Barbara Stanwyck credited as playing...
Joan Gordon
- [Four ladies, including our heroine, Joan, are headed west on a train. Three of them are comparing notes on their mail-order husbands while snacking. Joan is not participating]
- Queenie, Girl on Train: [Looking at a picture] Oh, yours has got bushy eyebrows; he'll tickle ya every time he kisses ya.
- Woman on Train #2: [Talking with her mouth full] I don't care
- [giggles]
- Woman on Train #2: as long as he kisses me.
- [the three of them laugh riotously, while Joan looks annoyed]
- Queenie, Girl on Train: [Leaning forward, holding a banana up to her mouth] You know what they say about men with bushy eyebrows and a long nose?
- Woman on Train #2: [Pushes Queenie back, and forcing the banana halfway down her throat] Aw, Queenie, I can tell you've been married before!
- [the three women cackle and continue eating, while Joan tries to ignore them]
- Woman on Train #3: Mine's got a Buick, and a Ford, and an Indian squaw to do heavy work.
- Queenie, Girl on Train: Aw, that ain't nuthin'. Mine's got a radio and a bathroom with runnin' water. I think it's in the picture he sent me.
- Woman on Train #2: Did he send a picture of himself *in* the bath?
- [the three of them crack up again. Joan rolls her eyes]
- Queenie, Girl on Train: [to Joan] Say, has yours got plumbin'? Or is it one of them farmhouses, ya know, with a telephone booth in the back yard?
- Joan Gordon, aka Francine La Rue: I don't know.
- Woman on Train #3: She don't know? Can ya tie that?
- Queenie, Girl on Train: Oh well, she won't be so almighty calm when it's forty below zero and she has to get up in the middle of the night.
- [She waves the stub of her banana triumphantly as the other two laugh]
- Joan Gordon, aka Francine La Rue: I've been up and down Broadway since I was fifteen years old. I'm fed up with hoofing in shows. I'm sick of night clubs, hustlers, bootleggers, chislers, and smart guys. I've heard all the questions and I know all the answers. And I've kept myself... fairly respectable through it all. The whole atmosphere of this street gives me a high-powered headache. I've got a chance to breathe something else, and boy, I'm grabbing it.
- Eddie 'Ed' Fields: Pick up the marbles, hon, you win.
- Joan Gordon, aka Francine La Rue: [Hands him some jewelry] By the way, here's a couplea trinkets I want to return to you. Might as well do it now.
- Eddie 'Ed' Fields: Sure you don't want to keep this hardware?
- Joan Gordon, aka Francine La Rue: Positive.
- [Reaches into a drawer, takes out a key, and hands it to him]
- Eddie 'Ed' Fields: All through playing house?
- Joan Gordon, aka Francine La Rue: All through, Eddie. Thanks.
- Eddie 'Ed' Fields: Well, so long kid. It was swell while it lasted.
- Joan Gordon, aka Francine La Rue: [Almost smiling, softly] Yeah.
- [Eddie turns and leaves]
- Bull McDowell: How do you enjoy married life?
- Joan Gordon, aka Francine La Rue: Oh, it's alright.
- Bull McDowell: Nothing like it, after you get used to it. I've been married and divorced twice; so, I ought to know.
- Joan Gordon, aka Francine La Rue: Have you ever heard a woman scream?
- Jim Gilson: No.
- Joan Gordon, aka Francine La Rue: Well, you're going to.
- Jim Gilson: Huh?
- Joan Gordon, aka Francine La Rue: 'Cause I've been dying to do it for months. Ahhhhhhhhhhh!
- Joan Gordon, aka Francine La Rue: Jim! You've caught one of those terrible summer colds. Why, you'll have to take some quinine and some hot lemonade and a hot water bottle. And I'm going to put you right to bed!
- [Devilish smile followed by a kiss]
- Eddie 'Ed' Fields: No college boy still wet behind the ears is going to bust us up.
- Joan Gordon, aka Francine La Rue: No be a good little boy and don't get yourself all in a lather.
- Emily: Gee, with a hundred dollars, maybe I could get myself a husband right here in town.
- Joan Gordon, aka Francine La Rue: Of course, you could!
- Emily: And then I'd sort of, eh, have a chance to, try the goods before I bought it!
- Joan Gordon, aka Francine La Rue: Emily...