“Cowboys die with their boots on. Kings die when they take them off.” — Me, clutching the remote and my dignity. Have you ever gotten hit so hard by a fictional death that you need to pause the show and walk it off like you just stubbed your soul? Yeah. That was me, yelling into the void when Yellowstone opened its Season 5 Part 2 with John Dutton’s body being zipped up like a forgotten suitcase.

Watching Kevin Costner’s John Dutton get iced outside the Yellowstone ranch — the very land he fought tooth and nail to protect —wasn’t just brutal; it was poetic punishment dressed in betrayal. No wild west shootout, no solemn last ride. Nope, Sheridan served his lead character’s fate like a cold dish at a five-star political dinner: poisoned, plated, and spun as s*icide.

And to be utterly honest, Sheridan didn’t just write a...