The basic idea of a “Legends of the Hidden Temple” revival isn’t an offensive one. As long as every piece of media is getting rebooted, revised and regurgitated, why not a delightfully cheesy game show in which kids scrambled up styrofoam rocks and answered trivia questions about fake Mayan myths as a scarlet-eyed stone sculpture set their next challenge? For a certain subset of millennials, “Legends of the Hidden Temple” — which aired on Nickelodeon from 1993 to 1995 — was one of TV’s more entertaining distractions. Asking my friends at recess if they’d rather be a “purple parrot” or “silver snake” was, in retrospect, preparation for millions of internet personality quizzes to come. So when pressing play on a new iteration of the show, premiering Oct. 10 on the CW, I was open to the idea that bringing it back could be a fun enough time — but it didn’t take...