• Warning: Spoilers
    Directed by Henry Hathaway and, in roles big or small, wow, what a cast -- not just Gary Cooper but Jane Greer, Millard Mitchell, Charles Bronson, Jack Warden, Lee Marvin, Richard Erdman, John McIntire, Eddy Albert, Jack Webb, Ed Begley, and George Nader. These names may not mean much to you unless you're a fan of old movies, in which case they collectively look like a pantheon.

    And all of them thrown together in what must be one of the least amusing service comedies ever made. Who greenlighted this machine-processed monstrosity? The writer, Richard Murphy, should have had sense enough to abort the project, having himself been responsible for some impressive screenplays earlier, like "Panic in the Streets." The plot involves engineer Gary Cooper being transferred from his desk job to the command of a submarine chaser designed as a test bed for a new super-steam engine. The three other officers are all as green as he is. The crew are cheeky and contemptuous of the USS Teakettle.

    There are a few funny moments towards the end, when "the throttle gets stuck" and the ship rushes at high speed around the port, barely passing under bridges that are hastily being opened, while men run around in a frenzy, finally smashing into an aircraft carrier. The humor is exceeded in several Laurel and Hardy efforts.

    No sense going into it further. A sad waste of time and talent.