John Barrymore credited as playing...
Oscar Jaffe
- Oscar Jaffe: I'm offering you a last chance to become immortal.
- Lily Garland, aka Mildred Plotka: Then I've decided to stay mortal with responsible management.
- Oscar McGonigle: Who told her that her phone was tapped?
- Oscar Jaffe: [seeing Oliver Webb trying to sneak away] Stay where you are, Judas Iscariot!
- George Smith: Lying to me! Every minute with every breath, lying to me!
- Lily Garland, aka Mildred Plotka: Yes. I tried to save you pain! I lied, yes, only to save you!
- Oscar Jaffe: That' s from Sappho.
- Lily Garland, aka Mildred Plotka: Get out!
- Oscar Jaffe: Those movies you were in! It's sacrilege throwing you away on things like that. When I left that movie house, I felt some magnificent ruby had been thrown into a platter of lard.
- Oscar Jaffe: You squalling litle amateur. On your feet! Get up! Take that hump out of your back. You're not demonstrating underwear anymore!
- Oscar Jaffe: Did you hear that? She's left me.
- Oliver Webb: Say the word, O.J., and I'll kill myself.
- Oscar Jaffe: You amoeba.
- Max Jacobs: It's the truth, whether you know it or not.
- Oscar Jaffe: Owen, take this creature who came to me as an office boy as Max Mendlebaum and who is now Max Jacobs for some mysterious reason and throw him into the street.
- Oscar Jaffe: Now, before we begin I want you all to remember one thing. No matter what I may say... no matter what I may do on this stage during our work... I love you all.
- Oscar Jaffe: There's a message I want to go with those gardenias: "To my little madonna of the snows... " No, wait a minute. We won't use that this time.
- Oscar Jaffe: Lily, you're crying.
- Lily Garland, aka Mildred Plotka: Sure, I turn on a faucet. It's that sort of scene.
- Oscar Jaffe: When I love a woman, I'm an Oriental. It never goes. It never dies.
- Lily Garland, aka Mildred Plotka: Phooey.
- Oscar Jaffe: Love blinded me. That was the trouble between us as producer and artist.
- Lily Garland, aka Mildred Plotka: So that's what it was, was it? How about your name in electric lights bigger than everybody's, and your delusion that you were a Shakespeare and a Napoleon and a Grand Lama of Tibet all rolled into one?
- Oscar Jaffe: I want to send another
- [telegram]
- Oscar Jaffe: . To John Ringling. "I'm in the market for 25 camels, several elephants, and an ibis... Give me the rock-bottom price."
- Oscar Jaffe: It's typical of my career that in the great crises of life, I should stand flanked by two incompetent alcoholics.