Director James Bryan (of Don’t Go in the Woods fame) has brought us a movie that opens with a scene of a topless woman tied to a table, shrieking like an old lady as a shirtless guy whips the table with a stick (missing the actress, of course), while old-timey saloon music plays in the background.

Oh God, I hope this thing holds up.

This is a James Bryan movie, ain’t it? Those cuts! Those lines! Those dubs! Holy cow! It’s not hard to spot Renee Harmon in this mess. She’s the lady who did Frozen Scream (Monsieur Bryan was part of that, too), she of the intangibly wonderful (Eastern European?) accent that makes you want to laugh, to cry, to scream until you can’t take it anymore. She is fabulous. “I-i ahm just a bawd mawn, Ronul,” she says. “What?” we whisper, not wanting to offend her.