rimagage

IMDb member since June 2017
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    2 years, 5 months

Reviews

Mary Poppins Returns
(2018)

Eh it's not horrible but not memorable either
The sets and costumes are quite good. Emily Blunt as Mary Poppins isn't half bad. I've heard people praise her performance as on par with the books. I've never read the books. I've heard that Saving Mr. Banks was based off the movie. Yeah it was as much of a snore fest as this one was.

The guy that played Jack to replace Dick van Dyke's Bert isn't bad. But honestly come away from the original and name any song. You can do it happily. This one not so much. Even my sister was trying to keep from nodding off. Their was no happiness, no color, no life to most of the songs. Name any song. Only one that I don't know the name of but the context of is all that's memorable. There's one of the songs Jack sings with the penguins and honestly I was over it half way through. I'm sitting there like how much longer?

The one that was one where you made up words was stupid. The stunt work and the dance routine was nice.

Then they said we need to turn back time. I'm thinking magical way. Nope they mean literally by turning the clock on Big Ben back like 5 or so minutes. Jack and the other oh their not chimney sweeps now their lap lighters. They nearly kill their selves especially Jack who nearly falls to his death before Mary Poppins decides Oh fine I'll do it. Then proceeded to fly up and effortlessly pull the hands of the clock back. So Jack nearly died because she was lazy.

Then there was a side line of Jack liking Jane who apparently never married. Small and sutle so its not distracting.

Mary Poppins herself I've heard is supposed to be more like the book by being more harsh and stern. I didn't hate that but maybe that's why there felt like there was no energy or life to the movie.

Then there was a villain. Why a villain because why not. They needed a paper to prove that they owned shares in the bank. Why the paper wasn't in a safe place or a safety deposit box we'll never know. Michael the dad is a part time teller for the bank and the rest of the time an artist. Apparently the wife wore the pants in the family and did all the work while he lounged around to draw and apparently not very good one since he states he makes no money from it. Now that she has died he has to actually take care of things as he had to take out a loan that he got behind on in payments because his late wife took care of everything. Now the house is going to be taken as that was the collateral for the loan. Then they search for paperwork that proves they have shared in the bank. Although it's never explained why it wasn't in the safety deposit box or somewhere safe. Instead he throws away a paper that anyone with half a brain saw coming from a mile away as the crucial paper. It was used to repair the old kite that they flew in the original movie. I don't know if I really believe after all these years that they would have kept it or in even decent condition. I mean they grew up mom and dad died/moved out it never said. Jan moved out, Michael took over got married had 3 kids, lost his wife. Yet they never cleaned out the attic and kept the kite and it only has a few holes really.

Overall it was dull and boring. Maybe if your a fan of the books you'll be thrilled with it. To me Dick van Dyke's cameo was the only real memorable moment in the whole movie for me.

Cinderella: The Enchanted Beginning
(2018)

It's okay
It's an okay retelling. Quite honestly it makes no sense. So overall I have no sympathy for this Cinderella who is of course an orphan. Her father died a year prior. But what makes it confusing is reading the summery you'd think she was really forced to live there. But it not true at all. She has a loving, caring aunt who has begged her to come live with her and escape the abuse. She refuses because the house she and her step family are living in was her fathers. You'd think well she's staying to inherit or find a way to get the house. Nope, apparently he never owned the house it was part of a share holder. It wasn't explained enough for me, but regardless it basically means she's staying and taking the abuse for essentially nothing as the share holders sell the house to a rich investor. At least till it's explained better in the end.

Yes the investor has a son who is the 'prince' of the story. Odd thing is the dad speaks English that makes you think he's an American but sometimes tried to fake the same accent as the son. But the 'son' has a strong accent.

The step mother doesn't want Cinderella at the ball not just due to the 'prince' but because the other share holders will be there and as her father had been one she feels the attention won't be towards her and her ugly personality daughters. The step sister aren't beauty queens but their not ugly either. Their personalities on the other hand tell a different story.

Her fairy God mother is basically her aunt who has said she couldn't make the party miraculously shows up just in time for said party to help out. Cinderella was locked in a room and somehow auntie knew of a secret passage to a unknown storage room that had things from her mother including a fancy dress and shoes.

The Little Mermaid
(2018)

It's okay better suited for tv though
If you go into this thinking of the Disney version then yes you will hate this. It is not Disney. At best it would have made a better lifetime made for tv movie than big screen. Basically reporter man caring for and raising his sick niece after her parents death. Looking for a cure they learn of healing water. Go find a circus and learn the water was only like sugar pills makes you think your better for a while. Find mermaid who can't leave because the ring master has her soul. The little girl is kidnapped because reasons. She's special somehow. She not a mermaid but has the heart of one. Makes no sense. The reporter guy goes to save his niece and with the help of a magical gypsy and I guy you'd call his wolfman. They save the mermaid. Insert lame action scene. Ringmaster dies, mermaid gets back to sea, helps not cure just heal the girl and tells them oh a quick swim will make her better. Oh and they save Dumbo. Okay it's not really but might as well be. Why else throw in an elephant that needs saving? Would I recommend that you watch it with kids? No. Not due to anything bad just it's slow and little to no action so especially kids would get bored. If I had had to sit and watch it in theaters I'd have hated it. Its almost snooze worthy.

I Kill Giants
(2017)

More drama, touch of fantasy
The YouTube channel Looper had a video called Great Movies In 2018 That No One Is Talking About. It made this film out to be like Thor. So I thought I'd give it a shot. It wasn't anything like Thor. The movie poster shows the one and only giant and she doesn't kill it.

I kept wondering why they hadn't gotten the girl any help. She seemed to live in fantasy more than reality. She wears bunny ears which is fine if she wants to. I'm surprised the school allows her to wear them and that no bullies take them from her.

She had a bully that was left unresolved in the end. Barbara pranked the bully and the bully went mental on Barbara's stuff that she kept hidden and that's it. Never mentioned again.

She meets a new girl who insists on befriending Barbara even after a couple of rejections. But ultimately she hangs in there. Till she catches Barbara zoned out and ends up accidentally punched. Due to that she betrays Barbara to the bully and even after all that they go back to being friends after the monster defeat.

Barbara was being raised by her older sister. At first it seems like dead parent cliche. Then in the end you learn mom is dying. Of what, well I assume cancer although the movie never tells you. In fact you never learn what happened to dad and only learn about mom in like the last half. Your only told she's sick. My first thought seeing how Barbara acts was her mother was mentally ill not what I assume to be cancer.

Barbara is forced to see the school counselor. Although seeing as though the counselor doesn't learn of Barbara's mother till much later and doesn't appear to let her monster fighting interfere in class it's not explained why she has to see the counselor. Yet they have her monster drawings and they know about somehow. She doesn't act out or yell about monsters in school so it's left unexplained how the school or the bully knows this.

Barbara's monster fighting, only consists of seeing them but doesn't do anything to them. One she seemed to kill one giant with electrical wires and which ended up burning down a shed. The weapon in the poster is only seen in the final fight. But during the fight she somehow realizes she can't save her mother even defeating the monster.

In the end she starts to spend time with her mother. Barbara is next seen at the start of a new school year and seems to be better somehow no longer wearing her bunny ears and is pulled from class saying her mother won't last long and then straight to a funeral scene.

So yeah needless to say it was a let down from what I was expecting overall not a bad film but not great either.

Xena: Warrior Princess
(1995)

Good show till the last few seasons
I loved it! It was a great series until the last few seasons at which point I gave up.

Xena herself doesn't really change overall much. Other than going from ruthless killer to not. Otherwise she doesn't really change a ton. I loved how Gabriel went from simple farm girl wanting more and forced to Amazon warrior/princess. It shows how much she grows and changes. She even chose a staff over a sword as at the time she didn't believe in killing. Although she wanted to when she met up with a childhood sweetheart and married him only to have Calisto, basically an unfeeling version of Xena, kill him.

They continue on their journey Gabriel getting stronger and better no longer the little girl who hides but at the same time wanting to join the fight. That changes when the suddenly leave Greece and go to another country don't remember which one other than it in or abouts Rome which personally to me is when the show took a downward spiral. Its been too many years to remember but I know the gods change from Greek to Roman and so do the names for Heaven which in the shows Greek setting was Elisyn Fields (sp?) don't remember the Roman name.

The reason I say Rome was the setting was later in the season they did a whole Jesus type theme of them nailed to a cross. Don't remember why.

But the main thing I had a problem with was besides what I mentioned above but Gabriel gets her hair cut to more short tomboy loo,, then hooked up with some hippy type spiritualists and they convince her fighting isn't the answer (despite all she's seen with Xena). Then she throws everything she built herself up to that point and thinking wow theses guys are great, their so right no more fighting for me! So she threw her staff in the water with something to akin to Make Love, Not War. Yet she still wants to travel with Xena who attracts trouble. Then she is worse than when she started. Now she just hides like a coward instead of the warrior she became.

Then it went downhill and something about prison and Gabriel learning to not just fight again but now kills. then they die on the cross get resurrected and I couldn't take it anymore. Personally I felt it lost its charm. Saw one later possibly last season didn't care anymore as I hadn't seen it since the whole resurrection theme. Her and Xena have settled down in a little house Gabriel now has what ever the weapon Raphael in Ninja turtles uses only she holds the blades to attack with the handles and I guess Ares lives there somehow losing his God of War title.

Its said their a couple but I personally never saw this. Sure they were close but I felt it more best friends/sisters. That is until after they went to the new country things seemed to change. Then you start to get that vibe a little. Maybe it increased after their resurrection. I wouldn't know that was where the story lost me. Maybe it was the stupidity of it all. Dieing on the cross, going to heaven being resurrected. That also bugged me. If you died in Rome you are unable to join your friends and family who died in Greece. Because two different cultures two different types of heaven. So basically you can never see friends or family that have died because you died in a different country.

Eventually Gabriel becomes a sorta Xena for me personally it drew a line I didn't want to cross. I probably mixed up the time line on when things happened but it all still happens.

Check it out yourself and maybe you'll feel the same maybe you won't. If you do that's great, If you don't more power to you! Enjoy what I couldn't.

Once Upon a Holiday
(2015)

Its an okay movie. Nothing terrific
Okay she's a princess and at first when these theives steal her purse and a camera that was her prized possession given to her by her now late mother, The camera is stolen along with her purse and when this random guy sees what is clearly going to happen stands there and does nothing till it's too late. At the least he could have gotten closer and followed the guy and if nothing had happened no problem. But since it did he could have been close enough to stop it. Then instead of calling the cops nope I'll do it when I get back to the hotel. With no clue how to get there. He offers her money which she reluctantly accepts and can't afford the full ride there not thinking to ask he take her as close as her money allows.

She then proceeds to do nothing about her situation. She ditched her cell to avoid being found so no way to call. Instead of tsking the guys offer earlier and instead of the cops call her people. I'm sorry she's too whiny and if you had told me she had only been a princess a few years and had been raised in seclusion or something then yeah. But nope she acts like she has never been a princess before. She knows she has TONS of responsibilities. But eh suck it, Don't care, I want my own life!

Oh and her precious camera the thieves stole that was a memento of her mother that she cherished, Ah don't care about that anymore either. I met a BOY! Said boy gives her new camera and she's happy. So no tears or thanks but I really want my camera that belonged to my mother nope the BOY gave this to me its better. Never bothers to have her people in the end look for ot or care.

Several day pass and even hears a reporter that's the boyfriend of her new beau's sister hint that about a missing princess that was supposed to be at a concert but she doesn't care about that either.

She NEVER beyond the trying to get a cab in the beginning tries to get in touch with her people. If any thing she goes out of her way to avoid her people. Only calls her mother's lawyer a close friend of the family last minute to get him to help calm her guadian, her aunt while avoiding her detail searching for her, then reveals to her new friends AS the reporter closes in who she is.

The princess to me was a spoiled little brat and took the attitude of who cares that we're done this same traditional year after year. Yes she wanted a family christmas she hasn't had in years but still. She should have stood up to her aunt and her strict itinerary and demanded down time rather than be a spoiled brat running away from home.

The Hitman's Bodyguard
(2017)

Really Good
It was really good. Although I didn't find it as hilarious as my sister did, I still loved it. Okay if your not a fan of lot of blood and violence steer clear. But despite that it was funny. The cuss word MF was used EXTENSIVELY. If you had even a penny for every time the word was used in the movie you'd be rich. But unlike some movies where all the funny parts are in the trailer and the real movie is boring. Not here. It was non stop action and lots of humor. Even the ending was funny.

Atomic Blonde
(2017)

It was meh
Contains spoilers.

As my sister put it after leaving you felt like you got cancer from the every two minutes of smoking or lighting up or blowing smoke at someone or in the air. You also felt like an alcoholic from the other half of that two minutes that was drinking!

I understand they wanted shock value but seriously couldn't they have dropped the whole lesbian love making. having them make out fall on the bed, cut move to them cuddling and talking would have been much better. Honestly I didn't even care for that long straight couple love making session they had in Deadpool.

Half the movie could have been cut out if you removed all the smoking and lighting up scenes. The constant need for a drink. Then remove the whole lets see Charlize Theron naked and taking a bath. Maybe it turned some people on or maybe just the film staff don't know but only made us roll our eyes at not one but two ice baths.

Then a night club scene where Charlize Theron wore a cut down the middle dress. Honestly when she wanted to wear disguises she could have dressed like a boy and passed. She doesn't have it to make a dress like that work at all.

I admit that the action scenes weren't horrible. They were action packed. If you don't mind the constant blood and sometimes gore they weren't bad.

Overall the ending was only sad knowing had they hid for 24 hours they could have all made it out. Some parts were predictable others not but not bad overall ending. The twist at the end kept you guessing. Won't spoil that.

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