nogodnomasters

IMDb member since July 2017
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Reviews

The Man Who Killed Hitler and Then The Bigfoot
(2018)

It is easy to fool the stupid and the willing
The film is not as campy as the title would have you believe. Calvin Barr (Sam Elliot) is retired from the military service with a life filled with regrets. In his flashbacks (Aidan Turner) is was a WWII operative who does kill Hitler. Even if you kill a man, you don't kill his words or ideal. Hitler's death meant nothing to the war. Now he is tasked to hunt and kill "The Bigfoot" because he poses a threat as a plague carrier. Okay, this was the campy part.

The secret of the film was a wooden box Calvin kept under his bed. He teases us by almost opening it. Good soundtrack to a rather depressing film with limited action.

Guide No swearing, sex, or nudity.

Deadly Dolls: Deepest Cuts
(2018)

They look way familiar
The Gore Collector is ready for his next transformation as he enters the Catacombs of the Bunker and has to watch snippets of "Puppet Master" rip off films made by Full Moon productions. I have seen them all before so I wasn't entertained. They went from one film to another to another and then recycle through the films again to make it look like you are watching more than what you are. Very cheap way to make a film. Taking snippets and adding a short animated feature is something an amateur could do.

Guide: F-word. Brief nudity. Gore.

Happy Death Day 2U
(2019)

It's complicated
Ryan Phan (Phi Vu) wakes up in his car and finds himself in the same time loop as the previous story, being stabbed by a man in a baby mask. We discover the time loop was created by a student experimental machine. Tree Gelbman (Jessica Rothe) our multiple final girl from the first film helps Ryan out and gets caught in her own web which is inter-dimensional. In one universe her mother is alive and she doesn't have her boyfriend and in the other her mother is dead, but she has her boyfriend. Tree likes the one where her mother is alive and is torn.

The film loses the comedy-horror when we get the drippy scene of Tree and her mother. The Tree multiple suicides was comical and the highlight of the feature.

Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity

Sleeping Dogs Lie
(2018)

Game On.
Armando (Miguel Angel Caballero ) is a crooked accountant who skims while laundering money. Mr. Nakamura (Garret Sato) is not happy. Armando is caught with his secretary Luna (Joanna Zanella) is a compromising position by his wife (Markella Giannatou). The film moves to a remote desert cabin with one of the folks always tied up in a chair. Mild torture that is off camera.

The film had promise but it was too short. Didn't care about any of the characters. The twists were not clever. Skipped all the good scenes.

Guide: F-word. Brief sex. Brief body double nudity (Mariel Gumsrud)

A Star Is Born
(2018)

Maybe he drinks a bit too much
Having seen the 1976 version, I knew what would happen. Drunk rock star discovers female vocal. They hook up. She becomes a bigger star than him. Guy dies and we get the final tearjerker song. Bradley Cooper is better than Kris Kristofferson. Sam Elliot is preferable to Gary Busey. And as talented as Lady Gaga might be, face it, she is no Barbra Streisand. I wasn't sure what the whole stupid nose discussion was about. Many rock stars have huge snouts. Was this a swipe at Streisand? I did prefer the drama in the 1976 film. I imagine it is a generational thing.

Guide: F-word, brief sex, brief nudity (Lady Gaga)

The Front Runner
(2018)

Now they know who I am
This is based on the true story of Senator Gary Hart's (Hugh Jackman) bid to run for president. He starts out as a charismatic man who attracts young follows by being able to cut through the BS with the correct off the cuff remarks. The Donna Rice (Sara Paxton) incident turned him into an arrogant man who couldn't field one question the way he rehearsed it, hesitating, showing weakness instead of attacking the reporter.

Hugh Jackman and J.K. Simmons had great performances, while the supporting cast had some soft spots. Alfred Molina as Ben Bradlee would not have been my first choice. What would have made the film interesting is if they showed Lee Atwater planning this whole thing as a subplot.

Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.

Santet
(2018)

Amber Alert
The film takes place in Indonesia. Randy's parents swan dive off of balconies as if they ate a lot of the brown acid. Odd things happen to the family as they see things and appear in danger. Mom (Kelly Brock) plays Nancy Drew to discover what her husband won't tell her...it is Santet, black magic.

The acting was rather bad, especially the shouting matches between the parents. Horror consisted of a woman with dark circles under their eyes attack people. The license plate they showed us for a second as if significant: B 1421 IN. Be one. For to win? Is this some sort of Indonesian Free Mason thing like "2B1ASK1."

Guide: No swearing, sex, or nudity. So why is Kelly Brook in this again? She doesn't even pretend like she is going to shower.

America 3000
(1986)

THE WORLD WAS WOGGOS
This is a bad film whose appeal is to be campy and cheesy. It is available on DVD multi-packs with similar style of films. The US is divided into male and female factions. Women take men prisoner and use them as slaves and as "breeders" while men haven't mastered taking women prisoner. Vena (Laurene Landon) is the ruler of the Frisco group near Denver, where the guys hang out at Camp Reagan. A ruler from Kansas is in town to make trouble for Vena. Eventually we have our abbreviated "Beneath the Planet of the Apes" scene, which was perhaps the highlight of the film as a boom box with 900 year old batteries still works. Eat your heart out SLEEPER.

Guide: use of effin' for a swear word. brie heavily clothed sex. No nudity. Women still with big hair 80's hair. Some things just never go out of style.

Lost Boys: The Thirst
(2010)

SO BAD, IT WAS GREAT
The movie starts out with Edgar Frog (has a deep frog voice) killing vampires in Washington D.C. from 5 years ago. The movie then goes into a wonderful title/credit roll with blood being splattered to techno-metal music with a "Rave" going on in the background. Edgar (Corey Feldman) lives in a trailer and is selling his comic book collection in order to avoid eviction. He is at home in a comic book shop the way Pee Wee Herman was at home in a bicycle shop. A woman (Anne Rice?) comes up to him and offers him money to save her brother (and the world) from vampires. It seems vampires are holding "Raves" where they play techno-metal dance music and they hand out vials of vampire blood which turns the kids into an army of vampires. The drinking of the blood also has the effect of repelling clothing from silicon (brief nudity).

The lines are corny and border on redneck. The movie also spoofs Rambo, reality shows, and perhaps a few other things I didn't catch. Good simple unsophisticated humor along with a vampire story with a twist. If you like 80's style horror with a modern sound track, this is it.

Parental Guide: F-bombs, sex, nudity. Girl/girl action.

Bessie
(2015)

GIMME A PIGFOOT AND A BOTTLE OF BEER
This is an HBO film based on the real life of blues singer Bessie Smith ( Queen Latifah). The film basically starts when she is an adult, forcing her way into the travel show of Ma Rainey (Mo'Nique). Going on her own, the film highlights her many ups and downs, including bad relationships and love for alcohol.

The costumes, props and performances were excellent.

Guide: F-bomb, sex, nudity.

Barely Lethal
(2015)

EVERY PUNCH HAS A PURPOSE
Meagan (Hailee Steinfeld) is an orphan raised and trained by Hardman (Samuel L Jackson- no eye patch) to be an assassin. While on an assignment, Meagan grabs an opportunity to free herself from the group and become a normal high school student. Unfortunately for Meagan she has learned all she knows about High School from watching "Mean Girls" and "90210." She quickly doesn't fit in. She stumbles through High School until her past catches up with her.

The premise is great. I was expecting a cross between "Mean Girls," "So Undercover" and "The Pacifier." In a way it was, but wasn't well executed. The film could have been better. Hailee Steinfeld was not convincing in her role as a killer or High School student, which was ashamed since she had a great supporting cast. A movie you can like but not love.

Guide: 1 F bomb. No sex or nudity.

Comeback Dad
(2014)

HAVE SOME CAKE WITH ME
Othell (Charles S. Dutton) is a recovering alcoholic who is attempting to get his life back, making up with his family and getting his job back. He finds more support from friends than family. Othell is not the kind of drunk who beat his wife or molested his daughter, but the kind that missed his dad's funeral...okay he did punch a stranger in a bar. Yet, for some reason his crimes are unforgivable and overly damaging which I found hard to fathom. Established actress Tatyana Ali played Nima the daughter in a poorly scripted part which she had difficulty in making believable.

The entire film had a made for TV feel, from the cliche plot down to the soundtrack.

Guide: No f-bombs, sex, or nudity.

Cordially Invited
(2007)

THAT DC THING
Alton and Kenya get married in spite of the "DC thing." We get briefly introduced to a group of poorly developed characters and then on to the wedding and reception where there is a lot of gossip, but there is nothing outrageous. In fact it was very tame. One of the characters was a white guy who had a fear of black people. The script was boring and terrible.

You would be better off watching "Jumping the Broom" again.

Guide: No swearing, sex, or nudity. Some adult talk.

At All Cost
(2015)

TEAM IS EVERYTHING
Frank White dates the bosses' daughter his childhood sweetheart. They live in Amarillo. He and his brother T-White sell cars for her father. They decide they are talented enough to to be in the rap industry (Frank can't sing so he raps, T-can actually carry a tune). In Houston they flip a home, Frank's gf is pregnant, which doesn't seem to be his, and they do a video which takes up 5 minutes of the film. T claims to have 5 children and 4 baby mommas and appears he is looking to add to the collection. I found the film fairly lame.

No sex or nudity. I don't even recall any F-bombs or N-words.

6 Ways to Die
(2015)

IT'S NOT BUSINESS. IT'S PERSONAL.
John Doe (Vinnie Jones) wants to kill Sonny 'Sundown' Garcia (Michael Rene Walton) for personal reasons. He appears to have unlimited resources after spending 20 years in a Mexican prison. Sonny gets killed early in the film and then the rest is told as flashbacks and flashbacks within flashbacks making the time line a bit confusing with all the "one week earlier" signs that introduce every new segment.

The plot weaves itself with flashbacks up until the twist ending which is narrated to us. There were too many action scenes that were boring. Vinnie Jones, our head liner, spends the entire action film sitting in the drivers seat of a car talking to people, hiring them to do specific jobs leading up to the twist which was anti-climatic because of the narration.

Guide: F-bomb. Brief sex. No nudity.

Raising Wolves
(2012)

STOP ACTING YOUNG AND STUPID
This is a film of two young gangs in Baltimore. There is a female gang called the Tender Trio and a bunch of young kids called The Wolf Pack. Much of the film centers around JD (Branden March), a smart kid who hasn't finished school. He makes his money hustling and has turned to drug dealing. The film includes gangs kidnapping and ransoming members. JD gets caught by the cops and refuses to plea bargain his supplier. JD has dreams of traveling that are quickly dying.

In many ways this is better than other gangster films in that the dialogue is more real (for those who have been to Baltimore). However this film suffers from uneven acting, poor sound quality, and camera angels that could have been better.

Parental Guide: F-bomb. No sex or nudity. Adult themes.

Checkmate
(2015)

SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH AND ALL CREATION FOR ALL ETERNITY...
The film opens with a bank robbery gone bad and two guys playing chess. It then goes back to "one day earlier." We now get to meet the characters, unfortunately they seemed stiff and unrealistic. Sean Astin plays a priest who is also a paid hitman for God and cites biblical verse, but alas, after seeing Samuel L. Jackson do it, nobody does it better. During the bank robbery, where we now are introduced to a few of the characters, there is a chess game going on between Elohim (Danny Glover) and Lu (Vinnie Jones) for dominion over everything for all time. As the game goes back and forth, so does the robbery, sort of, but it wasn't overly apparent.

If you are going to make an Ingmar Bergman film, on a modern JOB, do it right. The plot and dialogue wasn't that good. Sean Astin reciting biblical verse while aiming a gun wasn't convincing with a dry delivery. (I blame the director for that. I respect Sean too much.) The chess match going back and forth with each man smiling with every move grew old. Lu had trouble with the Queen's pawn power opening and knew better to even wager at that point. I did like the bar/men's room scene and would have liked to have seen more scenes like that, but unfortunately they had dry characters they needed to introduce. And you would think the lord God himself would come up with a more clever name for a girl with a Katana (Katrina Law) other than Katana. Great concept. Bad execution.

Guide: F-bomb. No sex or nudity.

My Dad's a Soccer Mom
(2014)

OPRAH IS NOBODY'S DR. PHIL
Linebacker Marion "Mad Dog" Casey (Lester Speight) who has the biggest arms and mouth in the league gets cut. His wife Holly (Wendy Raquel Robinson) opts to do her decorating business full time with her sister, leaving out football star to be "Mr Mom." He bonds with their shy reserved daughter Lacy (Skai Jackson) as he secretly signs her up for soccer at the expense of mom's choices, ballet and drama.

The film shows a dad bonding with his daughter and having a good time doing it. It had all the right messages and I had wished the acting and script could have been above the "made for TV norm." Drama/family /Comedy rated TV-PG.

American Bad Boy
(2015)

YOU REALLY ARE JUST LIKE ME
Preacher son Samuel (Antoine Cleveland) borrowed money from night club owner "The Bruce" (Katt Williams). In order to pay it back, Samuel performs on stage as a male dancer.

The film is too much like the recently released "Chocolate City." Katt Williams has a few good lines, but nothing to write about.

Guide: F-bomb. Implied sex. Stripper nudity.

Christmas Icetastrophe
(2014)

I WOULDN'T GO THERE.
A meteor breaks up when it enters the atmosphere with part of it landing in Lennox, located 80 miles NE of Olympia. Rather than burn up the town, it freezes it. People freeze and break. Ice stalagmites come out of the ground at random and knock down helicopters. Then they shoot ice bullets. An expert tells us this is "not your garden variety meteor" shortly after she corrects our hero for calling it a meteor and not a meteorite.

In one scene our hero asks the authorities, if the have "experience with this type of thing" as if he did.

The characters weren't great. The disaster wasn't realistic. I would recommend "Snowmageddon" instead for humor and cheese.

Guide: No F-bombs, sex. or nudity.

Strange Magic
(2015)

LOVE IS STRANGE
Not since "Heavy Metal" have I so fell in love with the soundtrack of a film. This is a musical romance, but not one that makes you go "ugh." Mary Ann and Dawn are princess fairies. Mary Ann breaks up with the cheating Roland on her wedding day. Dawn is boy crazy. Sunny, the elf loves Dawn, who sees him as a friend. Shallow Roland still wants Mary Ann as a way to get the crown.

Now next to the Fairy Kingdom is the Dark Kingdom ruled by King Bog who bans love and has the Sugar Plum Fairy locked up for reasons that reveal themselves in the end. A love potion is made and gets out of hand involving us in delightful musical arrangements.

Songs included:

I'll Never Fall in Love Again I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me) C'mon Marianne Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You) Love Is Strange Rifts from "People are Strange" I Can't Help Myself Straight On (Heart) Strange Magic Wild Thing

Now the film is a little dark, about on the order of Tinker Bell meets Marilyn Manson. Not quite as dark as Maleficent.

Jesse James: Lawman
(2015)

HE MAY BE AN OUTLAW, BUT HE IS A PROFESSIONAL
J.Frank Dalton (Kevin Sorbo) is being interviewed about his claim as to being the real Jesse James, whose death was faked. Dalton tells a far fetched tale where he cooperated with a lawman (Lawrence Evenchick) in order to take down Killian (John N.E. Hill) a local outlaw. Exactly how his death was faked was not mentioned in this film.

The movie was bad. The acting was super bad. The characters were stiff. Peter Fonda had a minor role as the mayor. Nice opening film of an owl and scenery.

Guide: No f-bombs, sex, or nudity.

Historically there was a man named J. Frank Dalton who signed an affidavit claiming he was the actual Jesse James. He was interviewed and his story didn't wash with the relatives of Jesse James. In 1995 the body of Jesse James was exhumed for mtDNA testing, showing that Jesse James was indeed Jesse James and was killed by Bob Ford.

X Moor
(2014)

IF YOU WANT TO TAKE A PICTURE OF IT, YOU SHOULD HIRE DAVID BELLAMY
Georgia (Melia Kreiling) is an undiscovered creature hunter. Matt (Nick Blood) carries the equipment. She wants to hunt a large cat that has been killing animals on Xmoor and there exists the fuzzy picture. She has hired as a guide a man named Fox (Mark Bonnar) who comes across as mentally unstable. When they get deep into the Xmoor, it turns out that Fox has a slightly different plan as their trust in him diminish and they discover there is more out there in the Xmoor they need to worry about other than a big cat.

The film starts out as a typical film that one might expect from the hand held genre. Then everything happens at night. The film took several twists which could have made it more interesting, but didn't.

Guide: F-bomb. Sex. No nudity.

Plot Spoiler. The opening scene of a girl running in the Xmoor wearing fishnets had me scratching my head as I considered this a cheap ploy by the director. It was actually a clever clue. I only wish the film has measured up.

The Squeeze
(2015)

HE SIGNS A DEAL WITH THE DEVIL
The film claims to be based on a number of true stories involving Keith Flatt, a native Texan. In this film Augie (Jeremy Sumpter) is a high school champion golfer. He is discovered by a hustler named "River Boat" (Christopher McDonald) who uses Augie as a golf ringer to make money, of which Augie gets a decent cut. Augie's girlfriend (Jillian Murray) disapproves of the relationship. Augie's family needs the money as Dad (Elliott Grey) is not pulling his weight and is abusive.

The film is a fun easy going drama. At one point they are playing the theme from movie "Sting." A decent film for a family night with teens.

Guide: No F-bombs. No nudity. People undressing for sex, brief body grinding.

Mr. Right
(2015)

I GOT THIS
Lisa (Erica Tazel) believes Mr. Right is a fantasy and doesn't exist. Her friend Norma (Dawn Halfkenny) fixes her up with Michael (Columbus Short) from the Mr. Right dating service. Sparks fly and Michael becomes a liability to the company where only hot rich women use the service.

The story is unrealistic and has a large ;ugh; appear for men. However for the female fantasy (the ones who have seen "An Officer and Gentleman"; seven times and still cry at the end) this romance just might be right for you. The film has limited action and drama (except that one thing) and is mostly a love story where both the girl and the guy talk about their feelings, a film where the man comes running after the woman through hell-fire to pledge his never dying love, while Mila Kunis makes fun of this in another film.

In the early kitchen scene, if you look close, you can see a stage hand's reflection in the door window.

Go on ladies, you know you want to see it. No f-bombs, sex, or nudity. Your Mr. Right should have the lawn done about the time it is over.

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