Riverdale has given us a lot of wonderful things over the past four seasons, from steamy teen romances to juicy murder mysteries. But what we’ll cherish most of all, we think, are the inexplicably odd character names.

Yes, Riverdale does come from the Archie comics universe, and some of these names probably sound better inside a comic book panel than they do spoken aloud by an actual human being. (Besides, it’s all part of the show’s charm, isn’t it?) But we’re not here to mock Riverdale for cutesy alliteration like Toni Topaz, Fangs Fogarty and Penny Peabody.