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1-34 of 34
- Mr Khan is a pompous, tight-fisted Pakistani businessman who dreams of becoming the next president of the Sparkhill Business Association. His daughter Shazia is marrying handsome but dim Amjad Malik, whose mother looks down on the Khans. But Mr. Khan has forgotten to book the mosque for the wedding and cannot bully its new manager, English convert Dave, into fitting him in, so he tells Amjad that Shazia has canceled the wedding. When this fails, he must submit to the predatory advances of Mrs Bilal to save the day.
- Mr Khan has been invited to the Pakistani businessmen's lunch. Unfortunately, his senile mother-in-law Naani is staying and about to celebrate her birthday. Mrs Khan has ordered her husband to take her mother shopping for her present while she prepares a surprise birthday tea when he would prefer to be at the lunch. He manages to lose Naani and returns home telling the assembled guests that he thinks she has drowned in the canal. When Naani eventually returns, Mr Khan, having missed his lunch, makes her a generous offer, but she is in no mood to reciprocate.
- Tight-fisted as ever, Mr Khan refuses to dip into the family's rainy-day fund to finance Shazia's honeymoon or Alia's religious study-group camp; he won't even take his wife on holiday abroad when they can stay with his cousin in Bradford. However, a charity auction at the mosque with a luxury foreign holiday as the prize gives him the chance to pose as a philanthropist and get one over on Amjad's father, who is also bidding. He blows the rainy-day fund and wins the holiday, but it is not what he expected and he is forced to do a deal with Mr Malik.
- The mosque is recording a new call to prayer and Mr Khan insists on holding auditions for the voice artist. Since none are up to his impossible standards, he starts a poster campaign, persuading Amjad to put flyers in the window of Mobiles-U-Like,where he works. Unfortunately, this is in breach of Amjad's contract and loses him his planned promotion. Mr Khan must sacrifice his dignity and his grand ideas for a new caller in order to save his prospective son-in-law's job hopes.
- Mr Khan has bought a wide-screen television with surround-sound and hopes to ask his pals round to watch the England versus Pakistan cricket match. Unfortunately, Mrs Khan's friend Mrs Shafiq's husband has just died and she wants him out of the house so that she and her lady friends can have a prayer meeting. After unsuccessfully asking Dave to let him use the mosque's television, Khan bullies Amjad into sneaking his set out of the prayer room into the back where his friends are waiting. However, his attempts to grope for the remote have a traumatic effect on Mrs Shafiq. Can Amjad's love of Abba save the day?
- When family friends cannot attend Shazia and Amjad's wedding, Mrs Khan wants the spare invite to go to the Parvez family, but her social-climbing husband gives it to influential Councillor Javed. For an excuse he lies that Shazia 'did the naughtiness' with the Parvezes' son, which leads a depressed Amjad to disappear, though Dave brings him back. After Khan has admitted his lie, he is forced to endorse Shazia's view that what she did before meeting Amjad is her business, which causes Amjad's mother to try to cancel the wedding. As a huge row ensues, Mr and Mrs Khan escape to the kitchen to celebrate their wedding anniversary with fish and chips.
- When Alia fails her college exams, Mr Khan hopes she can catch up by attending the Muslim Academy. But it costs money, so he poses as a Catholic and attempts to persuade Professor Stevens that, as a religious minority, he is entitled to a scholarship. The professor turns up at the house while Shazia is entertaining her bridesmaid Debbie and her partner Matt, and Khan is desperate to keep the parties separate so he won't reveal his true religion. The plan fails, of course, but the professor takes Alia anyway, perceiving the Khans to be "disadvantaged."
- Naani, Mrs Khan's mother, is visiting from Pakistan, but her daughter fears she is suffering from dementia and is reluctant to let her go home, while Mr Khan wants to be rid of her. Ordered by his wife to cheer Naani up, he takes her to the mosque, where he falls out with manager Dave, and then to a working-men's club, where he is mistaken for the bingo caller and performs very badly. Naani is much cheered when she befriends organizer Clive, with whom she plans to spend a weekend in Bournemouth. Khan is shocked--until Clive makes a confession.
- Mr Khan takes Amjad to the mosque, where local MP Tony Abbas is attending a men's health drive campaign, the aim being for Khan to impress Abbas. However, Mr Khan gets wedged under a toilet door and Amjad, climbing the cubicle to rescue him, fears that he has injured his testicles and rendered himself impotent, requiring a trip to hospital. Refusing to let a female doctor examine the lad, Khan does his own peculiar medical, resulting in an all-clear, though the angry Khan womenfolk and Amjad's mother also arrive to vent their anger on Mr Khan, who must take evasive action.
- The Imam has declared a fast and Mr Khan is determined to fast for longer than Dave to win a bet. Shazia is planning to work for a year in India to get more money so that she and Amjad can buy a flat together. Mrs Khan is anxious for her daughter to stay in Birmingham, so she sends Khan to the building society to ask for a loan. While waiting to see the manager, he drinks far too much from the water dispenser and ends up relieving himself in the fish-tank. There is consequently no loan. Extremely hungry and regretful of the bet, he returns home to find that Amjad has saved the day by requesting Shania to stay at home, to which she agrees. However Amjad's mother beats him to the last biscuit and he falls over trying to race her, ending up in hospital as a Nil By Mouth case.
- Shazia and Amjad win a trial day at an exclusive spa with the prospect of membership and take Mrs Khan with them. Meanwhile, Mr Khan is trying to contact famous cricketers on the Internet to open the tombola at the mosque social club, but he accidentally logs onto a dating site and summoning husband-hunting Jackie to the mosque. To hide her from the committee, he pushes her out of a window, then hurries to the spa to explain all to his wife but is mistaken for a yoga teacher and must give a class. When the truth is discovered, the spa owner wants him arrested, leading Shazia and Amjad to declare that they want nothing to do with the place.
- While Mrs Khan, encouraged by her daughters, has a glamorous makeover, her selfish husband is more concerned with appearing in a promotional film Dave is making for the mosque and is annoyed to be passed over for handsome young Sajid. He conspires to get back in the limelight, subjecting himself to a painful waxing process, but suspects that Sajid is having an affair with his wife, hence her makeover. He is proved humiliatingly wrong, but there is a happy ending when Mrs Khan explains why she had the makeover.
- While Mrs Khan prepares for a traditional Christmas with relatives, her husband's "charity" consists of stealing family possessions to donate to the mosque in order to be named Muslim of the Month. However, he discovers that the mosque is being used for a Christian Christmas Fayre which takes his donations. Bowing to the majority, he forks out for a Christmas tree but ends up having to play Santa to retrieve a family heirloom given to the mosque, and losing his presents to a gang of kids. With a burnt turkey and stolen fairy lights, this Christmas is memorable for the wrong reasons.
- Khan is initially pleased when mother-in-law Naani announces that she wants to move into a retirement home and is eager to help her pack. However he finds a letter in her trunk telling him that she is worth 25,000 and decides to stop her from moving by getting Amjad to dress up as another old lady in order to take Naani's place. The deception is, of course, rumbled--after which Khan learns that the 25,000 refers to rupees, which makes approximately £150.
- With the wedding fast approaching, the family entertains Amjad's parents, Khan hoping that Mr Malik can be a useful business contact. Mrs Malik is typically condescending, incurring the wrath of Mrs Khan, while Mr Khan tries to ingratiate himself with Mr Malik by seating him in a remote-controlled swivel chair--which tips him out of the window. He must also stop himself from referring to his guest's too-obvious wig. Matters worsen when Alia is arrested on suspicion of criminal damage and everybody heads to the police station. All ends happily when Alia is released and Amjad defies his controlling mother, who ends up on an assault charge after going for him.
- When Mrs Khan starts to work in a supermarket her husband borrows--and abuses--her staff discount card, buying 200 packs of nappies to sell at full price. Mrs Khan's sister, haughty Aunty Noor, arrives with ideas to take Alia to New York to be a model and tells Khan that if he opposes her, she will expose his scam to his wife. When Khan enlists Amjad's help in burying the nappies under the patio, he assumes that he has killed Aunty Noor, and to get off the rap Khan must confess to his little racket with the nappies--handing back his profits.
- Mrs Khan is running a produce stall at the local city farm for the supermarket, but her husband has no interest in helping her until he hears that Prince Charles will be visiting. To join the luminaries who will be introduced to the Prince, he pretends to be a vet and is called on to deliver a calf--which he does. As a result he is pronounced a hero and gets to shake a very slimy hand with the royal visitor.
- Mrs Khan invites herself and her mother to Shazia's hen night and has more fun than her daughter. She also instructs her husband to organize a stag night for Amjad, but he would rather suck up to the imam in the hopes of a trip to Dubai. The imam is keen for a raucous stag party, but when he starts to humiliate Amjad, Mr Khan puts loyalty to his future son-in-law above Dubai. He also displays his romantic side towards his wife.
- On the morning of her wedding to Amjad, Shania offends her mother by excluding her from the organization, so Mrs Khan puts on her uniform and goes to work instead. With no bridal car or ice, disaster looms, so Mr Khan visits the supermarket, talks his wife round, and persuades her to attend the ceremony. They just about make it on time, though they almost lose Amjad on the way and the happy couple has an unexpected honeymoon venue.
- On Christmas Eve the Khans need to accommodate the very pregnant Shazia and Amjad, who have no hot water, to the annoyance of Mr Khan, who is preparing to put the star on top of the street's inter-faith Christmas tree. Khan's incredibly hot curry sends Shazia into early labour and her father is persuaded that it is more important to show paternal responsibility than to be the centre of attention--but he does almost end up on top of the tree.
- The Khans decide to have a family day out to visit Farley Manor, owned by Lord Anstruther, which is putting on a display of Indian treasures collected during the British Raj. Mr Khan's efforts to impress the council committee are put on hold while he takes Naani around the old manor. He becomes much keener on all things ancient and Indian after meeting Lord Anstruther, but his hopes of hobnobbing with the aristocracy are jeopardised by Naani's sticky fingers.
- Mr Khan over-tasks when he takes on a new role as a lollipop man, and a family-photo opportunity causes friction between Alia and Shazia. Mr Khan wants to get Baby Mohammad enrolled at a good school and tries to take the inside track by becoming a school crossing patrol officer, but the training regime and selection process are tougher than he expected, even with Amjad helping him to get fit round the Birmingham streets. Meanwhile, Naani wants the family to have a proper family photo done in a studio. Shazia and Alia clash when Alia tries to hijack the studio session to get photos for her personal fashion vlog, which already has thousands of followers--most of them drawn to a video of Mr Khan walking to the bathroom in his underpants.
- Baby Mohammad has had a few unsettled nights and Shazia and Amjad find coping with sleep-deprivation difficult. Mrs. Khan thinks they need to spend quality time together and deputizes Mr. Khan to book them a romantic getaway weekend. Mr. Khan is trying to win a Pride of Birmingham award (Alia misinterprets this as him going on a Birmingham Pride march), which leads to an altercation with a parking attendant at the supermarket. The dispute escalates and Khan finds himself staging a protest against parking fines from inside his car after the attendant tries to have it towed. The police are called--in the form of community-support officer Amjad--and Khan is able to solve Amjad's problems and his own in one fell swoop. Meanwhile, Alia has managed to get herself and Baby Mohammad on a TV show--much to the family's embarrassment.
- Deciding that she and her husband should have more "together" time, Mrs Khan invites Mr Khan along to watch her tango-class demonstration. Mr Khan already has something planned: he's opening a fried-chicken franchise on the High Street. He is keeping it secret from Mrs Khan, as he has invested their pension money in it. He enlists Alia, Amjad, Naani, and nephew Faraz as his chicken-shop crack team. Complicating matter, the chicken-shop manageress Sandra takes a shine to Amjad--but Mr Khan thinks this is just what he needs.
- Mr. and Mrs. Khan are not happy when Amjad's mother informs them that she and her husband are moving to Bradford and want Shazia, Amjad, and Baby Mo to go with them. When Mrs. Khan is rushed to hospital with stomach pains she attempts to fix up Alia with a handsome doctor while her husband makes the mistake of posing as a doctor. Back home, Shazia puts her parents' minds at rest when she tells them that she has decided against a move, but Khan's belief that Mo is psychic comes horribly true.