During tonight’s episode of Everybody’s Live with John Mulaney, the stand-up star and bizarro talk show host begged everyone to “stop texting me about the Pope” — and, while they’re at it, stop pretending that Louis Prevost should be on TV.

Last week, the College of Cardinals elected the first-ever American leader of the Catholic Church in a two-day conclave that made Pope Leo Xiv, formerly known as Robert Francis Prevost, the most famous man in the world overnight. Seeing as Mulaney is famously both Chicago-born and Catholic-raised, the new Pope’s humble origins in Chicago’s southern suburbs may have excited the comedian, if Pope Leo Xiv’s ascension didn’t simultaneously make his loud-mouthed, anti-woke and entirely unremarkable brother world-famous as well.

On tonight’s episode of Everybody’s Live with John Mulaney, the grown-up altar boy, while sporting an inexplicable blind-fold over his eyes like he's the...