tim_eenennaam

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Reviews

Drag Me to Hell
(2009)

Every minute horror clichés and movie sins are stumbling over each other.
Drag Me to Hell is a disgrace for the horror genre. The movie depends on cheap predictable tricks to create some scary moments. For a horror-comedy movie the film just isn't funny enough. The special effects wouldn't scare a 4 year old.

Every minute horror clichés and movie sins are stumbling over each other. Scary moments are only created by loud noises and music, protagonists constantly hear conversations they can't or shouldn't hear and there are many annoying goofs:

  • Protagonist gets scared in all kind of ways. The boy at the start of the movie only claimed he 'heard voices' of the Lamia.


  • Protagonist repairs her boyfriends printer by taking a stuck paperclip out of it. Fact that her boyfriend couldn't fix that by himself makes him the most stupid person on earth.


  • How does the old woman get into the protagonists car? The car is definitely locked as protagonist unlocks it before entering. The old woman surely didn't use a kind of magic to appear in the car; when she is thrown out and protagonist locks the doors again, she can't get in anymore.


  • Old woman throws rock (what does a rock like that in a parking lot?) through the car window and opens door without unlocking it first.


  • Protagonist conveniently defends herself with some office gear she took with her to finish a file. Like you need tape, paperclips, thumbtacks, ruler and a stapler altogether. And like you don't have that stuff at home.


  • Protagonists car only drives when she hits the gas, while we all know that cars with automatic gear already begin to drive by taking your foot of the break. By the way, most of the time you can only shift if you're having your foot on the break; protagonist car is special I guess.


  • Protagonist and boyfriend sleep with open curtains for some reason.


  • Flashlight isn't working cliché. Besides that, there is enough light to see clearly.


  • Protagonist has a bloody nose and blood gulps out of her mouth out of nowhere. It hasn't something to do with anything in the movie whatsoever.


  • Protagonist enters the completely silent house of the old lady. In the room where old lady lies, there is a party with loud talk, laughing and music going on. Protagonist should've heard that miles away.


  • Old lady's corpse vomits over protagonists face and rips her hair off. Moment after protagonists looks perfectly normal.


  • Protagonist asks money from manager, claims someone in her family is ill; her manager gives her a day off to 'sort family problems out'? No logic at all.


  • Boyfriend is stupid enough to pay $10.000 for a ritual he doesn't believe in. Christine didn't tell him, so how did he know of this deal in the first place? And why did he leaves his precious coin in an envelope in the car?


  • Woman who'll drive Lamia away asks $10.000 for her service, claims later she 'waited years for this moment'.


  • Seance woman dies for no reason.


  • Handkerchief of old lady comes through air grid of car, which is mechanically impossible. And why did handkerchief wants to stop protagonist if the cursed button is not in the envelope?


  • Protagonist stops accidentally at graveyard. How did she know the old woman was buried there and not somewhere else?


  • Protagonist opens coffin with hands. When she opens it there is already mud and water in the coffin.


  • Old lady has two normal eyes in the coffin.


  • Phone rings only one time and goes on voice-mail while protagonist is showering.


  • Boyfriend has all the time of the world to rescue protagonist of the tracks, he decides to scream Hey hey hey, no, oh God no! for a minute or twenty.


  • The train that appears should hit protagonist in an estimated 1 second, considering distance and speed. Still, it takes another 13 SECONDS before it reaches the point.


Director Sam Raimi, shame on you for this trash.

Kenau
(2014)

One-sided story of the Dutch Revolt
In this movie about the Dutch revolt against the Spannish crown, the dramatic story of the siege of Haarlem is been told. The main characters are giving a decent performance and the movie is build up well.

The story and plot however, are a disaster. The viewer only sees the story from Dutch perspectives. The motives of the Spannish opponents remains rather vague. They are the bad (or even evil) guys and their only role is to be scammed by the captious Dutch women, lead by the heroic Kenau. The movie is almost a propaganda film for the Dutch Revolutionaries. A lot of great plots could be made by the story of the siege of Haarlem and the Dutch Revolt, even without abusing history. In that way the movie is truly a missed chance.

Colosseum: A Gladiator's Story
(2004)

A look inside the world of the gladiator
Colosseum: A Gladiator's Story is a surprisingly good documentary. It seems to be the only movie about gladiators that isn't dramatically romanticized. This doesn't mean the story is 100% true but it is at least based on the only real documented fight in the arena. Seeing this movie gives the opportunity to have a look in the live of a gladiator.

The special effects and the background pictures in the movie aren't really great, which is disappointing. One has to admit this hasn't really an effect on the tensity of the movie. The movie reflects on the customs and the values of the Roman society. Besides that it gives information about the (motives behind the) construction of the Colosseum and the fate of gladiators and other slaves.

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