With all the paparazzi pictures that have appeared of her new film, Taking Stock, you may feel you have already seen it. Still, if it's going to save the industry …

Once again, Lost in Showbiz contemplates paging Jimmy Carr's tax accountant, in search of an urgent explanation for a forthcoming work of British cinema.

I am joking, of course. Admittedly, none of us is yet clear what precise percentage of Britflicks are deliberately conceived as Producers-style calamities, which nonetheless result in millions plopping into various tax-avoiders' bank accounts. But I seek absolutely no explanation for news that Kelly Brook has landed a movie role other than the notion that cinemagoers will gladly pay to see her act.

For Kelly, appearances on the silver screen are second nature. "I can't wait to get back to doing what I love," she informed fans. Which is? "Which is being on set and...