Miles Teller and Anya Taylor-Joy flirt over an abyss full of creatures in a slickly made but increasingly dumb Apple mockbuster

On a Valentine’s Day when studios and streamers are steering clear of traditional romance, Apple TV’s The Gorge feels weirdly traditional in comparison. In any other year a film about two snipers holding guard over an abyss filled with monsters wouldn’t feel like standard date night fare but there are more traditional romcom beats here than one would expect and ultimately want.

When the film, from The Black Phone and Doctor Strange director Scott Derrickson, starts off in genre territory, there’s some low-level fun to be had. The setup has a non-triggering Covid-era feel to it, as Miles Teller’s soldier-for-hire Levi finds himself an unlikely new gig, spending the next year alone in a watchtower. In a brief handover from an underused Sope Dirisu,...