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Psycho Goreman

Nice Special Effects ruined by ridiculous story and terrible characters
For those expecting a scary horror film, well.. this ain't it.

The Good: some convincing practical special effects with effective gore. Has a '80's feel to it so luckily without CGI. The Bad: Everything else - the Psycho Goreman creature is basically "Wishmaster" with a touch of the Creeper from "Jeepers Creepers". Those are horror classics, "Psycho Goreman" is more of a Troma Production film which tries to combine comedy with fantasy and gore. The flawed story is lame which brings us to the weakest point of the film: The MIMI character. The little sister is annoying as hell and what's with the feminist propaganda again ? She's bad-ass and her older brother and father are total wimps. Mimi treats her family and friends in such a bad way that you constantly hope she's the first to die.

It is a mystery what the target audience is supposed to be: it's too gory for kids but the story and characters are obviously aimed at them. "Psycho Goreman" is a strange combination and to be honest, hard to sit through (I gave up after half an hour..)

Vampires Suck

"Twilight" fans didn't like it .. explains the low ratings..
So I was never a fan of the "Twilight" franchise because horror isn't supposed to be PG-13 and aimed stricktly at young teens. And I do like real horror and spoof films like "Airplane", "Naked Gun" and "Scary Movie".

"Vampires Suck" isn't in the same league but it's as hilarious as other -less known- spoofs like "National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon" and "Fatal Instinct". And it's way better than the flawed "Dracula: Dead and Loving It" spoof from Mel Brooks.

There are lots of funny scenes and the Extended Version has more balls than the entire "Twilight" series when it comes to horror/gore and self awareness/(politically incorrect) humor. It makes fun of "Twilight" but I wouldn't go as far as calling it a direct insult to the franchise. But a lot of fans thought otherwise.

Jenn Proske is spot on as an imitation of the Kristen Steward character and Matt Lenter is an entertaining version of Edward Sullen.

A lot of films don't age well within the years but revisiting "Vampires Suck" still turned out to be a blast. Not all jokes worked, but most of them certainly did.


Home Alone R-rated: A 13-year old Girl spits on your Grave
"Becky" is pretty much a mixture of the home invasion and revenge genre, there are plenty of them out there. This is certainly not a very good one, but it's entertaining and doesn't take itself too seriously.

The good: Lulu Wilson (only 14 years old) plays her part well en also Kevin James is convincing in his first role as a bad guy. There are also a couple of convincing gory scenes. One scene is even a tribute to the original "Hostel" (2005). You'll know which scene if you see it.

The bad: the criminals are anything but professionals. Their characters are written that way so that our 13-year old heroine has little problem to dispatch them one by one. For instance: one of them grows a consience and one of them can't even swim.

That makes "Becky" look more like "Home Alone: the Gory Edition" than a suspensefull home invasion/revenge thriller. You want the latter than watch the superb "You're Next" or the "I Spit on your Grave" franchise (all of them except for the abomination that was "Deja Vu".

The Night Comes for Us

Instant Action Classic that gives a new meaning to the word "Violence"
"The Night Comes For Us" is filled with non-stop brutal action after a 15 minute introduction. It's not just a martial arts film, because the fight scenes are bloody as hell and filled with stabbing, slicing and hacking. The cast is good (Iko Uwais is a bad guy for a change) and the production values are top notch en the violence and effects look real so no cheap CGI nonsense.

Just think of an Indonesian version of "John Wick 3" but more brutal. If you like "John Wick" or films like "The Raid 1 & 2" and "Headshot" be sure not to miss this one because it's simply one of the best in it's genre !

Survive the Night

They Killed his Wife. Now it's Time to .. sit quietly in a Chair and do Nothing ??!?
Bruce Willis "Yippee Ki-yay" days are long gone. The action star of mega hits like "Die Hard", The Last Boy Scout", "The Fifth Element", "Armageddon", "The Sixth Sense"and "Red" is no more.

Like Steven Seagal and Nicolas Cage he has reduced himself to cheap direct-to video productions, one even worse than the other.

"Survive the Night" is no exception: extremely badly written with cardboard characters who do the most stupid and illogical things. Their actions are laughable at best and the story seems to drag on forever since the limited screenplay is only good enough for a 25 minute TV-soap episode.

It's frustrating to watch Bruce Willis doing absolutely nothing after two bankrobbers kill his wife. One of them is injured badly so there are plenty of opportunities to take out the one single bad guy. Instead we get a ridiculous roadrunner cartoon of being tied up, escape, being tied up again. And speaking of the injured criminal, he has an open leg wound that is fatal within an hour, but somehow he survives right up to the end of this wretched tale.

In Willis' defence, this is not his worst performance to date. That razzie award goes to last years' stinker "Trauma Center" where it was hard to tell if he was even conscious at all. If I knew beforehand that "Survive the Night" was from the same director, I wouldn't even have bothered. Just call it a friendly warning because it's 90 minutes of your life wasted you won't get back.

Fire Down Below

Underrated - Butchered by Warner Bros. - Workprint Please !
"Fire Down Below" (1997) was not a commercial success and ended the multiple deal between Warner and Seagal. It certainly wasn't in the same league as his recent hits "Under Siege" and "Out For Justice" but watching it again, it's actually a very underrated Seagal film with one of Seagal's best performances and a strong cast (Kris Kristofferson, Marg Helgenberger, Stephen Lang, Harry Dean Stanton).

But it could have been so much more: the script was considered for Bruce Willis but when he dropped out it was rewritten and Warner eventually wanted it to be a "Seagal-film" so a lot of scenes were dropped/cut in favor of a shorter running time.

This explains the rushed opening scene and scenes seen in the theatrical trailer that aren't in the film. To make things even worse, Warner had also cut a number of action scenes completely and toned down the violence to secure a 15+ rating. Those action scenes were actually filmed and a large piece of the budget but they decide to get rid of it - makes no sense at all... !

Will we ever see a workprint ? Not likely.. Warner is known for butchering films right at the end, Stallone's Cobra is a perfect example of that. Luckely, a TV version of Cobra restored some of the cut scenes.

Fire Down Below is often compared with that other environmental Seagal film (On Deadly Ground - also underrated in my opinion) and it was last in the line of really good Steven Seagal films, starting in 1988 with "Above the Law aka Nico".

Oh, the good ol' days of old school action...


Highly recommended if you like the extreme stuff !!
For the gore hounds this Spanish spoken film shocker from Chile is a delight and one of the best extreme gore films since many years.

It's not as good as "A Serbian Film" (certainly the notorious opening scene will remind you of that classic) and not as sickening as "The Human Centipede II: Full Sequence" so I guess it kind of comes in as third as the Best in Extreme Hardcore Horror.

Artistically it's a very strong film: a good cast (especially the main villain), an entertaining story with some nice surprises that doesn't follow the same path as many other genre films, and convincing and grotesque gore.

After five minutes you'll already know if you have the stomach for what comes later on. There are some brutal rape scenes, mutilations, incest and excecutions but it's packed in a thrilling story with a shocking finale.

If you like the films mentioned above or titles like "I Spit On Your Grave", "I Saw The Devil" or "Carver" don't miss out on this one.


Nice gimmick ruined by a bland and weak cast..
The story follows an interesting concept: after a world wide black-out certain things just don't exist anymore like Coca Cola, Harry Potter and.. The Beatles. From director Danny Boyle and screenwriter Richard Curtis you would expect a magical film but they hardly use the twist and decide to go for a by-the-numbers rom-com.

And that's were the film starts to fall apart because the cast is too weak and uninteresting. Leading actor Himish Patel is an odd choice and lacks humor and charisma and there's no chemistry between him and Lily James.

As a viewer, you don't care about their friendship / relationship which isn't believable to begin with. Most of the cast is rather weak, even Ed Sheeran but he's forgiven since he's a musician, not an actor.

The entire cast is overshadowed by American comedy actress Kate McKinnon, who's the only one who's actually convincing and funny.

"Yesterday" is not a total failure because it features lots of awesome music from the Beatles. And (SPOILER ALERT!) we have Robert Carlyle who plays John Lennon at the very end of the film.

"Yesterday" would have been a better film without Patel and James as the leading cast and if the running time was 20 minutes shorter because many times the story seems to drag on forever.

Someone's Knocking at the Door

Unwatchable mess..
I had never heard of this one until it popped up on a list of disturbing, extreme horror films. So I had to check it out. The cast is unknow except for Noah Segar and Vernon Wells (not that they're that well known, but okay..)

Obviously the budget is limited which shows in the poor acting, boring story, bad lighting (especially the scene in the forest is laughable), effects etc.. After 20 minutes it's hard not to fastforward because it's barely watchable. I saw a 75 minuts cut, not sure if it's unrated (I read about 80 minutes and 70 minutes versions) but that couldn't change the fact that this 'bad trip" is one you can do without.

Vacancy 2: The First Cut

Have you ever wondered why there wasn't a "Vacancy 3" ??
"Vacancy" (2007) was a surprisingly well made, creepy and entertaining thriller starring Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale. It's timing was also perfect with the success of the "Hostel" and "Saw" franchise.

So one year later we already got the "direct to-" sequel but without any familiar faces. As a prequel it has an interesting premise but soon it's the same rehash of the original but on an amateuristic level. Lazy writing filled with errors (How does the killer instantly know about their lucrative business concerning the tape distribution ?) and the cast isn't that convincing. Clearly the villains are more believable but the story focuses primarely on the victims who end up in a boring cat-and-mouse game that stretches for more than half an hour.

It's not a downright terrible film but "Vacancy 2" isn't good either and hardly worth your time.

The Righteous Gemstones

Green + McBride + Hill = Still Magic !
The amazing trio David Gordon Green, Danny McBride and Jody Hill wrote/produced/acted in/directed another entertaining series after the hilarious "Eastbound and Down" and "Vice Principals". Be sure to check those out if you haven't seen them yet. They also helmed the succesful "Halloween" (2018) and it's two sequels coming up in 2020 and 2021.

An all star funny cast with familiar faces from their previous series and added with Adam Devine ("Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates") and the always excellent John Goodman. Every single character in this show is perfectly written and a joy to watch. One even more hilarious than the other.

The first episode ends with a bang (you couldn't predict something like that in a thousand years..) and if you think you're in for a surprise, wait what happens in the second episode..

"The Righteous Gemstones" is a perfect balance between (political incorrect) comedy, greed, family values and crime. One of the best series out there and can't wait for season 2 !

The Postcard Killings

Average Serial Killer film with an above average Jeffrey Dean Morgan
Actor Jeffrey Dean Morgan joined "The Walking Dead" series in 2016 and saved the series that was going downhill rapidly. He still is the best actor on that show, sadly he's underused at this time. Jeffrey also is the best thing in "The Postcard Killings".

As a cop in search of a sophisticated serial killer it sounds pretty much like "The Silence of the Lambs". But it leans closer to "Se7en" and "Resurrection" since the killings are ritually staged and some close-ups of the victims are clearly going for a shock factor.

"The Postcard Killings" is obviously not in the same league as those classics but the first hour is thrilling and exciting with an excellent performance by Jeffrey Dean Morgan. Unfortunately, the twist comes way to soon and the story kind of drags on in the last 40 minutes. Morgan's little bit of sympathy towards the killer (I won't give it away..) is misplaced since his daughter was killed and the killings itself were so gruesome and horrible.

Based on a novel, this could actually be good but to bad the story runs out of fuel way to early.

And Famke Janssen should get a refund from her plastic surgeon, just saying..


Could have been really good..
The story is not only 'inspired' by the John Carpenter classics "Assault on Precinct 13" and "Escape from New York", even the score feels like a true Carpenter electronic soundtrack. A tribute or throwback to the 80's, that doesn't sound bad.

That also goes for the seasoned cast: they all have done mostly TV series in the last years but their highlights are again in the 80's and 90's for having supporting rolls in box-office hits like Commando, Rambo: First Blood Part II, The Karate Kid, Die Hard 2, Hard To Kill, The Hard Way, The Crow, From Dusk till Dawn just to name a few.

Unfortunately, besides our experienced leading cast playing the veterans, the rest is not that great. The villians are all one dimensional and they could have used a better actress for the girl on the run, she's unconvincing and rather annoying.

The story holds no surprises and lacks tension. Luckily there's a certain amount of action and gory deaths. But here's the real problem that haunts this film: the scenes are much too dark with an annoying overuse of bad red or blue neon lighting, you can hardly see what's going on in many scenes. So the impact of the special effects are kind of lost on the viewer. Some weren't that convincing to begin with, but other effects could have been worth it to be seen in full glory. "VFW" (Veterans of Foreign Wars) was obviously going for the gore factor so it's more of a miss than a hit.

The Hunt

Entertaining thrill ride from start to finish !
"The Hunt" is losely based upon the short story "Most Dangerous Game" from the '30s. That story was also the premise for films like "Hard Target", "Surviving the Game" and "Battle Royale".

It's not everybody's cup of tea (hence the different reviews) because it's politically incorrect, gory and satirical. The story has a lot of surprises and is action packed until the final showdown (that scene will remind you of "Kill Bill")

"The Hunt" is considered to be a controversial film but it's entertaining and not dark, extreme or disturbing in spite of it's subject.

Betty Gilpin kicks ass the same way Sharni Vinson did in "You're Next". Hilary Swank is also fun to watch and the cast and production values are very good.

Already one of the surprise hits in 2020, I wouldn't mind "The Hunt 2"..

The Executioners

All Four of us Spit on your Grave. yeah right ..
So the acting isn't terrible, it's just unconvincing. What is terrible is the story and the actions of all the characters. Four young girls are invaded by three men (painted in black, blue and red). One of them escapes and lives to strike back. If you're thinking "I Spit On Your Grave" well, it's more in the line of one of the worst films ever made, "I Spit On Your Grave: Deja Vu". Well, not that bad, but it's not much better.

Another example of why horror films are so bad this lately. Skip it and watch someting (anything) else..

Hate Crime

This was really banned in the U.K. ??
A couple of Neo Nazi assailants invade the home of a Jewish family and start terrorising them. Well, that's the whole story in one sentence.

Filmed as found footage, it doesn't start out badly, but the constant yelling (of the victims AND the intruders) will get on your nerves soon. The way the victims are bound is laughable, they can strike back at any time. This completely takes away the shock value this film is obviously going for.

The rape is mostly offscreen, there's no nudity whatsoever and no money was available for any kind of special effects so don't expect anything from the cutting and beating by the intruders.

Labelled as an extreme film, it's nothing to get too excited about. For a really low budget film it's not bad, but not good either.

Talon Falls

Move along.. nothing to see here folks !
Four friends stop at a creepy local gas station in the middle of nowhere to ask for directions. The owner points them to a certain place (deja vu anyone ??)

Basically it's "Hell Fest" and "The Scarehouse" meets "Hostel". But the result is rather poor, even for fans of the 'torture porn' genre. The acting is unconvincing and the story gets bored after half an hour. Our four friends get captured rather easily in the funhouse and one gets tortured but the rest can soon escape without any problems.

The gore is limited to cutting off an ear and pulling off a toenail. For the gorehounds it's nothing to be too excited about. The last half hour is nothing more than our survivors trying to escape and again boring as hell.

The only disturbing part is when the watch dog is being held on a leash through the bars for quit some time by one of our friends. No animals were harmed here.. ?

In Search of the Last Action Heroes

Wouldn't mind if it went on for another 2 and half hours...
Interesting and entertaining documentary that starts with Bronson and Eastwood and descents in the '80s and 90's when the best action films were made. The '80s had Stallone, Norris and Schwarzenegger. The early '90s had Van Damme and Seagal before more 'regular' actors like Reeves, Willis and Cage were more profitable and the bulky macho was reduced to the small screen.

Nice to see interviews with guests like Vernon Wells (Mad Max 2, Commando) Michael Jai White (Universal Soldier: The Return, Undisputed 2), Scott Adkins (Expendables 2, Undisputed 2-3-4, Ninja 1-2) and Cynthia Rothrock (China O'Brian, Martial Law) but don't expect Van Damme or Schwarzenegger to personally drop by.

A lot of screen time is also given to Shane Black. A screenwriter for a number of action classics who also had a part in the groundbreaking "Predator" (1987) before directing films. But he also directed the god awful "The Predator" (2018) aka "everything that is wrong with action films these days" so I think he's included way too much in this documentary.

It also is an almost complete survey of action films but when it came to the early '90s martial arts films they forgot to mention action heroes like Jeff Wincott, Billy Blanks, Lorenzo Lamas and Jeff Speakman. And why was "48 Hrs", "Beverly Hills Cop" and "The Rock" included but no mention of "Bad Boys" ??

There are some interesting facts that even I (love and adore all those films) didn't know.

Bottom line was the conclusion that most action films these days miss good characters, emotion and a decent story. This is perfectly illustrated with the closing film title which is "Terminator: Dark Fate" (2019) Compared to T1 and T2 (and yes, even T3) it misses just those factors to be good. Oh, the good ol' days..

6 Underground

"Hobbs and Shaw" or "6 Underground" for worst action film of 2019 ??
I didn't know this was a Michael Bay film until the end credits (Yes, I made it so far but only after the second try). Surprisingly, a lot of reviews say "it's typical Michael Bay" but this is the director who gave us action classics like "Bad Boys" (1995), "The Rock" (1996), "Armageddon" (1998) and "Bad Boys II" (2004). I love those films and watched them many times. I stopped after the first Transformers (not my cup of tea) but the difference between this years' "6 Underground" and his earlier work couldn't be more different.

I'm okay with over-the-top action but this is like watching a bad video game. Nothing makes sense, no story or character development and the editing is the worst ever seen in film. Love the man's car chases ("Bad Boys II", "The Rock") but this was boring and over the top annoying.

Speaking of annoying, what happened to the usually funny Ryan Reynolds here ? His worst part yet but still he's better than the rest of the unkwown and unconvincing cast. Apparently, all the money went into CGI nonsense, so Netflix could only spring for one actual actor.

If this is the new standard for action films (aimed at 14 year old video game nerds) than count me out. Luckely, good action films are still made these days ("Angel Has Fallen", "John Wick 3")

When I first heard that Bay wasn't going to direct "Bad Boys For Life" I was disappointed. After watching this travesty, I'm actually relieved..

Zombieland: Double Tap

Love the original ? - You're gonna Love This as well !
The surprise hit "Zombieland" (2009) was the american "Shaun of the Dead" and certainly in the same league. It's not easy to combine comedy with horror but both films were a blast. Especially Harrelson, Eisenberger and Stone were amazing.

After recently watching some of the biggest disappointments and worst films of 2019 (Once Upon a time in Hollywood, Hobbs & Shaw, 6 Underground), I wasn't expecting much for this sequel 10 years (!!) after the original. Because even this years' "It: Chapter 2" looked pale compared to the original from 2017.

Surprisingly, "Zombieland: Double Tap" is as good as the original. The cast and oneliners are once again hilarious, the gore is good and convincing (even if CGI was obviously involved) and the story breaks new ground. Gotta love the new characters as well.

Bad reviews are mostly from people who didn't even like the original or aim at political correctness. Well, look elsewhere because this is purely R-rated entertainment and "Zombieland 2: Double Tap" is possibly one of the best films of 2019 !!

One Must Fall

Average, so please overlook the 1 and 10 reviews !
"One Must Fall" is a combination of horror and black comedy but doesn't succeed in both genres. Reviews are either a 10 or a 1 but the truth is somewhere inbetween.

The story has an interesting premise: 2 friends in need of a new job both start at a crime scene clean up company. Soon they fall into the hands of a serial killer. Set in the '80's with fun references (posters of "Jaws" and "The Goonies", Janet Jackson, Reagan, house telephones and old computers) doesn't make it a comedy.

It also isn't scary, disturbing or creepy for a horror film. Mostly bloody crime scenes with body parts. The second half is where the story fails to keep you entertained. Especially when the unconvincing killer is introduced who talks so much that he'll put you to sleep of boredom. Some gore and a couple of brutal killlings can't save this even with the actors trying. The last half hour is basically a non scary "Hostel" where you check your watch several times.

It's not the worst out there, but not recommended either.

American Guinea Pig: The Song of Solomon

Boring and horrible "Exorcist" rip-off with some decent gore
Not sure why this is part of the "(American) Guinea Pig" movies because it has nothing to do with those torture flicks. Instead we get another 'woman is possessed' story that for the greater part takes place is the bedroom of the possessed one with Father after Father coming in and try to stop the evil demon put fail.

This isn't shocking, there's no tension, no scares and no thrills, just some gore that is not bad but many times not that convincing. The 'coughing up' scene is gory but ridiculous and boring as hell. The acting and dialogue is bad, at times you're wondering if they set out to make an "Exorcist" spoof instead of a horror film.

Without using the fastforward button (especially during the long conversation scenes) you'll probably won't make it til the end because for a gore film it's boring as hell.

Trauma Center

Bruce Willis sleepwalks through another terrible script
"Trauma Center" could have been a decent movie because leading actress Nicky Whelan plays her part well. Unfortunately, that's the only good thing this movie has to offer. Like his recent flicks, Bruce Willis has limited screen time and does look bored as hell without any emotion.

The story gets boring soon when you realise that most of it takes place in an abandoned ward of the hospital with our random waitress outsmarting two crooked and professional cops time after time. It's as believable as a Roadrunner cartoon. They must be amongst the most incompetent cops ever put on the big screen. The dialogue is cheesy and the few fight scenes aren't convincing at all.

Well at least we got to see not one but two big movie stars from the '80's: Steve Guttenberg (Mahoney from the "Police Academy" franchise) also has a glorified cameo !

Unmasked Part 25

Couple of gory deaths but thumbs down for everything else..
I'm a horror / slasher fan since the 80's, yet I never even heard about "Unmasked Part 25 aka Hand of Death" (1989) until now.

No mystery there, because this is unknown and real low budget with a bad cast, half of them problably aren't even actors to begin with. Location, lighting, dialogue and story is nothing worth mentioning either.

It starts like another slasher in the tradition of "Friday the 13th" (hockeymask ? - check, machete ? -check) but after 20 minutes turns into a lame satire of slashers / serial killers. Because the killer speaks and opens up to a blind woman which pretty much covers half of the entire film. Endless dialogue and the deformed face of the killer isn't convincing. The special efffects and gore are the only highlight here: some of it is well done and bloody as hell but most deaths aren't that well staged and look extremely fake.

Is it worth a look for the special effects ? Well maybe, but you'll have to sit through a dull story with terrible acting.

Fun Fact: This official hockey mask model was never used in a "Friday The 13th" film but it was on a promotional cover for "Friday The 13th: A New Beginning (1985)" The same model was however used in "Mad Max 2: Road Warrior (1981)" and could briefly be seen in "Slaughter High" and "Police Academy 4". In both films, one of the characters dressed up as Jason Voorhees to scare the others.

13 Reasons Why

"Worst New Forced Character in a TV-series"
  • If that was a razzie award, than "13 Reasons Why" would have won that prize for the awful third season. Pop quiz: what 3 letter word ruined a perfectly good tv-show ? That's a no-brainer if you have tried to sit through season 3 or read any of the reviews here.

The first season was very well made, a gripping and realistic story with characters you cared for. I was surprised that they made 2 more seasons, somehow sceptical about the second season but it turned out more than okay.

I can understand that they didn't bring back Hannah for the third season because her story was kind of completely told. But there was no need for the introduction of a new character. "Ani" is from Africa, lived in the U.K. before moving to the States (hence the worst accent ever) and is somehow in short time best friends with our entire cast despite the fact that she's unlikeable, annoying and nosy as hell. Our Jessica character even tells her about her most intimate secrets, how is that possible in real life if she only knows her for a couple of months ? They're certainly not best friends ! Ani sticks out like a sore thumb but the writers didn't care for that. All they tried to do is give her as much screentime as possible, because she's virtually in every scene.

And to spit even more in the face of the viewer, our 'new girl' takes over the narration from Hannah.The narration in season 1 and 2 from Hannah was powerful, emotional and really added to the story Listening to Ani's annoying and totally unnecessary voice-over literaly makes your skin crawl. It's obvious that S03E01 wasn't tested for an audience because it's terrible from the start and doesn't even feel like a "13 Reasons Why" episode.

Season 3 also turns teen drama into a boring who-dunnit story a la Scooby Doo with our 'new black Agatha Christy' suspecting one kid after the other for the murder of Bryce Walker. Every new episode she lugs around some of our trusted characters in order find out who's the killer. Needless to say season 3 is terrible and painful to sit through. Any new season is often not as good as the previous one but I've never seen a television series turn from good to really shitty between 2 seasons.

Season 1: 8/10. Season 2: 7/10. Season 3: 1/10. Count me out for S04..

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