IMDb member since December 2016
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    4 years, 3 months


The God Inside My Ear

nearly unbearable
Intentionally hokey satire/surreal drama. another movie about taking drugs, made by people who have never done drugs. its worth a quck laugh and a cringe, but good luck getting past the halfway mark.


The pace is jerky, the storyline is flimsy, and the whole rig seems ready to collapse at any moment. bliss is forcibly wonky and unstable, making it more camp than unsettling or believable. this might be a great movie in an alternate reality, but not here

Between Earth and Sky

great taste, less filling
Veena sud comes through again with an atmospheric, nervous story of family and deception. enos and sarsgaard play less character and more story, but still complement each other as in suds more intense series "the killing." it lacks punch, and could probably lose 15 minutes without notice, but its worth at least a rainy day

The Haunting of Sharon Tate

haunting, indeed
"as much as i respect and admire the dramatic work of hilary duff," is how no one ever started a sentence. even with low expectations, this movie disappoints. its a tragic story that is somehow played like a cotton candy dramedy, trying to bliss out a cult murder. it goes even beyond absurd, because the performances are cue card flat. +1 star for "the man" and "satanists" being pretty much equated in the same bleary monologue. who says it wasnt a funny time? but seriously, dont ever watch this movie


you can check out anytime you like
"hotel california"... the movie. on a boat. mostly. in the end, of course the desired effect is hope that she can get it right if she just tries once more, but signs point to no. "leave the meter running" really hammers that one home. also, who would want to watch this more than once?

Drunk Parents

w... wow
With the combined experience of everyone involved, this shouldve been a home run. turns out, its a big whiff. how many people had to give this a thumbs up to get it released? awful. awful. unbelievably bad. when gaffigan is the best performer in a movie, you know its trouble. hard pass, its an absolute chore to watch. not even "so bad, its funny"


come for the cast, stay because you already started it
Imagine an x-files storyline mixed with fear factor. lol moment - the basement maze scene will stir memories of "this is spinal tap," likely unintentionally. the cast is very capable, but cant support a story so skimpy on details and character development. is it worth holding on for the ending? nope, but youre already halfway through, so just brace for disappointment

I Hate the Man in My Basement

what a terrible name for a pretty good movie
I almost didnt watch this because the title alone screams "dont do it," so please excuse my surprise when i say this is a well-done movie. good performances, interesting story, some well-placed humor to not make the lead role a total creeper. the character in the basement couldve used a bit more development. the book scenes couldve gone into more detail, but its cut well enough leave a reasonable impression. worthwhile watch, or victor over low expectations? ignore the title, watch it and find out

Murder Made Easy

quick, but painful
A theater troupe of celebrity impersonators are cast in a murder mystery that someone thought should be a movie. sort of. at 76 minutes, watching the entire show without throwing anything at the screen is an attainable goal. also, its only mildly irritating as background noise


near miss
The story was good, the acting was just ok. the real killer here is the camera glitch effect. its a lazy editing tool, and its seriously overused here. some more offscreen talent, maybe an acting upgrade, and this couldve been a really fun, weird movie. still better than most shoestring gopro/found footage stuff floating around. worth a look

The Hill and the Hole

adventurous, yet not quite
An admirable effort, to adapt a relatively obscure authors work, though the fact remains: its a short story, and at 80 minutes this movie plays like an exceedingly long twilight zone tale. the creepy and strange is diluted to kooky and weird, the wit is more kevin smith than lovecraft, and the ending is... boring. overall disappointing, pass unless you cant resist the premise


mediocre minus
Did these guys know about a guy named carl sagan? its absolutely pretentious and insulting to name this movie "cosmos." this one hundred twenty-eight minute buddy flick with zero budget and fiction science, uses the same name as the work of one of the twentieth century's greatest minds. get over yourselves. mediocre movie, seeking high praise for being low budget. again, insulting. if youd like to watch basic science explained to you incorrectly, and see three knobs talk about the universe over a melodramatic score, this might be for you. otherwise move along, the filmmakers are perfectly fine with congratulating themselves.

We Take the Low Road

the music is terrible, but
This was a tolerable movie. interesting story, passable acting, decent production. the last 15 minutes are plus plus, and produced enough lol factor to bump this up considerably. the songs are really bad, and theyre LOUD in the mix, so get ready for some gross alt-country grit and cringeworthy lyrics. though please do stick around for the whole story, it almost turns comedy and its a win, if by a slim margin


what a mess
How many parallel story lines were jammed in here? wow, this thing fell apart pretty quickly. it shows promise in moments, but the first 20 minutes were written like a bad high school journal, and the rest was too busy to fully resonate. also, how did this get crammed into 73 minutes? with more focus and fewer "arthouse" affectations, it couldve been a better movie. not terrible, but not necessarily recommended

Nightmare Box

Fake bdsm, weak dirty talk and badly scripted sex-shaming didnt ruin this. the fact that this couldve easily been better as a one-woman stage show didnt make it unwatchable. the pseudo intellectual philosophy throughout wasnt the breaking point. this film bent to its furthest, and snapped when the circus announcer appeared, as if to be a reveal of the film as complete nonsense. its a carnival act at best, a watered down fantasy where precision and passion fall flat. a good story can be told on a budget, but a bad story is a bad story. two stars instead of one, i guess because i didnt audibly laugh at any point


The story couldve been interesting, thats as far as it goes for this 105-minute trudge through a dysfunctional familys shady history. the script is painfully overwrought, only passable if an angsty teenager wrote it. the acting is forced but still flat, like people screaming things theyre reading off cue cards. the "found footage" premise is just an excuse for bad camera work and editing. this isnt worth a watch even to laugh at. stay away


"hunter vanelson"
Hunter vanelson. possibly the silliest, most obvious vampire killer name reference possible. also theres the issue of the popular television show "hunter"(1984-1991). wow. lazy boilerplate love story alongside mediocre vampire revenge... thriller? always fun to watch an actor in a starring role he wrote for himself. pure ego stroke, no substance, steer clear

The Stall

The plot is thin, the dialog is awkward and forced, this is a hard movie to sit through. its supposed to be a revenge thriller? most of the movie is a woman tied to a chair, being sassy and talking her way out of getting killed by two dumb guys. she gets one guy to kill the other, and seduces him into untying her. surprise, she kills him. this, however, has nothing to do with the plot. theres a weak wrap-up at the end, and it becomes apparent the entire middle segment is unnecessary. overall it reeks of vanity and self-satisfation. not surprisingly, the star is also the main writer, director, executive producer, and more titles down the line. this is jennifer m kays love letter to herself, hopefully she enjoys it. it shows promise in moments, but altogether steer clear

Yesterday Was a Lie

waste of time travel
A ridiculous amount of literary, science, and philosophy names are dropped in the first twenty minutes of this movie, in hopes that any pseudo-intellectual dick tracy fan will latch on to the story. unfortunately the story is already over, or at best meanders and returns to its inevitable conclusion. the wide brimmed fedora still doesnt look good on anyone, but i would like to visit a city with all 1960s cars, payphones, caller id, AND the internet

Lace Crater

it wasnt not interesting...
A bunch of bland, entitled, 30ish knobs go out to the hamptons, take some drugs, and have an impromptu ASMR hot tub party. things (almost) ramp up when the woman who is staying in the guest house bangs a strangely handsome, soft-spoken ghost. an unspecified amount of time later, she starts gooping the bed, and getting zoned out a lot. surprise! ghost std! she gets more and more hazed out, til shes basically living in the writer/directors brain, because nothing interesting happens in the last half hour of the movie. she does keep living her *life*, but its only getting... weirder. this movie did make me think my tv was broken for a minute, i guess that was the horror part? this is, overall, a darkly funny story about living in a void, and breaking through to a new, unexpectedly darker one. id love to say i liked it. its almost weird enough to be fun; the story is almost tight enough to be interesting; the cinematography is almost wonky enough to be artsy. its a solid "meh"


i wish i knew why...
This is a film about four american teenagers driving across the country to get their friend into rehab in california. somehow the main cast, director, and writers are all 30+ year old british people, and everything was filmed in leicester. the actors accents wavered so badly, it made the dialogue hilarious and the story irrelevant. in the first ten minutes of the movie, an actors accent fully changes from british to kind of american. why did they try to set this as an american story? do weird demon stories not exist in the uk? is the american horror audience more forgiving of trash movies(this might actually be true)? i have no idea. this movie is only worth a look if youve got 80 minutes to kill, and youre looking for a cheap laugh. or just watch 15 minutes, have a larff, and bin it, mate


iii caaan sleeeeep... through this movie
The noir thriller/drama might not be a dead genre, but this movie is pulling it toward the light. the actual story revolves around a theater stage, where films(and half the characters in this movie) go to die. this wouldve been a tidy small theater production, given the talent of the actors and a better script edit. and oh my, the opening/ending song is painful to listen to. hard to watch as well, because the dubbing is ridiculous. if youre really into amateur theater, this might be for you. otherwise seek elsewhere

Dave Made a Maze

couldve been a cool music video
This came out about 10 years too late, its just too precious to enjoy today. a movie about people making a documentary about a cardboard maze in some apartment. theres a pizza party, the blood is all shredded red tissue paper, lordy, everyone turns into cardboard puppets for a minute. this shxt is so sincere and self-aware, the wonderful absurdity of it is nearly lost. this is yet another post-"garden state" meditation: theyre grownups now, still struggling for something they dont yet understand. its all gonna be ok though, right? right? the creativity is plentiful, but its time to distill the enthusiasm from snappy dialog and unfounded catharsis to a story with substance and resolution. short take- fun watch, dont expect an ending, or really anything to happen

Don't Go in the Woods

seriously, dont
Occasionally a soggy indie rock band, occasionally a too out of breath emo troubadour, sometimes a bland garage/pop-punk group, the music here is soulless and boring in comparison to a deep roster of late-00s talent. also its a full hour into the movie before anyone gets picked off, so this is unrecognizable as a horror. what is this movie trying to say? in the end, its a bad 30 minute short thats been stretched to a dismal 83 minutes. who wants to listen to their friends crappy band practice, then watch them all get killed? oh man, thaaats the hook, i can get behind that. still not recommended, but it sits pretty firmly in the "at least they tried" category

Hinsdale House

The camera glitch effects so overused throughout the movie make the actual story seem secondary. this couldve been a fun little haunted house flick, but who cares when its all glitchy scenery shots? its a gag, and a lazy editing toy gone completely out of control. stay away.

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