Former First Lady Michelle Obama famously wanted to get America’s kids in shape, but the “Let’s Move!” campaign wasn’t an open invitation for every daytime TV star to put her through an undignified physical challenge like she’s some lowly, abused production assistant.

During Mrs. Obama’s time living in the White House, Ellen DeGeneres was, by far, the most powerful and influential cultural figure to fill the 3 p.m. time slot. And although the host of The Ellen DeGeneres Show was secretly running her institutional series like it was a third-world dictatorship, throughout the Obama administration, the arbiters of our democratic society all flocked to pay homage to the great Ellen any time they needed to spread an important and uplifting message to the masses of stay-at-home parents and kids just getting out of middle school.

Given Ellen’s cultural cachet at the time, Obama likely...