Right now, South Park fans across the world are flocking to their local Aldi for some unusual Christmas shopping — let’s hope they stay away from the discount Ambien.

December is upon us, which means that it’s time for everyone to promote non-denominational, politically correct “holiday season” messaging in their schools and small towns. Around this time of year, right-wing news outlets begin their annual tradition of raging against the War on Christmas, pointing to generic, inoffensive, holiday-branded consumer products from mega-corporations like Starbucks as evidence that there is a conspiracy to obscure the true reason for the season. But, thankfully, a growing number of South Park fans have found a way to fight back against mass-produced idolatry and remind everyone of the real meaning of Christmas: high-fiber diets.

Some crafty South Park fans have discovered that a generic snowman holiday trimming sold in Aldi locations across the world...