Billie Lourd is acknowledging the dark feelings of grief on the eighth anniversary of her mom Carrie Fisher’s death. On Friday, the actress remembered her late mother with an emotional tribute, describing the “dread” of mourning Fisher as an “emotional tropical storm.”

“It has been 8 years since my mom died. As my son would say ‘That’s a lot!’ I always dread this day,” Lourd wrote on Instagram. “I spend so much time leading up to it thinking about how awful I’m going to feel. And my dread is usually right.