- Ellie May Adams: Don't you think maybe you drink too much, Pa?
- Homer: It's only a substitute, Ellie May. A substitute for some dreams I once had. But they've all gone, whistling down the wind.
- Ellie May Adams: I don't know what you mean, Pa.
- Homer: You keep your dreams, Ellie May. After they've done, you've got nothing left. 'Cause if you let those go, you've got to invent new ones, and they're never as good as the old ones.
- Mamie Adams: Ma, confidential, he wanted to marry me.
- Grandma: No!
- Mamie Adams: He did! And I says, "Now, look here, Mr. Hawkins, one husband at a time's enough, ain't it?" And he laughed fit to kill.
- Grandma: He must be a god.
- Mamie Adams: Oh, he's a god and very refined.
- Grandma: It's too bad Homer don't do you a favor and get run over or somethin'.
- Gramp: What do you wear them pigtails fer?
- Ellie May Adams: Well, if fellas think you're a kid, they leave you be. They're just to keep the fellas from getting fresh.
- Gramp: You don't mean me, too?
- Ellie May Adams: You're a fella, ain't you?
- Gramp: [laughs] I'm just an old hunk of buzzard bait.
- Mamie Adams: Have you washed for supper?
- Honeybell: I ain't a bit sweaty.
- Mamie Adams: Oh, Honeybell! Horses sweat. Ladies feel the heat.
- Grandma: What's the idea of them pigtails?
- Ellie May Adams: What's wrong with them?
- Grandma: You ain't gonna catch no fellas runnin' around lookin' like that.
- Ellie May Adams: Wouldn't want one if I could get 'em and I couldn't get one if I wanted one.
- Ellie May Adams: Is Pa still sick?
- Grandma: He's in there sleepin' off his hangover if that's what you mean.
- Mamie Adams: Here you are, Homer. Take it and have a good time.
- Homer: I'll take it. And I hope you enjoy my degradation.
- Grandma: It's all right with me, Toots.
- Mamie Adams: Now, Homer, don't get tight and fall in a ditch like you done the last time.
- Homer: "We live not as we wish to, but as we can." So sayeth my old friend Menander here.
- Ellie May Adams: Who was it that said it?
- Homer: Menander, darling. One of those old greek philosophers.
- Ellie May Adams: Hmm. I wish I knowed more than I know.
- Grandma: Do you suppose hoochamadingy will be in to supper?
- Mamie Adams: Homer? Probably will if he didn't go and fall in that ditch again.
- Grandma: Too bad to waste that nice chop suey on a stomach like his.
- Ellie May Adams: Do you mean you didn't love pa when you married him?
- Mamie Adams: Ah, that's different. You see, he'd been to college and said a lot of them big words, and it kind of swept me off my feet, I guess. Pa is weak and drinks a lot. Anyhow, I made my bargain and I want to stick by it. Somebody has to take care of the family, and while it ain't just like I might have asked for, why, I done the best I knew how.
- Ellie May Adams: That's what them Greeks said.
- Mamie Adams: Them Greeks down the street?
- Ellie May Adams: No, Pa's Greeks. They say, "you don't live like you want to. You live like you got to."
- Thelma: Say, mame, you better keep your eye on that waistline. It's beginning to spread.
- Mamie Adams: I ain't 16 no more.
- Thelma: Oh, well, with the new corsets, you ain't got nothing to worry about.
- Mamie Adams: You said it.
- Mamie Adams: Honeybell, did you give Ed a nice kiss?
- Honeybell: Why should i? He didn't bring me nothin'.
- Mamie Adams: Nobody learnt you them manners but yourself.
- Mamie Adams: Pa went down to the library to find out something about them Greeks. You see, Pa's what I guess you'd call kind of a bookworm.
- Grandma: You got part of it right, anyhow.
- Mamie Adams: Oh, dear. Poor Homer. Ain't got no gin left. That's what's the matter with you. The big bad gin's all gone, ain't it? Well, Mamie'll get you some money so you can buy some more.
- Mamie Adams: Maybe we'll go steppin' sometime, huh?
- Grandma: Why not? You can always play a new tune on an old fiddle!
- Mamie Adams: Well, you're just as young as you feel, Ma.
- Mamie Adams: Oh, my poor Homer, eyes are all red and watery.
- Homer: My eyes are red with shame.
- Mamie Adams: Why, Homer, you ain't done nothin' to be ashamed of.
- Grandma: Silk stockings' ain't for a girl that acts like a boy. You should've bought her a baseball bat.
- Ed Wallace: You know, them portugee gals will laugh at anything.
- Ellie May Adams: Well, I ain't a portugee gal.
- Gramp: If you could get your mind off women for 5 minutes, we might be able to do something around here.
- Ed Wallace: Who wants to get their mind off women?
- Ed Wallace: You'd think you'd never been kissed before.
- Ellie May Adams: Well, I ain't - not by a fella.
- Ed Wallace: Well, I'm sorry.
- Ellie May Adams: Well, I ain't one of them Portugee gals.
- Ed Wallace: Well, I never said you was.
- Ellie May Adams: Maybe you can go around kissin' them any time you like.
- Ed Wallace: Forget it.
- Ellie May Adams: Well, I ain't one of them Portugee gals!
- Ellie May Adams: What makes you think I woulda?
- Ed Wallace: I never said you woulda. I said you coulda.
- Ellie May Adams: Well, I wouldn'ta.
- Ed Wallace: All right, so you wouldn'ta.
- Ellie May Adams: Maybe them Portugee gals woulda, but not me.
- Ed Wallace: Well, you don't have to get sore.
- Ellie May Adams: Well, I ain't sore. I just wouldn't do nothing like that, that's all.
- Ed Wallace: All right, so you wouldn't do nothing like that.
- Mamie Adams: Now, look here, Ellie May. You've got to pull yourself together. Now, for instance, you got awful pretty-looking legs in them silk stockings, but you don't know how to walk on 'em. Now, no matter what a man tells you, he likes a girl to flirt with him a little. It's just the same as in a jungle or anyplace else, no matter what they tell you.
- Mamie Adams: Honeybell! Wherever did you learn them dreadful words?
- Honeybell: I heard Granny say it.
- Mamie Adams: Well, it ain't refined.
- Ellie May Adams: Well, come on in. I want to show you some of Pa's things. This is where my Pa does all of his writin'. And everything them Greeks wrote is right in here, you know, philosophy, and he changes it into English.
- Ed Wallace: Boy, that would sure be over my head.
- Ellie May Adams: Well, he's plenty smart.
- Ed Wallace: Yeah. Well, doesn't he ever do nothin' else?
- Honeybell: Yeah, he gets drunk and falls in the ditch at the bottom of the hill.
- Ellie May Adams: Uh, you better run along, Honeybell.
- Ed Wallace: So you're Honeybell, huh?
- Honeybell: Who'd you think I was?
- Ed Wallace: You know, I thought you was two other people.
- Honeybell: Did you bring me a present?
- Ed Wallace: I plum forgot.
- Honeybell: If I knowed that I wouldn't have washed my neck.