srobi280

IMDb member since March 2006
    Lifetime Total
    50+
    IMDb Member
    14 years

Reviews

Unsolved Mysteries
(1987)

Remarkable show that has done a lot of good.
I grew up watching Unsolved Mysteries pretty much from the time the show went on the air. It used to freak me out as a kid, but I loved it. I haven't seen it in a long time, but I have in recent years gone back and watched a lot of episodes. Robert Stack was definitely the back-bone of the show, and it is sad to see him gone.

For me, there are two sides to Unsolved Mysteries. On one side, you have useful, intriguing, and often scary segments, which include murders, rape, robbery, missing persons, unexplained deaths, old legends, etc. These segments are real, and cover crimes which often nobody else will even look at. Many of the crimes are low-profile, and the show does a great service bringing them into the public eye. It is because of this that so many cases ended up getting solved, thanks to Unsolved Mysteries.

Then, there is the other side, which is what I call the "bunk" segments, which cover things such as ghosts, UFO abductions, miracles, big foot, the chupacabra, hauntings, psychics, etc. I don't believe in any of that nonsense, and I wish the show would have taken a less neutral, and a more critical approach when dealing with this woo-woo. I honestly think the people who came forward with those stories either misunderstood what had happened to them, or they just wanted to get on T.V. Remember, people lie, and not just a little.

Bridge to Terabithia
(2007)

The trailer is more exciting and magical than the movie... and totally misleading
Two hippies on an acid trip in the woods? Oh, sorry, we're talking about Bridge to Terabithia. My girlfriend thought the movie would be filled with fantasy based on the preview. After she saw it, she told me how bad it was. I had to see for myself.

The "story": So basically, junior has a very bad life. His parents don't pay enough attention to him, he hasn't got any friends, and your typical, stupid, walking-talking-cliché bullies keep picking on him. One day, a new girl moves into town. A bubbly little blonde named Leslie. They become friends, and eventually head into the woods. Here is where the magic begins... or so you are led to believe. Instead of going into a magical world, they PRETEND that regular objects are magical! Basically, the story continues as such. They find an old rope, and swing across a shallow stream, which brings them into "Terabithia". Do we actually SEE Terabithia? No.

The story drags on and on, with NOTHING magical happening. Then, completely randomly, Leslie drowns in the shallow stream. Junior is extremely upset, and eventually ends up taking his little sister into "Terabithia" as a replacement, where we actually get to see Terabithia for the first time.... and then BOOM, the movie is over...

The critique: If you want to see the magical fantasy parts of this film, watch the trailer. They are ALL in there. This movie offers viewers absolutely nothing except depression and self-pity. The very idea that this kid goes to a school where every single person is a bully or just mean-spirited is ridiculous. The kid's parents don't care about him, and then Leslie dies, making this entire movie even more of a complete downer. Then, to top it all off, they serve up a nice steaming bowl of religious guilt. Leslie tells junior's little sister she doesn't believe in the Bible, after which the little girl says something along the lines of "if you don't believe it then god will damn you to hell!" And lo and behold, Leslie later dies, leading to junior and dad talking about whether she's going to hell or not. DISGUSTING.

In terms of acting, this movie was sub-par, especially on the part of the school kids. The only decent actors were AnnaSophia Robb, Josh Hutcherson, Robert Patrick, and Zooey Deschanel. So basically the main characters, who's good acting was severely offset by the dismal acting of everyone else. Character development was very poor too. We also get no explanation for "Terabithia". What is it? Where did it come from? Who lives there? Oh, that's right, ITS ALL IN THEIR HEAD.

The fact that all the fantasy is make-believe is upsetting. People see movies like these because they want to see "real" fantasy, such as Harry Potter or Narnia. If you want make-believe fantasy, you can have that for free simply by using your own imagination. Don't be fooled by the trailer!

Epic Movie
(2007)

Not unlike the rest
Epic Movie, the latest installment of the "spoof" movies. I really didn't want to rent this, but I was talked into it (at least it wasn't my money spent on it). I sat down and watched it, and ended up asking myself "Are all those stupid references to Hollywood/celebrities/music REALLY necessary?" If you take those out, then Epic Movie is actually pretty funny by spoof movie standards. But those music video/MTV/whatever the hell you wanna call it references just slow the movie down, don't deliver laughs, and make me want to smack my head with my shoe.

Epic Movie is WAY better than Date Movie, and probably better than Scary Movie 4, but it falls (way) short of Scary Movie 1-3, and any other spoof movie that came before Scary Movie 4. If you want to watch it, make sure the rental is cheap.

Date Movie
(2006)

This movie is NOT funny
After really enjoying some of the spoof movies of the past, I decided to check out this film, regardless of the dismal ratings on IMDb. I thought Scary Movie, Not Another Teen Movie, and even older goofy movies like High School High, Hot Shots, and Wrongfully Accused, just to name a few, were very amusing, witty, and fun to watch. Scary Movie 2, 3, and 4 got progressively got weaker. But "Date Movie" was the final nail in the coffin for "spoof" movies as far as I'm concerned. And Hollywood isn't through yet! Ooooooh no. Now there is "Epic Movie" to rob naive viewers of their money. I, for one, am not watching that one unless I don't have to pay money for it. And thats not all! We have Scary Movie 5 to look forward to in 2008! Wonderful! Hollywood is dead.

Date Movie is very very clichéd, with your typical useless Hollywood references, disgusting humor (not the funny kind), drawn-out jokes beaten-to-death-thus-rendering-them-useless, and predictability comparable to the fact that the sun is going to rise tomorrow (in most parts of the world, at least). I sat through this whole thing, and got a few short bursts of laughter out of it. After about an hour, I kept checking the clock to see if it was over yet. This movie gets three stars simply because of the Napoleon Dynamite spoof. I hate that movie.

Loose Change: Second Edition
(2005)

Nice try... no, not even.
Loose Change is a documentary created by three college students. The documentary looks to answer a very important question... what happened on 9/11? Their theories? Let's take a look:

1) The U.S. government planned and orchestrated the attacks on its own soil, causing the deaths of more than 3000 innocent people. To try to prove that the government is capable of such a thing, they make a reference to a fake terrorist attack, which was to be carried out in Cuba in the 1960s. The only catch is, nobody in that "attack" was supposed to be injured. I fail to see what this has to do with 9/11. Now, I'm not a big fan of the U.S. government. Matter of fact, I cannot stand it, along with Bush. But to actually suggest that they would be able to carry out such a horrible act, both morally and tactically, AND keep it a secret is ludicrous!

2) The Pentagon wasn't hit by flight 77... it was hit by a cruise missile. They try to prove this by saying that there is a lack of plane parts, and the parts that are there are not from a 757. Brilliant! I don't know how they missed the mountains of debris sitting on the lawn of the Pentagon. And anyone with half a brain could figure out that if a plane hit a building, it would leave a hole, not a cookie-cutter outline of an airplane like in a cartoon.

3) The WTC towers collapsed because they were rigged with explosives, and it was a planned implosion. Again, brilliant. They also say that the plane "barely hit" tower 2. That really got me angry. The plane flew into it at 500+ knots. If it was a planned implosion, how, oh wise college students, could they rig both of the ENTIRE buildings without anyone noticing?

4) Flight 93 didn't crash. It landed safe and sound in Cleveland, Ohio, and the passengers somehow magically disappeared. The phone calls from the planes were all faked. It is "impossible" to make cell phone calls from that altitude. All I can say is, how do these people sleep at night? How on earth do they have the audacity to make such an outrageous claim!

5) The attacks had nothing to do with Osama bin Laden because, get this, he said so! He said he had nothing to do with it. So the creators disregard the mountains of evidence that proves what really happened on 9/11 and they take Osama's word as it were sacred. Why don't you just spit on the victims' graves?

Loose Change is a documentary filled with half-truths, speculation, quotes taken out of context, poor research, logical fallacies, distorted facts, and testimonials from other conspiracy theorists. The research done by these guys was very poor. Not ONCE do they even attempt to actually contact a real expert, because that would disprove their theories right away. The so-called experts that they use are themselves conspiracy theorists. All of the news sources quoted in the film are from right after the attacks. As a matter of fact, I don't think there is a single news article quoted that was from after 2001. A lot of times, the creators are dishonest. And what really gets my blood boiling is that these guys take their opinions and theories and state them as fact! Unbelievable.

You should always question everything before believing it, and that includes garbage like this. Throughout the whole thing, I don't think they prove a single point. I don't think they even have one. Loose Change is misleading and dishonest at best, and downright offensive at worst.

Recommended reading: http://www.loosechangeguide.com/LooseChangeGuide.html

Hercules in New York
(1970)

The funniest movie of all time!
Arnold Schwarzenegger. Way before he was Governor of California. Way before he was the Terminator. Before Conan. And yes, even before Pumping Iron. As a matter of fact, this was even before Arnold won a single Mr. Olympia, and was still only Mr. Universe. Arnold, age 23, is Hercules. In fact, he isn't credited as Arnold Schwarzenegger, but as "Arnold Strong". This movie, intentional or not, is one of the funniest, if not THE funniest movie of all time. The movie is extremely low budget, has horrendous acting, mind-blowingly sub-par special effects (even by the standards of 1970), and an overly-redundant soundtrack. Let's take a closer look.

Hercules is bored with life on Mt. Olympus. The movie starts off with Hercules complaining to Zeus, and telling him that he wants to leave. After a few minutes of back and forth arguing, Zeus gets angry enough at Hercules to throw one of his lightning bolts (which look like they were welded together in a junk-yard) at him, and in a puff of smoke (cheap special effects) he disappears. Turns out he has fallen to earth, somewhere in the middle of the ocean. On his way down, he passes by an airplane, on which an extremely crazy lady with a funny voice and an even funnier hat sees him as she looks out the window, and has a fit.

Here, he is picked up by a freighter, and tells the captain that "no man is superior to Hercules". He spends the rest of the voyage picking fights with the crew for no apparent reason. It is during this scene that John Candy makes his first ever (uncredited) appearance in his movie career. When the ship reaches New York, Hercules goes ashore, and is attacked by a group of hobos, who he takes care of with a wooden plank. This is where he meets "Pretzi", played by Arnold Stang. They hitch a cab ride, only to find out that Hercules has no money, because "Hercules needs no money". The cabbie tries to beat up Herc, who yells the hilarious line of "HOW DARE YOU TOUCH HERCULES!", throws him in the bushes, and flips over his taxi.

Herc and Pretzi run off, and somehow end up in a playing field with college students training in discus, javelin, and far jump. Herc says "Zoze men don't ssrow it faaar enuff" and proceeds to humiliate the college students in all events. One hilarious part is when he takes his shirt off and does a titty-dance before throwing the javelin.

After this, Herc and Pretzi are invited to a college professor's house and are sitting in the living room with his smoking-hot daughter (Deborah Loomis). At this point, her friend comes in, and after an exchange of words, he punches Herc in the gut, to which he replies "YOU have strucked Hercules!" and hoists the young man into the air.

Hercules and the hottie end up dating. It is during their first date that they encounter an "escaped bear from the zoo", which is actually (quite conspicuously) a man in a bear costume. Herc pounds the bear into submission, with his girlfriend screaming in the background. This scene has to be one of the funniest in cinematic history. During one of their outings, Herc sees a poster of a Hercules movie, and in his outrage rips off his shirt in the middle of the street, starts posing, and demands to know "who gave zees imperzonator permission to imitate Herkooles!" Before long, Herc becomes a wrestler. Long story short, Pretzi is threatened by the mob to sign Herc over to them, and he does as he is told. Eventually, Herc goes up against "Monstro the Magnificent" in a weightlifting match, which he loses because Juno took away his powers. He gets jumped by the mob, and then its Atlas and Samson (yes, the biblical Samson) to the rescue. In the end, Herc goes back to Mt. Olympus.

For one to fully appreciate this movie, it must be watched with Arnold's real voice, although the dubbed version is great for laughs too. This movie is an absolute jewel. It is so horrible that it's great. It has an innocent charm to it as well, and one can't help but love it. Arnold's acting is virtually nonexistent, and he exhibits less emotion than when he played the Terminator. This is balanced out by Arnold Stang's constant over-acting. Deborah Loomis is smoking-hot, but her acting skills are below average. Hell, everyone's acting in this movie is below-average. This movie contains literally dozens of hilarious one-liners by Arnold. The Mt. Olympus scenes are all filmed in Central Park, and traffic can be heard in the background. You know what? I'm just going to stop here. There are too many hilarious things to list. Go watch it!

Aquamarine
(2006)

Put it back on the bottom 100
I can't believe I actually sat through the whole thing. This movie has the worst acting since Killjoy.

Here is a brief outline of the plot: The movie starts out with Jojo and that other chick sitting around on the beach, drooling over a skinny blonde-haired beach "hunk" who looks like he hasn't been to the gym a day in his life. Somehow, everyone knows him, and every single chick in the movie wants him. UH OH! Here comes the competition! The stereotypical "hot chick" and her best friends, who drive an ugly pink car. We soon find out Jojo's mom got the job of a lifetime in Australia, which means that Jojo would have to move and leave her best friend behind (oh no, I think I'm gonna cry). A huge storm comes, and fills their swimming pool with nasty water. Somehow, for no apparent reason, the little chick falls into the pool, and comes face to face with, yup, you guessed it, a MERMAID! This is where the "story" really takes off. Basically, they want to get the mermaid to fall in love with the "hunk".

This is a preteen flick with acting so bad, it makes the 80's look like the pinnacle of Oscar-worthy performances. This movie has all the clichés possible... the best friends, the "hunk" who everyone wants, the "hot" bad girl and her bitchy friends, the scary old man... you name it, it's in there. I took one for a lot of people by watching this. Consider my hour and 40 minutes a sacrifice to you. Please, don't see this movie. Don't make it so I suffered in vain.

The Grudge 2
(2006)

A decent film
This film is the sequel to "The Grudge", which was a very-well executed horror movie/ghost story. The Grudge 2 goes into more detail about the first film, and clears many things up. We find out a lot more about the first film in this one.

The scares were pretty good. In this day and age, its hard to come up with new scares, since pretty much everything has already been done before. However, the director managed to pull some off. Some were corny and played out, others were incredible and downright creepy. Plus, I also have to take into account that I don't scare easily at all, especially from a movie.

Overall, it was a good movie, although at times, I felt that it moved a little too slow. 7 out of 10.

The Lost Boys
(1987)

This movie SUCKS
And I'm not talking about blood, either. I tried watching this horrendous 80s vampire flick the other day. I only got about 30 minutes into it, and for sure, it put me right to sleep. I woke up a few hours later, with my mind in a daze, wondering if I should try watching it again. I decided that if it put me to sleep that quickly, it wasn't worth even trying to watch. I mean, this movie is so BORING. I honestly don't have a clue what its about (teenage vampires, perhaps), what its supposed to be (a comedy? It wasn't funny), or what the whole purpose of the movie is, as it has not a single iota of entertainment value. My advice: stores should remove all forms of sleeping pills from shelves, and replace them with copies of the Lost Boys. It would be a whole lot more effective, without any negative side effects, plus, its non habit-forming! Imagine that...

The Wicker Man
(2006)

I thought it was really good
Why everyone is giving this movie such a low rating is beyond me. I thought it was very exciting and suspenseful. Then again, I haven't seen the first one, so to me, it doesn't have a standard to live up to. I mean, come on, is the old one REALLY that much better? The only bad part of this movie is that once you see it, it becomes a lot less exciting, because you know what is going to happen. And I must say, the end is rather surprising and disturbing. I really do not know what else to say, but since my comment has to be 10 lines, I will proceed to tell you that you should go see this movie. I will also proceed to tell all of you that this movie is a whole lot better than the cure for insomnia, snore-o-rama movie "Solaris", and should have gotten a much higher rating.

You've Got Mail
(1998)

Commercials anyone?
The play this horrendous movie is based on and the man who wrote that play are great. However, correct me if I'm wrong, but was this movie nothing more than a 2 hour commercial or what? You've Got Mail, right there, is product placement for AOL. The title of the movie is product placement! Was this entire movie funded by AOL or something? Then there's Starbucks, Visa, Borders, and who knows what else. Not to mention that the whole movie was sappy and boring. I can't believe Tom Hanks agreed to take the leading role in this movie. Oh, and did anyone else notice that this is similar to Sleepless in Seattle? Of course you did. If you want to watch commercials, product placement, and a crappy movie all mixed into one, then go watch it. Have fun!

Super Size Me
(2004)

Sad but true
This is a very straightforward, in your face documentary about the effects that fast food (focused mainly on McDonald's) has on people. Independent filmmaker Morgan Spurlock uses himself as a guinea pig to test what effects eating nothing but McDonald's for a month would have on a person. He has to eat only what is sold at McDonald's, including water. If McDonald's doesn't sell it, he can't eat it. He has to eat three square meals a day. At first, he can't even hold the food down.

The results are rather appalling. He gains 25 lbs. in just one month. His liver functions start dwindling, he has no sex drive, he is always bloated, and he literally gets addicted to the stuff! But this is just part of the documentary. Throughout the whole movie there are interviews with people off the street for various things, interviews with important people in the food industry, a couple of schools are visited to see how much (or little) physical education children get, plus much more. The whole movie is filled with interesting facts from beginning to end. Even the question "where does consumer responsibility end and corporate responsibility begin" is discussed, along with the psychology involved in advertising fast food to children. Enough said about this movie, go see it for an educational and enlightening experience. And if you are overweight, hell, it might even be inspirational for you.

Kazaam
(1996)

Wham bam thank you Kazaam
There was a genie played by Shaq His name was Kazaam, and he was whack His rhymes were corny, this lines were bad some stupid kid cryin over his stupid dad bad actin, bad casting, bad special effects whats next? this movie sucks Prolly didn't make 20 bucks he lives in a boombox not a lamp hurts like a cramp like a wet food stamp...

Yeah, you get it, a stupid rhyming genie who can't act, in a stupid movie with horrible special effects. Oh, and its confusing as hell. I'm not even gonna go on. Let's just say, it belongs in the "its so bad, its funny" category. Watch it once with your buddies and get a good laugh. But don't expect anything spectacular.

Fantastic Four
(2005)

Fantastic
This movie was a whole lot of fun. Interesting characters, good character development, exciting action, decent special effects, good story line, and it kept me involved and entertained. What more do you need? Oh, it also had some humorous parts. The big orange guy was really cool. And so was the guy with the fire. And the invisible chick. Rubber-man too. All four of them were, well, fantastic.

I used to watch the cartoon when I was a little kid. The movie was at least as good. Marvel needs to make more movies like this one, and hopefully not crap like Spider Man 2. Well, I really have nothing else to say about this movie, but I need to write ten lines, and hopefully, by the time this sentence ends, I will have 10 lines.

Jarhead
(2005)

Jughead was a horrible movie
I have never been a marine, in the army, the airforce, or any sort of military of any country. I am just going to rate this as a movie, and not a measure of realism like many other people on here. This movie absolutely SUCKS. It is the worst war movie I have ever seen. The movie starts off with training, highly reminiscent of Full Metal Jacket (although it can't touch it). I can't help but to think of it as an "updated" FMJ. Then, the marines go to Saudi Arabia. Here is where the action begins... or does it? It does, if you consider a bunch of naked little boys running around and humping each other "action". They sit around aimlessly, hump each other occasionally, and wander around doing nothing, complaining about faulty equipment and a lack of "action", which is exactly what I was complaining about.

This movie has ass. Male ass. Too much of it. I figured there HAS to be some kind of war. I waited until the end, and guess what? There wasn't ANYTHING. As a matter of fact, not one shot is fired out of anger in this movie. Not a single one! What kind of war movie has not one person killed in combat?? Jarhead. Thats what. The only time there are shots fired is during training when that moron gets killed, and at the end where they are shooting into the air. Thats it! No war, no fatalities, no action, and a whole lot of nothing. Great movie!

Get Rich or Die Tryin'
(2005)

Not as bad as people say
After reading many crappy reviews of this movie, I decided to see for myself if it is really as bad as people on here claim. Well, surprisingly, it wasn't nearly as bad as people say. As a matter of fact, it was rather enjoyable. Enjoyable enough to watch again. I'm not a big fan of 50 Cent, but this movie had decent acting, some good action, and a relatively good plot line. Sure, 50 Cent is no Oscar-worthy actor, but he does alright for himself. A few of the lines he said were mumbled, and left me and my brother looking at each other, laughing, and going "what the hell did he just say?" Go watch it. Its a decent movie.

Brokeback Mountain
(2005)

I thought it would be worse
I actually thought this movie would be worse than it was. Its worth seeing once, but I must warn the viewer, it is intensely, extremely, and shockingly gay! And the scenes come with little to no warning. But I suppose thats the point, right? Basically two people herding sheep end up having a homosexual experience. They still claim "I ain't queer." But they end up becoming closer and closer to each other, and end up falling in love. Meanwhile, they both marry and have families, while seeing each other off and on. Since being gay is unacceptable in that time and place, they keep it a secret. Find out the rest for yourselves.

Independence Day
(1996)

Decent invasion movie
Aliens are once-again invading! This time they show up out of the blue with enormous spacecraft large enough to cover entire cities. People are welcoming towards them, up until they blow up a bunch of major cities in the world at the same time. How can these aliens be defeated? Watch the movie to find out.

It was a decent movie. I own it. A few funny moments. Good explosions. Good action. Its enjoyable. However, it is way too "America saves the world". Nobody makes a move until the Americans take the lead. How about this quote:

"Hey! The Americans are planning a counter attack!"

"Well, its about bloody time!"

Sickening! Like the entire world is sitting with a thumb up their ass waiting for the US to take the lead! Absolutely disgusting. You can tell it was made by Americans.

Sahara
(2005)

Absolutely, positively terrible
The plot of this movie goes something like this: A doctor searches for the source of a plague in some African countries (no, not AIDS). Matthew McConaughey with his colleagues are trying to discover some battleship in the desert (yes, a battleship in the goddamn desert). Pretty soon they fight against some dictator operating a nuclear waste disposal plant near the river Niger.

Sound like a stupid plot? You bet it is!

Other negative factors:

Penelope Cruz's annoying Spanish accent

The source of this "plague" is the water, and the "plague" is made up, even though AIDS is killing many people in Africa

A battleship in the desert...

The bad guys are SO stupid, and they always just happen to escape them

A sickeningly happy ending

OK, I'm done.. The only reason I gave this movie 3 out of 10 is because I had a BLAST making fun of it with my friends from beginning to end, resulting in non-stop laughter. So easy to make fun of. Too easy. Which is pretty much the only good thing about it.

Killjoy 2: Deliverance from Evil
(2002)

Hang that clown high
Killjoy 2 is the same as killjoy 1. Bad acting, bad characters, annoying clown, bad lines, you name it. Honestly, I'm not all that surprised that more people haven't seen this movie. The only reason I watched Killjoy 2 is because I wanted to think that the filmmakers learned from their mistakes. They didn't. This movie is just as bad, if not worse, than the first one. That clown.... that goddamn clown.... I hate him! I hate him so much! And I don't hate him because he is a good villain... I hate him because he is annoying beyond belief! I hope that the filmmakers realized after trying and failing again that this movie is unrepairable. The last thing we need is a Killjoy 3.

Invasion U.S.A.
(1985)

Typical
What we've got here is your typical 80s action movie. Predictable plot, lots of explosions, bad acting, bad one-liners, clichés galore, its all in there. It all follows a formula. Terrorists (Russians, Germans, Chinese, Middle Eastern, pick one) are planning an invasion of the USA/to hijack something/to kidnap someone important. They start their attack, everyone is clueless and helpless except for our hero, who single handedly takes them out and gets the girl.

This movie, except for the getting the girl part, follows the formula religiously. The invasion starts on the beaches of Florida, where the bad guys somehow already have trucks waiting for them. The terrorists, in this case, are Russians. What a surprise! Nobody in the USA seems to be aware of the imminent threat, except for our hero Chuck Norris. They go around blowing random things up. Now, if this movie had good action in it, like Die Hard or Rambo, it would be good. It is, after all, an action movie, right? However, the action is so bad, and the one-liners are so corny, this movie doesn't even satisfy the "brainless action movie" category. In fact, it makes you want to eat your own hand. Somehow Norris has a sixth sense, and he knows where the bad guys are going to strike next, even before anything bad happens. He randomly keeps appearing to save the day and kills the terrorists. In a surprising "twist", Norris doesn't "get the girl". But that is about the only surprise in this predictable movie. The characters are so shallow, so emotionless, that they are practically robots. The only reason this movie gets 3 stars out of 10, and not 1 star, is because at times it was so awful, it was funny.

Street Fighter
(1994)

K.O. for Street Fighter
Another awful "video game turned into a movie" I mean, seriously. Come on! The video game was awesome! Nonstop action and ass kicking. It was a game I used to play for hours with friends, beating each other up, and it didn't get old. You know why? Because it was a video game and not a movie! Who in their right mind thought that they could take a video game with a plot as thin as a starved Paris Hilton, and turn it into an enjoyable movie? Again, "The plot is too thin, so let's rewrite all the characters and the entire storyline so it doesn't even remotely resemble the game". Whoever pitched them this idea should be locked in a theater and made to watch this movie over and over and over again nonstop for a month! For every ten horrible movies that Hollywood craps out, there is only one good movie it brings into existence! Something is wrong with this picture. This movie is an abortion. Don't watch it.

Super Mario Bros.
(1993)

Not-so-Super Mario Bros.
This movie was a bad idea to begin with. First of all, it has nothing to do with the game. I know your next thought... "But if it was like the game then the movie would be boring LOL" Exactly, which is why this whole entire project should have been scrapped. I mean, what were they thinking? "Hmmm, the idea of a plumber running around, breaking bricks, killing enemies, and rescuing the princess is a boring idea, instead, let's just make up an entirely different plot."

So after having pulled this totally unrelated and awful plot out of their rectum, they decided to go ahead and make the movie. Making video games out of movies is one thing, but making movies out of video games is a completely different story. You can make an excellent game out of a movie, but it is very hard to make an excellent movie out of a game. In this case, the game would need to have a plot to begin with, not a shallow plot like the Mario games. The shallow plot works really well in video games, but it bombs on the big screen (just look at Street Fighter! Who's the genius who came up with that idea?) Don't see this movie. Stay far far away.

Renaissance Man
(1994)

Miss-marketed
Let me start off by saying that this movie is miss-marketed as a comedy. As a comedy, this movie is, at best, mediocre. Sure, there are some funny moments, but it isn't nearly as hilarious as it claims to be. However, what this movie lacks in comedy, it makes up for with it's other qualities. This is a warm, fuzzy, feel-good movie with a lot of wisdom in it. The character development is excellent and we really get to like the characters. The bond between DeVito and his students is strong. This movie is very touching, with a few funny moments in-between. Sure, there are some corny scenes (the rap scene) but hey, every teacher has their own way of making their students understand their material, right? I would recommend this movie, although not as a comedy.

Titanic
(1997)

More garbage... what a surprise!
Let me start off by saying that there really can't be any spoilers about this movie, as anyone who knows anything about history already knows how this film will end. The Titanic is going to sink! What a surprise! There are three major reasons why I don't like this movie.

Reason 1: We know how the film is going to end before we even see it. The ship is going to sink. If filmmakers want to make a movie in which the audience already knows what is going to happen, they need to do a better job than to simply turn it into a sappy love story. Which brings me to the second reason.

Reason 2: This is another historical event turned into a sappy love story, blended in which a whole lot of Hollywood inaccuracy. The acting is terrible, and the characters are very uninteresting.

Reason 3: Time. This movie is more than three hours long! Is that really necessary? No it isn't. It is a three hours of my life that I could have used way more productively. It is a three hours of my life, gone forever! Wasted! And I can never get it back!

I was thankful when DiCaprio died, because I knew the movie was almost over. I can't believe this movie got so much praise. Its right there in the same league as "Pearl Harbor". Pure, un-adulterated junk. I gave it a 3/10, only because they did a pretty nice job "reviving" the ship itself. Don't watch it. If you take my advice, you have just saved three hours of your life.

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