- Hank Gibbs: I just got in this morning. You're looking great!
- Steve: Oh, I feel great. That's prosperity, Hank. You're looking at old man prosperity himself.
- Steve: The bird of time is on the wing and I am forced by a pressure of business to discontinue my free offer for today. Remember: time flies, time flies!
- Onderdonk: What's the bet?
- Mortimer: I place the key our room right on this counter in full view. Over it, I put my imported alpine bonnet. Now, by the add of a few magic Abyssinian words, known only to myself and a few of the better Abyssinians, I can lift the key under the hat without touching that hat in any way, whatsoever.
- Nick - Wine Waiter: If you think I'm going to get soft-hearted about a couple of guys that use a child to hold down their dinner checks, you're crazy.
- Mortimer: Look here, look here, look here. You've got us all wrong.
- Gloria: Do you know "Rolling in Money"?
- Black Child Playing Harmonica: Sho 'nuff! Can you sing it?
- Gloria: Sho 'nuff. You just play it and leave the rest to me.
- Black Child Playing Harmonica: All right, boys, "Rolling in Money". Hit it!
- Gloria: [singing] I'm rolling in money, Rolling in money, I'm up to my neck in do-re-mi, I'm rolling in money, Rolling in money...
- Jean: I knew it. I knew it was too good to be true. I knew there was a catch in it. Why you cheap floor-flushers. Using a sweet little kid like that for a come-on to sell your phony watches.
- Gloria: [imitating Greta Garbo] Vhy don't they leave me alone? I vant to be alone. I vork so hard. I am so ti-ired. I tink I go home.
- Jean: I can't figure you out. First you're a heel and then you're a hero. I wish you'd make up your mind.
- Gloria: [imitating Mae West] Do I make myself clear boys? Now, now, no wisecracks. Hmph, come up and see me sometime.
- Gloria: [singing] I used to be a nothin', But I swore I'd be a somethin', Had to do it, Did it somehow, But, I'm a little big shot now...
- Mortimer: Would you mind repeating that order.
- Soda Fountain Customer: A double caramel, strawberry, marshmallow, chocolate, oriental sundae with fresh fruit and pecans. Parfait.
- Mortimer: Parfait?
- Soda Fountain Customer: Parfait.
- Mortimer: Oh, parfait. I couldn't interest you in a plain vanilla soda?
- Ralph Lewis - the Rajah: Hey, you know, Steve, you know, there' must be somethin' radically wrong with my crystal. You know, I shoulda prophesied all this.
- Steve: Well, even we didn't know anything about the reward for the kidnappers. All of the sudden the newspapers dropped a bunch of dough right in our laps.
- Mortimer: And then we got married.