b9robot

IMDb member since July 2005
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    IMDb Member
    15 years

Reviews

The Lighthouse
(2019)

Dreadful waste of time
Overblown artsy hogwash. Unpleasant to watch, dialogue mostly incomprehensible and no plot to speak of or satisfactory ending. How people manage to get funding to make this kind of rubbish escapes me. Here's a piece of advice for you writers and directors out there: if you tease a big reveal, then you had better give the audience a payoff or you'll end up with very dissatisfied viewers.

Inara, the Jungle Girl
(2012)

Best thing was the candid footage running with the end credits
I can't believe I actually sat through the whole movie! I could forgive just about everything that is wrong with this film (there's a lot wrong, believe me) if it was a college project or a home-grown piece of fun that a bunch of friends got together to make. But, as a commercial release, a viewing audience is far less tolerant.

The pacing, mostly a result of really bad editing, barely gets past a crawl. Long, drawn out and repetitive shots abound, trying to make the most of the female eye candy on screen. All it succeeded in doing is boring me to death. Even with a bevy of quite attractive women, you need at least some acting chops to carry the story, as vapid as it is. Oh, here's a hint girls, acting angry does not mean you yell your lines unintelligibly straight at the camera...

Fight choreography was non-existent. The final battle was completely laughable, stealing beats from 'Avatar' in the lead up to it. A group of bikini clad women sporting cast off swords and shields from '300' up against a bunch of mercenary grunts three times their size and armed to the teeth just looked like a bad joke, one which the director unbelievably followed through with.

I would have given away the idea of watching it at all if I hadn't been laughing so hard. This is a film that will likely not even see the discount bins at any reputable store. Definitely one to avoid.

Hangar 1: The UFO Files
(2014)

Utterly conjectural
I've just finished watching the first four episodes of Season 2 of this show and I'm very disappointed.

Each episode consists almost entirely of 'recreations' of actual MUFON case files. Interspersed between the chunks of dramatisation, and overdone shots of technicians and researchers fiddling with computers and moving boxes of files around, MUFON members and guests provide sparse commentary along with the '2 packs a day' narrator. It wasn't until episode 4 that any real video footage and audio supporting assertions made was to be seen.

To further frustrate viewers, each episode is padded with completely useless repetition of 'bullet points' for what has already been discussed after each commercial break, just in case you've forgotten...

Strip out all the chaff and I guess you're left with about 10-15 minutes of 'real information' in a 42 minute program. Not a very good average for anyone with a brain trying to digest it.

I doubt I'd be able to bear to sit through any further episodes. The whole format is just so dumbed down, riddled with inconsistencies, and ultimately confusing. I say confusing because no clarification is given as to whether you are watching recreations or actual documentary evidence. Oftentimes the 3rd rate CGI is a giveaway.

At least the 1970s series 'In Search Of...' had the good grace to warn viewers that what they were about to watch is largely conjectural. It's a travesty that the History Channel can't provide the same assurances. It leaves the content of the show vapid and hollow.

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