Budruss

Imagine if the writers if one of those insipid carbon-copy Disney sitcoms were given the idea of "Clerks" to flesh out into a half-hour comedy show without being allowed to see the actual movie. Imagine they were only given a list of character names, brief (and heavily cleaned up) descriptions of their personalities, and a few plot points to focus on.

Now imagine that the script they eventually came up with was sent through a machine called the Bland-O-Matic 2000 before given to a director with no sense of humor.

Can you picture it? Probably not, because it's way worse than that.

Everything that made "Clerks" what it was has been stripped out resulting in yet another cookie-cutter sitcom that just happens to share the same name as the Kevin Smith movie.

No Quick-Stop. No Jay and Silent Bob, no drug references (Though there are one or two instances of someone saying the word "drunk"), and basically no sleaze. It's all been Disneyed to the point of being unrecognizable. If you were to change the characters names you would never even know it wasn't just some other ultra-formulaic Disney sitcom with the exact same tired jokes as every other show they've ever produced.

You can find this thing on YouTube, but I strongly advise you not to try to get through it in one sitting. Yes, it's that bad.

If I seem angry about this it's because I am, a little. I loved the movie when it first came out and still do to this day. It was bad enough what ABC did to the "Clerks" animated series, but this thing feels like a line was crossed.

Whatever your opinion of the movie "Clerks", whether you loved it or hated it, one thing we can all agree on was that this show was BAD!

For years I thought I had imagined this show, including the theme song, because everyone I mentioned it to had no idea what I was talking about. Sure, they remembered the Bloodhound Gang, but when I asked about Powerhouse their face would go completely blank and they would invariably begin to put distance and heavy furniture between us as I tried to jog their memory.

It was based in a community or youth center, I think. (Bit fuzzy on that one) A group of youths run around solving mysteries, like if The Bloodhound Gang had been fleshed out to a stand-alone show. (If you don't know who they were you're probably not reading this)

One day, out of curiosity, I looked it up and was amazed to find that not only did it exist, but there were other people who had heard of it too! From there the memories came flooding back, although still a little vague and fragmented.

I remember one where someone plants a bomb in Powerhouse not expecting anyone to be there, but the younger kid (Can't remember his name, there's been a lot of good whiskey between then and now) comes back for some reason and gets caught up in the blast. The guy who planted the bomb ends up attending his funeral and confessing everything over the open casket after everyone had supposedly left, and is quite surprised when the kid sit up and says "Exactly" while hitting the stop button on the tape recorder he was holding the whole time.

In its time it was a good kids show featuring moral life lessons like "You can't get something for nothing." or "In twenty years your haircut is going to look ridiculous.". I wish it had gotten a longer run.

Yeah, this movie had a few problems, not least of which was the sudden death of one of the actresses part-way through. And I do wish they had cast anyone other than Christopher Walken in the lead role, though he did do a pretty good job with what he was working with.

As a science fiction movie, though, it was pretty thought-provoking for its time. The thought of being able to record experiences hadn't really been explored as the subject for a movie up to this point and it was just about the perfect era in which to do it. People were just coming to realize that computers could do more than adding up and it seemed every third show or movie that came out featured a robot companion. Technology was in the public fascination at the time and this is one of the more intelligent results of that.

As for the Brainstorm's problems there were a few: Christopher Walken is good at what he does, but his range is fairly limited. Most of the movie was shot in a narrower screen aspect except when someone is experiencing something through the machine, then it goes wide screen and it can be a little distracting. And sometimes the played-back memories were taken in the third person even though it's supposed to be taken from their own mind.

It does tend to move quite slowly, as several 80s movie did, but if you allow yourself to get wrapped up the the story you don't even notice.

I'm sure there's more but those are the ones that leapt out at me.

Overall it's a clever, thought-provoking movie that's totally worth a watch if you have a good attention span. If not, then this movie is not for you.

If you found yourself twenty minutes in the past you'd probably react much in the same way these three guys do. And if your time travel adventures took you even further into the past and future you might very well arm yourself with a corkscrew as well.

I don't remember how I stumbled across this movie, it's not very available in the US, and even less known. Which is a pity as it's a great, laid-back story of three slackers (they all drift from job to job in an amusement park) who accidentally stumble on a time leak in the bathroom of their local pub and wind up traveling all over the time line, from prehistoric Earth to a post-apocalyptic future and even cross their own timelines a couple of times.

It all starts when Ray, having just lost his job at the Space Ride at the aforementioned amusement park, goes out with his friends for a conciliatory pint when he meets a girl who claims to be from the future and knows him as "Ray the Great".

Unbelieving at first, he assumes it was a joke his friends are playing on him until he winds up traveling in time himself.

From there it just gets worse and worse as they try to find their way home to their proper time by ducking in and out of the lady's bathroom eventually culminating in an epic showdown with a psychotic editor of time.

If you think an easy-going, dialogue-driven time travel comedy with the guy from "The IT Crowd" in it sounds appealing then you are in for a real treat.

If not, then perhaps "Predestination" is more your speed.

I saw this for the first time when my dad brought it home from the video rental place shortly after it came out. I don't know if it was the edited version without the dream sequence at the beginning or if they just sent us out of the room at that point, but I have no memory of the nude lady.

It was one of those throw-away sci-fi/fantasy films that are usually watched and almost immediately forgotten, but for some reason this one stuck in my head.

Years later I finally found a copy and I was surprised to see how darkly campy it was. It has all the elements of those corny sword-and-sandal movies of the late 70s/early 80s and the sci-fi elements from the same era.

At its best it's a compilation of seven different stories by seven different directors showcasing whatever ideas must have come to them in the shower. At its worst its worst it's a crappy "B" movie that wastes your time.

Either way you can tell that Richard Moll was having the time of his life with every second he was on screen.

Is it a good movie? No, probably not.

Is it entertaining? Well, it's down to the individual. I will say that if you can lay your hands on some kind of edible recreational substance beforehand it makes it a much better movie!

I can totally see where the negative reviews come from, it IS a rather sanitized version of Bloom County/Outland. But that being said it's still a fun little Christmas special that's suitable for all (Ok, most) of the family.

The premise and plot are pretty formulaic with Opus desperately desiring "wings that work" and appealing to the one authority he knows that can possibly help him. Santa Clause. And most of the episode is pretty much his attempts to overcome/cope with his flightless status until Santa can get there.

The jokes are pretty good, even today, and Bill The Cat naturally steals the show.

I think what pisses people off about this is that it's missing the raunchiness that they were familiar with in the comics, instead favoring the family-friendly storyline.

Personally I still think it's worth a watch whether you're a fan of Berkeley's work or not.

For fans of the show only, this was an international romp starring the characters you've grown to love. Sort of.

Imagine someone had taken your favorite episode of "Are You Being Served" and padded it out to about an hour and a half, threw in a few jokes from other episodes, and shot the whole thing on film for some reason as it clearly is all done in a studio (With the exception of the airport, which I found hilarious).

That's about what they've done here. While still funny and worthwhile to sit through it can get a little tedious at times. Some of the jokes are recycled and the comedy of errors that ensues is something we've seen a half-dozen times before in the series.

I do wish they had left the entire thing in the store as the setting is as much of a cherished character as any of the cast, but I suppose for the big cinematic release they wanted to stretch a little. Even if it is just transplanting everyone from one set to an even cheaper-looking set.

If you're a fan it's totally worth a watch, just don't expect too much of it.

I stumbled across this on NetFlix and, being a sucker for a time travel story, I started watching it.

About a quarter of the way through I broke down and turned on the subtitles because, being an American with little exposure to the Nigerian accent, I could barely understand what they were saying.

The first two thirds are kind of cringe inducing, you know that the main characters are making a HUGE mistake with pretty much every decision they make, and you pretty much know what's going to happen as a result. And you'd be right.

The surprises don't come until about the last twenty minutes or so with the way they manage to think their way around the "Once you change your fate, you can never change it back" problem.

Overall I wouldn't say this was a good movie, but it was surprisingly heartwarming by the end. Worth a watch.

I remember liking this show when I was a kid, I even had some of the toys. But recently I found a few episodes on YouTube and was quite disappointed at the nonsensical nature of it. It was as if someone found G. I. Joe and the Transformers just a little too cerebral and decided to dumb it down.

First there's the premise of VENOM, who are not a terrorist organization (which gave Cobra their semi-reasonable motivation), but rather a criminal syndicate. They were always trying to steal something by utilizing technology and equipment that probably cost more than whatever it was they were trying to steal in the first place.

Seriously, Miles Mayhem flew around in a helicopter that could turn into a fighter plane. Why does this guy need to steal money?

Then there's the ridiculous way they always try to pull off their crimes, like turning a giant gold statue into liquid and then reconstituting it later. You'd think that if they could do that they could basically make as much money as they wanted with the technology alone, but nope. They have to have that particular statue so of course they get thwarted.

The bumbling henchmen, who seem to be so stupid it's a wonder they manage to put their masks on the right way around in three tries, were pretty standard for the era so I can overlook them to a point. But I can only imagine Mr. Mayhem must have put an ad out in Moron Magazine in order to find them.

And the less said about the (also standard) annoying robot sidekick the better.

Though I have good memories of this show in its time and place, and it's certainly not the worst twenty-minute toy commercial made by any means (I think that honor goes to InHumanoids ), It's still not very well made.

The toys were pretty good, though.

This was written by an A.I. program, wasn't it?

A.I. technology has come a long way, but it's still pretty recognizable when applied to something creative. And that is exactly what this movie feels like, something that is supposed to be dripping with emotions written by something that doesn't really understand them and then dropped into the hands of a director who has to try to make sense of it.

Sure, some of the action sequences are pretty cool, but most of the dialogue and plot twists seem to be complete nonsense considering the movies leading up to this one.

If this wasn't written by an A.I., then I shudder to think that this is the best someone who was paid a lot of money could do.



Also they crammed Magneto in.

I enjoyed the first two "Hotel Transylvania" movies, even with the unfortunate music choices, but found myself cringing at this one. There were a couple of clever moments and talented voice acting but ultimately it was just painful to watch as joke after joke fell flat.

Remember that scene in "Hotel Transylvania 2" where Dracula dances to GDFR with Dennis that didn't have anything to do with anything and seemed to be shoehorned in because some studio executive wanted it there? Well imagine an entire movie like that.

Yes, the entire script seemed to be written by a studio executive that no one had the guts to tell them wasn't funny.

Just to get this out of the way: This is not a good movie.

There, Now that we have that established we can move on.

Scary Movie 5 is about on par for the rest of the series in that is has some quite hilarious scenes and a lot of others that just aren't funny and drag on until you start to look for something sharp in the room to end your suffering.

This is pretty much the way all of the 'Scary Movies' have gone. Flashes of brilliance amid a lot of unfunny filler.

The highest praise I can offer this one is that since they use none of the original characters (but a few familiar faces in the cast) they could release it without crediting Jason Friedberg or Aaron Seltzer anywhere on it.

If you liked the previous 4 movies then you will probably like this one as well.

I used to stay up at night and tape this show on a VCR that even at the time was old and decrepit. I would sit on the floor in front of the TV ignoring the pain in my knees so I could press the pause button when the commercials came on and have uninterrupted copies of all the episodes.

This aired in that era just before Mad TV began and slightly longer before it started to suck and when SNL was pretty much relying on a ceaseless parade of prop comedy. Like most sketch shows it was hit and miss as far as the comedy went. There were always the bits that dragged on, like the cop who could speak baby or those sketches that were obviously written so Stan Quash could scream at someone. But it was well worth sitting through to hear Tommy Blaze tell you what it was all about or when Shawn Alex Thompson made one of his hilarious films. And I always looked forward to the advice portion of the show with Abby and Andy.

As a sketch show it was pretty well done and it was rather a pity it didn't get a longer run. It was also a pity that most of the cast faded into obscurity because they were all quite talented, though I think Dan O'Connor and Brad Sherwood went on to do a few other things of note.

All in all it was a good show for the time and if you can find any bits on YouTube it's probably worth the three minutes of your life to watch.

I've always loved this movie. I actually saw it before I saw the "Lethal Weapon" series (Though I was familiar with them) and loved it even more once I had.

The thing that makes this movie funny, even today, is that even though it has a lot of topical humor from the early 1990s, it's mostly made up of self-sustaining jokes that last. Not everyone is going to know who Leona Helmsley is, but everyone is going to laugh at Tim Curry in a wig.

And then there are the myriad of cameos by stars who know how play it straight but don't necessarily take it too seriously. From the delightful appearance of Samuel L. Jackson as Wes Luger to the walk- through of Emilio Estevez's brother and Cory Feldman it's a non-stop parade of talent that knew what kind of movie they were playing in. (Not to mention it almost brought a tear to my eye to see Phil Hartman doing what he does)

Even if you're not a fan of the "Lethal Weapon" movies you're going to find this movie funny. It fires off about 30 jokes a minute, about 20 you're going to laugh at. If you are a fan of the "Lethal Weapon" you'll probably laugh at about 29.

Watch it with friends, you won't regret it.

If you liked the movie "The Covenant", which is about a teen coming into his super powers while falling in love with a brainy yet implausibly beautiful girl who spends most of the film standing agog at what he can do, then you probably will not like "I Am Number Four" for the simple reason that you are no longer a 13-year-old girl and this movie is almost a direct remake.

The film starts out demonstrating how cool the main character is by showing him doing various tricks on a jet-ski while maintaining perfect hair. I half expected one of his friends to shout "Radical!", but then I remembered that this was not made in the mid 1980s. From there it pretty much degenerates into a checklist of crappy movie clichés: Brooding teen trying to fit in even though his power causes him to be different? Check. Generic bullies not realizing who they're messing with and getting their comeuppance? Check. Bad guys using girl to get to main character? Yup. Love for the girl giving the hero new strength to continue even though all looks hopeless? Double check.

If you're looking for a movie you can turn off your brain and enjoy then I recommend renting one of the Xmen movies. If you are a girl who has just entered her teens and is tired of movies about whiny vampires, then you might enjoy this. But don't expect to remember it a week later.

WARNING - Major spoilers!

The concept behind this movie is quite clever; bring together several fictitious characters to form a sort of "justice league" in the late 1800s. But there were problems.

Big ones.

Turning off my brain and suspending disbelief got me about one-third of the way into this movie. Yes, I can let go of the fact that they recruited Mr. Hyde, a murderer of innocents. Sure, I can overlook the fact that Skinner, having stolen the formula from the original scientist, managed to find a way to avoid going homicidally insane. I could even get past the automatic rifles and guided missiles in an era where cartridge-based firearms were a relatively new invention.

All these things are simply a matter of buying into the movie's premise. However, I found myself cringing at a few of the more glaring elements of the writing that rather ruined the entire movie for me.

A good place to start is quite a few of the lines that were pathetic attempts to be clever, but simply fall flat on the ground and twitched. Such as: "And I imagine you must have quite the library, Mr. Quatermain. All those books you must have read merely by looking at their covers."

"I hoped I'd get to nail you one more time. Didn't think it'd be literally." Ungh.

And worst of all while Skinner is laying on the floor burned and smoking he quips "I'll never play with matches again." Really? That's the best they (the writers) could do?

Next we have characters that seem to change personalities throughout the movie. One minute Hyde is an indestructible force who needs help from no one. The next he's calling for help from, of all people, Nemo, who he then immediately advises to run when he arrives.

Finally, there are the little plot incongruities that seem to blatantly defy the laws of common sense, like the Nautilus fitting through the canals of Venice even though it's been demonstrated to be about the size of an aircraft carrier. Or Dorian suddenly wasting away at the sight of his portrait, even though it had been suggested before that it had been hanging in his house until Moriarty stole it. Didn't he also mention that he had seen it getting older and older while he remained young? And how exactly did he smuggle and plant the half-dozen or so identical suitcase explosives without someone, either a main character or a crewman saying to themselves "Huh, that's strange. I wonder what's in those boxes with the odd clock-like thing attached to them?".

Though this movie did have a few fun moments as well, for instance the part where Qautermain is pinned down by enemy gunfire and exclaims "Automatic rifles?! Who in god's name has automatic rifles?".

"Most unsporting." Agrees Nigel, "Probably Belgian."

And during the battle between the immortal Dorian and vampiric Mina which Dorian observes as his wounds heal instantly; "We'll be at this all day."

These, while funny, are simply not enough to keep the film from becoming very lousy very quickly. And in the third act it rather falls apart completely. A sequel was hinted at by the final seconds of the final scene, but lets hope it's just allowed to die.