Oscar Homolka credited as playing...
Prof. Gurkakoff
- Prof. Gurkakoff: [discovering Sugarpuss gave back the wrong ring] The subconscious never makes a mistake. She gave you the ring she didn't want - his ring - and she kept the one she wanted - yours.
- Garbage Man: I could use a bundle of scratch right now on account of I met me a mouse last week.
- Prof. Oddly: Mouse?
- Garbage Man: What a pair of gams. A little in, a little out, and a little more out.
- Professor Bertram Potts: I am still completely mystified.
- Garbage Man: Well, with this dish on me hands and them giving away 25 smackaroos on that quizzola.
- Professor Bertram Potts: Smackaroos?
- Prof. Oddly: Smackaroos? What are smackaroos?
- Garbage Man: A smackaroo is a...
- Professor Bertram Potts: No such word exists.
- Garbage Man: Oh, it don't, huh? A smackaroo is a dollar, pal.
- Professor Bertram Potts: Well, the accepted vulgarism for a dollar is a buck.
- Garbage Man: The accepted vulgarism for a smackaroo is a dollar. That goes for a banger, a fish, a buck, or a rug.
- Professor Bertram Potts: Well, what about the mouse?
- Garbage Man: The mouse is the dish. That's what I need the moolah for.
- Prof. Oddly: Moolah?
- Garbage Man: Yeah, the dough. We'll be stepping. Me and the smooch - I mean, the dish, I mean, the mouse. You know, hit the jiggles for a little drum boogie.
- Professor Bertram Potts: Please, please, not so fast.
- Garbage Man: Brother, we're going to have some hoytoytoy.
- Prof. Oddly, Prof. Robinson, Prof. Jerome, Prof. Gurkakoff, Prof. Magenbruch, Prof. Quintana: Hoytoytoy?
- Garbage Man: Yeah, and if you want that one explained, you go ask your papas.
- Sugarpuss O'Shea: Who was that guy learned so much from watching an apple drop?
- Prof. Gurkakoff: Isaac Newton, 1642 to 1727. The law of gravity.
- Sugarpuss O'Shea: Yeah, that's him. And I want you to look at me as another apple, Professor Potts. Just another apple.
- Prof. Quintana: Potts, could you tell us what was it like backstage?
- Prof. Oddly: Very vivacious, I imagine.
- Prof. Gurkakoff: And perhaps, ballerinas giggling up and down iron staircases.
- Prof. Magenbruch: Around and around.
- Prof. Jerome: Possibly wearing tights.
- Prof. Robinson: Tights...
- Prof. Oddly: And that ineffable smell of rice powder.
- Prof. Peagram: On nude shoulders.
- Professor Bertram Potts: I've just finished my article on slang. Twenty-three pages compiled from a dozen reference books. Eight hundred examples. Everything from the idiotic combination "absotively" to the pejorative use of "zigzag." I traced the evolution of "hunky dory," tracked down "skiddo" from "skedaddle." Eight hundred examples and I may as well throw it in the waste basket. Three weeks' work.
- Prof. Robinson: Potts, you're hysterical.
- Professor Bertram Potts: Outmoded. Based on reference books 20 years old. Take "smooch." Take "dish." Take...
- Prof. Oddly: Hoytoytoy?
- Professor Bertram Potts: Hoytoytoy. Not one of them included. Living in this house cut off from the world, I've lost touch. And it's inexcusable! That man talked a living language. I embalmed some dead phrases.
- Prof. Gurkakoff: But where are you going?
- Professor Bertram Potts: Out to collect new data, to tap the sources of slang, the major sources. The streets. The slums. The theatrical and allied professions.
- Prof. Robinson: Oh, now, Potts, don't you think that...
- Professor Bertram Potts: I know it's regrettable, this loss of time, gentlemen, but it must be done. Leave the key under the mat. I won't be home before 9 o'clock.
- Prof. Gurkakoff: I can't find the common denominator between the steps and the music.
- Sugarpuss O'Shea: You bet you can't, you're playing a polka, and I taught you a conga.