So, apparently there’s some business about Tom Cruise being brainwashed and scientologist drones stalking Katie Holmes to snag her baby for some thetan level treatment, which, you know, makes perfect sense, because we can’t have the evil Lord Xenu dabbling his hands around in the disturbed alien soul of a helpless infant exposed to the dangerous effects of a mother defecting from the church. The child needs to be audited, specifically on this mysterious and wonderful scientology Freewinds cruise Cruise was aiming to take Kate on, but it’s not looking like it’s going to happen because Katie Holmes is being overprotective, and completely disregarding her child’s wellbeing, which just makes me sick to my stomach. I can literally feel the acidic burn of premature vomit stinging my esophagus some days, and think of the pit of my stomach as comparable to the La Brea Tar...