Every town has its own Christmas traditions, and in South Park, Colorado, it’s Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo rubbing shit all over the place as he spreads holiday cheer. It began with him defecating on pretty much every square inch of Kyle’s bathroom back in December of 1997, and the tradition has continued ever since.

I re-watched all seven episodes of South Park where Mr. Hankey appears for more than a cameo, and then ranked them by exactly how much he shits on the town. Honestly, it was just about the most festive thing I could think of.

7 ‘A Very Crappy Christmas,’ Season 4, Episode 17

This episode introduces Mr. Hankey’s family. But despite Mr. Hankey having a fairly large supporting role, he doesn’t get poop on much of anything. That said, “A Very Crappy Christmas” does contain the “The Circle of Life” parody “The Circle of Poo,” which...