johnyjoe

IMDb member since January 2006
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Reviews

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
(2006)

Makes both Matrix sequels look like crap.
Not that they weren't to begin with...

But wow. Just got back from this... and I loved it. Absolutely loved it.

Before you pre-judge my review, I hated the first one. I found it to be a typical Disney blockbuster... and I just couldn't find enjoyment in it (with the exception of Depp). This one, however, brought me into this series.

I shan't go on about the plot... as... well, it's hard to explain, and not worth spoiling.

Lets just do a quick checklist, shall we?

Depp? Check.

Knightly? Check.

Special effects comparable to Peter Jackson's King Kong's? Check.

Super bad ass enemies that make you sick to look at? Check.

Disney clichés? Somewhat, but not enough to make you sick.

Undead monkey? Check.

So there we have it. Perfect summer blockbuster that is of "modern classic" proportions. I was actually surprised at how amazing this movie is.

Don't expect an average action movie... but, then don't expect to feel secure at the end. Hint hint.

Panic Room
(2002)

Wow... it's.... so hated.....
I became obsessed with this film when I first saw it. Not only was it wonderfully casted (gotta love Whitaker) and had great acting, but the progression of the film was actually awesome for such a simple plot.

Sure, it's nowhere near as good as Fincher's earlier work, but as an individual movie, it's damn refreshing. It takes a cliché, boring story and makes it work. If you ignore the bland ideas and focus more on the characters, acting, action, and film techniques, you will enjoy this movie.

It may be a stretch for some people, and I can understand why, but I guess for a movie like this, you just have to let your guard down and enjoy it. Thats what I did, and damn did I love it.

So try this movie out. It may or may not work for you, but if it does work, you'll love it.

Dumb and Dumber
(1994)

An absolute classic.
Never in my life have I ever laughed so many times at a movie after having seen it many times before. Amung my community this film was (and still is) a classic comedy, a cult classic if you will. Clearly it isn't widely accepted by you "mature" people who laugh at people in awkward relationship situations involving someones mother walking in on two people talking about sex (Now THAT'S classy comedy!), but this movie offers (to those who don't pay to see every Tom Green movie) a hilariously stupid comedy about two morons who go on a messed up adventure.

The writing of this movie is (suprisingly) clever. The jokes aren't just people farting every four seconds, they actually have some style to them (if you can call it style...). The movie is fluent, fast paced, and funny all the way through, which is really a rarity in many wannabe comedies.

It's the kind of movie you should see drunk with your friends, or even on your own. Do NOT EVER WATCH THIS WITH YOUR GRANDPARENTS! That would be a mistake. Basically, what I'm saying is it's a movie for people with the ability to be immature for 2 hours of their life, or for anyone who just wants to let their guard down and laugh at a vulgar yet hilarious film.

So of course I'm going to give this movie a 10. It deserves it. Kudos on a suburb comedy that will be passed down from generation to generation. Those kids are as corrupt as it is... might as well give them what they want.

The King and I
(1999)

I've seen Lucky Charms commercials that were better than this.
I saw this movie on the television today. All I have to say is I'm glad computer generated movies are taking over. Now there will be less movies like this.

The animation was choppy and off, the voices were horrid, the dialog was so standard it killed me (try counting how many times that kid said "father" in a dramatic voice), and the "humor" was too lame even for kids.

I think we should all go Fahrenheight 451 on this movie and burn them all so this story will never be viewed in its butchered form.

Please do not ever see this movie, not even for free.

Halo 2
(2004)

Quite possibly the worst FPS to have taken so much time to make.
Take this into consideration: Halo 1 was a unique experience with an atmosphere unlike any game ever. It spanned huge environments with huge wars and intense free-thinking game play. The plot was movie quality, and the graphics were top-notch. It was full of mystery and

Halo 2 is an average FPS with average FPS guns and average FPS game play. It has puny battles on long (but not big) maps. The scenery is nice, but you don't get to travel it like in Halo. Then you hit the second quarter of the game, and you begin re-playing Halo with more guns and less freedom. The new additions to the game alter it so it becomes less of a struggle for survival and more of a run-and-gun Rambo-style mess of a game. Honestly, if this is the best game ever then gaming has lowered itself from imersive long well-written games to cheesy explosion-filled stereotypical high budget action movie rip-offs.

I got confused after playing Halo 2 and comparing it to Halo 1 (to see if it lived up as a good sequel), because it all didn't add up. It took them 3 years to write a plot that was pretty much "Good fights evil and wins... WITH A CLIFFHANGER YOU'LL NEVER SEE COMING that's pretty much just the evil getting away". It was pathetically simple, and everyone I talked to agreed we could have all written a better plot on our owns (and we did). So I looked into it. Turns out the original writer for Halo quit when Microsoft took over and started changing things, so then Microsoft hired a writer. All that writer had to do was write a plot that went nowhere and left the game open for another sequel and they were set up for more money than any game series has ever made ever. So looking at this game from a technical POV, this was a money grab, and man did it work. But I guess if you compare the game to a game like... Shadow Ops, it looks better.

The Colbert Report
(2005)

Not as funny as the Daily Show... but not meant to be.
This satire of The O'Reily Factor ans spin off of The Daily Show is probably one of the funniest new or old shows on Comedy (in competition with Reno 911 and Stella).

At first I wasn't impressed with the show, but I kept watching it because I loved Colbert's segments on The Daily Show and because I wanted to see the show get better soo bad. Well, I got what I wanted.

Colbert is hilarious, all his little segments are also hilarious, and his interviews at the end of the show are funny too. It's become the perfect addition to The Daily Show and it's still getting funnier. It may never be as good as the Daily Show, but if you watch the hour of Daily Show - Colbert Report, it all feels like one show, and an extra half-hour of the Daily Show (with a different host, of course) is definitely worth it.

Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai
(1999)

Not a classic, not an epic... but holy crap is it good.
Don't watch Ghost Dog expecting a deep epic thriller. Watch Ghost Dog expecting nothing. This movie wasn't made to be a classic, it was made to be an amazing story about heroism, revenge, cruelty, loss, and style.

It's a movie about a man who is in debt to a mobster, who's a part of a low-class family of gangsters trying to stay afoot even though their business is clearly dieing. This man takes up the code of the Samurai, builds a house on the roof of a building, trains and befriends a flock of pigeons, and begins killing people for the mobster who saved his life. Unfortunately, one of the hits goes wrong when the lead mobsters daughter is present during a hit, and the entire mob family (except for the guy who saved Ghost Dog) go after him. The movie climaxes about two thirds of the way in and doesn't disappoint.

This is a moving emotionally packed movie featuring one of my favorite hits I've seen in a movie. Not only that, but Forest does an amazing job at his character.

But seriously... who would have though a movie about a gangster-samurai seeking revenge on the mafia would actually be a good movie? I regret not paying any interest to this movie before.

K.T.

Con
(2005)

If you're looking for a smart and thought provoking show in Con, then that's your mistake.
Con is about a loser who screws people over by making up these big complex plans just so he doesn't have to do these things the regular way (or in some cases, just to be a total jerk). I guess the commercials are a tad misleading, as he is no conman, nor is he very... bright. All in all, this show is pure entertainment, although a tad corny at times. A lot of it is fake (as written at the end of the show) because they couldn't have filmed the real thing. But it's not like they didn't actually pull these stupid tasks off. Some episodes show ridiculously pointless cons (like the dry-humping porno one), and some are actually real good (like the free vacation one), but every episode I have found myself laughing at the stupidity. So overall this is a really good show. It may not be classy or professional, but it's funny, and that's all that matters.

Munich
(2005)

The best movie of the year.
Maybe it's the fact I wasn't around when this incident took place, or that I was never even told anything like this took place, but I seem to be one of the few people who thought this movie was a masterpiece, and deserving of Best Picture.

What Spielberg pulled off with this film is a serious and disturbing recreation of a horrible event from, of course, the Jewish perspective, as Spielberg is Jewish himself. That's what really confused me about the controversy around this film. It shouldn't have offended anyone politically in any way. It's a movie... you have to show a side in a movie. Spielberg showed the Jewish side, but didn't justify it for us to be convinced it was the correct way, but rather to show us the state of mind of the people doing these assassinations, and why they thought their acts were justified.

When I went into this movie I was expecting a movie not unlike Schindlers List, and of course I didn't get what I was expecting. What I got was an entirely different kind of movie, but one almost as (if not just as) astounding as Schindlers List.

The length wasn't a problem for me at all, because this movie held my attention through the entire 3+ hours. I don't care how long a film is, as long as I'm entertained the full length I'm content, and thats exactly what this movie did.

But, of course, this movie is not one that will entertain the masses of teens and pre-teens who prefer non-stop action as opposed to a damn good story and slow-but-thoughtful filming. Not that Munich didn't have action. In fact, this movie was one of the most intense, gory, and brutal movies I saw this year, but for every 20 minutes of edge-of-your-seat action there was another 30-40 of plot and substance. This, plus the lack of publicity this movie got (compared to Brokeback, Crash, and a bunch of bad action/horror movies I've already forgotten), not many people are going to see this movie. Also, the snubbing of the Oscars will create the illusion this movie failed to those who judge their movies on how many awards they've won. Sadly, this movie will be forgotten over the ages, and that's a damn shame.

If you haven't seen this movie, please, just see it somehow. It's an astounding Spielberg film that will not disappoint.

K.T.

2001: A Space Odyssey
(1968)

The best movie that has ever graced these eyes.
I don't even know how do describe this film. It is, without a doubt, the best movie I have ever seen. It is also the most confusing, creative, astonishing, and wonderful as well.

For my entire life I've been looking for a movie as bizarre and beautiful as this film. I never expected to find it in a space film made in the 60's (although, that should have been the first place I looked). All I had knows before starting this movie was a general idea of some of the scenes (from parodies), and that it was supposedly confusing. Well, it was confusing, but in a very good way. It was mysterious and artistic; a real feast for the eyes, and on top of that it created an atmosphere very rarely seen in movies.

This quiet, subtle masterpiece uses long and uneventful scenes to actually create the illusion of boredom mixed with wonder that the characters would experience in space. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed these scenes too, as I tend to hate scenes that drag on too long. What Stanley Kubrick managed to film was realistically boring scenes that, instead of just being pointless like most modern Hollywood dramas, had strong meanings. Plus, every scene had a certain beauty that only an artist would be able to create.

So anyone who has yet to see this movie for whatever reason, go out right now and rent the movie. Don't think about it until you've put it in your DVD played. There will be plenty of time for thinking during this epic.

K.T.

Popcultured
(2005)

What is this?
What were they trying to do with this show? It's Canadians talking about the American media. I don't know if anyone realized, but no one in Canada cares about American media, nor do we care for cheap rip-offs of the Daily Show.

Elvira just isn't a good host. She had a pretty funny stand up routine, but that certainly isn't qualification for hosting a satirical show. Also, all of her "crew" can barely act, and none of their material is actually funny. They just spew out information, then add something like "Then I went home and drank soda while watching Survivor." It just isn't funny. In fact, it's really sad that this is probably going to be the end of all their careers.

Before I end this, I would like to add one thing. The Daily Show is not in a genre. You can't copy it. It is its own show, like Reno 911, and anyone trying to spoof the spoof show will get burned, as proved here.

Please god, stop this show and any other show that tries this again.

K.T.

Train 48
(2003)

I'm ashamed to be from the same country as the creators of Train 48.
I tried to watch this show. I tried to enjoy it. I watched it for a month and a half, followed the characters, never missed an episode... but I just couldn't take it.

The previews made the show seem like a reality TV show where they just filmed people on a subway, which would have been an amazing idea... but apparently the creators thought TV needed another tacky sitcom.

I saw another episode recently, and I was amazed at how little the show had moved since I left it a couple years before. This show is humiliating to Canadian TV. Before considering watching this, try a better Canadian show, like SCTV, Red Green, or Kids in the Hall.

King Kong
(2005)

Could there be a more perfect theater movie?
I was stoked for this movie. It was Peter Jackson doing a film on King Kong; a giant gorilla fighting Dinosaurs, and eventually running a rampage in New York. My thoughts were this movie would be one of the best movies ever.

Well, it wasn't. But the thing was, I wasn't disappointed that I didn't love it as much as I wanted to. It entertained me for 3 hours, it had some of the best action scenes out of any movie ever, and the special effects just looked real. On top of that, it proved Jack Black can really act.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying this movie wasn't all it could/should have been. In fact, it was all it should have been and more. It's a brilliant remake of a classic film, and it didn't do anything to mess that up. It even dug deeper into the emotional side of Kong and Anne, which I thought was a great addition as it gave the end a much bigger emotional impact than the original.

If I were to compare this to the original, I'd definitely say this is better. It takes an amazing plot and makes it look and feel real. This is how a remake should be made. They should be enhanced tributes, not modernized rehash of the original.

Before seeing this, I just thought Jackson was going to be a one-hit-wonder with the Lord of the Rings trilogy, but now I see he just may be the director of the new millennium.

Kong is the most entertaining film of the year. If you have kids, take them. It will be just as entertaining to them as it will be to you.

King Kong is destined to be the next Jurassic Park. It's imaginative, breathtaking, massive, and awesome. See it, whether you find it appealing or not (preferably in theaters), and spread it to others who may not have seen it yet.

K.T.

The Exorcism of Emily Rose
(2005)

...Yah, it's different... but does that make it good?
I'm not sure I'm on the same page as most reviewers here. Maybe it's that I saw this movie in my basement (in the dark), which doesn't have the same impact of a movie theater... but this movie was horrible.

To some up the clichés, it's about a single blond living alone in an apartment who investigates the bizarre death of a young lady, then ends up getting in a "spooky" situation involving "demons".

The movie had its creepy moments, one of which would be seeing Emily's contorted body lying on the floor, but this doesn't make up for the outrageously long court scene that is so tacky it make me laugh several times. Of course, even my childish giddiness couldn't last, as the court scenes seemed to last longer than that of a full episode of Law and Order (I think we can all agree watching a court room for over an hour is equivalent to watching pre-school play for more than twenty minutes, which is unbearable).

What really bugged me about the court-room drama is the dialogue was mediocre at best, and when the scenes dragged on for over ten minutes a piece, it became more and more obvious that the research must have gone more into the exorcism than the dialogue in the court.

Speaking of the exorcism, it lasted about ten to fifteen minutes, and it definitely wasn't scary. I'll admit, the scenes themselves were terrifying, but there was one thing that got in the way: The subtitles. I know everyone hates being left in the dark during movies, but really, do we need to know the demons inside Emily can count to six in four different languages? And can we not figure out from the testimony of the priest that she has demons in her without having to read it off the bottom of the screen as she screams it in German (was it German? I couldn't tell...). The subtitles took away from the mood, and drew attention from the actual horror scenes. I found myself desperately trying to read the dialogue and watch the exorcism at the same time, then afterwards I realized the subtitles told me absolutely nothing I didn't know already.

In a horror movie, especially one of such potential, do we really need to focus our attention on the human aspects of it? Not that they didn't talk a lot about the supernatural aspects of Emily's condition, but... they didn't show enough of her perspective, and when they did it always ended with a close up of her face as she either screamed, frowned, or it would just show her have a seizure. The movie didn't do what I wanted it to do; go inside her mind, show her perspective. I know that the priest wanted to help, and I know that his defendant wanted to try to help him by going along with what he said, but what I didn't know was what Emily was going through. I found that disappointing, especially since I've been waiting for a movie to truly go inside the mind of someone in such a position (feverish hallucination type of thing... I mean, wouldn't that scare you more than watching a bunch of doors open and close?).

There should have been more scenes like the one of Emily talking to the Virgin Mary (as seen on the cover). That scene was very well done in comparison to the rest of the movie. It was such a bizarre and artistic scene... it's a shame they felt the need to resort to cheesy looking cats attacking the priest and horses going crazy (The Ring, anyone?).

So thats my honest opinion on the movie. I didn't like it at all. It wasn't scary, it was barely interesting, and it didn't break far enough from your standard cliché horror movie.

  • K. T.

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