Seinfeld: The Episodes Ranked
I recently watched Seinfeld from beginning to end, starting in May 2013 and ending early July 2013. I kept a running list and rating (1 to 10) for each episode. I ranked all the episodes in order of how much I enjoyed each entry (basically how much I laughed).
There are several hour long episodes that are now shown in syndication as part 1 and 2. I list these hour long episodes only once with one rating and occupying one spot in the list. I also omitted the clip shows.
I am posting spoilers in the descriptions.. so be warned.
I did an average of the ranking per season to see how the seasons ranked from best to worst.
1. Season 8 (avg: 67)
2. Season 7 (avg: 73)
3. Season 5 (avg: 78)
4. Season 3 (avg: 86)
5. Season 6 (avg: 87)
6. Season 9 (avg: 90)
7. Season 2 (avg: 92)
8. Season 4 (avg: 93)
9. Season 1 (avg: 146)
*A note about this list is that I was an avid Seinfeld fan during the initial run in the '90s, so many of the jokes fell flat on me during this viewing stretch, some 15 years later. I was aware of this as I put my list together, but I kept true to how I enjoyed the episodes this time around. For instance, The Label Maker episode contains the 'Re-Gifting' storyline. I remember it being great but it isn't as funny when the central idea isn't fresh and as a result it fell in the middle of the list.
There are several hour long episodes that are now shown in syndication as part 1 and 2. I list these hour long episodes only once with one rating and occupying one spot in the list. I also omitted the clip shows.
I am posting spoilers in the descriptions.. so be warned.
I did an average of the ranking per season to see how the seasons ranked from best to worst.
1. Season 8 (avg: 67)
2. Season 7 (avg: 73)
3. Season 5 (avg: 78)
4. Season 3 (avg: 86)
5. Season 6 (avg: 87)
6. Season 9 (avg: 90)
7. Season 2 (avg: 92)
8. Season 4 (avg: 93)
9. Season 1 (avg: 146)
*A note about this list is that I was an avid Seinfeld fan during the initial run in the '90s, so many of the jokes fell flat on me during this viewing stretch, some 15 years later. I was aware of this as I put my list together, but I kept true to how I enjoyed the episodes this time around. For instance, The Label Maker episode contains the 'Re-Gifting' storyline. I remember it being great but it isn't as funny when the central idea isn't fresh and as a result it fell in the middle of the list.
List activity
32K views
• 196 this weekCreate a new list
List your movie, TV & celebrity picks.
- 169 titles
- DirectorTom CheronesStarsJerry SeinfeldJulia Louis-DreyfusMichael RichardsGeorge's mother throws her back out when she falls down after catching George performing a personal act; the gang partakes in a contest of self-denial.S4E11
This is the one where the four enter into a contest to see who could remain 'Master of their domain' the longest. Kramer spots a naked woman across the way and quickly declares 'I'm Out!'. Jerry is dating a Virgin (Jane Leeves), Elaine meets JFK Jr. at her club, and George sees a woman-on-woman spongebath at the hospital while dealing with Estelle. Even a throw-away gag like George throwing Tic Tacs at his mom gets a hearty laugh from me.
My Rating: 10/10 - DirectorTom CheronesStarsJerry SeinfeldJulia Louis-DreyfusMichael RichardsGeorge starts dating a college friend who, thanks to Jerry, thinks George is now a marine biologist. Elaine's electronic organizer injures a person after being launched from a limo by a Russian novelist. Kramer decides to golf on the beach.S5E13
George's ending monologue is classic, 'The sea was angry that day my friends..'. 'Is that a Titliest?' - one of the very best moments of the show. Jerry convincing Elaine the original title of War and Peace was 'War, what is it good for' and poor Carol Kane getting hit in the head by beeping organizers make this one an easy top 5 episode. Also, Jerry fears for 'Golden Boy'.
My Rating 10/10 - DirectorAndy AckermanStarsJerry SeinfeldJulia Louis-DreyfusMichael RichardsGeorge uses Susan's death to pick up women. Elaine's new friend is Jerry's exact opposite. Jerry's new girlfriend has manly hands. Kramer pretends to work for an upscale firm.S8E3
All four plotlines in this episode are great. Elaine starts hanging out with Kevin, Gene, and Feldman (who brings groceries instead of taking them), Kramer gets a job and is always TCB (taking care of business), Jerry dates "Man-Hands" (Kristen Bauer) who likes to crack lobster and touch Jerry's face, and George gets to visit the 'forbidden city' at the meat packing plant. Kramer and Jerry pretending to be a married couple was funny, as was 'Vargus' the fedex worker.
My Rating 10/10 - DirectorAndy AckermanStarsJerry SeinfeldJulia Louis-DreyfusMichael RichardsA soup stand owner obsesses about his customers' ordering procedure, but his soup is so good that people line up down the block for it anyway.S7E6
The Soup Nazi ("No Soup For You!) is such a classic character, but the other stories in this episode are great too. Jerry and George have an escalating confrontation with public displays of affection because Jerry is always saying 'Shmoopie', and Kramer gets his first run-in with the gay thugs who steal Elaine's Armoire. The Soup Nazi's cashier snatching George's soup back is funny no matter how many times I see it, as is Elaine's ending line, 'Next!'
My Rating: 10/10 - DirectorTom CheronesStarsJerry SeinfeldJulia Louis-DreyfusMichael RichardsGeorge takes revenge on his boss for not hiring him back after he quit and was rude to him, and Jerry and Kramer take revenge on a dry cleaner after Jerry accuses him of stealing $1,500 from his laundry bag.S2E12
Kramer's scheme to get back at the Laundromat by trying to dump a bag of cement into a washing machine is one of my favorite physical comedy moments from Michael Richards. George starts this episode with a rant at his boss and quits his job, but decides to go back to work on Monday like it never happened; this is my favorite of George's many schemes. George and Elaine's plot to 'slip a mickey' to the boss at the end is great.
My Rating: 10/10 - DirectorAndy AckermanStarsJerry SeinfeldJulia Louis-DreyfusMichael RichardsKenny Rogers' Roasters sets up shop across the street from Jerry and Kramer's apartments. Unfortunately, their unusually large chicken sign causes problems for everybody. Kramer and Jerry wind up switching apartments--and personalities--because of it. Jerry is freaked out by a wooden doll in Kramer's apartment, and Newman gets Kramer hooked on Kenny Roger's chicken. Elaine gets comfortable in her position as president of the catalog but is quickly accused of abusing the company credit card, especially when she buys George an expensive hat and George purposefully leaves it at his girlfriend's apartment in hopes that it will score another date. Meanwhile, Jerry's old college friend has lunch with him and winds up getting fired; he takes a new job at the Chicken Roaster's.S8E8
Jerry and Kramer switch apartments because Kramer threatens to give Kenny Rogers chicken bad press. The red light from the sign beaming into Kramer's apartment makes Jerry act like Kramer, and also causes Kramer to pour tomato soup into his cereal. Elaine is splurging Peterman's money on George when she buys him a Russian hat, which he tries to leave at woman's apartment to get a second date. Peterman does his impression of Brando's 'The Horror, The Horror' over the urban Sombrero and Newman is forced to eat Broccoli and shouts 'Vile Weed!' Oh, and Jerry is harassed by Mr. Marbles.
My Rating: 10/10 - DirectorAndy AckermanStarsJerry SeinfeldJulia Louis-DreyfusMichael RichardsElaine is embarrassed by Puddy's fur coat. Kramer tries to keep Newman from getting evicted. George carries everything in his wallet. Jerry is through with wallets.S9E12
Elaine attempts to throw Puddy's Man-Fur jacket out the window, and at the end Puddy gets the 8-Ball jacket. Does he wear it again? "All Signs point to yes!" George has an overflowing wallet that eventually explodes and Jerry gets his 'purse' robbed, I mean, European Carry-all. Also in this one, Kramer helps Newman out of a jam when Newman is almost caught having an affair with the super's wife. The super eventually goes after Joe Mayo with a sock full of pennies. We also learn that Newman reads Elaine's mail.
My Rating: 10/10 - DirectorAndy AckermanStarsJerry SeinfeldJulia Louis-DreyfusMichael RichardsA mysterious package arrives for Jerry. Elaine is curious about what the doctors are writing in her records. George tries to hit on the cute girl at the "One Hour Photo" place.S8E5
George practices his 'art of seduction' on the photo booth girl by sending her some erotic pictures of his own which come back to haunt him. Kramer tries insuring Jerry's stereo and committing mail fraud. Elaine wants her medical chart but can't seem to get it, even with the help of Dr. Van Nostrand from the clinic. Uncle Leo gets his eyebrows blown off and Elaine draws on some angry ones. Newman's interrogation of Jerry under the hot lights is classic.
My Rating: 10/10 - DirectorAndy AckermanStarsJerry SeinfeldJulia Louis-DreyfusMichael RichardsAfter George's parents take back the bread they gifted to Susan's parents, George makes Jerry find another loaf and tries to appease Susan's parents by taking them on Kramer's Manhattan horse tours, to disastrous consequences.S7E11
Kramer takes over the horse and buggy business but feeds Rusty a bunch of beef-a-roni causing the horse to fart all over the parents of Susan Ross. Frank steals back a marble rye he brought to a dinner causing George to scheme to replace it. Jerry winds up mugging the 'old bag' for the last rye and tries to throw it up to George at the window, who winds up using a fishing rod. Even Elaine's subplot is great where she dates a saxophonist who doesn't 'do everything', but does before his showcase.
My Rating: 10/10 - DirectorTom CheronesStarsJerry SeinfeldJulia Louis-DreyfusMichael RichardsAgainst their better judgment, Jerry and Elaine decide to play matchmaker for the jobless, dateless and possibly hopeless George, setting him up with a single friend of Elaine's.S3E17
This episode best sums of George's character as he has such high expectations for a blind date but expects Cynthia to accept him with all his flaws. I chuckled through the entire episode, but got big laughs from Kramer's bag of condoms, George's happiness at being a father, and his table manners at the end.
My Rating: 10/10 - DirectorTom CheronesStarsJerry SeinfeldJulia Louis-DreyfusMichael RichardsElaine and Keith are hitting it off until he pulls out a cigarette; Keith wants Jerry to help him move, leading Jerry along with Elaine to breakup with Keith.S3E15/S3E16
Jerry's recount of the spitting incident done in the manner of the JFK assassination (the second spitter) is classic, as is George's falling flat on his face with his pants around his ankles when Kramer fails to answer the phone as 'Vandelay Industries'. This episode marks the first time Jerry says 'Hello Newman.' George dating the daughter of the unemployment office worker and Jerry's "male relationship" with Keith Hernandez are both full of laughs. George also ends up meeting a really tall woman.
My Rating: 10/10 - DirectorTom CheronesStarsJerry SeinfeldJulia Louis-DreyfusMichael RichardsJerry offends Elaine's assistant. Kramer makes a contact for Cuban cigars. A box of letters from John Cheever is all that remains after Susan's father's cabin burns down.S4E8
This is the one where Jerry's dirty talk, 'You mean the panties you're mother laid out for you' gets him in trouble, and Elaine knew all along and zings him good at the end. George and Susan have to tell her parents the cabin burned down, but romantic letters from John Cheever out Mr. Ross. Kramer goes to the Cuban embassy looking for more cigars. Other favorite moments are when George squirts the ketchup across Monk's and when Jerry and George attempt to work on their script but get nowhere.
My Rating: 9/10 - DirectorAndy AckermanStarsJerry SeinfeldJulia Louis-DreyfusMichael RichardsJerry goes out with a woman who is beautiful one day and ugly the next. Kramer goes back to work at H&H Bagels. George makes up a charity. Elaine gives a fake number to a man.S9E10
Fetivus for the rest of us. Frank's holiday includes feats of strength, the airing of grievances and an aluminum pole. Jerry dates two-face and Elaine gives 'Denim Vest' a fake number on a card she needs back. Kramer goes on strike again from H & H bagels and sabotages the steam pipe turning Elaine into a two-face. Kramer then invites some bookies (a real life porn star) to Festivus to sit next to and leer at Elaine. George rounds out this great episode by giving a fake charity gift to his co-workers, donations made payable to the 'Human Fund'.
My Rating: 9/10 - DirectorTom CheronesStarsJerry SeinfeldJulia Louis-DreyfusMichael RichardsWhen mystery woman withholds toilet paper from Elaine, who turns out to be Jerry's new girlfriend, Jerry tries to stop her figuring it out. George becomes enamored with Elaine's "cool guy" boyfriend. Kramer keeps calling a phone sex line.S5E12
"I don't have a square to spare." Jane (Jamie Gertz) leaves Elaine with no TP in the stall, but Elaine gets her revenge in the end. Elaine is also dating Tony the 'Mimbo' that George wants to hang out with, even if it's rock climbing. George will be sure to bring the sandwiches. Kramer is calling 976 numbers and is told not to call anymore.
My Rating: 9/10 - DirectorAndy AckermanStarsJerry SeinfeldJulia Louis-DreyfusMichael RichardsJerry is forced to bootleg a movie for Kramer's friend. George tries the "bad boy" image. No one has the heart to tell Elaine that she's a terrible dancer.S8E4
Elaine's outrageous dance at the office party is all kicks and thumbs (more like a full-body dry heave), but she thinks George is to blame for her loss of respect at work. She tells co-worker Anna to stay away from George who works the 'bad boy' angle, especially when he's ironing. Jerry gets his start bootlegging movies at gunpoint from Brody, but when he discovers he has some talent it goes to his head.
My Rating: 9/10 - DirectorTom CheronesStarsJerry SeinfeldJulia Louis-DreyfusMichael RichardsThe gang visits a friend's new baby in the Hamptons. George's girlfriend goes topless. A doctor's wording puzzles Elaine. George experiences "shrinkage." Kramer makes a controversial dinner.S5E21
George gets caught with his pants down getting out of the pool, which causes Elaine to learn about 'Shrinkage.' Also while in the Hamptons, we meet an extremely ugly baby, George's girlfriend goes topless, Kramer steals some Lobsters, and the pediatrician calls both Elaine and the baby 'breath-taking'. George gets some revenge in the end with some lobster eggs.
My Rating: 9/10 - DirectorAndy AckermanStarsJerry SeinfeldJulia Louis-DreyfusMichael RichardsJerry accidentally knocks his girlfriend's toothbrush in the toilet. George drops his keys in a pothole that is paved over. A restaurant refuses to deliver food to Elaine's address. Kramer adopts a highway.S8E16
"Oh the Humanity!" cries Newman as his mail truck turns into a fireball. Jerry knocks Jenna's (Kristen Davis) toothbrush into the toilet and can't kiss her, so she decides to put 'something' of Jerry's in the toilet. Kramer adopts a highway and decides unwisely to make 'extra-wide lanes'. Elaine has to order flounder to a janitor's closet and George saves a couple bucks by using a jackhammer himself to dig up a pothole that contains his Phil Rizzuto talking keychain which causes a toilet to erupt.
My Rating: 9/10 - DirectorAndy AckermanStarsJerry SeinfeldJulia Louis-DreyfusMichael RichardsJerry's new girlfriend's mentor is dating Bania; Kramer volunteers to host a Jewish singles mixer; George tries to study up on risk management; Elaine promotes a man she is afraid to fire.S8E6
Frank's war story flashback is fantastic in how it unfolds with the bad steer, spices, and all the puking. Jerry is dating Abby who has a mentor that is dating Bania. George hates reading because he doesn't like the sound of his own voice in his head, so he gets some books on tape for the blind and the reader sounds just like him. Elaine wants to fire Eddie from the mailroom but instead promotes him, which makes her writing staff leave. Kramer has three kitchens going until Frank overcomes his fears (I'm back baby!) to help cook for a Jewish singles night. Even the bit gag about Jerry helping Bania write a good Ovaltine joke is funny (It's gold Jerry, Gold!)
My Rating: 9/10 - DirectorAndy AckermanStarsJerry SeinfeldJulia Louis-DreyfusMichael RichardsElaine dates a man whose habit of speaking in third person causes a wide array of confusion; George is blamed for the theft of Yankees' sports equipment.S6E19
Jimmy always refers to himself in the third person which confuses Elaine. Jerry notices a Penthouse magazine in Tim Whately's (Bryan Cranston) waiting room, then sees Tim take a hit of gas, then wakes up with this shirt untucked. Kramer is drooling from some novcaine and is mistaken for a mentally challenged individual and is invited to the AMCA ceremony. George's B-plot is also pretty good with him sweating at inopportune times due to his workout and spicy food.
My Rating: 9/10 - DirectorAndy AckermanStarsJerry SeinfeldJulia Louis-DreyfusMichael RichardsFrank has an unfortunate accident involving one of Kramer's pasta sculptures; Kramer gets the wrong license plates; Jerry becomes disturbed when he finds out that his mechanic used his personal sex move on Elaine.S6E21
Kramer's new license plate says 'ASS MAN' which was meant to go a proctologist that Frank needs to see because he gets a sculpture of Jerry made out of noodles stuck up his ass. Elaine let's Jerry know that Puddy is using his move that ends in a 'swirl' (not to be confused with George's move that uses a knuckle). Frank's move is 'stopping short' which Kramer uses on Estelle, and George gets caught with a cheat sheet.
My Rating: 9/10 - DirectorTom CheronesStarsJerry SeinfeldJulia Louis-DreyfusMichael RichardsA prank by Elaine leads a newspaper journalist to think that Jerry and George are gay.S4E17
'Not that there's anything wrong with that!' Jerry and George are mistaken as gay by a reporter, which leads to some funny situations. Jerry's broken 2-way phone gets a damaging article printed and Estelle goes back in the hospital where George gets to see another sponge bath through the curtain. This all comes together in the end when George is trying to dump his girlfriend by pretending to be gay which ruins Jerry's chances with the reporter. Kramer has the phone man over.
My Rating: 9/10 - DirectorTom CheronesStarsJerry SeinfeldJulia Louis-DreyfusMichael RichardsGeorge decides to turn his life around by doing the exact opposite of what he would usually do. Elaine is having a lot of bad luck. Jerry keeps breaking even. Kramer gets the coffee table book published.S5E22
My second favorite episode that really showcases George's character is when he decides to do everything opposite of what his instincts are, which leads to a hot girlfriend, a standing ovation, and a job with the Yankees. Jerry is 'Even Sten' which means that as George goes up, Elaine goes down. Elaine loses her job over a hankerchief and she loses her boyfriend over some jujyfruits. Kramer's appearance promoting his coffee table book on Regis goes sour over some hot coffee. The bit with Elaine throwing $20 out the window is classic.
My Rating: 9/10 - DirectorAndy AckermanStarsJerry SeinfeldJulia Louis-DreyfusMichael RichardsElaine tells her former boss Mr. Lippman about an idea to sell only the tops of muffins. Lippman does and Elaine is shocked to see the store, until he gives her a cut of the profits and she tells him how to improve the business.S8E21
Elaine's habit of only eating Muffin Tops and leaving the stumps causes Mr. Lippman to open his Muffin Top store, 'Top of the muffin to you!' George wears touristy clothes and gets a date with Mary Ann of the NY visitor center, which causes him to scheme an extravagant lie about how New York won't eat him alive. Jerry shaves his chest by accident and turns into the Wolfman and Kramer parodies the real life Kramer's bus tour. No dump in town will take the muffin stumps. Two great laughs in this episode are the homeless shelter's refusal to take muffin stumps and Kramer's warning to Jerry about shaving. And who could forget Newman as "the Cleaner."
My Rating: 9/10 - DirectorAndy AckermanStarsJerry SeinfeldJulia Louis-DreyfusMichael RichardsIn this hour-long episode, Jerry performs the biggest show of his life in Atlantic City. He receives a rather generous pay check for the event, and decides to buy his father a Cadillac. Unfortunately, doing so puts Morty in the hot seat with the condo board of directors, where he serves as president. Morty is accused of stealing money from the board, and ultimately gets removed from his post as president and kicked out of the condo. Meanwhile, thanks to Elaine, George can score a date with "My Cousin Vinny" star Marisa Tomei but Elaine objects because of George's engagement with Susan. Kramer turns the tables on the cable company when they want to disconnect his service.S7E14/S7E15
George fantasizes about dating Marisa Tomei even though he is with Susan. Kramer and Elaine find out Jerry makes some big bucks which changes their relationship. Jerry decides to spend his big check on a Cadillac for his dad which arouses suspicion in the retirement community. Jack Klompus wants Morty impeached for embezzlement and the vote hinges on the 'old bag'. George and Elaine work out the details of a lie to tell Susan, and she sees through the scheme because Elaine doesn't know what Art Vandelay exports. Kramer's plot about making the cable guy wait for him makes me smile on the inside, but the biggest laugh is when Susan finds George making out with the couch pillow.
My Rating: 9/10 - DirectorTom CheronesStarsJerry SeinfeldJulia Louis-DreyfusMichael RichardsElaine decides to visit her former boyfriend, who is in the hospital for a serious operation; Kramer and Jerry have an accident with a Junior Mint; Jerry had a date with a woman whose name rhymes with a female body part.S4E21
Jerry dates a girl with a name that rhymes with a female body part. Jerry tries 'Mulva' but it's really 'Delores.' Elaine visits Roy in the hospital with Jerry as a fake boyfriend, until she sees that Roy has lost a lot of weight and starts to flirt with him. Kramer gets an invite to watch Roy's surgery and accidently drops a Juinor Mint into his chest. George buys Roy's art because he thinks it will be worth big bucks when Roy dies.
My Rating: 9/10
