Nikki Glaser was in New York to appear in a star-studded tribute to Joan Rivers, and she felt sick about it. “It feels like, ‘Oh, no. I tricked them,” Glaser told Rolling Stone. “And now I have to live up to this thing that they maybe saw in me, one moment of greatness, but, like, I can’t keep that up.”

Even as The New York Times named her 2024’s Comedian of the Year, the comic still isn’t convinced she belongs on that stage. “I’m just a fraud,” she recently told a friend during a low point. “And I didn’t even write that joke that everyone is obsessed with and compliments me for all the time.”

Self-doubt coupled with online criticism about her looks have fueled both jokes and depression. Her appearance this week at the Women in Entertainment Gala is a prime example, delivering several punchlines about her appearance.