought it was genuinely funny and clever more often than not.

I was very impressed by the acting of the children who are actually all 12 and 13.

The movie was ultimately a good use of my time. We left scary stories to see this and it was worth every penny.

Great coming of age story from THE Seth Rogen !!

Euphoria
(2019)

Only thing I hate is the spot on accuracy...hits close to home
As a teen I find this show so incredibly accurate in its portrayal of adolescenthood that it hurts. I haven't been through much of what the characters have been through, but I'm aware that all of these events are taking place in the lives of other teens around me.

Teen sex, the pressure to have premarital sex, booze, alcohol, trans issues, everything that could be imagined.

Honestly I loved the show more than I expected. It's a really well put together that focuses on more than one character.

Give it a chance, and if your opened minded, you will love it!

Child's Play
(2019)

A Well-Done Remake W/ Change
For those who don't feel like reading a paragraph, I'm a huge fan of the original, but man this movie really out does itself. The changes were somewhat significant but not lazy in any way shape or form. Handicaps I thought we're going to be used like Andy's hearing aid had no impact. And the kills were to die for, literally! Good acting, good story-telling. Go mark hamill (chucky)!!!

Tl;dr: Just as good as the original, only different.

Aladdin
(2019)

An Incredible Execution That Exceeded Expectations
I'll keep it simple. The movie exceeded my expectations. I expected a sit still look pretty cast with little to no acting capability, but did they prove me wrong. Will Smith made the genie his own and did beyond amazing. All actors did their best portrayal of each character and their best was more than enough. The production was incredible. Costumes, props, backgrounds. Choreography was unbelievable. It was all so beautiful!! Will be listening to the soundtrack on repeat and purchasing the blu ray edition of the movie.

Us
(2019)

I LOVED IT....but hated the wait time for the good parts
I loved every bit of this movie, don't get me wrong. I've been a Jordan Peele fan since Key and Peele. But I was extremely disappointed by the wait time for something interesting to actually happen. I understand that the story has to build off of itself and character development. The twist was the best part of the whole movie in my opinion. The characters lacked personality (especially the son when there was opportunity to add something special there.) And the interactions between the family weren't unnatural BUT I think that was intentional, explaining the ending a bit more. Overall, amazing movie. Would watch it again if I could.

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