Kong: Skull Island compares to an animated theme-park ride (valiantly, I must add). An exciting, Vietnam-era coaster enclosed by digital screens. From Kong’s hasty introduction, director Jordan Vogt-Roberts asserts his reboot with a mighty roar. Gone is Peter Jackson’s flabby primate, traded for a muscular, toned God-figure who’s been maxing his jungle gym membership. Tight glutes (like, super-defined) will come in handy when challenging Gareth Edwards’ Godzilla, but that’s a few years down the road still. First comes a military invasion sold on scientific motivations, and a lunatic commander who calls for Kong’s monstrous head. Hold on to your butts (Oh yea, Sammy J. resurrects our favorite quote), crank some Creedence and pick a side – the king is back, baby.

Vogt-Roberts opens on Monarch brass Bill Randa (John Goodman), who secures government approval for an uncharted island expedition. The mystery landmass – dubbed “Skull Island” – is said to house legendary beasts,...