Not even a storming soundtrack of mod classics can save a humdrum scooter-to-Brighton caper, which keeps its eye fatally on the rear-view mirror

Quadrophenia love dies hard. After July’s ill-fated cast reunion To Be Someone, now follows this humdrum standalone from the sentimental end of British cinema’s poverty row, seeking to capitalise on residual fondness for all things mod. The star is a scooter: a nifty runaround with two dozen rear-view mirrors , it’s a worthy steed for Patrick McNamee’s callow latter-day knight John Parker (geddit?) as he retraces his late dad’s tyre tracks from Burnhamland to Brighton. This journey – and the rite-of-passage it represents – encompasses legends of old Jam gigs, 1980s songs picking up where the first mods left off, and cameos from associate producer Patsy Kensit and Eldorado’s Jesse Birdsall.

Those mirrors prove symbolic of an entirely backward-looking enterprise. A prolific writer-director whose Me,...